All Comments on 'A Little Job Offer Pt. 01'

MORE MORE MORE!

I'm not a big fan of SMH, but I really like everything else here. Thanks for sharing, I hope you write more about these two.

I won’t tell you your story sucks. It’s pretty good. I gave it 5 stars.

You have a really interesting premise that has potential. I see several avenues your story can take.

But proofread and ask yourself if the reader can visualize what you are. There is at least one instance where you indicate that Kate said something but I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be Peggy speaking.

As well, I had no idea he had stripped down when Kate yelled at him near the end. A dream sequence where he was thinking about Peggy and stripping his clothes off for her might have helped you to create that link between him passing out and waking up naked.

A really great writer once taught me to show rather than tell when you write. It’s hard to do but makes your story pop out at people. More than anything though, it helps you to catch where the vision in your head hasn’t necessarily been relayed on paper.

Just thoughts with an attempt to be constructive.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to write and curse myself every time I see an error in something I’ve published. So I know, it’s harder than people think.

However, I loved the premise and look forward to chapter 2

Thank you @Lickerwell - indeed i noticed that typo about 10 seconds after I submitted it - but i can not go in and edit it after it's submitted. Or if i can, im not smart enough to figure out how to do it. That said, i do appreciate your feedback and will do my best to improve my writing and the story in part 2 :)

@ElvisOmar - again thank you! I know that SPH is not for everyone - so i appreciate you giving it a shot. I'll try to have a variety of fetishes in the next few chapters, though there will be a lot of SPH because the friend i'm writing this about - it's her thing ... in her words, she can have a lover with a 12" porn cock, but he better like it being called the saddest little dick she ever seen ....

Can't wait for more of this story

Thanks for the read.

i need another part to this love the sph and smothering

WTF with that ending? If Kate is the best friend he can get, I really feel for him. She’s an ass.

@Panda1869 thank you! I appreciate that. There will definitely be more. @TinyHouston - it's taken a year, but i think im ready for part two :)