Backcountry Ranger

Hey Mom, you'll never guess what just happened.

Yes, hello to you too.

Yes, I try to call more often...I'm even calling RIGHT NOW!

I am so sorry that I have not been staying close, but I have some amazing news. Sit down first. What I have to say is truly shocking!

No I didn't know dad got in a fight with that squirrel again.

Your bunion is acting up again? Have you been treating it like your podiatrist said?

Uh huh...mom...Mom...MOM!

No mom, I didn't mean to yell.

But mom, listen, I have to tell you, Bigfoot is real!!

I know! You're thinking that Bigfoot was really just a very hairy man in the witness protection program hiding out in the remote back woods areas of our national forests. But be assured, he is really real.

Do you remember that crazy director/producer/actor I introduced you to?

No, the other one...no, not that one either, the OTHER one...Yes, that one.

Anyway, he had this idea of try to take back porn from the amateurs who have flooded the porn market with free porn by bringing back something called production values.

Apparently they're not unlike family values except they're for porn movies I guess.

Anyway, in my next movie "Back Country Rangers", I play a tough as nails no nonsense park ranger who patrols the back country keeping hikers and citizens' safe and bringing law to a lawless land.

Anyway, the producer/director/actor actually spent some money and hired a llama train...llama train...like a mule train...for packing in all the gear...yes, but with llamas...llamas.

I dunno, like someone crossed a mule and a sheep and ended up with a llama I guess.

Anyway, we actually had an entire porn crew, like, hike out to the middle of the wilderness in a national park forest in order to shoot the film.

Yes, production values, like I said, but that's not even the weirdest part. When we got to the campsite and movie location it was amazing. Snow covered mountains, huge trees, wild animals, mosquitoes and ticks...uh...OK, that part sucked! ha ha ha...sucked...get it?

Sucked.

Because they're blood sucking insects.

Ugh...mom, anyway, in my scene I have hiked out in search of missing campers and come across their camp and start to investigate by first going to the hot springs and taking a hot naked bath to get cleaned up, when who do you think showed up?

No really, who?

Take a guess?

Seriously? That's your guess?

No mom, Bigfoot shows up. Duh!

As it turns out, the lead actor from my movie was the real no shit Bigfoot!

It turns out the actual actor who we hired got lost on the way in and never showed up for the shoot.

I dunno where he is.

No mom, I 'play' a ranger who looks for missing hikers, I don't actually go and look for missing hikers, geez...I'm a porn start not search and rescue...

I'm sorry. No, I didn't mean to take the name of the lord in vain.

No mom, I didn't mean to blaspheme.

Yes..OK...yes,I will pray for forgiveness tonight...but hold on and let me finish.

Apparently in the case of big foots...big feets?..sasquatches?..the urban legend of foot size versus penis size is true! He has an 18 inch, uh...foot.

The actor/producer/director is fortunate that he picked me for the role because I am the only porn star in the stable who can take that much anal, and he really really likes anal play. I can even orgasm from anal you know.

Now mom, I know anal wasn't such a big deal back when you were making movies, but anal is all the rage nowadays.

So let me finish, the real Bigfoot showed up and pounced on me in the hot springs.

Hot springs, like, a naturally occurring hot tub.

No mom! I did not just make that up! Hot springs really exist out in the wild.

Ok, fine, agree to disagree then.

Anyway, there I was, bathing in the hot spring when Bigfoot shows up. In my fear and desperation I have to do whatever it takes to survive, so of course I drop right to my knees and take that huge cock into my mouth.

Yes, mom, I am aware how much men like a blow job, I am over 18 now and not a child.

No mama, I'm sorry, I wasn't being disrespectful.

Anyway as I suck off Bigfoot his cock grows to its full 18 inches and I am like seriously scared. I've never had a cock that big before and am like, don't know if I can take it all.

And at first, I'm like, this is just an actor and I don't have to worry because as a professional porn actor he is bound by the porn actor's guild and our code of ethics.

What do you mean there's no such thing as a porn actors guild or a code of ethics?

If that were true then what are they doing with all the money I've been paying in monthly dues?

OK, agree to disagree then, but please let me finish my story.

I get his cock all nice a slick with spit and offer my ass to him, and of course, just like in rehearsals he shoves his huge tool deep inside me and starts fucking me fast and furious.

What?

Fast and furious? A movie? Never heard of it.

So as I was saying he shoves his cock in my ass and it travels so far inside me I swear I could taste the head of his cock as it started to come up my throat and into my mouth! In fact when he came his cum shot up and out my mouth from the head of his cock in the back of my throat...totally unexpected, the way he improvised like that.

What? You say that's impossible?

OK now, I was there and if we keep disagreeing like this then this conversation is going nowhere.

Anyway, this scene was so hot and I think it could really help me break out from the pack and give me the exposure I need to make it big in the industry.

Anyway, afterwards Bigfoot and I sat down to talk...well, he sat down, I had to kneel as my ass was still sore from shooting the scene.

As it turns out Big, that's what he told me to call him, needs money and porn is where he goes to make a quick buck or two.

I guess random appearances in grainy out of focus long range camera shots out in the woods just don't pay too well. No royalties or nothing!

Also, all the pressure from hunters and crypto-zoologists and the occasional housing development have really taken their toll on his habitat. So after we shot our scene, and he is a cummer by the way, I was literally coated from head to toe in his cum.

No mom, I'm not exaggerating. Head...to...toe...coated, like a fountain...came up and out of my mouth and fell back down on me, coating me in cum.

OK, fine, don't believe me, just watch the movie and you will see for yourself.

Anyway, after the shoot he spoke to me and he asked me to join him in saving up enough money to buy some land way in the back country where we can build a cabin and post some no trespassing signs.

I guess this makes me big foots girl friend. Just so long as I don't have big foots baby. Ha ha, a pregnancy now could ruin my film career.

Yes mom, I remember all too well the sad stories in those tabloids in the supermarkets when I was growing up how a baby Sasquatch can ruin your life.

So do you know of any land for sale anywhere that's remote and affordable? And speaking of affordable, can you ask Uncle Escobar if he has any money from his pharmacy business that he can loan me?

OK, mom, I love you too.

Yes, I will call again soon,OK? love you mom,

Bye