A New Start Doesn't Fix Everything

"Yeah right, I think you managed that."

"Ah shit, come on, Bligh. Fuck, I was only doing what I was told."

"I never said you had to drool over her."

"Oh Christ. Don't spoil a great night. I'm sorry if I fucked up. Okay?"

His language annoyed me. It was one thing I hated since he started at the factory. He swore like a trooper. After meeting his work mates this afternoon, it didn't surprise me. I saw where he got it from.

"Lets go to bed," I said not wanting to spoil the night. Our usual lovemaking seemed lost, whether we simply had to much to drink or if it ran deeper than that, I don't know. I certainly felt uncomfortable, and Kurt seemed very distracted.

Sunday, we went for a ride on the Yamaha and all seemed right with the world. A fun day, the ride up to Springs Junction was fun. The traffic was light, and the road flowed along. I loved it, being out on the open road with Kurt just made everything right.

Monday morning was always hectic, sports injuries from the weekend, my aqua aerobics class. Yep, pretty full day. The ride on Sunday had quelled my nerves about what I had seen at the party, but try as I might, I couldn't quite put it to bed. Lunch had been our catchup ever since we met, but that day, I decided to grab some fruit from the shop and head outside. It was a nice day, a little warmth in the early spring weather. I found a nice cosy spot on the lawn.

I was sitting there catching up on some patient notes for the afternoon when my phone buzzed. "Hey, Bligh. Where are you?"

"I decided to go for a walk. Needed to clear my head."

"Oh bugger, I was looking forward to catching up. Are you going to yoga this evening?"

"No, I'm going to get home and cook Kurt something nice for dinner."

"Oh," she said with a tinge of sadness, and maybe concern. "Guess we will have to catch up tomorrow."

I didn't reply, just disconnected. That night Kurt got home later than usual. I met him at the door with a cuddle and kiss. "You're home late, babe."

"Yeah, sorry. I had to drive down to Christchurch to pick up some machinery."

He had a smile on his face, which seemed odd. "What are you laughing at?"

"Fuck Bligh, that new truck. Jesus, it's amazing. I just love driving it. Damn, I love my job."

I gave him another kiss and told him to get ready for dinner. As we sat at the table, eating crayfish leftovers from the party, Kurt asked, "So how was Alle?"

"I don't know. We didn't get together today."

He gave me a confused yet curious squint. "But that's the highlight of your day. You must have told me that a thousand times if you told me once."

"Yeah, I think maybe I might cut back on seeing Alle."

"What... Why?"

"I don't know. Lately we seem to be after different things. She probably prefers hanging with her single friends."

"That doesn't sound right. When I spoke to her the other day she said how much she loves hanging with you. She said you're the best friend she's ever had. Come on. What's going on?"

It pissed m off that I felt like I had to defend my position. "Nothing, I simply think I would prefer to build relationships with my married friends. That way we can both enjoy company." When I looked into Kurt's eyes I saw confusion, but there was something else as well: disquiet.

Tuesday, I took lunch into work and sat in my office eating as I updated some files. "Hey, Bligh. Are you coming to lunch?" Alle asked.

"Nah, I brought lunch with me. I have some files to update. It's probably going to take me all week."

"Really, you the super neat freak have filing to do? Sorry, I don't buy it. What's going on Bligh?"

"Nothing, I'm simply busy okay. Stop being a pushy bitch."

"Fucking hell, what have I done?" she said gruffly. Why am I getting the cold shoulder here, did I do something wrong at the party?"

I disconnected the call without responding. Wow, I hadn't expected her to blow up like that. It made the rest of my day shit. I missed her; she had been my saviour and made my life here pleasant and rewarding. She had been the one to introduce me to her friends, and now they were my friends as well.

Kurt called not long after that explaining he was going to be a couple of hours late. Another delivery. "Why don't you go out for drinks with Alle, and the girls after work?"

"No, I've got stuff to do at home. Should I delay dinner?"

"No babe. I'll get something on the way home."

He was super late home, and I was already in bed when he arrived.

"Wow, you're having an early night," he said as he walked in heading for the shower.

"Yes, I was feeling a little tired."

I heard him singing in the shower; at least he sounded happy. When he climbed into bed, we snuggled up as always, but I sensed this time he wanted to talk. After what felt like a rushed kiss, he asked, "Bligh, I'm no expert, but something's wrong. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nah, it's just work. I have a lot on."

He didn't look convinced. "You're telling me porkies, Bligh. Look, if you don't want to talk to me, why not talk to Alle? I don't know what's going on, but you two were inseparable. Fuck me, every time I got home from work it was Alle this, Alle that. Now I never hear her name and you're moping around, going to bed at eight thirty. Shit, last week, you were out having drinks with all the girls having a fine old time."

"It's just work, okay?" I bit back sharply. "Can you please just leave it alone." I rolled away from him, and he sighed unhappily before snuggling up behind me.

"Talk to me, Bligh. I'm trying to help."

"You can help by letting me get some sleep."

The rest of the week dragged on, I had never felt so alone and isolated. Alle had been my confidante, my source of light. We talked about everything. What made it worse was, I didn't feel like I could talk to Kurt either. My life had been so much fun, friends, shopping with Alle, drinks after work. Now nothing.

Friday night, Kurt and I were eating dinner, and he said. "We've been invited to a party at Dempster's place tomorrow night if you're up for it?"

"Who's Dempster?"

"One of the blokes at work. It's nothing special. Just some drinks."

"Sounds like fun. I'll come home early and make a chocolate cake or something."

"Sweet, I'll stop of at the liquor store and grab some booze."

When we walked in, I recognised a few of Kurt's friends from our party. I even remembered some names. What shocked me was seeing Alle there. She waved at me when we walked in and walked over. Before I could say anything, she hugged me, gave me a sloppy bourbon flavoured kiss, and said accusingly, "Hey stranger."

She turned to Kurt, wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him the same treatment. Kurt, much to my annoyance, held that kiss longer than was necessary, and he definitely enjoyed it. When they separated, he glanced guiltily at me, and scurried away to talk to his mates.

"So where you been hiding, sweets?" she said calmly before hissing snarkily, "Are you going to tell me what the fuck's going on?"

"I'm busy, that's all." I saw Adelaide, one of the nurses from work, and said, "I'll catch you later, Alle. I'm going to talk to Addy."

I found out that Dempster's wife was Janice, one of the nurse aids at work. She was one of Alle's friends, which explained why she was here. At least Addy and her husband were fun to chat with. A few drinks, and then I was getting the grand tour of the house by Janice.

When we got back, there were Kurt and Alle, standing intimately in the corner talking secretively, both leaning in close to each other so their hushed words weren't heard.

My happy mood evaporated. I walked over towards them and saw Alle nudging Kurt. He stepped away from her and gave me a smile. "Hey babe. How was the tour?"

"Fine, what were you two talking about?"

"You actually, Bligh," Alley said defensively. "It feels like you're punishing me for something, and I don't even know what the fuck I've done wrong."

"Nobody is getting punished. I simply needed some space."

Just then, Addy grabbed me by the shoulder, screeching, "Come and dance with me, bitches.". She grabbed Alle and me and dragged us into the middle of the living room where all the girls had gathered to dance.

A typical Kiwi party: The guys all stood around talking rugby, or cars, and we danced our arses off. At least I didn't have to listen to Kurt, who was really pissing me off. I glanced across at him standing with his mates, and his eyes were focused on us as we danced. Not on me though. When I followed where he was staring, it was straight at Alle, and to make it worse, she was returning his furtive glances; they may as well have been fucking with their eyes.

I made the excuse of needing a drink. After getting my own, something Kurt usually did for me, I walked over to where he was standing. "What are you looking at?" I asked.

He jumped, startled. "Fucking hell, Bligh. You scared the shit out of me. Don't fucking sneak up on a bloke like that."

"Maybe if your eyes had been on me, I wouldn't have been able to sneak up on you."

He gave me an embarrassed glare. "Come on, babe, you can't blame me for looking. That is a fine collection of chassis bouncing around out there."

A group of nurses turned up, and I ended up talking with them.

On the drive home, Kurt asked, "So what the fuck is going on between you and Alle?"

"Why do you care? She's my friend, not yours."

"Jesus, Bligh, I see you moping around like a sad sack and all I'm trying to do is find out what's going on."

"We had a fight; it's nothing. I'm not losing any sleep over it." To change the subject, I asked. "Can we go for a ride tomorrow?"

He grimaced. "Sorry babe. Neil's bringing his bomb over tomorrow, and I'm fitting a new alternator for him. Probably give it a service while we're at it."

We drove on in silence for a while, and he said, "Why don't you gather up the girls and go off somewhere for lunch, go shopping or something?"

"Maybe."

It was nine in the morning, and the cars started arriving. I walked out to the shed and there were already half a dozen of Kurt's new friends. They all welcomed me in and said hi. I watched for a while, but there was way too much testosterone in that shed for me. They swore and carried on like kids. Okay, it made me laugh. They were funny, but it was loud and they hadn't started drinking yet.

I decided on a drive into town, get brunch at the cafe down by the park.

My latte arrived, and I watched the kids playing in the park. "Can I sit down?"

Turning, I saw Alle, and she was already pulling her seat out. "Would you please talk to me, give me a chance to defend myself? Shit, I don't even know what I did wrong?"

I turned to look at her. "Okay, Alle, you want to know what you did wrong? Let's start with trying to seduce my husband. Every time I turn around you're all over him like a rash."

"What the fuck? Jesus, Bligh, I'm not trying to fucking seduce him. I like Kurt, we sort of clicked on some level. Fuck girl, you're my best friend. More than friend, actually. I would never do anything like that. Fucking hell, that is so insulting."

"Yeah, the very first time you saw him your eyes popped. I saw it. You couldn't take your eyes off him. Then ever since you have been flirting and hanging around him like a bitch in heat."

"Oh shit, come on, Bligh. Give me a break. You got the hunkiest man, and he's fucking sexy. Yeah, okay, maybe I was a bit over the top, but shit, girl. He is hot, and there was a connection. I'm not a slut, I may have slept with every available chick in town, but I have never cheated, or fucked over a friend."

"What about all the hushed conversations that stop when I walk up?"

"They stop because we're talking about you. I was trying to find out what I did wrong. Kurt was nice enough to try and help me. I guess it didn't look good, but there was nothing going on, babe."

Staring into her eyes, I sensed she believed that, she sounded sincere. What I had to do was figure out if she was trying to convince me, or herself.

She sniggered cheekily, the way she did sometimes when nervous. "Babe, if we're gonna have this talk, then we better get all the cards on the table, okay?"

I nodded, muttering go on."

She stared at me, as she played with her cup. Sucking in a deep breath, she said. "If I was gonna get caught cheating with anybody in your marriage, it would be you."

I had to swallow my mouthful of coffee, to save from choking. "What did you say?"

"You heard me. Bligh, I'm attracted to you. Surely you picked up on my signals? Shit I've hinted enough."

"I thought you were bloody joking."

"I always cloak my words in a jokey way. That way it lets whoever I'm hitting on back out without anyone getting offended. I have always thought you were interested. I mean, that's not the reason we're friends. I like you... Love you, actually. I'd never hurt you."

"You never said anything before."

"That's cos you keep fucking me up. One day I think you're into me, and we flirt and tease. Next day it's like, whoa... She's not into me. I've been trapped cos I didn't want to offend you."

We finished our coffees in silence. I couldn't clear my mind; she had been hitting on me. A little shiver ran through me as the thought hit home. 'Oh my god, the thought actually aroused me.' I let that thought percolate.

"Hey, I'm going down to the farmer's market. Wanna come with?" Alle asked hopefully.

I nodded, the smile creeping across my face. "Yeah, I'd like that."

We wandered around, sorting through the fruit and veg. I felt her arm slide through under mine, and she leaned against me as we walked. Once we were through the fruit and veg, it was on to the little market stalls selling trinkets and such like. I found an opal necklace, with paua beads. I held it up in front of myself as I admired it in the mirror.

"Seventy bucks and it's yours," the seller said.

I was tempted, but it seemed like a lot. I went to put it back in the tray when Alle grabbed my wrist. "We'll take it," she said.

Turning to her, I said, shocked, "What are you doing? It's nice, but way too much."

"Bullshit, it's cheap. I made you uncomfortable. I'm sorry for that, Bligh, let me apologise okay."

We hugged, and she helped me put the necklace on.

After we finished, Alle asked. "Whatcha doing now, girl?"

"Dunno, Kurt's got all his mates at the house. They're fixing a car or some shit."

"Well, what say we go back, cook up some food and turn it into a Sunday sesh? I'll call the girls, and if they can concentrate on cars after that, then they don't have blood pumping through their veins."

Alle spent the whole time on the phone as we drove home.

We cleaned down the barbecue, and I raided the freezer for some of the steaks Kurt's mate had left.

Alle turned the music up loud, and Kurt must have heard it. He walked up to the deck where we were throwing food on the sizzling hot plate.

When he saw Alle, he said loudly. "Thank fuck for that." He walked up and hugged and kissed her. "Shit, I'm so glad to see you girls friends again."

"Me too." Alle said loudly.

"So what's happening?" Kurt asked.

"We thought you boys might like something to eat. You've been out there all morning."

"Fucking sweet," he said in gratitude. "Thanks babe, the boys are gonna love it."

The girls arrived, and we had the music blaring. Wine glasses filled and emptied as we chatted and laughed, danced, and of course, cooked.

The guys all came out of the shed when we called. "Grubs up."

They were surprised to see us dancing around, having fun. It didn't take long before their families turned up, and a party took over.

Alle surprised me. We had danced together heaps at pubs and parties. Today though, was different. She rubbed up against me, her wine held above her head, her tummy thrust out, rubbing mine, gyrating in the most lurid way.

Maybe it was the wine, but it felt good, and when I sneakily peeked at Kurt, he was standing there staring at us, the lust burning in his eyes.

It made me braver, and I returned her libidinous dance. Later, we were standing talking. "Fuck I'm so jealous of you," she sighed.

"Me, what... Why?"

"Oh don't give me that shit, girl. Fucking look in a mirror. You are hot as fuck. You have the most gorgeous body." She reached out and pinched my tummy. "Bitch," she spat out. "There's not a single fat cell in there. Jesus."

"What the hell, Alle? Every guy in the place was staring at you and your boobaliciousness. Shit, I'd give anything to have breasts like yours."

She weighed them in her hands, bouncing them up and down deliciously. "Hah, these things? I'd trade them in a minute for a figure like yours. Shit you don't even have to wear a bra. Fuck, girl, these things are back breakers. I'm just a fat old whale."

I hugged her quickly. "You're not fat."

"Oh piss off. Don't patronise me. I'm a bloody nurse. I'm fat, all right, I'm usually okay with it. Sometimes though, I just look at you and I get envious."

"If it worries you, why not go on a diet?"

"Diet, smiet. I've tried them all over the years. My problem is I love food too much, and I've got no discipline."

A couple of the other girls came over and dragged us back into the group, where we danced some more. It turned into an amazing day. The girls all pitched in with the clean up, The kids played football, and the guys all joined in.

The car never did get finished. They were all back Monday night for that.

The atmosphere flowed into the house as well. Once everybody else was gone and it was just Kurt and me, the tension that had built up between us evaporated like fog lifting. We made love with passion and affection. It was so nice, the world felt like a much nicer place to live.

As we lay, bathed in the moonlit glow shining in through the window. Kurt asked, "So, are you going to tell me what was going on between you and Alle?"

When I explained, he went silent; he rolled onto his back staring at the ceiling. "That actually hurts, Bligh. Yeah, she's an attractive woman, and I do like her. Surely you don't think I would ever do something like that. Fuck, babe. I love you."

"I know, it was silly, but I saw the look in your eyes that first day. It was more than an admiring glance. There was a spark or something between you."

"I said she's attractive, and Christ she was hanging out of that flimsy thing she called a dress. Most blokes would have done the same."

"No, Kurt, you don't understand. I don't mind you ogling girls. There was something else, like love, a connection. Don't lie to me."

"Yeah, okay. I admit there was something, and I do really like her. She's fun and easy to talk to. Just remember, you're my wife, and I love you.'

Monday morning, Alle called into the office just before lunch. "Hey, are we on for lunch?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll be there."

It was nice having my friend back. We ate and joked. She caught me up on all the gossip. I realised ours was more than friendship; maybe that's why I got so jealous.

"Hey, after work tonight, we're going to Jazzagetics," I said as she went to stand up.

"Oh, hell no." She sighed.

"Yep, no arguments. Five thirty in the gym."

It was the first of my efforts to help her. I felt her feeling of self loathing about her weight. I had made it my mission to help whether she liked it or not."

Every night we had something going on: yoga, jazzergetics, aqua erobics, a gym workout, a walk. We started a weight session, and I pushed her.

After a month, the benefits were starting to show. Her tiny, and I do mean tiny, spare tyre was shrinking. She had lost three kilo's. What's more, I saw how it affected her. She took me shopping, and her new outfits were more figure hugging, more risqué. There was a confidence in her.

Most nights she came to our place for dinner, which I chose carefully. She was right, her biggest problem was food. She was a dedicated foodie. It pushed my cooking skills to the max to find tasty low-calorie meals that Kurt liked as well.