A New Start Doesn't Fix Everything

"It needs a shitload of work," I muttered, determined to sound unimpressed.

"Yeah, but not all at once. I'd do it over a year or so." God, he was trying so hard.

"Yeah, you could do it in stages. Bathrooms, there's two you know," Kurt announced almost proudly. "Then maybe the kitchen, dress up the old floorboards."

They were so busy selling it to me... Both of them were pushing me.

Alle left when we got home. Kurt was full of it. All he wanted to talk about was the house. "Kurt, calm down. We haven't even decided if we are going to stay here yet."

That shocked him, he froze, before he said, "You have sent the letter in accepting the permanent job... Haven't you?"

"No, and I won't until we know what we're doing. I've told you so many times. I'm not sure I want to live here."

It degenerated into an argument, and it got pretty heated. Over the next week, I noticed how much time Kurt spent texting on his phone. Not something he usually did. Friday night, I went down to the pub for drinks with the girls, and it was by sheer chance I spotted Kurt and Alle outside in the carpark, snogging up a storm again. Once again, he had her pressed up against the wall of the pub and their kisses were fervent, and hungry.

Now I was really worried. This time, they didn't look like they were in a hurry to break up.

During the week, I got the feeling Kurt wanted to talk, but never actually said anything.

Alle was the opposite, bubbly and cheerful. How could she do it? Be like that while carrying on with my husband? There were subtle changes, though. Things had changed, after our fall out, she'd backed off, stopped flirting. Now, she tool every opportunity to get intimate with me, touching me. Leaning over me, kisses that lasted longer than they should. Cuddles all the time.

My relief was riding my bike, the little yellow terror, as Kurt, called it. After I got my license, he put the after market pipes back on and inserted a chip in the computer which made it a little faster. She sure was a noisy little beast, all right. I loved it.

I was getting home from a ride, my mind full of elation, my thoughts clear, and at peace. That was shattered when I walked in and found Alle and Kurt, sitting side by side at the table.

They looked tense. "What's going on?" I asked as I hung my bag on the hook inside the door.

"Bligh, we would like a chance to talk," Kurt said.

"Yeah, go on," I said trying to keep a casual tone. Even though my heart was beating furiously, and I felt giddy and unsteady, I walked into the kitchen to make coffee. "What do you want to talk about?"

"The three of us," Kurt managed to squeeze out nervously.

"Why, what's happening?"

"Bligh, there's stuff going on here. Alle and I, we have a connection. I know you and Alle have the same feelings."

"What in gods name are you talking about?" I snarled. "I don't have any feelings for her, apart from we're friends. There's nothing going on. There are no feelings."

"That's not true, Bligh," Alle interjected. "I have feelings for you. I told you that, and I know you have feelings for me, even though you're to scared to admit it."

The kettle shrieked as it boiled, and I busied myself making my coffee. "Alle, I told you. I don't share those same feelings. I did tell you that."

"No you didn't. You said you had feelings, but didn't want to cheat on Kurt."

I grimaced, my words coming home to haunt me. "I said that to let you down easy, Alle. I didn't want to be cruel. You had just finished telling me you loved me. I was trying to be kind."

"You're trying to tell me that kiss meant nothing?" She gasped in disbelief.

"That's what I said, it was less than that even..."

"I don't believe you," she said sadly. "You're just being cruel."

"Bligh, this is serious," Kurt spluttered, interrupting. "There's no room for games. Alle, and I have a connection, an emotional one, and things have progressed between us."

"Have you had sex?" I asked coldly. My eyes burning into his like lasers

"No, we have kissed, we have talked, but we would like to take it to the next level."

"You want to have sex, and you want me to be okay with it, is that what you're saying?" I snarled viciously. "You want my blessing so you can fuck...

"No!" he said resolutely. "We both, Alle and I, hoped you felt the same way and we could take that step together."

"You're kidding, as in a threesome?"

"Yes," Alle added. "Bligh, I told you how I felt about you. I know you're feeling a bit exposed here. Kurt and I talked at length about how to approach this. There didn't seem to be an easy way. You said to me that you have often wondered what it would be like to be with a woman."

I shook my head, the feeling of entrapment closed quickly. I felt like I was being bullied and pressed into a corner. "I said that stuff to make you feel comfortable. I figured if I said that, you might feel more comfortable around me."

She winced, her facial features drawing tight. "You were playing me?" It was like a slap in the face, I could see the disbelief.

"I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable around me, Alle, I was just being nice."

"But the kiss..."

"You caught me off guard; I had way too much to drink. In fact, I think you used that to seduce me..."

"I wasn't seducing you, just letting our bodies lead... You felt something. I know you did."

"Forget the fucking kiss. It meant nothing," I screamed. I burst into tears. "Just tell me what the hell is going on here. Are you leaving me, Kurt?"

He looked like I had slapped him. "No, fuck no. That's not what this is about." He looked at Alle for support, sighing. "I think this is fucked; she obviously doesn't feel it."

Alle shook her head. "That's not true, the body doesn't lie, a kiss never lies. Our kiss was rich and full, and it was passionate."

"I don't understand any of this. I'm not interested in any talk about three ways or any of that weird shit. If you two want to be together, then fuck off and leave me alone." I yelled. "Go on, just fuck off."

"I'm not going anywhere." Kurt sighed. "I'm sorry, Bligh, this is a case of crazy mixed up signals. We should just sit calmly and talk it through. I love you, I'm certainly not leaving you."

"Yeah, but you're assuming I want to keep you after you just told me you want to be with Alle."

"I wanted to be with you and, Alle. Not separately. Yeah, I admit we have feelings that go way past like. In fact it's probably more like love. I saw what Alle saw, as well. You two were so close, so loving. You told each other everything, you were always cuddling and kissing."

"Yeah, like friends, not like lovers," I hissed, the anger growing in an unstoppable wave.

The pair exchanged furtive glances before I spat out, "I'm not talking about this any more. Allegra, you should get the fuck out. I don't want to talk to you ever again."

She got a look of total desperation, her eyes darting from Kurt to me, and back. "No, please, Bligh, I can see you're angry, and you're just being cruel. You must feel what I feel for you."

Kurt stepped between us because she was trying to hold me, and I flailed my arms, forcing her away.

"Stop it, the pair of you," he said as he forced us apart. "Alle, you better go."

"Why, that's not fair..."

"Fuck off, you filthy slut," I screamed hysterically. "Get out of my fucking house, and never ever come back."

She glared at Kurt, who stood beside me. He was stunned, too shocked to even speak.

"Get out, you stupid bitch, just get the fuck out." I shrieked at the fullest extent of my lungs.

Finally she realised how angry and serious I was, She turned to leave with tears streaming down her face. "I'm sorry, Bligh, I..." She started crying hysterically as the door shut behind her.

"We better talk," Kurt said.

"Like fuck. You can shove your talking up your arse. You cheating bastard."

"Bligh, I've never cheated."

"Liar...I've seen you, okay? Your tongue so far down her throat she probably felt it in her arse. Fuck you Kurt, just fuck you. By the way, you're sleeping out here tonight. Don't you dare come near me."

"Bligh, come on, let me explain, lets talk sanely."

"You bastard, you cheat on me with my best friend and now you want to talk. Fuck you."

I stormed off up the passage, slamming the bedroom door behind me.

Curling up in a little ball on the bed, I cried until there were no tears left.

At least now it was out in the open, no more lies and deceit.

I left for work the next day; Kurt was already gone when I walked out.

At lunch, Alle turned up at my table. "Can we talk?" She looked terrible, probably worse than me. Her eyes were all puffy and red.

"No we can't. I wasn't joking, Alle. I will never talk to you again.

At least she didn't make a scene. She did sit at another table, her eyes staring at me the whole time.

It was as bad at home, cold and hostile. Kurt tried on several nights to talk, but my anger was such that I couldn't.

I heard him on the phone though, and he was obviously talking to her. For some reason, that pissed me off more.

It took the best part of two weeks of cold warfare before I walked in, finding the pair of them sitting resolutely side by side at the dining room table.

God, I wished I had laser eyes, so I could kill them both with the death rays I sent them.

"Bligh, we need to sort this mess out. I've tried to apologise to you."

"Shut up, Kurt. I'm not listening." I went to walk up the hallway, but he moved quickly and grabbed me by the arm. "Bligh, stop this stupidity. You're acting like a petulant child. Please, just listen to us, just for a minute."

When I turned, Alle was standing there, as well.

"Bligh, you're scared, I can see that. You don't have to be. I'm not trying to steal Kurt from you. I see something incredible as a possibility and I merely want you to give us all a chance."

"Kurt, she has to leave, I'm serious. I'm not listening to any of this nonsense." Glaring my daggers at her, I said, "Leave."

Kurt sighed defeatedly. "This might not have been such a good idea, Alle. Perhaps you should go."

She glared at me. "No, not until she kisses me." She moved to stand defiantly in front of me. "Kisses never lie, Bligh. I know you enjoyed our kiss. If it truly meant nothing to you, then kiss me now. If it means nothing, I'll walk out and never speak to either of you again."

"You want me to kiss you?" It didn't make sense. I wanted to hit her, rip her heart out.

She stepped closer. "Kiss me, Bligh, prove to me you don't have feelings for me."

"Oh, I have them all right. At the moment, it's hatred. I want to kill you."

"Then prove it. Kiss me."

I turned to look at Kurt, who looked as confused as I did.

"Fine." I said snippily, and leaned forward to kiss her. It was going to be a quick cold kiss.

She caught me by surprise, her hand moved behind my head, and she tilted my head as our mouths came together, hers opened quickly and her tongue swirled eagerly into my open mouth.

Oh hell, the sensations swelled within me, my pulse quickened, my eyes closed, and I leaned forward, the kiss sucking me in.

Her hand behind my head ruffled my hair as she massaged my scalp. Kurt must have let her other hand go, because now it was around my waist, pulling us together.

My little boobs were smothered by her boobaliciousness, her mouth feasted on mine and I couldn't help responding. Yeah, I admit I was aroused, wildly. The tension that had built around us was released in that moment of passion.

I felt her tummy pressing against me, her foot moving inside mine, her leg moving between mine, her hot warm thighs pressed against mine.

It felt like falling; a hole had appeared beneath us and we were in free-fall. I grabbed her hips to stop myself from stumbling, but I didn't let go.

I felt the light headedness return. I needed to breathe. As our mouths separated, I felt her hot wet lips feasting on my neck, my face, my ears. "God I love you, Bligh. I have never felt this way before."

I wanted to speak, but her mouth was back over mine, our tongues tangled and writhed together erotically.

Kurt, I had forgotten him... He didn't exist... It was just that kiss.

Shit, my nipples felt harder than ever, so noticeable. Her boobs crushed mine and the rough fibrous material of my blouse rubbed them hard as our bodies massaged one another.

Alle broke the kiss. "I knew that kiss couldn't lie." Her mouth curled into a smirk. "I just knew it."

My eyes opened, the world returning, her wet kisses sliding over my cheeks.

"I knew you felt it. I just knew it. Why did you deny it, Bligh?"

"it's just a kiss, Alle."

"No, a kiss is a window into your soul. They don't lie. If you didn't at least share part of what I am feeling, it would never feel like this."

Her arms came to settle on my hips, as mine did on hers. Her intense stare warmed, the smirk turning into a warm inviting smile. She leaned closer, our noses caressing. "I love you, Bligh, I have always known it."

"Fuck me... Jesus that was hot. I just about came in my pants," Kurt mumbled, barely coherently.

Alle's hands came up and she caressed my face, her fingers tracing my mouth. "Smile for me, babe. You always look so gorgeous when you smile."

Alle and I stood staring at each other. When Kurt moved forward, Alle took the lead, moved her hand from my face to his head and then kissed him as she had me.

His body moved forward, pressing against ours. I felt his arm circle my waist, saw his other circle hers. Before I could speak. Alle's, mouth was back over mine and all of the emotions exploded in a tumultuous cacophony.

Kurt kissed me, and that felt right, felt like coming home. Again, the groundswell of emotions erupted from my tummy.

"Stop..." I said falteringly. The words not making any sense. "I can't do this. I don't want to do this."

Shaking off both their arms, I stepped back. "I don't know what's happening here, but you have to leave, Alle. I can't deal with this. Not at the moment."

She nodded. "Nah, I get it babe. This is a lot. I am going to leave you guys to talk."

She leaned back in and kissed Kurt, passionately, which he returned with feverish intent. She looked at me, but obviously saw my disquiet. She kissed me lightly, a gentle grazing caress of her lips on mine.

With a smile, she whispered, "I love you both."

Kurt and I were left staring at each other. "Fuck me dead, babe. That kiss, you girls looked so fucking sexy. Jesus..."

"Why are we having this talk, Kurt. What happened?"

"I'm sorry, I feel like shit. Alle and I have been getting closer and closer recently. We've kissed a few times, and she told me you guys had done the same. I'm being honest here, Bligh. I do have feelings for her. You once said something about that first time we met. You were right. I did feel something."

"You mean like love at first sight... Is that what you're saying?"

"Yeah, I guess you could call it that. I definitely felt something, it had an inevitability-like feeling, like I had known her my whole life."

I snorted derisively. "It took us months to connect. I didn't even think you liked me."

He chuckled softly. "I felt the same. We were so awkward around each other."

He melded into my arms. "It changed pretty quick once we got to know each other though. I knew then that I loved you, and we were going to be together forever."

"What about Alle?"

"I can't explain that, Bligh. I don't have the words."

"Then what do you want to happen? We just live out your two girl fantasy and move on?"

He shook his head, his eyes centimetres from mine, our mouths touching. "No, this is way more than a sexual thing, Bligh. I have many of the same feelings for her that I have for you."

"Then what the hell do you want to do?"

"I want the three of us to come together. C'mon, babe, she virtually lives with us anyway. That's what I want. I don't know what you call it, or how to explain it. The three of us live together."

"God, that sounds awful. You get to live like a king, like one of those pharaohs with your own little harem."

"Jesus, Bligh. You missed everything I was trying to say. Alle was right. You might be hiding from it, but you have some feelings for her, deep feelings. That was obvious."

"I can't process any of this. You want the three of us to share a bed, like live as a couple, but three of us?"

He nodded. "Yeah, exactly. We all love that house. We could buy it together."

"Wrong." I spluttered loudly. "You and Alle love the house. I don't even know if I want to live here." I saw his expression change, his face wilted. "What about our plans, kids, family? What about all of that?" I gushed.

"That's still the same. We can have kids."

"What about Alle? I know she wants kids as well."

"She can have children as well." His face reddened, and I'm sure he felt some shame as the words fell out. "Bligh, think about it. The three of us together. We would have extra hands, another income."

"So we share everything, even our finances?"

"Oh shit, I dunno how it would all work, but yeah. We should share everything."

"This miraculous big bed you were talking about, what happens when one of us has our period? Does everybody abstain? What about when we're fighting? What happens then?"

"C'mon, Bligh, you're focusing on all the negatives here."

"Yeah, well. Somebody has to. You're living in LaLa land."

"You're probably right, babe, but you have to chase your dreams."

"Perhaps, but this isn't my dream. It might be yours, but to me it feels more like a nightmare."

"But why? If you really do have feelings for Alle, it could be so incredible. Why are you so nervous about it?"

"I don't know. How would you feel if it was a man?"

I saw him shudder a little, but then he nodded. "Okay, so what do we do?"

"I don't know. If you have these deep feelings for her, then maybe you should just go and explore that?"

"No, fuck that. I do have feelings for her, and yes I would love for us to explore that. But hey, only if we can do it together."

"I need time, Kurt, this is too sudden. Time and space."

"Yeah, I got that. I think I understand. What do you want me to do?"

"Step back, don't push me. Let me find my own way through the maze. I have so many conflicting emotions flowing through me at the moment."

"Bligh, just tell me what you want to do?"

"At the moment, forget today even happened. I'm not ready."

"What about the house? I'm scared if we don't make a move, somebody else will swipe it from under our noses."

"If that happens, maybe it was supposed to happen. You can't force things, Kurt."

"No, the house is different. You and I need to put down roots. I do love this place. Forget about Alle, you and I need to do this for ourselves."

"But the house, she wants it, as well."

I could see the frustration on his face, he was seriously irritated. "I need to eat, Kurt. I'm starving. We can fight later. We don't have enough savings for that house. Let's not forget. I spent six grand on the bike."

He responded quickly, which surprised me. He had obviously had this conversation with her. "Alle said you can get financial assistance if you're a permanent employee. If you just committed to the bloody job. They can help us get a loan. That's what she's doing through a credit union or some shit."

"I don't know about that. I can ask around at work, see if I can dig up some info."

He shrugged, his irritation showing again. "Talk to Alle, she can explain it."

"No, I need space, and that includes Alle."

"What?" he said, exasperated. "You're cutting her out of your life again?"

"Yes, I need room, time to think and air to breathe. If I can't get that, I don't know how I can make a decision."

"Bligh, I'm part of this as well. I need to talk to her. I need her in my life."