by innomeansawriter
you should get a new editor, considering the very first line of your story is grammatically incorrect. And a common error at that, one that any qualified editor would spot immediately.
Hot. And you say this actually happened to you ?? Wow. That is amazing. Not sure if I could go through it for real, but it sure is wonderful fantasizing about it !
O
I thought the story was fucking fabulous. It got me off!
Thank you for your honest opinion.
I am not a writer by any standards, this story is based on something that actually happened and i just wanted to share it.
I know it isnt nearly as good as most of the stories on here but i thought i would try.
The story line is entirely plausible (by Literotica standards, anyway)
My problem with the story is that is was pretty much paint by the numbers - fill this space, then this space and so on
Hint to writing on style:
"Let me introduce myself: my name is Kate, I'm 5'3, I have blonde shoulder length hair and blue eyes, my skin is very pale , I'm of slim build but curvy where needed and my breasts are a 34D and perfectly round.
Beth on the other hand is a lot taller than me, but also has long blonde hair and blue eyes. She is a lot slimmer than me; her breasts look smaller than mine but very perky."
These paragraphs are killers: there are lots of ways to get this information to the reader without printing the statistics on a scorecard. Besides - how much information does the reader need? Give him/her a chance to use his/her imagination. In particular the bra size is totally unnecessary
And no sequel as such is necessary. Create a couple of new characters, with a similar backstory, and have at it.
give use more .You cannote leave it like that nead more plz love leannxxx