A Nerd in Paradise

Linda walked beside me hanging onto my arm to steady me as we wove through the crowd of semi-nude to stark raving naked people. I watched the couples in the crowd. Everyone but Linda and me seemed to be in a soft romantic mood. It hurt watching them share little intimacies with each other. I yearned for those stolen kisses, loving strokes and held hands. The hurt I had lived with all day spiraled into self pity, anger and sadness.

Linda yanked me against the bulkhead of the ship.

"Flor and Gary are up ahead leaning on the railing looking out to sea..."

"Where?" I demanded.

Linda grabbed my chin and directed my face back to her.

"We're going to walk past them. You will not make a scene. You will nod to her and then we will move on. Do I make myself clear?"

I nodded, she was right. The last thing I needed was to pick a fight with a man who could kick my ass because he was stronger and sober.

We began walking again. As we neared them, Flor looked up and saw me. I did as directed and nodded to her as we passed. Confusion clouded Flor's eyes as I pulled Linda into my side. Flor turned her back to me looking troubled.

"Good boy, you're trainable," Linda said to me once we were out of earshot, "how do you feel?"

"Like I've been gut punched, I won't lie to you, but I liked the look of confusion on her face. I have no idea what that's about though."

"Good Lord, men are such emotional idiots," Linda said shaking her head, "I can read her like the back of my book. She expected an emotional outburst from you. Now she's wondering if she has any control over you at all. You've been forgiving in the past. She wants you to yell at her then forgive her and for your relationship to continue once you got home. That nod of yours screwed with her mind. She's worried now that you might abandon her in Florida once the boat docks. I'm not happy that you pulled me closer to you. Now she thinks that I'm romantically involved with you which I am not."

"How in the Hell will she get all of that from a nod?"

Linda shook her head and gave me a sad smile.

"Are you really that thick witted or just stupid drunk?" she patted my shoulder like I was a five year old, "there should be a law that men aren't allowed out in public without a woman escorting them."

We walked a little longer as my alcohol induced brain fog cleared. Well after sunset Linda glanced at her watch.

"It's getting late and I need you up, dressed and ready to go at 7 a.m. We're in Aruba tomorrow. Will you go to bed if I walk you back to your room?"

"I'll go back to the lounge and get a nightcap or two before I go to bed."

"Dammit, you were supposed to lie to me and promise that you would go straight to bed."

She stopped, slapped my arm and heaved a sigh.

"Come on," she tugged at my arm, "you're sleeping with me tonight, bunkie."

I must have broke out in a grin, because she pointed a finger at me.

"We're only going to sleep. There will be no sex, and so help me God, if you throw up in my bed, I'll chuck your ass out into the hallway."

She led me through an unmarked doorway and down several decks into the bowels of the ship where she led me through an industrial looking hallway with a metal floor and pipes covering the ceiling and opened a door into her tiny windowless walk-in closet of a room.

"Where's the bathroom?" I asked.

"Down the hall on the right."

We got ready for bed which didn't take much time since we were naked. She climbed into bed first and I spooned in behind her. There was no room to do anything else. I tried resting my arm on my own hip, but it was more comfortable resting it across her waist. Linda shivered when I first rested it there, but said nothing. I worried that the low rumble of the ships engines would keep me awake, they didn't.

DAY 3

I lay on my back when I awoke while Linda lay on her side with her head resting on my shoulder. Her knee rested on my thigh and her lovely hand lay atop my morning wood. Neither of us lay beneath a sheet since it was so warm in the room.

Linda awoke when I stretched. She realized where her hand had been laying, blushed and gave me a sheepish grin.

"How do you feel this morning?" she asked giving my cock a quick squeeze before sitting up to check her watch.

"Like I've been rode hard and put away wet," I croaked out of a too dry throat.

She got up and pulled a bottle of ibuprofen from her make-up kit and grabbed a full bottle of water from her nightstand.

"Here, take two of these, and I want you to drink the entire bottle of water. You'll feel human in an hour."

I downed the bottle and the medicine while she ran a brush through her hair.

"Let's get some breakfast before we part ways. Nudism is not allowed in Aruba so remember to get dressed. We'll be outside for the majority of the day so wear a hat and use sunblock. I'm scheduled to meet my crew at nine sharp on the dock beside the ship."

After breakfast, I stumbled back to my room to dress for the day where I discovered Flor waiting for me.

"Where have you been? I've been here all night waiting for you," she demanded with a hint of anger in her voice.

"I spent the night with Linda," I replied as I pulled pair of underwear and cargo shorts out of my luggage.

"I guess I deserve that," Flor said with a grimace.

I started laughing even though it made my head pound.

"We didn't hook up. I got drunk yesterday after I learned that you were banging Gary. Linda found me last night and had me stay with her because she knew I'd go back to drinking if she left me alone."

"We need to talk," Flor said frowning at me.

"No, we don't need to talk," I glared back, "I can no longer live like this."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't live with your conditional love. I want 100% commitment to me. I will not live knowing you're shopping for someone better."

"What are you talking about? I never considered Gary better than you. We had unfinished business that we needed to get out of the way. That's all. You're still the man I want to marry. Besides now that you've bedded Linda we're even like always."

"I can't marry a women who cheats on me."

"We're not cheating on each other. We're doing like we always have. I don't think I can be with only one man. I like sex too much. I want it all. Why don't we think about an open marriage?"

"I don't want to talk about this right now. I'm hung over and I need to get dressed so I can help Linda shoot her videos."

"Well then, we're spending the day together since Gary invited me."

A twisted little smile crossed her face.

I've never spent such an awkward day in my life. My clothes felt weird on my body, Gary was tense around me probably expecting a sucker punch from me, Flor was angry with me. Linda tried to remain above the conflict, but it was obvious where her loyalty lay while the actress, Velveteen, or Polly Ester, or whatever her name was remained oblivious to the sexual tension swirling around her.

My job was recording what the helicopter pilot/tour guide said on our trip over the island as Linda filmed. He talked at length about the beaches and the activities on the water. We did take a swing over the interior of the island which looked like scrub desert to me. He mentioned that most of the beaches were topless, and we could see tourists taking advantage of them as we flew over.

The waters around the island were full of sailboats, cruisers, party boats, fishing boats, a glass submarine, water skiers, skin divers, and jet skiers. Except for in the cities all human activity stopped within a couple hundred feet of the shore. The entire island looked to the sea for its employment and its sustenance.

After the copter ride we filmed Gary introducing the helicopter pilot; they walked around the helicopter on the tarmac. I know very little about acting or travelogues, and I damn well was prejudiced against the jerk, but Gary sucked at acting regardless.

He moved like an marionette with broken strings, squinted at his cue cards like he was staring into the sun, and stumbled over his words. Gary actually asked the pilot if he had ever had a blow job while he was flying the helicopter. Somehow Linda weathered it all and managed to keep her cool.

We spent the early afternoon in a plexiglass submarine exploring a reef. The tour guide urged us to photograph the reef's beauty, but all we saw was dead bleached coral being ground into sand by the tides. We did get some great footage of dolphins cavorting around the sub, and of surf breaking against rocks on the south shore of the island as we filmed wind surfers.

We spent the late afternoon aboard a fishing charter where we caught red snapper and grouper. Linda photographed 'what's-her-name' the tiny actress reeling in a big grouper which was the largest catch of the day.

She was a natural at acting and seemed to light up when a camera turned her way. Once the camera was turned off she faded into herself. I didn't know what to make of her.

Between the boat captain's sketchy English and the little bit of Papiamentu, the language of the island, that Linda and I could scrape together from her high school Spanish and my French we were able to communicate enough to charter the boat, but we could never interview the captain.

Flor spent her time hanging all over Gary trying to make me jealous or show me that she didn't need me. She was not clear in her messaging. My message of loathing to Flor and Gary was spot on. I spent my afternoon imagining what the sharks would do to them when I gently, as promised, pitched them both off the boat. I promised Linda that I would be civil so my venomous message remained unspoken.

We ended the day dining at a dingy shore side restaurant in a run down section of town. The owner was gracious enough to allow us to film after the dinner hour was over. Our actor and the actress sat at a table with the owner who answered questions they read off Linda's the cue cards. I kept the sound boom two feet above the people to keep it out of the frame and above the person who was talking. Gary and the actress dined on the fish they caught. When Linda prompted them to comment on the food, the best that she got was that the fish was 'real good'.

Afterward, Linda, Flor and I ate a late dinner.

Linda pulled Gary and me aside.

"I've got authorization to pay for dinner for four people. Flor is going to have to pay for her own meal."

"You invited her," I growled at Gary.

"I never bring money to an assignment," he replied holding up his hands, "if you pay for her now, I'll pay you back later."

I knew that was sleazeball pig Latin for "I'm not paying". Sometimes I wondered if Flor had a "Losers Welcome" sign tattooed on her forehead in ink that only deadbeats could read. How could she even hint that I should be okay with her fucking losers while I waited for her at home. The problem was hers, not mine. All I wanted was a nice stable marriage with a woman who loved me as much as I loved her.

"I'll pick up her tab," I said with a sigh.

I ordered sancocho which is a spicy stew the chef had made with iguana meat. It had partial ears of corn and other unidentifiable vegetables floating in it. Flor had conch fritters in lime sauce which looked tasty. It was annoying watching Flor play footsies with Gary while I picked up her tab, but what really pissed me off was that Flor never thanked me.

"Why did you order sancocho?" Linda asked while shouldering the camera as I looked at the bowl of stew before me.

"Because I've never eaten iguana," I replied after taking a spoonful into my mouth and mugging for the camera.

"Do you often order food you've never tasted before?" Linda asked.

"Every chance I get. Life's too short not to try everything I can."

"What's iguana taste like?"

"It's a mild tasting meat," I replied after a little thought, "it's not unpleasant at all," I pushed my bowl toward her, "give it a try."

"That's the best you can say? It's mild tasting?" Linda shook her head.

"All right," I took a moment to dive into my foodie vocabulary, "it's a mild, very tender white meat, less greasy than chicken, but not horribly so. The stew itself contains yam, plantain, and tomatillos. There's also a root vegetable sweetness to it, the yams perhaps, not unlike what carrot imparts to a beef stew. The fire in the seasoning comes from a chili pepper that I am not familiar with, and nutmeg. The stew pairs well with the Tecate I'm drinking. Is that better?" I asked.

She nodded. "That's more like it. Mind if I use your description of the food in the video?"

"Not at all."

Linda nodded. "I'm supposed to mention the cuisine of the islands. I'll record what you say so that Gary can narrate your description over footage of the food."

"How nice, I do the work and Gary gets the credit," I muttered to myself.

Since I specialize in overthinking, it amazed me how quickly I had uncoupled my emotions from Flor, so quickly that I must have started the process before I stepped onboard the ship. Everything she did annoyed me. I didn't like the way she chewed her food, or her inane little giggle when Gary tried to say something funny. Maybe I hadn't loved her for a while. Perhaps she had become a comfortable habit that I needed to break. One thing I knew for sure, it would be a relief to get off this cruise and away from Flor and Gary.

Flor's reaction to me was curious. On the one hand, she seemed shocked that I had stood up to her and told her no, and on the other hand, she seemed determined to show me how little I meant to her. Gradually, I realized how much and how long she had manipulated me. That led to questions I could not answer like why would she want to control me when all she had to do was love me? I, as that turtle atop the totem pole, needed to take my own self off the pole since Flor had no desire to help.

The streets were deserted in the twilight as we left the restaurant. I saw four men walking toward us. The way they kept to the shadows made me think that they were up to no good.

I slipped into self defense mode and scanned for something to even the odds. There was a bean pole sunk into a large flower pot next to the restaurant door. It supported a flowering vine growing in the pot. I dropped my case of sound equipment and pulled the pole from the pot and I gave it a swing. I liked its hefty feel.

The four men sprinted at us. One peeled off to grab at Linda's camera case, the other three ran to surround me since I was the only one offering resistance. The first one to get to me muttered something I did not understand as he reached into his pocket. I understood that, he was going for a knife or a gun. I drove the end of the pole into his chest hard hearing bone crack from the impact. He howled and fell to the ground, I stepped on his wrist to immobilize it and drove the butt of the pole into his hand once again hearing the satisfying crunch of bone breaking.

One down two to go. I moved toward Linda who was putting up a damn good fight having punched the guy in the throat, but not hard enough to stop him. I was blocked by the two remaining men from coming to her aid. One split away and tried to circle behind me. I swung my pole high at the guy in front of me making sure that the other end of the pole was low to the ground.

The guy behind me took the bait and stepped in to grab me from behind. I pulled up hard on the low end of the pole catching him in the groin. He groaned and fell to his knees clutching his crotch.

The third guy, wary now, circled me with his knife in his left hand.

"Gary, I could use some help!" I shouted, but got not response. Gary stood gawking with his back to the wall.

This sucked, I hated fighting left-handers. That left could appear out of no where at the worst moment.

The guy feinted with his knife and stepped back into a defensive position. He was fast and he knew what he was doing. I, on the other hand, was slow, but strong, and I wasn't going to win a knife fight against him. When he moved in to slice me across the abdomen, I threw my pole at him catching him across the bridge of his nose. That staggered him back, but he still sliced me across the knuckles of my left hand. My blood was suddenly everywhere. Damn lefties. He had cut me to the bone across three fingers.

I had spooked the guy though.

He turned to the man still struggling with Linda. "Vamanos!"

He sprinted into the alley between buildings along with the guy who was struggling with Linda.

"Are you okay?" I asked Linda who fell to her knees gasping for breath.

She nodded. "You're bleeding!"

I pulled off my tee shirt to wrap it around my hand to staunch the flow of blood.

Flor, who had been standing frozen during the attack, moved to the restaurant door and began beating on it.

Gary, the "not-so-he-man' walked over to the guy still moaning and holding his groin and punched him hard in the face.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, "he's no longer a threat."

"I'm going to kick his face in."

"Drag him out into the middle of the road with his buddy and leave him there."

"Why? Let's rough him up and call the police on them."

"We're foreigners. Would you like to sit in jail until they decide we're innocent? We'll miss the boat for sure."

He nodded and for once did the smart thing.

When we stepped back into the restaurant, Linda tried to get them to bring us something to bandage my hand with, but all they had was duct tape which Linda wrapped my individual fingers. The restaurant owner sent out a couple of busboys to drag the attackers off to a more hidden place and we stayed until our taxi arrived.

Linda hovered over me like a lioness protecting her mate. I found comfort in that. Meanwhile Flor backed off and let Linda fuss over me.

We lugged the equipment back to the ship where Gary and Flor disappeared as Linda and I made our way to the infirmary where a nurse disinfected my wounds and threw a couple of stitches into each finger.

"Did you file a police report?" the nurse asked.

"No," I replied, "I worried that they would hold us until they could verify our story."

She nodded. "Good move. I'll report this to my management, but don't worry about it, we've already cast off for our next port of call. Next time ask our activities director about the places you're going to. She knows these islands well enough to tell you if you're going into danger."

She wrote me a prescription for a steak dinner to build up my blood, and enough red wine to kill the pain.

After dinner Linda and I made copies of all the video and audio we had taken. When everything was done, Linda looked up at me.

"Thank you," she said, "we'd all be dead if I had to rely on Gary. Where did you learn to fight like that?"

"I grew up in a tough working class town where you were either a bully or a victim," I shrugged, "I decided that I didn't want to be a victim."

Without thinking I took her in my arms and kissed her. It was more than a friendly kiss but less than a sensual one. She had her hands against my chest as if she were going to push me away, but then her arms slid around my neck. I was into it until she worked up the will to step back.

"No! I will not be your revenge sex against Flor, nor will I be your rebound sex, or a hook up. When we make love, it will be because you're attracted to me and you want a relationship with me."

I smiled; she said 'when'.

"I'm attracted to you, and I want a relationship with you," I replied, "and I know that you're attracted to me."

"Why I should be interested in you when you'll run right back to Flor when this cruise is over like a dog coming home to roost?"

"Why would I do that?" I demanded ignoring her fractured similie.

"It's what you did at least twenty times or more by your own admission. Why should I invest any time in you?"