tagHumor & SatireA Short One Handed Play

A Short One Handed Play


The scene is a large, comfortable, characterless room in a large, comfortable, characterless hotel, somewhere in continental Europe. The clothes and other items visible in the room suggest a single, male occupant. The shower is running. The television is on, with the sound quite low. On the bed is a magazine, open at its centre pages.

The room's tenant emerges from the en suite bathroom, dressed only in the complimentary monogrammed bathrobe. His name is Gary. He is English, in his mid-thirties, reasonably presentable although not the athlete that he was ten years ago. In his gait - slightly bandy-legged, arms slightly away from his sides - he seems to want to retain a trace of his football-playing, iron-pumping past. His prematurely thinning hair is cropped very close, almost shaved, in the now standard response to male pattern baldness.

Gary goes to the minibar and extracts from it a small and ludicrously overpriced bottle of beer, which he will claim on expenses. He settles himself on the bed, sitting up with his back on the headboard. He mutes the TV using the remote control. He picks up his company smartphone and dials a number. This is what he says:

"Hiya babe, how you doing? Yeah? Great, great. Sorry I didn't call earlier. They had us in there for hours ... yeah, one of those, exactly ... but it came off! We closed the deal! Yeah, I know. Should be good. Eh? End of quarter I'll see it. Come in handy, yeah?"

The person at the other end of the line is speaking. Gary shifts the open magazine towards him on the bed. Then he starts talking again.

"No, to be honest I wasn't up for it, babe. I'm knackered. Adrian and a couple of the others were talking about going into town to celebrate but I'm a bit old for that now." (Laughing). "And I wanted to make sure I phoned you, of course. Has Jack gone to bed?"

He flicks back and forth from the magazine's centre page, then returns to it.

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. It just went on much longer than scheduled. How did his swimming lesson go?"

The centre page bears a single large photograph, with a small amount of accompanying text.

"Honestly babe, we were in there solidly for hours until we'd closed the deal. Literally. I really didn't get a spare moment. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. Can you tell him Daddy was very busy and working very hard, and Daddy's very sorry he didn't call earlier? Tell him I'll come and watch him swimming next time. "

The photograph in the magazine is of a young woman, identified in the caption as "Kayleigh", nineteen years old. She is conspicuously pretty, with dark brown hair, fair skin and and an attractive smile, and does not need the rather heavy eye makeup and garish lipstick she is wearing.

"But we knew this when I got the promotion, right? I mean, they demand more of me but when I get it right I get the benefit, and so do you and Jack, right?"

In the photograph, Kayleigh is completely naked.

"It's OK babe, listen, maybe we're both a bit tense, eh? Yeah. Yeah. I love you too. Let's not make an issue out of that now, yeah?"

Kayleigh is pictured sitting back on a leather sofa. Her large, round breasts are fully exposed.

"Tell him Daddy will bring him something nice back from abroad, yeah?"

Kayleigh is sitting with her knees raised and her legs spread wide apart, so that her genitals are clearly visible. She has almost no pubic hair, just a small neat strip above the slit of her vulva.

"I dunno, babe, I'll have to find something at the airport."

Kayleigh is using the first two fingers of one hand to pull her outer labia slightly apart, so as just to expose her inner labia and clitoris.

"We're in the middle of nowhere here, babe, there's like the hotel with its conference thing, a golf course and that's it."

The caption to the photograph tells the reader that Kayleigh is "greedy for cock", and quotes her as saying: "I just love it in every hole. Preferably all at once!!"

Gary continues. "Well, yeah, but if I'd gone into town it might not have been so easy to call you."

Gary has slipped his free hand under the folds of the bathrobe and is starting to stroke his penis, very gently.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, sweetheart. It's just been a really long day."

He looks up at the muted TV. He lets go of his prick for a moment, reaches for the remote control and flicks through a few channels.

"Did Graham come round about the shower?"

He considers for a moment films entitled "Gushers" and "Amateur Sluts", before settling on "Anal Masterclass Volume 3". His hand slips back under his bathrobe.

"Did you ask if he'd do a discount for cash?"

On the screen, an athletic young man of Hispanic appearance is energetically sodomising a very slim blonde woman.

"Ah, babe, you see, I said we should have waited till I get back. I'd have argued him down from that price. Bloody hell, babe, that's what I do for a living! Well, sort of."

On the TV, the camera switches repeatedly between three shots. One is sufficiently wide to show the couple in full, from the side. The young man's thrusts are deep and long, so that the shaft of his penis is clearly visible on each backward stroke. Occasionally he slaps the woman on the buttocks as he buggers her.

"It's OK, don't worry. It's not like we don't have the money, especially now."

The film cuts to a close-up view of where the man's remarkably large cock is entering the young woman's anus. His deep, energetic thrusting is distending her sphincter. Her pale buttocks have red marks on them from his slaps. Gary is stroking his cock a little more firmly now.

"No, honestly, it's my fault, I should have made sure I was around for it. No - he's done the quote now, we'll have to stick with it. Doesn't matter."

Now the TV shows a close-up of the woman's face. Her hair is obviously dyed its platinum blonde colour, as her eyebrows and eyelashes are dark. She is even more heavily made up than Kayleigh in the magazine. Her eyes are blank, bored-looking. Her mouth hangs open in a slack O, as if another man has only just withdrawn his cock from it. Occasionally she forms some words but with the sound muted there is no way of knowing what they are.

"So, er, how's work?"

The side-on shots show that the blonde woman's breasts have been significantly enhanced. They look incongruous on her otherwise skinny body. The implants hang heavily below her, their outlines visible beneath her skin.

"Can't you report that to someone more senior?"

Gary opens up his bathrobe to expose his penis, which is now fully erect. He continues to stroke it. His gaze moves between the TV screen and the magazine.

"They wouldn't stand for that in my place, I tell you."

On the screen, the young man has pulled his cock out from inside the woman's arsehole. She kneels up and he stands in front of her.

"Oh that's good, if she's supportive that must help a lot."

In defiance of any notion of hygiene, the woman in the film has started to suck the man's penis, which was inside her rectum only a short while ago, although, to be fair, a cut between camera shots means he might have taken the opportunity to clean himself up.

"Yeah, why not, I reckon. Take Friday off as well. Fuck 'em, you work hard enough for that lot, babe, and it's not like they shower you with reward for it."

Gary is masturbating enthusiastically.

"You're too good for your own good, darling."

The girl on screen is taking the man's cock very deep into her throat.

"Yeah. I know. Listen, I should get back by about midday tomorrow. I'll go straight home and work from there in the afternoon so I can pick Jack up from school, yeah? He'll like that."

Gary kneels upright. He is wanking like a monkey now, hard and fast.

"Tell you what, don't cook tomorrow, let's get a takeaway and have an early night."

The magazine is lying directly below Gary's jutting cock.

"Heheheh, that's my girl."

On screen, the man pulls his prick out of the woman's mouth. She sticks her tongue out and he ejaculates copiously over it.

"Listen babe, I'm gonna let you go, have a glass of wine, put your feet up, yeah?"

Suddenly, Gary comes. He catches his breath and makes a heroic effort to disguise any evidence of orgasm in his voice or breathing. Semen spews from his cock and drips and spatters over the picture of Kayleigh in the magazine.

"Eh? Er ... sorry ... dunno, something in my throat ..."

He coughs and clears his throat ostentatiously. On the screen, the woman is smearing the man's sperm onto her breasts.

"I'm fine, babe. Not long now till I'm back, yeah?"

Gary's own cum is pooling in the fold of the magazine, exactly over Kayleigh's cunt in the photo. He coughs again.

"Babe, I need a glass of water. I'd better go. Sweet dreams, yeah? And love to Jack."

He reaches for a tissue from the packet at the bedside. Wrapping it around his cock, he squeezes out the last of his spunk and wipes his glans clean. He throws the tissue on the floor.

"Love you babe. Good night. 'Night."

Gary ends the call. He leans back against the headboard, grabs the beer bottle from the bedside table and takes a long pull on it. In his other hand, he picks up the remote control. He looks for another channel.

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