A Marriage in Crisis

He felt like there was this cloud closing in on him. He felt like he was losing touch with everything, who he was, where he was, everything, it was like he was slipping into this hole; a nice safe, dark, deep, painless, hole, no Sandy, no marriage, no life, no pain, no nothing.

If he didn't know better he thought he might be slipping into shock. When somebody got hurt bad their body would start to turn everything off. If it was real bad they could even die. It was like a car, if you got in an accident what was the first thing you did. You shut off the engine. No shock happened when it was something physical. This was mental. Damn, it sure felt physical. He sure felt confused. No don't think. Just get away.

He looked around one more time. There on his end table was his cell phone charger. He didn't want that. He took out his cell phone. He opened the refrigerator door and threw it in. He wouldn't be calling anybody, not for a long time. He wondered if he broke anything when he tossed his phone in the frig. He reopened the door and checked; no everything was OK. He didn't want to leave a mess for Sandy. Sandy. Oh shit. No Tommy, you can't cry, now stop it!

He had to pee. He ran to the bathroom and lifted the seat, he peed, he carefully shook his thing so nothing splattered on the floor, and flushed the toilet. The swirling water made him nauseas. He knelt down and tried to puke; all he got were drive heaves. His whole body shook. Oh Sandy! He wanted to cry again.

Tommy loaded his car and pulled away. As he pulled away he caught sight of Sandy's Camry. He guessed she got her tire fixed. She only had the damned donut. Later he'd have to get her a new tire. Damn, what was he thinking? That was her problem. No it was his; he'd fix it later. Christ there might not be a later!

He just made it away just in time. Now what was he going to do? He knew. Find a motel, get a room for the night and sleep, just sleep. Hell, sleep all weekend if he could. He didn't want to think. He couldn't think. He sure didn't want to think about her, or their marriage, all he wanted right now was oblivion. Just the same he hoped she'd be all right. He forgot; had he put the seat back down after he peed? She'd get mad if it was still up. Wasn't this some fucked up shit.

++++++++++++

Sandy got out of her car and ran up the steps to their apartment. She opened it. It was unlocked. She looked all around, "Tommy? Tommy!" No answer.

She walked to the back bedroom. She threw her hands to her face, "Oh my God! All his stuff; he's gone." What was she going to do? She hesitated; she'd figure something out. She knew, no matter what, he belonged to her. She checked the laundry basket. Oh thank God he hadn't taken any of his dirty clothes. Saturday was their laundry day. He'd be back for that. She'd fix a nice lunch, and they'd have a long talk. She guessed she better bring up her fears about children. Shit, damn, crap; she should have done that a month ago! This was all so confusing. Nothing like this had ever happened to her before. OK, she messed something up here, but where was he?

++++++++++++

Tommy drove around for over an hour until he found a suitable place. He couldn't drive around too long because they had given each other a limited gas allowance. Gas wasn't cheap, and they were on a tight budget. Was he confused or what?

Tommy thought about the motels. He could have gone to one of the two Holiday Inns in the area. There was a Marriott, but he knew if anyone started to look for him they'd look in those places first. Besides they were too expensive. They were trying to save money.

He figured; this was Friday. He didn't have to be anywhere until Monday, and that was school. Hell he had tenure; they couldn't fire him. He had three days worth of emergency lesson plans. He'd sleep someplace till Monday. He'd call out sick for three days next week; he'd use those days to sort out what he needed to do. He hoped Sandy would be all right. He wished he'd kept his cell phone. He was worried about her. He bet she was worried too. What was his problem?

He found a Motel just off Interstate Eighty-Three. It wasn't the greatest, but he wasn't in the greatest shape anyway. He left most of his gear in the car. Carried in some clothes, pulled down the bed spread and collapsed; already, even as he was falling asleep, his mind was at work, he was going to buy a lot of new clothes. He'd always wanted a motorcycle. Sandy said they were too dangerous. Well she wasn't the boss of him anymore. He'd get a smaller one. He choked up, no! No crying. He'd show her. He'd buy a big motorcycle, a real hog, a Harley hog. Shit, the Harley Davidson Factory was just up the road in Hanover.

Yeah, he'd get a big Harley, a real juicer, and he'd stop wearing suits and ties to work. Sandy always made him dress up, not anymore! She said he had to look like a principal because that's what he'd be one day. Shit, he forgot to bring a tie. Sandy what were you thinking?

There was a pants and shirt shop in Hanover, Kleffels he thought. Yeah, no more suits, it would be jeans and Tee shirts from now on. He liked those boat neck Tee shirts sailors wore. He'd buy a dozen of them. He worried about that; a motorcycle, new clothes, they couldn't afford it. He shouldn't have bought the damned bracelet. Sandy needed some new dresses. Jesus H. Christ! Couldn't he do or think of anything without her in the picture?

Tommy was alone, his own man. He was about to step out. He choked again; he'd do this. He'd go it alone. He didn't need anybody. No he didn't need anybody. He cracked up again. No! No tears! He didn't want to be alone. He wanted his wife.

He felt himself drift back into the Night and the Fog. He remembered there was an old French film called Night and Fog. It told the story of the Holocaust. Yes, Night and Fog, that's where he was; adrift in the night and fog, no cares, no worries, no one to love, no one who would love him, not now, not ever again. Sandy I miss you so much already.

Tommy drifted off to sleep.

++++++++++++

Sandy was at a complete loss. She needed to talk to someone. She decided to call her mom and dad. When she got her dad on the phone she started, "Hello dad?"

She could feel his warm smile over the airwaves, he responded, "Is that my favorite little girl? How're you and Tommy getting along? You two coming over for dinner Sunday? Mom's got a big roaster out ready to cook."

She stammered, "Uh, um, no Dad. Tommy and I had a little tiff."

He was incredulous, "You and Tommy? That's hard to believe."

She broke, "Oh Daddy."

He replied, "Where are you?"

"At home."

"Don't move. I'll be right over." Her mom and dad lived about five miles away, so when said he'd be right over, right over was what he meant. He called out to his wife and their nineteen year old son, "Hey you two! Sandy's in trouble. I think she and Tommy had a fight. Come on."

Both mother and brother dropped what they were doing and started for the car. Another twenty minutes and they were outside Tommy's and Sandy's apartment. Dad knocked, "Sandy? You there?"

Sandy pulled open the door, "Oh Daddy! Tommy and I had the most horrible misunderstanding."

Sandy's brother Barry asked, "Where's Tommy?"

Sandy cried and bellowed, "I don't know where he is. He ran away."

All three MacDonald's looked at each; Tommy never ran away from anything, and if he and Sandy were on the outs he certainly wouldn't leave her alone. Barry inquired, "What's this about?"

Sandy looked at her mom, dad, and brother, "You won't get mad?"

Mom answered, "No we won't get mad; not at you. Now what's wrong?"

Sandy started in, "Well I was bored with, you know, things, and I was kind of scared about some things too. So a man where I worked told me to the best way to ease the boredom was to have an affair, and..."

Dad burst in, "An affair?"

Sandy nodded her head.

Dad added, "Like in someone going outside the marriage for sex?"

Sandy nodded again, "Sort of I guess."

Mom interrupted, "I don't think Tommy would do a thing like that."

Barry caught her up, "I'm not so sure it was Tommy."

Dad looked at Sandy, "You..."

Sandy nodded, "Well almost."

Mom piped in, "Almost? What's almost?"

Sandy started again, "Well we had a lot of lunches together where we talked about how mean Tommy was to me, and..."

Barry jumped in, "When was Tommy ever mean to you?"

Sandy started to reply. She had to think about it, "Oh he wasn't. But Bill the man I talked to said he probably would be some day."

Dad scratched his, "That makes no sense."

Barry popped up, "Yes it does. I mean if you're a man who wants to get in Sandy's panties it does."

Dad reflected, "So this man was trying to talk you into having sex with him because he said Tommy would be mean to you one day."

Sandy nodded again, "Yes, that's right."

Mom asked, "Well did he?"

Sandy replied, "Did he what?"

Mom asked, "Have sex with you."

Sandy murmured, "Kind of."

Barry said, "Sandy you can't kind of sort of have sex with someone. You either do or you don't."

Sandy tried to clarify, "Well Friday afternoon he kind of jerked off under the table at a restaurant."

Dad, "He jerked off?"

Sandy, "Well I took this scarf and wrapped it around his thing; then I jerked him off."

Mom asked, "Tommy knows this?"

Sandy nodded.

Barry interjected, "You wanted to end your marriage?"

Sandy sobbed, "Oh no. I just wanted to have some fun without Tommy knowing."

Dad yelled, "You stupid? You know you probably ruined your marriage doing this."

Sandy sniffed, "Oh no. I don't think so. You know Tommy loves me. He'll understand. It'll be all right. I'm sure."

Dad looked at Mom, "She's your daughter. No daughter of mine, after four years of college, on the Dean's list all four years, could be that God Damn stupid."

Barry took his sister's hand, "Did you and this man do anything else?"

Sandy nodded yes, then no, "Well, Tommy found us at this restaurant. He cried and all, and told the man he won. Then he threw his wedding ring at the man." She turned around and picked something up, "Look I have it here. The man, his name is Bill Moyers, and I went to a room to have sex, but I stopped before we did anything and ran after Tommy, but he was already gone. He put a hole in one of the tires of my car so I wouldn't catch him. That's the last I saw of him. Dad, Mom, Barry, you've got to help me find him so I can explain that everything's all right."

Barry looked at his sister, "Honey, everything's not all right."

Sandy gave her brother a confused look then sort of nodded, "Oh no not right now, but once I explain how I only wanted to, you know, break the monotony, you know have a break before we started to have kids, he'll understand, and it'll all be OK."

Mom started to cry.

Sandy looked at her like she was crazy.

Dad spoke to Sandy, "Sandy you probably killed your marriage."

Sandy interrupted, "Oh no Dad. You don't understand. Tommy loves me like crazy. He'll understand."

Barry pulled up a chair, "Sandy sit down. Let me explain something here."

Sandy sat down, "Don't start with the your vagina is mine and nobody else gets it. Tommy is not like that."

Barry put a finger on her lips, "All men are like that. Do you know what you did? You did the absolute worst thing you could ever to your husband. You gave away the one thing he, or any man, considers the most sacred treasure his wife has to give. You gave away his mead of honor, his worth as man. You handed another man Tommy's manhood. Shit he only sliced one tire; most men would have set the damn thing on fire."

Sandy was crying but answered, "There you see. Tommy could've set my whole car on fire. He could've cut all my tires, but he knew I only had one spare. He wouldn't have left me alone and trapped in some parking garage. He watched out for me. See. That's one way how I know it'll be all right."

Mom looked at Dad, "I think she's on something."

Barry stopped that, "No, I think she's in denial. She hasn't grasped the enormity of the problem yet. It's like her mind has put up some kind of emotional barricade. She can't see it, because if she did she'd know what she really did and just how bad it is."

Sandy's eyes started to shine, "You think it's really bad?"

Barry answered, "Yeah it's really bad."

Sandy kind of thought, "Look I only touched him through a scarf. We never actually did anything."

Barry stopped her, "You let Tommy walk away."

Sandy, "Yes, but..."

Barry, "But what?"

Sandy, "I hadn't thought it through yet. It wasn't till I was in the room with Bill that I realized I'd done something dumb."

Barry, "Dumb is the polite word for it."

Dad stopped the conversation. "What we have to do is find Tommy before he does something he'll regret. Then we've got to get the two of them together. This hasn't gone as far as it sounds. I think, knowing Tommy, and knowing how he feels about Sandy, and how Sandy feels about him, we've still got a good chance."

Barry positioned himself, "A lot could go wrong."

Dad continued, "The biggest thing is if Tommy hooks up with some macho asshole who'll start talking about cuckold and revenge, and stuff like being angry forever."

Sandy tried to help, "Tommy doesn't know any men like that."

Barry stopped her, "All men are like that. What we've got to hope for is Tommy's love for you."

Sandy smiled through her tears, "Then we'll be all right."

Barry grinned, "Yeah, you're the San Francisco Forty-Niners. It's fourth and goal, and you're up against the team with the staunchest goal line defense in the league with Ray Lewis, Terrell Suggs, Ed Reed and Bernard Pollard looking down the barrel at you."

Dad said, "Go Ravens."

Mom said, "We've got to root for the Forty-niners on this one."

Barry answered, "Or Sandy's the Ravens and she's fighting a goal line battle to keep her marriage out of the shitter."

Dad, "Sandy's not alone."

Mom, "No, she's got us."

Barry looked at his sister, "Well sister dear you're in a tight spot, but I'm with Mom and Dad on this one. I think we'll pull it out. I believe in Tommy."

Monday, Monday

Tommy finally awakened. He looked around. Oh Christ I forgot. What am I going to do? Yeah, get a motorcycle, buy some jeans and Tee-shirts, strangle my wife, spend the rest of my life alone.

He sat up, "What day is it? Monday? Did I sleep all weekend? OK, I'll see a lawyer, get a divorce started. He looked at all the financial shit. I've got to send all this crap back to Sandy. I don't know what to do with it."

He looked around. It was 6:00 a.m. Not bad. He had to call in sick to work. He'd take off Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

++++++++++

The phone rang at Wyatt and Coady. A secretary picked it up, "Good morning Wyatt and Coady."

Tommy was on the other end, "Hi, I need a lawyer."

The secretary affirmed, "Well that's us."

It's about getting a divorce. My name's Tom Campbell. Your boss Bill Coady knows my father-in-law Dan MacDonald. I'm divorcing his daughter, and I know Mr. Coady is a good guy."

The secretary raised her hand and waved at the secretary seated beside her. She pointed to the phone and whispered, "Get Mr. Coady." She put her mouth back to the phone and asked, "When can you come in?"

Tommy checked his clock, "I could be there in an hour."

The secretary checked her log, "How about 2:00 p.m."

Tommy thought it over. He could buy the cycle and get some clothes, then drop down to Towson, Maryland. Towson was a satellite city just outside Baltimore. He replied, "Sounds pretty good."

The secretary answered, "See you then."

The secretary turned to Mr. Coady, "That was the boy everybody's been trying to find. He's coming in at 2:00 p.m."

Bill Coady replied, "Good call Dan MacDonald. Tell him we've got our young man hooked. We'll get him here. They can follow him back to where he's hiding out, then they can talk to him."

The secretary looked up at her boss, "I don't want to pry, but isn't this the girl and boy who got married a few years ago."

Mr. Coady nodded, "That's them."

The secretary folded her hands, "They've been here a couple times. I remember them. They couldn't keep their hands off each other. She was so tiny. I remember she was all giggly, and I thought his jaw would burst the smile he wore was so large."

Coady shrugged, "You got em."

++++++++++++

Tommy showed up at 2:00 p.m. sharp. They knew he was there because everyone for a half a mile could hear the deep rumble of his brand new Harley Davidson. When he dismounted everyone got to see a tall lean muscular young man, a man in the prime of life, a man about to confront and make the biggest decisions of his life. What they didn't see was the confusion, the heartache, the ennui, and the all-consuming overarching apathy of a young man still stunned, shambling around in a state of shock over what had so recently happened.

++++++++++++

Tommy walked into the lawyer's office. Mr. Coady stood, smiled and said, "Good afternoon. I hear you've come in to talk about a divorce."

Tommy took the man's hand and gave it a firm handshake, "That's correct."

Coady started, "You're sure that's what you want?"

Tommy replied, "I'm sure."

Coady added, "You know Dan MacDonald is a good friend of mine. I've known his daughter since she was in diapers, been to most of her birthday parties. I attended your wedding."

"I know that," answered Tommy.

"Your father-in-law called. I know a little bit about the circumstance that brought you here. I know what you think you know, but I don't think you have all the facts."

"I know enough."

Mr. Coady offered, "Tommy this is off the record. I've talked to your brother-in-law and your father-in-law. You know there was no intromission, no penetration, no direct contact other than a hand holding a scarf around a penis."

Mr. Coady added, "I have a suspicion you picked me as your lawyer because deep down inside you know I'd help you find a way to save your marriage, not end it."

Tommy hadn't known the part about the absence of penetration; it bothered him about the scarf, but the other thing was good news, and Mr. Coady's remarks about why he chose him to be his lawyer sort of rang true, still he replied, "I don't care."

Coady continued, "You're throwing away an awfully good marriage on some pretty skimpy evidence, and evidence I might add all based on the actions of real charlatan. I've had all day. I called around and looked into Mr. Moyers' background. He's a real Casanova that one and your wife is at a pretty vulnerable stage in her life, and your life too I might add."

"You're trying to get me to change my mind."

"I won't lie to you. We've called half the lawyers in the area to be on the look out for you. I'm just trying to help two people who I know who are deeply and madly in love, but who've hit a bump in the road."

"You say it's a bump; some might see a chasm."

Coady looked at Tommy closely, "When was the last time you had anything to eat?"

Tommy replied, "I don't remember."

Coady asked, "You've done a lot of sleeping lately haven't you."

Tommy just nodded.

Coady offered carefully, "Now is not a good time to make any big decisions. You might want to go a little slower."

Tommy knew he wasn't thinking real well; he knew even after two days in bed he was still desperately tired, and there was something else he couldn't put his finger on, but it disturbed him, "Mr. Coady all I want you to do is write out my options. I want you to set out the steps for divorce. I want you to set something up that will give my wife everything she needs. I haven't made any final decisions. I haven't even come to terms with what my problems are yet. I do know though that I'm very unhappy."