All Comments on 'A Replacement For The Old Man'

Awful story. I had huge problems following it. It is just a jumbled mess. I realise English is not your first language but you desperately need an editor and a proofreader. You want to continue writing you require them. Otherwise your tales are nonsense.

Scores 2/5

You have drug out a story that could have been told on one or two pages. Thus defeating your purpose.

Fair. A few comments - find an editor or at least a proofreader to go over your work. Definitely could be improved. You started the story with the daughter catching the mother cheating, but the daughter wanted to have an affair also and have her mother cover for her. That story line disappeared completely. Considering her Dad's reaction and her husband, that attitude is marital suicide.

looks like the way to heaven is already waiting for him :D

Nice one!

"own clock and dagger film"

It's 'CLOAK and dagger, not clock, a clock tells you the time. I didn't get much further than that. You NEED an editor!

Everyone is replaceable at one time or another!

4

this was nice, funny ending, a reverse be-careful -what-you-wish-for

Nope

Sorry, but I couldn’t make it past the halfway point. There were far too many errors and the plot was not engaging. I think that you’d really benefit from an editor.

Spoiled by the typos and spelling mistakes

I wonder if he'll be able to plug all them holes? Leave his bitch to last, somebody else took care of it. One guy says to another, in a pussy, "find my flashlight, we'll get out of here". The other guy says, "we'll find my Jeep and drive out"! Like I told ya, GOOD STORY!

you forgot the cuck tag

"She and Luke had just moved back to the states from the west coast." - Isn't the west coast in the states? If you didn't mean the west coast of the US, then the west coast of what? If you DID mean the west coast of the US, then he should have moved back to some specific state or area in the states.

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"The Captain of the University of Alabama's defensive football team" - There's no defensive "team," it's Alabama's defense, and I THINK that football captains are captains for the whole team.

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"Did Dad cheat on you for the five years previously when it was too painful for you to fuck when you dried out?" - Perfect! That's what I say to all the women who cheat because their husbands can't do it anymore.

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"30 ft latter?" - I think you mean "ladder," LOL.

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"Owe, he's fine," - Damn, get an editor, it's "Oh!"

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She's so upset at her mother cheating, yet she's planning on doing the same thing?

Felt like I wasted my time reading this.. Authors should really put a warning in the beginning about Raac endings..

Groan. Can they get any worse? My stars man you make stupid look good. Stop writing for cryin out loud, your stories suck. Or haven't the poor scores and comments reached you yet?

I've enjoyed a number of your stories but this isn't one of them. I noticed the comments about spelling errors and others that suggest you probably completed this story faster than others. In the end, I would have said that this marriage was doomed 10 years before the cheating started. It didn't have to end in divorce as there wasn't really hate. It was apathy and selfishness practiced and perfected. He probably deserved some blame but men his age were taught to treat you spouse as something special and sacrifice what he wanted to provide what she wanted. Yeah, I know - her needs never really end, do they? Yep, I know that as a hard cold fact.

The story was fine but it was painful to read. Needed to be proofed and refined.

Could have been a fun story. It was so awkwardly written and there were so many technical errors it was difficult just to get through.

Burger Chef?

They closed around here a VERY long time ago.

She learned a painful but important lesson.

That was plain torture. Run a thorough spell and plausibility check. Would make at least some sense.... Kim never clarified that she actually wanted to thundershock Mary by proposing to cover for her alleged treachery.....

Geez, please call in the help of someone that knows how to spell, has a basic knowledge of grammar use etc.

This one was totally ruined since it was so stressful to read

1 star - too many mistakes - please use an editor BEFORE posting on this website

Wargamer, you say their first language isn't English, but their from North America. Unless they're from Quebec or Mexico, it's likely that their first language IS English.

What a fantasy.

Way to go old man, the GOAT!

/

But seriously a 65 year old women (Mary and Marge) having sex made me a bit umm..

cringy...

So after mid page 3 I skipped over to last paragraph.

But I like your stories Omegaman65 so 4-star.

Sooooo……what happened between Kim and John when she cheated? I must have missed something that seemed like a pretty big plot detail.

Bunch of editing problems, but good story overall. Especially for someone my age in a long marriage with a bunch of kids. About half way through the story I had to check my ID and make sure my name wasn't Mike - LOL! Except for infidelity, my wife could be Mary, except for the hidden treasure trove of money. 4* overall!

The story was disjointed. First off you have the daughter apparently trying to 'shock' her mother about seeing her high school boyfriend, but that was not clear. You have massive contradictions with the daughter herself. Talking about 'creaming her panties' as she first sees her future husband. What kind of 18year old high school kid says that to her mother? And then the daughter loses her virginity before her wedding and you hinted it was to somebody else. I wondered if both mother and daughter were sluts.

Then the reveal the father, Mike had been hurt physically after being hurt emotionally catching his wife cheating. But daughter is trying to give mom an object lesson? Her father is in surgery after massive injuries?

Then the rest of the nonsense. Long dialog with the nurses in rehab, how they screw a guy with a broken hip, give him BJ's etc. The man comes home and he is angry after weeks away fucking the nurses etc.

You were just all over the map with this story. You seriously need to read through your stories. Even, like others have pointed out 'moved back to the states from the west coast', made no sense. It, like man of the other half done story lines certainly did not help the story.

Dreadful spelling mistakes throughout.

Covered a lot of ground us guys with testosterone would like to see.

wasn't clear to me if the daughter made up the wanting her high school guy as an affair to just shock and wake up her mother or was that for real?

Basic story idea was OK but I didn't care for the execution too much. I mean the night shift nurses? Then all her friends remain friends while they do the husband?

And all that anal sex? I mean ladies that old really do not want a dick up their ass.

Great Story! Thanks for the read.

Usually in these stories when the wife's caught cheating they always promise they'll "make it up" to the husband if they don't divorce and leave them . I always wonder how the wife expects to do that.."make it up to husband. Usually, the have little or no plan except try and get them to forget with the promise of more sec. I usually say something along the lines what are they going to do....... Buy the husband that new Bass boat and motor outfit he's been dreaming of....and sure enough this time the wife actually came through and not only bought him the new Bass Boast outfit but a new truck to go along with it.

Secondly, the story was very good in portraying the imbalance of relationships. In almost all relationships, the relationship is heavily weighted in the woman's favor. Relationships and marriages should be based on mutuality and reciprocity that's equally balanced between the partners. Unfortunately that rarely happens since men and women have different concepts of love. Men love idealistically and sacrificially... women love opportunistically and conditionally. For the most part, Romantic love is a fantasy that only men really believe in , because only nature’s provider would dream of being loved for who he is rather than what he provides. Female romance is a fickle extension of a woman's desire for emotional validation and material fulfillment which the man is expected to provide for her at all times. Also, women cannot appreciate the sacrifices men are expected to make in order to facilitate their imperatives of emotional validation and material fulfillment. So, remember guys...a woman is never yours...its just your turn with her.

Reciprocity in a healthy relationship is all about an equal exchange of effort put into the relationship from both sides. If a relationship becomes one-sided then it becomes unbalanced. If the relationships continues as one-sided and the other person never takes responsibility for the relationship then at some point you need to reevaluate it and ask yourself if you need to end or change the relationship. In this story, Mary initially changes the relationship with her cheating on Mike. Mike later decides that he needed to start looking out for his needs first and further changes the relationship. Luckily, Mary learned that if she wanted to be apart of Mike life then she had to put in the effort to be a part of it. Which is as it should be.

4 pages for a fan reconstruction, mike should have just divorced her and taken half once he recovered from his injuries. Finding out the truth about the money Mary hid from him and what the property was really worth would have set up to live happily the rest of his life with a group of women that were happy to please him instead.

Fun, goofy story! I especially enjoyed the hysterical reference to “conservative morals”! Ha! Keep up the great satire!

The west coast is basically a foreign country now, so it's not wrong.

Blatant, over the top wish fulfillment, but you avoided being completely juvenile by resisting a BTB ending… so I feel it warrants a 3

Liked it!

Kim continued, "This will be a short affair to see what we missed out on. Say for six months. By then, the newness will wear off. John and Robert's wife will never know, and we'll both have our fantasies fulfilled.

"See, this way, no one gets hurt. You know how I feel about John. I love that man to death. So what he doesn't know won't hurt him. And this is just about sex."

That dialogue is bush league. No one is going to use the clichés verbatim in dialogue. NO ONE.

Could not get through the second page. Get a half dozen editors. 2* for effort.

If you don't take these stories seriously and just enjoy them for the what they are, you can get some laughs out of them. You just need to treat them like a written version of MST3K. In that show, they mock terrible movies, whereas here you just laugh at all the grammatical errors and ridiculous plots.

A fun type of story with a pleasant ending. There is an abundance of easily correctible mistakes that any high school junior who proofread would have been able to bring to your attention that would have made it tighter

Just another sorry ass cuckold who couldn’t satisfy a slut slut wife. You must be one weak ass man because you sure love writing about them.

Prolly decent story there, but ruined by the obvious red pill 'sermon' through out.

And I'm red pill!.

⭐

This is one of those stories that is perfect for us old fart’s (for international readers: that is Old Men in the southern USA). It is funny how as we go through life; we forget sometimes all of the things we do for each other and take for granted.

One of the things you pointed out was how we let ourselves go getting out of shape and flabby all over. I thought that was a great part of the story being pointed out by the nurses, who were of multiple shapes and sizes themselves matching their body features/frames. Being able to show that gave a point for Mary to think about. She worked on it and was losing weight (30 lbs). She must have been doing well as noted by the passing boaters/fishermen who gave, “the way to go.”

But what made the story the best for me was the fact that you addressed the need to remain romantic and seductive toward your partners while aging in order to keep enticing each other. Using the nurses to explain that fact to Mary was a unique method (extra points in my book).

However, the piece de resistance was having everyone there for the birthday party. That pushed it to ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ for me. As always keep writing in your method. I love it.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

I liked it, but you do need a proof reader at least.

Get so fed up at sbrooks103x he acts as he knows it all, yet his tales have less interesting stories than what he is criticizing, with all the same errors that he critiques. Such a jerk. Good story, enjoyable. LP

Oh, she's trying to kill the old bastard with a heart attack. A clever girll.

It was a decent story, but there were some parts that lagged as if you were playing Halo on 56K dial-up. Also, typos and wrong words, along with some awkward wording, hurt the readability. Grab an editor--somebody that will more than just proofread. 4/5.

Continuity errors. Plot holes.

"skinny little Jewish woman" wtf? How does a Jewish person look exactly? Can tell age and where u r more than likely from.

lots of malaprops; also solppy misspellings, more stuff as well

terrible!...

I liked the premise of the story, but it was the execution of the end result that killed it for me.

I've been married to my wife for 40+ years, and we're still together. Neither of us has cheated on the other, even while I was in the hospital for a heart attack. I'm also on a daily Viagra regimen to help get my blood pressure under control, and my wife makes sure my "pole" stays hard when she needs it. And yes, we're both over 60, and yes, menopause was hard on both of us (no drugs), and I wish it had only lasted 5 years (try 10+ years). My mother-in-law did that to her husband, and my wife got to see it up close and personal. I'd like to think that she learned from her mother's cheating and it's why we've been together as long as we have been.

I do think sbrooks103x got most of the talking points though, as it sounds like a Brit trying to play this off as an American story. I do agree that the daughter thought it was a good idea that she should cheat after watching her mom do it.

A friend of mine was a "handyman" for years on the side, and kept a list of jobs that needed to be done. Most of his customers (not clients) kept him busy thru out the year.

I scored this low over all, due to the mistakes in it. Sorry.

What a disjointed mess. I am not a grammar Nazi, but man, periods in the middle of sentences? Quotation marks in all the wrong places? Nothing a good editor can't fix.

The part where the daughter talked about cheating with her old boyfriend didn’t make sense.

Old dude showed the cheating old gal what was up. I don’t think the daughter was really planning to cheat, she just wanted to show her old Ma how much of a hypocrite she was.

Thanks for the effort. Two stars.

I ended up bailing out 1/2 way into page 2. A bit hard to read and follow at times.

The introduction Mike's rehab harem was the line for me. Okay, maybe one sneaking in from time to time, but 3 shift nurses working in collaboration like they were just changing bed pads or giving sponge baths? No. Just no. Whore house bestie don't roll like that!

The start of the lecture to Mary on why old guys need work to achieve a working boner crossed the line for me.

No idea where it was going from there, but I didn't want to make the trip.

Well that was just awful.

Nice try. Thanks for the effort.

Nice work. Some minor technical issues, but the story successfully yanked the reader around.

Some may say otherwise, but I think you pulled it off. I buy the reconciliation. Not a fan of reconciliation stories, but that is because they are usually not believable. I buy this. She does NOT get to go back to life as before her betrayal. But she gets a compromise that makes sense.

I enjoyed this story, oops and all.

Yes, so you need an editor, big whoop! It was a good story and brought out a lot of great points. Sometimes a guy just needs to remind her that it’s supposed to be a partnership and she needs to pull her own weight!

I can't wright and I am bad at spelling. So do not see them, but you have a go. well done to you. keep up the good work. This is free if they do not like it go bye a book that has a editor.

@sbrooks you and lujon need to crawl back to your basement

Not literary master pieces

It's difficult for me to understand why some readers come here to read stories, and become critics, judges and moralists after finishing reading them. The stories here are free stories. They are not literary master pieces, although some of the Literotica authors could be professional writers. Others are not, but they offer their stories here for free. I dislike those people who with their sharp comments discourage some author from publishing here. If somebody doesn't like some particular type of stories, skip them. There is no need to be vulgar and judgmental with authors just because we disagree with their fantasies. HELLO, THESE ARE NOT REAL LIFE STORIES, BUT FANTASIES. Stop harassing authors!

I loved the story. Been there, got the T shirt, I wonder if the story is more truth than fiction?

Just another RACC too bad

What was the point of the plot line with the wife and her high school crush? You never brought it up again.

The story started so stupidly -- particularly trying to define cuckolding -- that I did not see further purpose reading after the first page.

About garbage there is more that happens to men as they age but her at 62 attracting a 18 year old unless he's really terrible would never happen. You are a goood writer with a few flaws but more research in your stories would help.

Give the author a break! It’s a fun story with a good heart. 😊

lujon2019 : What the fuck is your problem with the cuck tags?

Are you retarded or what?

It's The LW category, so by default it includes a cuck!

It doesn't matter if the hubby went for revenge or not, he is still a cuck!

Well, when dreams do come true! 5*!!!

I liked the premise and was even ok with the reconciliation as I thought hubby got payback and respect. The grammar errors, spelling, etc. however are quite distracting. Could have been much better with a decent proofread.

An entertaining fantasy with a happy ending. What’s not to like?

Its the story that needs replacing.

This: <<You now control it. If we still earn an average of 5%, we will bring home about four thousand months in passive income.>> Damn, tell me where!!! 5/5!!

Fun story. Note the comments on editor. People do tend to get overly enraged but writing mistakes do take the reader out of the story.

I loved the west coast comment. I took it to mean the way I feel about coastal California - LA, SF and Portland, Seattle - Once really fun, now dangerous open air toilets. Not really part of the US. Divorced from reality. And yes, I live here in the twilight zone.

When the wife organizes the harem, gives up the other guy, rebuilds her looks and becomes eager and willing beck and call girl for her wronged husband, with no holes barred, making sure he wants for nothing to atone for her sins, she may warrant keeping - on his terms only. So no problem with the partial reconciliation since she paid the price with cash, ass and her acceptance of her new role as his willing slave.

Makes no sense, I couldn't read more after the first page. The daughter catches the mother having an affair then tries to blackmail mother into allowing her to carry on her own affair all while knowing her dad is in the hospital and already knows that the mom was having the affair.... what? Then the daughter goes on a self-righteous rant condemning the mother for something she was trying to do too... Maybe you explain this later but it's just bad writing.

That you make grammar and spelling mistakes on purpose

Because no one with a basic education could make that many

Still it was a 5 star story

Awesome story, very true to heart! Loved it it!

I am sorry but you need to share more pot if you are writing stuff this bad. Dear lord! If she had the money why in the world would she keep this limp dick? Where do I go to get my 5 minutes of reading back? Finally, there are a couple of wonderful tools like might help you out with little things like grammar and punctuation.

confused

Good story gave it a FULL 5 stars. It amazing how fucked up some of the commenters are her. Their pissed the husband is getting more pussy than the whore is getting in dick. Hell Nitpic's cuckold loving ass wants to replace the story because the wife isn't fucking every man in the story. Get over your cuckold loving selves. This chose to fight the dick gobbler by getting his gobbled by sexy loving bitches.

One commenter wrote" It's difficult for me to understand why some readers come here to read stories, and become critics, judges and moralists after finishing reading them. The stories here are free stories."

OK, writers need to know what the readers like and dis-like. They need to place their story where the stories will be appreciated. So, no Cuck, IR, or unjustified RAAC in Loving Wives. That being said for any story placed where it should be, commenter should politely give advice on how to improve the next story. Giving constructive hints on self editing is one way that can be done. Authors give their time and effort for some that is within them. For properly place stories we should encourage and help them.

Fucking stupid story! Not worth the time to read it.

if her father already knew how was the daughter going to use her mother's cheating for blackmail. and how is a family that doesnt care about each other still a family. "The vision of her husband of 44 years seeing" thats a long time to be married

ok u need a personal editor to work with u. maybe tell them what u had in mind for a story and have them clean it up. the first page had so many contradictions in it i couldnt understand what was going on. first page one big mess so think i'll stop now

Excellent story. I'm not sure that the wife deserved as much forgiveness as she got, but that is Mike's decision.

I almost thought this is an HDK story.

Agree, nice but needed an editor. Choppiness due to a few grammar and a timeline issue or two (she cheats, he gets hurt and in the hospital for a spell, then rehab, 6 weeks pass then Marge explains she found out the wife cheated just a month ago. Errors like this stop the reader, if they catch it, from having the story flow.

Funny ending.

Patronizing dialogs, outlandish plot. Didn't like it.

A bit touch and go but had it's amusements.

I think this was written, for horny 8th graders. ...

They're gonna kill that old timer... but damn if that isn't a he'll of a way to go!

The abysmal grammar and dialog, not to mention other issues, made this unreadable

Almost looks like he up to his ass in alligators... Lucky bastard!

The start was a bit iffy, but alround good story. Loved it.

Just keep it down that you didn't thoroughly Btb. Some readers will be stomping mad.

Bit slow and odd to start, but it got into it and became a good read, quite funny.