All Comments on 'A Little Story about Jack and Diane Pt. 01'

What an interesting beginning for an affair story. Well done so far on your first attempt. Hope the next part follows soon.

Nice story so far, and some might see where this might go, especially from that last line. He knows that since they haven't had sex but for once a month or less, that SHE is cheating with a lover of two. SHE is getting her needs met while her unknowing and clueless cuck husband suffers without, but that will NOW change. So far, so good but kinda predictable, unless I'm wrong in my assessment.... Why is it that the foolish husband takes anywhere from 6 months to 2 years to figure out that their wives are cheating. In most Literotica "Loving Wife" stories, that is the norm. But these tales are all fiction, and would not happen like these stories go in real time...

is there a 2nd paragraph to this story?

Good so far, but a little too short a chapter. .

Good start...

Loklie

Unable to judge, much too short, barely a page. At least post a proper chapter, always assuming you have more written.

Good work.

Bit brief but I'm hooked.

WOW. Kinda takes my breath away.

First and foremost, welcome to the fold, we always need new writers and you definitely fit the bill with excellent word crafting skills. BUT, more than that, a little cruel of you to leave us hanging like this, without even having titled it as a part 01. You gave us just a few hints of her life to know she had the opportunities. We can assume the ending means he has found out the truth. This could have been a 5 star with only a couple of paragraphs to summarize the extent of her sins and what he was going to do in the future. But with this thud, I leave it unrated.

Not going rank it under after the series is finished.

So far, so good. But even then, no stars until it's finished.

Ok. And the next bit?

Well done so far..... But you should have completed the story. Many will take points off for this especially since this is only 1 page .

First class, can't wait for part two.

A very good story for a first effort, although I thought it a tad obvious, but still a good start.

JJ

This has been done before. I forgot who did it but he does the same (without the fancy dinner) and then suggests they talk to an expert on the subject and names the wife's lover.

Asexuality on the part of one spouse. I addressed that in my story My Decision. Only 29 years? He waits that long to bring this up? The best years of his life are gone.

Still, well written and an interesting concept. I found the tease in the end exquisite. Looking forward to more.

5 stars. I hope this doesn't turn into a BTB fest.

Gah. I hate cliffhangers, especially for episodes this short. That said, will be reserving judgement till the conclusion.

As a writer from years ago would say, if you want a real score... FTDS

Like it so far, hope that you are going to finish this in the near future. 4 stars for now

A good start, I hope you continue it. I wish you well in your attempt to "tell this story in a not so typical way." Looking forward to the next installment.

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Pasqual

Well done. There should be a prt 2 at least. Youve set up the story well.

Like where this looks to be going and how you set it up. Will look at rating it when I have seen how it develops. Good so far.

I'm not sure what that was, but it sure as hell wasn't a story. In fact, it wasn't even a good beginning to what might have been a story. Unlike others, I will score this mess, it deserves no more than a 2 in its present state.

Very short, but still very good. I can't wait to read the next chapter.

Great start

I got slammed when I did that, stopped in the middle. Good start. D

Very well-written but -- the story is perhaps headed to storyline of husband putting cheating wife into his shoes and it should have continued beyond more than one page. I will withhold ranking until I see more of the story.

Just a nitpick, but "bisque" IS soup, so saying "bisque soup" is redundant.

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"sex once every month or two" - There's being considerate of the demands on her, and there's being stoopid!

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He doesn't seem to be asking for any more than the LW wives who don't think their husbands can fulfill them sexually, so they're entitled to have lovers. Of course, THEY'RE wrong, as is he.

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"Why, YOU did my love." - Shouldn't have broken off there. As I was reading the above I thought that he was going to throw HER "fling" in her face. Should have indicated chapter one in the title, especially as you KNEW this wasn't complete.

Receive my warm welcome greetings...

In fact, Literotica is always in need of new addicts, both in terms of reading and especially in terms of writers.

In my opinion, the writing is well done, it is noticeable his care in putting together the plot and its characters, even in a short text, although they lack greater depth, based on the time they have been together.

Looking forward to the sequel or sequences of your work.

I will offer the usual 3 stars. I always value writing effort when it is coherent and "rational". Even though it's fiction and comes from inside the author's head.

So far, a good job. But that's just my opinion.

Less than a page and you couldn’t post the whole story? I sure hope the finish gets posted in the next day or so, or I’ll never invest my time reading this author again. That would be a shame since this was a decent start. No score till it’s done.

Thanks for the comments so far. I am working on the next part and I hope to finish it in the next couple of days, but with the holidays, we'll see. This story is still evolving and has taken quite a number of significant turns from the outline I had originally envisioned. Unfortunately they don't allow enough characters in the title for me to have added 'Pt.1' at the end of it, so sorry about that.

Don't take too long.

Well written. Please continue.

Okay, fairly good introduction. Where is the rest of the story if there is one. So far it seems like a switch on the martian slut ray where the wife tells the husband she wants more.... going to wait until I read more to rate the story.

Read something very similar before so seems not an original concept. Well written though.

Ooh. This has my curiosity awake.

This was perhaps too short but I'm in to see the rest.

4* and a good start.

Interesting, but as short as it is, you clearly could have wrapped this up in one. I purposely don't read stories that are issued in parts until I know the last part is available for this very reason.

I won't dock points off the effort, I'll just refrain from reading any further.

Great start

Shoe is on the other foot. Can’t wait for more.

Very good so far

Love the title! Fits the romance timeframe.

One guy said clearly the wife is cheating. That doesn't have to be true. This is my life. Between having an asexual wife that is a corporate manager and me letting her run too much of the household, we have no sexual chemistry but an appreciation and love for each other. She told me in year 5 I should get a gf but I wasn't interested and was naively optimistic. She doesn't drink and I drink on Friday and Saturday nights. I rarely drink during the week or on Sundays. We're together all the time so she has no time to cheat. lol I've never seen her look at a man either. I laff when I hear that women are just as horny as men. The idea of a frigid man also amuses me.

So for a multiple chapter story this was way too short. It makes no sense to stretch it out. It's merely a rehashing of an old plot - wife is having an affair and the husband wants to out here. Been there, done that, got the postcard. Of course most themes have been done before. The "barely there" length and unoriginal plot make for a boring read.

Nice story but I would like more. Please continue!

Great beginning and I see others have already beat you up about the brevity so I won’t go there. For some reason two to three pages fits well for this forum and if you are doing multiple chapters having them ready to post consecutively gets you better scores. Your story telling is good and I look forward to more from you.

I like unexpected twists and I was expecting him to drop divorce on her instead of a request for FWBs. My guess still is, she’s cheating on him and Jack is trying to make a point with this. Maybe it’s just me (and my wife thinks it is) but I can never imagine a husband getting anywhere near having sex only once every month or two without a cataclysmic occurrence to interfere. So I presume he’s allowed it to track her behavior and plan the consequences. Waiting expectantly!

Got me curious. Also enjoyed seeing the relatively rare husband giving tne “it’s not cheating if I tell you first” trope.

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A 4 **** beginning. Hope it delivers.

cruel to leave it but will pine for the next part

Great start. Waiting on part two

Good Luck

Too short to vote. Will wait for second part.

This sounds like it is going to be a fantastic story. I hope you publish the second part soon. I have an idea where thie is going and I am anxious to hear the rest of the story!

Been done before. Lots.

~Enkidu

Good tease, and you have me looking forward to the next submission. Is she already cheating? Lots of questions to be answered.

Wow, a writer who knows that the word is piqued, not peaked! Congratulations!

Good start, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"...To be continued."

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Any story without a Chapter number in the title that ends with those words gets a rating of 1.

I like it, Thx. Waiting anxiously for completion.

We're home for Covid. Your story is a pleasant diversion.

A different take on "We need to talk".

And the twist at end prefect.

Now let's see how shee gets out of this. A part 2 ?

Finish the damn story! It was short enough as it was. You should have said this was chapter 1 in the title.

She is having an affair and he is telling her that by doing this she is pushing him to look for a lover too! So a new way of telling the other that you know about the affair! Original, but not logical! Who would react like that in reality?

Scored it 4* since it leaves me hanging with little to no background of why they’re at this point. If next installment fills kin the gaps I’ll come back my score.

Yep! Too short, not even one LIT page. And it was rude to not alert We-The-Readers by using Part 1 or Ch. 01 (if this tale might be that long) in the TITLE!

However, it is well-written and uses dialogue (or monologue) to carry the theme forward!

Two hints … asparagus is a dumb ingredient to offer if oral sex (in either direction) is on the wish-list any time soon! And pineapple upside-down cake would have been a good dessert choice last night in cases (probably not in this marriage) that Hubby can expect to provide Dessert 2 to Sweetie after her crème brûlée!

unrated, as yet!

I really detest stories that have no ending!!!!

Your writing has a good read. But to call it a story is a farce. It is only a part of what could be a nice story line maybe even a good series. However, as it is I did not like it.

I hope you follow-up with the remaining portion.

This is a luke-warm attempt at rewriting the "wife who reads Cosmo" story in which she earnestly tries to convince her husband "it's only sex" and it will reinforce the marriage. It's nonsense, except 180 degrees in the other direction.

I feel like I predict his wife was having an affair the whole time, or at least for a while now.

He overheard her mention all the bullshit that he's now telling her, probably justifying it to her lover and or close friend. And now he's got her completely cornered like a rat on a sinking ship.

I may or may not be correct in my prediction. But that doesn't take away from this being a great story so far. Good job OP. I'm enjoying the story, and can't wait to see how it plays out.

Interesting, esp because you left it at a cliffhanger, but too short and hope you posted other chapters already.

It sort of became clear well before the end where this was going.

But, that said, it was really well written, still have the totally unrealistic and stilted dialogue.

As for any grammatical and/or punctuation errors, dont waste time listening to those who wet themselves over that. Many stories have far worse issues than grammatical or punctuation errors.

Nice jump right out of the gate.

Very good beginning, with better vocabulary, editing, and presentation than most stories on this site. But, there are a few technical problems that could be easily corrected. The most obvious one is the so-called comma splice by which two main clauses are connected by a comma rather than by a period or a semicolon or by a conjunction. Any elementary grammar will indicate how to do this.

Okay next part.

These comments are funny as hell, we’ll some are for sure, nicely done perfect leaving point and last line that cinches the returning interest. Unconventional approach being so noble with pure loving intent. Perfect so far in my book. Look forward to your second installment.

Nice first story! Well written, though really telegraphed the "twist" from shortly after the break. I'm looking forward to the continuation.

As a side note, when writing a multi-part story, please indicate such in the title, e.g. "Chapter 1".

The Anon after Mainer42 lol. You're anonymous hows he supposed to know you really really really hate incomplete stories?

I'm intrigued. Definitely waiting for the rest before voting.

Read between the lines. She has been cheating on him for some time and he is just turning the screws on her.

Intrigued enough to read the next part. Nice hook.

For someone who claims to have read a lot you seemed to have skipped the comments

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congrats on pulling the ONE move literally every reader faction despises

Too short and too little information to be either a chapter or complete. If this is a part-work, you to say that at the beginning

You're making a bet that I'll remember this tidbit when you post the continuation of the story. I'm not so sure that is a good idea.

Written with the intent to get the reader back for the second chapter but needed a better explanation bout his feeling of unrequited amorous feelings. This part begs the question of shat is missing. Better make the ending worth the wait but a good attention getter.

…but we haven’t gotten to the Lobster Bisque of the story. I’m not sure the salad is finished. Ok, I’ll wait patiently for part 2, but fair warning, it’s easy to skip part 2 when it takes so long to get there your readers forget part 1. In this case, that’s easy since there is so little of part 1! Hope to see it soon!

I am waiting for the rest before voting or making a serious comment. This is FAR TOO SHORT and INCOMPLETE. It could go several ways but I suspect SHE has been cheating and he knows. i was half expecting a video display on the TV of HER trysts but the story 'fell off a cliff' in the first act! 'Stories' like this should be excluded from being accepted to publish on this site as they are NOT stories, just a few lines on a familiar trope, This story is basically a cheap copy of many that have gone before, plagiarised words and not very well copied either. Continue 'CunnyLinguistToo' and save yourself from ridicule. 2** because I feel generous.

Well you did tell us it has a lot of familiar themes and it does not disappoint. I’m not sure why you’re getting so much crap for breaking the story where you did, it seems a good hitch to bring back a reader. I hope you post chapter 2 quickly to aide continuity. Thus far, a pretty good first effort. Don’t be put off by the nit pickers.

Posting in chapters and having a bit of a cliffhanger to entice readers is a tried and true strategy. It works. The key though is to either have already written the complete story(best option) or have the complete outline already done. I'm not sure where you are in the process, so hopefully you'll post more of the story promptly. You have a good start, now head into the actual story. with some emotion, drama, angst, you know, all those words that hold people's interest.

You left a good cliffhanger here , it’s got me intrigued but if you don’t release the next part within a couple days you’ll lose some readers due to neglect , I implore you to get the next part out very soon . Another thing is that you have a good story started and it may be hard to follow it up with the same momentum and ambience that part 1 has if you take to long to write it and/or release it , pretty much all of us live in the now and we seek instant gratification , if we don’t get our fill in one setting we’ll be digging for snacks later , and you can’t get your fill off of a sample plate !

And commenters who scream it’s not finished — did you not see the “...to be continued”?? If in a month or two it is not “continued”, then you can scream.

Have no problem with multipart postings but please.....at least two pages per post. I typically ditch the story if an author can only manage a single page chapter.

Funny how it's always the anonymous commentators that spew the most anger and writing advice. I think it was pretty good and look forward to your second chapter

I love this story. My mind immediately wondered into several different scenarios for the next part. I can't wait to hear more about what is going on, especially what she's doing. As a side note, please don't pay any attention to those who complain or criticize.

A good start, but this could and should have been completed and posted complete as one story. I note the author has stated he had no room in the title for Part 1, in that case, use the first papagraph to state that this is a mult-ipart work, give an idea of how many parts and the expected time frame for posting the rest of the parts.

Otherwise 4**** for a great start.

Woman usually have a higher sex drive as they get older and guys don't. There are major red flags in this one. She is clearly cheating on him and for a very long time. It apears that he has only been there for her convenience and that is what she loves, not him. sex only once every month or two is pity sex just to keep him around on the hook. He knows it now (or has known) but waited until the kids were on their own to bring it up. What he should have done is just start having Friends with benefits along time ago and never brought it up. Or just divorce the heartless bitch. Unfortunately, this will probably turn out to be another wimp loser hubby and heartless cunt story. But I hope not.

Nice start...but just an appetizer! ;-)

Ok, enough time has passed. Is this going to be a dead ended, unfinished story?

Just read story and after checking the date it was published, came to the conclusion the writer was or is unable to finish. Suspect someone caught this writer and put a stop to his writing. Anyone interested in taking over?

I'm still here and part 2 is in the hands of an editor. I had planned on getting this done much sooner but two days after I posted this story my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. So obviously that took precedence over everything else in my life. Fortunately it was caught very early and the prognosis is very, very good. We have settled into a routine of doctors visits and treatments and we are establishing a new normal and I have been able to put some time into getting part 2 finished up. There will also be a part 3 but that will likely take a bit to get done.

Saw this coming. What if she never cheated. That would be an interesting and much more common story

Looking at the publication date, this is a completely new work, but I have a firm conviction that I have already read it. Has it been published before?

When a woman is having an affair, she’s normally more responsive to her husband’s advances, because she’s having a sexual high herself, and she doesn’t want to give her husband a clue that she’s getting some on the side,, unless she’s having the affair because her husband is a dud. If he’s gotten along with once a month or two for years, she may think that’s all he wants.

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I’ll say it again: you show me a wife who isn’t interested in sex with her husband, and I’ll show you a husband who hasn’t made sex interesting for his wife.

Epic!

5 stars

I think I know where this is going...

I've read something similar here in LW but forgot the title.

But yeah, I'll read the next chapter.

Good thing CunnyLinguistToo posted simultaneously chaps. 1 and 2.

Good start CunnyLinguistToo.

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Oh, I am truly sorry about your wife.

I hope and pray both of you can overcome this hump and be victorious.

May God give you both strength and resolution.

Is this a re-post? The first comment is from 3 months ago, but it shows as being posted today!

5 stars for the lead in. Hope you continue the story with this much quality

I am looking forward to the next episode.

Okay I guess but too similar to another story. He's about to ask her why she thinks it's okay for HER to have a lover and not him. Unless you pull a clever surprise. We'll see.