All Comments on 'A Night Out With the Girls and Boys'

Great story!

5

I still have never understood why so many LW authors think ending up with the wife of the man who cuckolded you - and thus having a reminder of your humiliation living with you for the rest of your life - is a “good” outcome. Now your nemesis has had sex intimately for long periods with both of your wives. Why do you think that is desirable?

Good story, but felt rushed, plus the sentences I it was also written by someone that I found preferred to talk more in 3rd person than first talking for others isn't bad just only when it's practically the whole story, only time I see this work is when the 3rd person talking is a narrator.

There are too many unrealistic coincidences. And also - do people in their state have money left? It seems to me that this couple of deceived spouses sucked the funds from wherever possible.

A little too much unnecessary death. The ex-husband and ex-wife COULD be explained by their life circumstances but, why kill off the sister? Also, the story was told a little bit too matter of fact without much genuine emotion.

I think you managed to hit most of the cliches

Cover is not as deadly as the mainstream media played it out to be.

Per an international peer reviewed study published in the October 2020 journal of the World Health Organization, Covid-19 has a 98% recovery rate in first world countries (Europe, Japan, Canada, USA).

Somewhat improbable but a good yarn nonetheless. A must for all BTB fundamentalists, especially in the case of the male cheater! Four stars.

Nice.

5 sars

The rhythm of the writing is quiet repetitive. Using a more diverse sentence structure through the story would help avoid the la di da di da di da.

Horrendous. I’ve read grocery lists that had more depth and feeling.

Every cliche known to man.

Boy are you going to get a lot of hater comments. But you will probably get just as many awesome tale/story comments. I am LOL. I fit into the later category. I gave your tale an Outstanding Read ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating.

To me it met all of my criteria for the rating. I found it most enjoyable reading the way they caught the cheaters even if it was cliché. The fact that both cheating spouses were from rich families only made it more cliché. While most people will drag on the rambling about every aspect of the tale/story being rehashed from other tales/stories, I say who cares! It is your dang story.

You wrote a tale you wanted to write a tale that you wanted people to read. That is what people like me come to this site to do. Consume the tales/stories you writers produce. While you added the elements of a BTB, I enjoyed the ending the best. The protagonists both had a LWL (Life Well Lived). Out of the three Loving Wives endings RAAC, BTB and one label I claimed to have created LWL, I enjoy the LWL the best. I am not a hater of the other two. I just feel moving on and moving forward is the best revenge for anything you do. Just be the best you. To me your tale did just that.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

Average story, agreed that it pretty much had every cliche possible. What would have made it more enjoyable would have bee more dialog. I think a lot of authors tend to overuse narrated dialog, instead of creating a conversation with quoted dialog. Summarizing conversations makes it boring to read and the reader gets no chance to really hear the characters talking. Without that, they all become cardboard cutouts. 3* Good luck on your next work!

Hi readers,

Thanks for constructive comments. I will try to remember to use them.

I should have probably said that I wanted to use clichés as a prequel.

As far as the people being killed off everybody but my sister was a fairytale. My sister did die. Too early in life.

Again I am hoping these are constructive and not hater comments. I have found that some Anonymous posting are really constructive but many some not worth the band width to send them.

This was my first LW story many of the ideas come from my REAL life. At my age (I was there when dirt was invented) I have Ex wives and ex girlfriends. I will try to refine my stories and leave out the REALITY that at times even I couldn't believe the things that happened to me, then and even now.

I am guilty/happy to have used the clichés. I like staying it the Romance Stories though.

Again I thank the Constructive Anonymous posters

Dave

Good story, including allowance for all the cliches! I encourage you to work with an editor and proofreader to clean up the small mistakes that can trip up a reader while on their journey through your stories. Thanks!

Thank you, enjoyed it cliches and all.

Clichés are generally looked down on purely on the basis of overuse. It's also fact that they are often regarded as truisms'. More often than not they do hold water so, as a wise man once told me: fuck the begrudgers.

That's a piece of old Irish wisdom. Irish wisdom of course is incontestable - if you're Irish.

Stretching out the post-divorce portion to get them living in a pig-sty and fighting for the slop is a poor tactic.

3*

You write very well, my only issues is that the paragraphs feel almost like a list of points/sentences instead of a story. Try to find a flow for your sentences and characters and I think you have great potential. Read other stories and then read your own again. I think you will see where I'm coming from. Do that and I think your stories and stisfaction in sriting will explode. Best wishes.

Liked the plot but felt like I was reading an essay.. Not much emotion involved within the story.

Lickideesplit What Pig sty? They both have nice houses. and the exes lived in nice places also The exes just got hit by the karma bus, I guess it can be called a BTB

MasterKote Essay Ok I get it But some of these story ideas come from over 35 to 40 years ago third person seemed right, Will look in to changing First person. Emotion I guess since I am doing this for therapy. I guess I could work on emotions more, Thank you.

The falling in love with the other cheated on spouse was just a fantasy I tried out.

JimmyThePlunger HaHa I am Irish.

thunderfoot1959 I am working with a editor but he is just helping with punctuation mechanics, spelling and words that are just extra.

bacchant2 The manipulated was fantasy I saw a story with a miscarriage and I thought I'd try it. In reality the two just had a work romance.

Thank you all for input I am sure It will improve my stories.

Boring. Pedestrian, bloodless, tasteless, drama-less - i couldn't even justify giving it an "average" rating. It barely made it to two stars.

You left a cliché out. No mention of Lasagna.

I am always mystified as to how so many authors think it’s a good idea to drag through the minutiae of legal proceedings. You’re not writing a primer on prenups and divorce. Please, just do a little research on short story writing.

Wow! A Mary-Sue story!

Nice, sad and very well written story!!! Thanks for sharing! 5 stars from here!

Good effort. I think you should try to find some new direction to take the usual cheating wife story. I know that is difficult, I struggle with it all the time. Don't listen to the negative things, take the helpful advice and try again.

Thanks for sharing, OD51.

Good story 5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ stars for 2nd story. Yes it did hir every cliche, but an enjoyable read of 2 cheatees…..

Disjointed and beyond impossible. Conversations are stilted and one-sided. Maybe take a writing class.

Good entry level attempt. Theme started different than most “spouses unite after spouses are cheating with each other”. Next yarn should be less rote and repetitive. Thanks for your efforts to share this.

Meh!

"a lawsuit for both of us against the hospital for not watching their employees in regard to the personnel policy." - The hospital's supposed to watch them when they're not at work?

1 star - it was like reading a police report - 'just the facts'.

No feelings, no anger, no angst, no drama - just nothing but the facts.

Boilerplate and cliche from beginning to end.

Loved it overall but why does there have to be the betrayed spouses getting together? Seems, psychologically, that it would be a revenge thing that would have no chance of success.

This is the kind of story that most of us like, but where was the imagination, the originality, any hint of the personality of the writer? Can't score this very high.

Loved the " Polaroid" reference. Lol

If divorce was truly as smooth and easy as these two were, and profitable, I'd sign up for 2.

Obligatory one star penalty for using the crazy fantasy of suing the employer for violation of policy. Someone please make it stop.

I think if someone had a story in LW where the judge in a divorce gives the husband a medal for being a great husband and father, we'd see five other stories with the same fantasy. Real life has no medals and no lawsuit millions.

Why ",Mary and I still leave flowers on our ex-spouses' graves on our respective former anniversaries with them.: After all that cheating I would take a dump and piss on her grave.

Thanks for sharing...

Yes there is a preferred concept to LW that you have understood, however a story without empathy is nothing more than a concept towards that expectation. 3*

I liked it but was a sad tale.

While the story was a little over the top in cliches, I still enjoyed reading it as it was entertaining. That said, blatant plot holes are distracting Since the husband us a schoolteacher doesn't make sense that he was "working out of town" nor that Sue confided in Richard adout said miscarriage and even less that husband would not notice her NOT being pregnant anymore.

Nevertheless, I prefer to be positive and not to attack or demean the author

Hospital employer wouldn’t rush to settle over two rank and file employees having an affair. Maybe if it was one of principal owners. Ridiculous.

This story is a mess. Most of what was said and done couldn’t pass .a run away freight train

Good story, I love an occasional happy ending.

The nonfraternization bs strikes again. Also, what was the order of protection for. You can’t just take someone’s home without emergency circumstances present where a person’s safety is st issue. That’s not due process. Cheating is not an emergency.

Covid came about 4 years ago. How did they end up with grand kids in under 4 years?

Sadly, written with as much emotion as a supermarket shopping list, no emotion at all.

Although the cheaters got their dues during their divorces, this wasn't a compelling read. It was rather mechanic and lifeless. Barely average, actually.

@sbrooks103x

"a lawsuit for both of us against the hospital for not watching their employees in regard to the personnel policy." - The hospital's supposed to watch them when they're not at work? - So you make questions out of statements?

maiso_law (California) "You can sue your employer for any violation of your rights as an employee in California. ... “Whistleblowing”, or reporting violations of law or policy.

So what is this stupid ramblings of an anonymous commenter?

I liked the story a lot. A little low on feelings but for your second entry here really in the top half of the releases. Well done! 4*!

what do I think? it's so bad.

He was a predator and she was the victim of a guy from higher class wealth like her who preayed on her when she was vulnerable. Him being in a higher position at the hospital helped as well. He pressed and pressed until he started fucking her thsn it was easy with the girls/ guys night out. One thing I remember a guy that was quite a bit older th as n me said when a night out which is needed from time to time with friends becomes every week and later and later there is red flags . Especially when it’s coworker’s who they are with more thss as n you already .

He was a teacher and was working out of town when she had miscarriage?

Sorry Dave, but this wasn’t very good: emotionless , stilted, full of inconsistencies and rather boring.

Thanks for reading

Xzy89c1 During the summer many teachers take short term out of town work.

I had cut some of "my" emotion out, thinking it would not be received well, who knew?

Order of protection, maybe I should have called it a Non Contact Order, something that means "leave me the fuck alone"

Kiwihunter I needed a way for her to pass away. Can I buy a poetic license for it?

My stories are based on a conglomeration of things that have happened in my life I cut and paste them together. One story have have only one fact, where another will have over half based on experience . I don't think LW is my best area to write in. The emotion has to be more like hate and I am too old to hate much.

tralan69er actually I should have made them higher up on the food chain you are right what I was looking for something to kind of be an annihilation of affection type of thing, hell, I am not a legal mind, and this is fiction/fantasy. I am doing more research for my stories I am starting after this.

Again I appreciate the constructive criticism.

"Some miscarriages happen very early, even before a woman is sure she is pregnant." Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology UC Davis.

Still this is only my second attempt. and most of the constructive criticism is fixable.

"He was a predator" yes but she make her own choice.

As for cliches I like them, so I guess I have that criticism forever.

Not fond of stories where the writer feels the cheater (usually the wife in LW land) has to die. How much do really need to punish a person? KS

All in all, it made for good comedy.

The lawsuits against the hospital seem to work on LW, but are pure fantasy with no basis in law. The prenups giving 75% and 90% to the spouses who entered the marriage without money were more than a little unlikely. Working out of town when he had a job as a local middle school teacher wasn't explained. The whole story was, presumably deliberately, over the top.

"he would sue the hospital for both of us, and we both would get approximately seven-hundred-thousand to one-million dollars each, depending how quiet the hospital wanted to keep it."

Please. Somebody make it stop. If this kind of money was routinely handed out for adultery, people would be setting up their spouses and praying for adultery.

Just stop. There is no cause of action for a third party to sue for violating company policy. Please, can we kill this idiocy?

Pretty standard faire for the LW section. I do take exception with one thing - sex in a tent is a pain. You're rolling around on the hard ground, unless it's a big tent you have very limited space to move around and the sleeping bags are very limiting. Then there is nowhere to get cleaned up, use the bathroom or shower. All in all, a bad idea.

For jflinders he was a school teacher and worked out of town during the summer while not teaching

Over the top BTB....The hits just kept on coming....well done...*5*

I kinda maybe see why he left flowers on Sue's grave (she wash kind of a shit wife but a good ex-wife), but why flowers on asshole's grave? He cheated ALL through the marriage and was a shit ex-husband

3 stars for a decent BTB.

Second of your stories I have read. Also very good, but not as great or beautiful as "The Two Phone Calls". 6 stars, the Bear liked it and approved. Not so easy writing in the big leagues. Thanks for sharing. More, please. I'll read 'em.

The BEAR