All Comments on 'A New Cure for Anxiety Pt. 01'

I found it difficult to fully engaged this story because it's been written using present tense. Unless you're planning on leaning into LOTS of inner thoughts, and/or diologue and/or flashbacks, present tense will always read like stage directions. In addition, the story wasn't consistent in either it's tense, or it's Point of View (mostly 3rd person, but sometimes first). If you find yourself dissatisfied by the number of views, or the reader ratings, tense and POV are probably the cause. (So take heart! It's a really easy fix! :-) I like that your characters have depth, though, so I hope you keep writing. Thanks for the submission.

Good start! The stream of consciousness style feels fun and realistic. There's a lot of room to play in future chapters, I'm interested to see what Anna enjoys about her current condition.

I really enjoyed this but it seemed like the beginning of a chapter, not a full one. Don't be scared to have several pages in a chapter before publishing. In other words: give me more, please!

Hiya, I liked your ideas in this one, I wasn't sure where it was going to go to be honest. I will say however, sometimes the perspective seems a bit skew, for example 'Anna stands up, feeling really good...but it takes me a second to remember what she needed to do next' which makes it sound both first and third person, this may just be a simple error, I also only spotted 2 small spelling errors but I've OCD :) Curious to see if this is continued, will the Doctor's lust win out over professionalism? Will Anna end up naked on all fours on his desk? Find out next time! :D x

I'm just saying, he doesn't know suggestible or acquiescant to authority she was beforehand. I'm guessing that wasn't on any forms she filled out. A proper scientist would want a baseline, a control group, and rigor.

And now of course I'm super embarrassed about not catching a few of the 1st/3rd person tenses! I started writing it in the first person, but I wanted to develop the inner monologue of the scientist, so I edited it that way...I thought I caught them all, but I guess not! Working on Part 2, should be finished this week :)

Good start!! Keep it up!!

xx

I really enjoyed this story. Please keep going you have something hot here. Beth x

More please,,,,,, deeper, deeper,,,,,deeper.

Definitely a start to the story, almost a prologue.

It could use a real editor. The jumping between 1st and 3rd jumped out.

Denmark might use different expressions, but:

"They shake his hands as he welcomes her into his office" has "they" which is plural was there more people there?

"He sits back in my chair with a smile" I can see how it means "the one in my session" but that is the wrong chair.

That's all I really saw. Sorry if it's too critical to a fun story.

Love the details and the concept, it comes across as naughty as opposed to sinister that some MC stories have.

Thanks for sharing

Tess (uk)

A good opening... Plenty of scope to develop it further... I am hoping for a twist in the tale later on too

Great premise! I'm looking forward to reading the rest. I also noticed the changing from she to I and back. My Masters Degree in Psychology tells me that although this is fiction, the author (you) wishes that this would happen to you in real life. Your Bio definitely backs this hypothesis up;) I for one am an older Dom who would love to bring your fantasies to reality!