All Comments on 'A Night With A Surprise'

give use more .You cannote leave it like that nead more plz love leannxxx

The story line is entirely plausible (by Literotica standards, anyway)

My problem with the story is that is was pretty much paint by the numbers - fill this space, then this space and so on

Hint to writing on style:

"Let me introduce myself: my name is Kate, I'm 5'3, I have blonde shoulder length hair and blue eyes, my skin is very pale , I'm of slim build but curvy where needed and my breasts are a 34D and perfectly round.

Beth on the other hand is a lot taller than me, but also has long blonde hair and blue eyes. She is a lot slimmer than me; her breasts look smaller than mine but very perky."

These paragraphs are killers: there are lots of ways to get this information to the reader without printing the statistics on a scorecard. Besides - how much information does the reader need? Give him/her a chance to use his/her imagination. In particular the bra size is totally unnecessary

And no sequel as such is necessary. Create a couple of new characters, with a similar backstory, and have at it.

Thank you for your honest opinion.

I am not a writer by any standards, this story is based on something that actually happened and i just wanted to share it.

I know it isnt nearly as good as most of the stories on here but i thought i would try.

I thought the story was fucking fabulous. It got me off!

Hot. And you say this actually happened to you ?? Wow. That is amazing. Not sure if I could go through it for real, but it sure is wonderful fantasizing about it !

O

you should get a new editor, considering the very first line of your story is grammatically incorrect. And a common error at that, one that any qualified editor would spot immediately.