All Comments on 'A Mage's Tale Ch. 04'

Tight chapter, the earlier chapters were a little stilted

Some plot development

Needs character development of the Harem

When I say you need an editor, I'm not saying you don't know how to write. We are blind to our own writing mistakes. "You are" becomes "your", "two" becomes "to", "she" and "he", "my" and "me"... You can't spot them because you know what's supposed to be there.

You sometimes seems to skip a paragraph. I usualy imagine a scene in my head and it shoks me when some elements suddenly appear there. If you can't find an editor, at least send the story to a friend before posting and have him send you questions. Don't talk to your friend explaining, re-write the chapter to answer them.

Great job. Keep writing!

You badly need an editor. The story is alright, although I'm quite disappointed with how it's going after the somewhat decent start. But the language is getting more unbearable with every installment.

I echo the previous commenters - you are in dire need of an editor. You are ruining your story by interrupting the "flow" of the reading with errors: the apostrophe is not a mystery; spelling can be improved by the use of a dictionary. Do not use "spell-check;" Typos are readily cured by re-reading. I could continue, but the aim is not to discourage you. In fact the opposite is my hope. You are, thus far, writing a captivating tale.

This reads like the ramblings of my senile grandpa. "I told the king to stuff it, then the mermaids made me their king and I had badly narrated and anatomically improbable sex!"

By the way, you refer to the king as her majesty and his majesty several times, apparently xer name is Cathy but the Mc calls xer Jack...And if you were referring to the mermaid queen, that wasn't at all clear.

In summary, get an editor. At least re-read your work after you run spellchecker on it. HUM?

This is the second tale (note the spelling) of yours that I have enjoyed, Lord Inkwell being the first.

However, in both cases you are in desperate need of a good editor. Your storytelling is excellent, which is why I continue to read your works.

Please note that "thou" is an archaic form of "you" in English. You are looking for the word "though" most of the time, and that can be shortened to "tho" in some instances.