A Lesson in Family

"You got anybody you can call kid, any other family?" the detective that had been asking me questions for the past two hours seemed genuinely concerned.

"The numbers in my phone," I said meekly. I had never used my phone to call anyone but Carla and Rick, so when the detective pushed the contact labeled I.C.E. and Judge Swanson answered, I was as shocked as anybody. It didn't take twenty minutes before a man I didn't know in a very expensive suit barged into the room and proceeded to rip the detective a new one for holding me for two hours, questioning me without council, and without informing me of my rights. When Mr. Richards was done helping me, dropping me at the Swanson's house, he went to help Rick and Britney.

I would find out that Britney was pregnant, and Rick had started distributing drugs for the owner of the bookstore to make the extra money he was going to need for the baby, the raid on our apartment was part of a larger effort targeting the entire operation. Rick was low enough on the totem pole that with Mr. Swanson's help, got a deal to turn states evidence. He and Britney disappeared into the witness protection program; they evidently set him up selling auto parts somewhere in Kansas and Britney went to cosmetology school; I would never see them again.

Carla went with me, back to the small apartment to help me pack my stuff, it's kind of sad when your whole life fits into two suitcases, but I was going to be alright, moving into the guest room just down the hall from Carla's room, I was now the Swanson's legal ward, I guess it helps sometimes to have your girlfriend's father be a federal judge.

To say Christmas break was a transition would be an understatement, I got an allowance and for the first time I could remember, had money in my pocket which meant I could take Carla on a real date, one where I paid even if it was just pizza and a movie. I even got my driver's license. I wasn't going to be holding my breath for a brand-new BMW from Santa, but stranger things had happened.

We all worked at trying to find the balance between Constantine and Connie and on Christmas morning, I got as much girly stuff as I did guy stuff. It was Connie that went skiing in Vail with the family, and Carla seemed to enjoy it as much as I did, she even surprised me by taking me into town to get my ears pierced while we were there.

By the time school started up, me deciding between Constantine and Connie was like choosing what socks to wear, it was just another choice of many that I made every day and never really thought much about.

"Are you sure?" Carla walked up behind me as I was finishing my makeup, "Today, are you sure you're ready?" I had been on autopilot totally forgetting that today was the first day of school. Looking in the mirror, I had done a good job on my makeup, I liked the new bangle earrings I was wearing, and my sweater dress fit just tight enough to let the small amount of fake boobage I had stuffed into my bra show, my tights were comfy, and I adored the knee boots I was wearing.

I thought for a few minutes," too much, too soon?" I looked in the mirror scanning Carla's face for a sign of disapproval, it wasn't there.

"Or, like a band aid, quick and dirty," she played with my hair a bit and smiled at me, "You know you really are very pretty."

Mom, the Swanson's had insisted I start calling them mom and dad when I moved in, wasn't as approving," Oh, honey, I was hoping we could talk before you made this decision, the cruise, skiing, here at the house is one thing, you going to school, there are policies, I'll have to talk to Ms. Parker, and it's not just dressing up to them, they will want a decision; do you want to be a girl?"

I hadn't thought about any of that, I had just wanted to be comfortable and look pretty. I guess in the very back of my mind I had known that this was coming, I mean I hadn't flinched at any point along the way, from the first day when Carla had asked me to change out of my baggy pants and shirt so we could finish our physics project, to today, at some level, I had wanted it, I had wanted to take that next step.

I looked at Carla," you knew all along, didn't you, you saw this in me, from the very start?" it wasn't an admonition, it was an acknowledgement, "And you love me anyway?"

She smiled and nodded.

Carla went to school without me that day, explaining to Amber and everyone else that I might be there this afternoon or tomorrow but that I was fine, I just had something personal to take care of.

Mom made a few phone calls and took me to see an old colleague of hers from when she was still in private practice, I had no idea she was a psychologist, she had stayed at home with Carla when she was born and made the choice to make it permanent when dad had been appointed to the bench.

Evelynne was officially retired and had been mom's mentor when she first started her practice, she had more experience with what we were going to talk about than anyone else within probably a thousand miles and, after a brief explanation, was more than willing to interrupt her painting to talk with me about what I was going through.

Mom went to get coffee and Evelynne showed me around her art studio, slightly erotic paintings and sculptures were everywhere, I noticed that several of them were a little gender confused. It didn't take long for me to completely comfortable with her, we talked for hours about everything, my parents, or what I remembered, all the foster families, Rick, and Britney and, of course, my cute outfit and how it made me feel.

We ate lunch out on her back porch and talked some more about me growing up and she asked me why I felt I had always been so sad and withdrawn, I told her it was because I missed my real parents, that all the moving around from foster family to foster family had made me that way, I didn't believe it either.

She asked me to paint a picture of myself, not how I was, but how I saw myself in my dreams and fantasies, it was awful, but as I painted, I realized that the image I saw in my mind, the image that made me happy was the one that had looked back at me this morning when I had gotten ready for school, the one that liked it when Carla played with her hair or helped her pick out a cute outfit to wear, or helped her with her makeup.

I thought about the last four months, how much I had changed, how I had just blossomed into a confident carefree young adult like a butterfly from a cocoon, how it had all seemed to come together at dinner on the cruise and dancing after, the day in Nassau and at Castaway Cay, Christmas morning, Vail, all the times I had been truly happy, really at peace with myself; they all had two things in common, Carla was there, and so was Connie.

"The wings area a nice touch," Evelynne gave me a little hug when I set the brush down," so you're a fairy princess," she teased me about the painting.

"No, I'm just a girl that needed some help to figure that out."

"You're sure about that?" she guided me from the art studio and into her study, "There's more to you being a girl than just wearing pretty clothes if that's what you really want."

"What do you mean?" I looked at her nervously.

"Well, there are obvious physical differences, some can require surgery and others, hormones, a lot of them are permanent and over time, will impact your ability to have children. She spent a little time going into specifics. How do you feel about that?"

Our casual conversation had taken a definite clinical tone. I started running down an imaginary list in my head, "I know I like being pretty, and the idea of having real breasts, I know I want that, but the other; I never thought about it, I mean it's not very big and ..." I looked at the floor in front of my chair.

"And what, Connie?"

"And sometimes when the guys in PE would tease me, I would just wish it would go away, not that it were bigger, that it were just gone."

"And now, do you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend?"

I nodded," but she loves me either way."

"So, she knows about Connie?"

I just nodded, even thinking about Carla made me smile.

"And are you intimate?'

"No, I mean we kiss, and cuddle, and I really like that. I get excited sometimes but it's like it doesn't even really matter, I just love her and being with her, and she says she feels the same way about me."

"You two still at it?" mom had come back just in time to save me from any more embarrassing questions.

I smiled and nodded, "It's been good to talk through all this."

"Connie, I only have one more question for you," Evelynne took my hands in hers," take your time, is this what you truly want? I think we both know the answer, I just need you to tell me."

I took a deep breath and nodded," yes, with everything it means, this is who I want to be."

There would be appointments with other doctors, and I would come back to see Evelynne every two weeks for a while, but the butterfly had metamorphosed, it was time for her to learn to fly.

I was as relieved as I was terrified, I knew without a doubt that it was the right thing to do, I just didn't know how Carla was going to handle the news that her boyfriend was officially going to become her girlfriend. I knew she loved me and that she wanted me to be happy, but the long-term ramifications of the path I had just decided to take, without talking to her, were huge; no children, at least not naturally, and did she want a life as a lesbian, would she still want me?

Mom patted my arm and gave me a week smile," it's going to be ok," was the best she had to offer. She had been busy too, calling dad and filling him in on the possibilities, reaching out for referrals on the doctors I might need to see, and most important, ordering the pizza we picked up on the way home.

Carla dominated the conversation at dinner, giving me a detailed play by pay of what everybody said and what everybody was wearing and who had started dating whom over the break and who wasn't dating who as a result. Mom and dad shared a few glances and just listened as Carla went on and on, finally exhausting herself, "So, do I get to know where you were today?" she smiled at me, "Or is it some kind of secret?"

I looked at mom and she smiled at me, "Um, mom took me to see a friend of hers, to talk," my heart was racing a mile a minute, "I, um, I don't think..., um, well, I think..., what I mean is, Connie isn't going away."

Carla looked a little confused, dad took a deep breath as if to say something and mom reached out and put her hand on his arm, the two of them quietly got up and left the room so Carla and I could talk.

Carla asked questions and I did my best to answer them, yes, I was going to become a girl almost just like her. No, nothing major was going to happen right away, I had some doctors I would need to see and while there would be changes, they would be slow, we would have time to adjust and adapt, time to figure out what everything meant. Mostly, I loved her more than life itself and if she wanted me to stay as Constantine, I would do it for her, "And so, all it really means is that when the hormones start to work, I won't get all uncomfortable if we fall asleep on the couch and almost go too far," we both blushed at the memory.

"And when does this all start?" I could tell Carla was coming to terms with what was happening.

"I guess tomorrow at school, Mom will probably talk to Ms. Parker and then we'll go from there."

"And if it all falls apart, the worst case is I get a really cool sister, right?"

"Not what I'm shooting for, but deal," I grabbed her and kissed her.

"Ahem," dad broke the moment when he came in to make sure we were alright.

"I guess you and I need to talk a little, too?" I straightened my dress and followed him to his office.

For a while I just listened as he told me what he knew, it would not be easy, a lot of people wouldn't understand, and some would even go so far as to try and hurt me. He wasn't trying to change my mind, he just wanted to make sure I knew everything I was choosing. He went on, it was intimidating but the thought of going back was worse, "And I guess Constantine isn't going to work anymore, any thoughts on what you want your new name to be?"

I had stopped listening, lost in my own thoughts," Connie seems to work, so I guess just Constance."

"And what about a middle name, we will probably need it for school tomorrow?"

"I don't know, I've never had one, maybe Anne like Carla. She'd like that, I think." I smiled at him, "You're really going to change my name? just like that?"

"It's kind of a legal thing, sort of what I do, remember?" he smiled back.

I could see why he was made a judge; he was a good man and truly cared about people.

Mom had also contacted Ms. Parker so she was ready for us when we got there the next morning, there were a few papers for mom to sign and I was informed that all of the teachers had been notified of the necessary changes, I could expect to be called Miss Conners or Connie and was given the sacred gold card, a badge that would let me into the faculty restrooms all over the school, nice private single person havens to do my business undisturbed, she made sure to let me know it wouldn't work on anything else, I was not the first person to go through this at Ridgemont and they had learned their lesson the hard way.

Each of my teachers was responsible for making the appropriate announcement to my classes and they all handled it very well. I did get some looks and sneers and taunts, but for the most part, it was a normal day, except, I was in skinny jeans with my favorite knee boots, a skintight sweater with nice little fake boobs and my makeup absolutely rocked. When I saw Amber at lunch, she was almost as excited as I was.

I old her my version of what had happened over break and about my decision, she thought I was the bravest person she had ever met, at least that's what she said.

Of course, there were people like Billy Walters, every time I passed him in the hall, he would whisper something like 'faggot' or 'tranny' or 'freak' and make sure to bump into me, knocking me into the wall or someone going the other way. Reverting to old survival tactics, I got pretty good at avoiding him. Carla and I double dated with Amber and her new boyfriend at the Valentines dance and were having a wonderful time until Billy decided to make a scene by grabbing my crotch to see 'what I was packing.'

A guy I had never seen before, grabbed Billy, twisted his arm behind his back and escorted him out of the gym while he screamed all kinds of empty threats, I couldn't help but laugh, I mean the idiot was drunk at a school function and had just sexually assaulted the 'daughter' of a federal judge in front of a couple hundred witnesses, and he was threatening people.

"Hey, sorry about the scene, but you shouldn't have to put up with that kind of stuff, nobody should," he was at least 6'3", broad shoulders, big blue eyes, and wavy, sandy blonde hair just a little too long to be neat, "I'm Tom, I'm new here," he smiled a crooked smile and put his hand out.

"Connie," I couldn't help by smile back, "And this is my girlfriend Carla, Amber and her boyfriend Joe."

Carla poked me when I didn't stop looking into his eyes.

"So, girlfriend, huh?' he smiled at Carla, "Lucky girl."

"Yeah, sorry," I kind of meant it. I guess the hormones I had started taking a few weeks ago were doing something because he was adorable.

"Hey, no sweat, is it ok, if I dance with your girlfriend, just once since I kind of just saved her life?" he grinned at Carla.

"Just be sure to bring her back and if you touch her, you'll have me to deal with."

"Yes, your highness, "He did one of those elaborate royal bows you see in old movies, going down on one knee and flourishing his hand all the way to the floor, all he needed was the hat with the big feather.

Adorable and funny, oh my, what was going on with me?

Tom and I danced more than just the one dance, he danced with Carla, too and with Amber when Joe needed a break, when he admitted he knew I was trans, he was officially adopted into our group. His friend Simon got adopted a few days later. The six of us were quickly inseparable. The dynamic was made very clear up front, but as we spent more time together, I could feel it starting to shift.

Billy got a couple of weeks in OCS, or on campus suspension and was kicked off the football team for his antics and started going out of his way to avoid me, which I thought was even funnier than the empty threats he was throwing around at the dance.

My oncologist had set me up with an excellent surgeon, one that specialized in my kind of issues, mom and I met with him to discuss the plan for any surgeries I would have. My face was fine, in fact he called it perfect, which made me feel good. There was my Adams apple, as small as it was, and of course my breasts and my 'plumbing.'

When I showed him a picture of my birth mom, he grinned and suggested that, even though my nipples were already getting sore and itched, we might want to get me a little help, even at my age, the best I could hope for was a size or two smaller than the other women in my family and my birth mom was as flat as I was right now.

He managed to fit me in that Friday and when the bandages came off, I had perky B cup breasts that Carla and Amber admitted even made them a little jealous, Tom, Simon, and Joe made it clear that they approved too.

Life was good and was only getting better, until spring break. It wasn't all bad, mom and dad had decided that since I hadn't really had a birthday back in August, I would have one the Thursday before break. Dad took all of us, Tom, Simon, Amber and Joe, too, out to dinner at the country club. The staff pampered me and sang an awful rendition of Happy Birthday. I got a diamond ring like the one Carla had gotten for her sixteenth and beautiful gold necklace win my name, Connie, in script, it was all so perfect. When I got home, there was a Jeep with a huge bow on it parked in the driveway next to Carla's BMW.

"You're going to need that when you go off to college in the fall," dad handed me the key. It was all I could do to keep from falling apart right there. I had to give everybody a ride around the block and we all had to say our goodbyes, hugs, and kisses all around, it was the best birthday I had ever had, and one of few that involved presents.

"Connie, there's one more thing, can you come with me, please," dad led me to his office sliding an envelope across his desk. This came for you a few weeks ago, I thought tonight would be the right time to give them to you. Inside was the documentation for my legal name change and a birth certificate, Constance Anne Conners, Female, everything else was the same. I had no idea that changing a birth certificate was even possible. It was official, no matter what anyone thought or said, I was a girl.

I gave him a huge hug and a kiss on his cheek," I love you, you and mom and Carla, you know that, right?"

"We do, and we all love you too, that's why I want to ask you to sign this for me, I can file it first thing tomorrow and make it official."

I picked up the form and started to read it, Certificate of Adoption, Constance Anne Swanson, I was trembling," for real?"

"For real, "He smiled at me, "Since you're already eighteen, we don't have to go through the court or anything, all we need is for you to say yes." Mom had come into the room and wrapped her arms around me, I picked up the pen and signed my name, all three of us started crying our eyes out.

Carla dropped her phone when I ran into her room screaming like a crazy person," what is the matter are you ok?" the look of near panic in her face was priceless.

"Carla, your parents, they," I hugged her as hard as I could, "They adopted me, we're sisters. "She screamed with me and I told her about everything, that dad had changed my birth certificate, my name was Constance Anne, Anne like her, and I was really, officially, legally a girl, and that they had asked me for permission to adopt me, and of course I had said yes. We screamed again and started talking about what it all meant, avoiding the obvious question of what it meant for her and me, but we both knew how we felt so nothing needed to be said.