All Comments on 'A Tale of Ponygirls Pt. 01'

I like your writings but I don't love them.

As a non-native speaker I don't care about spelling or grammar. I even don't really care about 'elegance' in writing. I read in the English part of Lit for the two Ps: protagonists and plots.

I like protagonists with depth and plots with finesse and the dedication to perfection. And your story lacking on both fronts.

Protagonists. 6 girls, a professor, a research fellow, somebody from the stables... all completely shallow. A good story lives of the developement of their main protagonists. How do you do that here... developping from what exactly?

The plot. No finesse at all. The reader knew where this were going.

The reveal at the end... becoming a ponygirl for 5 years? at the discretion of somebody because it's written in a random peace of paper? Come on... We allready had to suspend our disbelief to accept the stables exists at all.

Just some ideas:

Why didn't you use the college setting for the start... some of the girls want to earn some extra credit and actually agree to be ponyfied for some days and turn on the heat from there...

Or why don't let the girls decide who gets ponyfied? Let them discuss about it that would have given you the opportunity to flesh out their character a little bit.

Sorry. But it's a 4 again. It's good - but not exceptional.

Sorry for conflicting advice!

In direct opposition to teehaa’s opinion, I don’t mind the shallow story at all. It’s masturbatory fiction; I expect titillation, not high-brow plot development. You warn us at the beginning the story explores the limits of consent and it is published in the nonconsent category, so I don’t think that changing the consent element is necessary.

However, it just doesn’t sound quite right to a native speaker, although I really like your poetic descriptions. I’d like to offer to help translate it into sounding more natural, if you’d like.

I loved this as masturbatory fiction (new term to me thanks lillmissbratt- but it's what I'm here for. Excellent how we anticipate a trap but not the timing of extent, that was great.

I agree that you writing required done grammar improvements as it was a little challenging in parts but I'll definitely be following you to read more.

Jealousy and Rivalry: Mutually Assured Destruction

Most of the criticism missed the essential point PANDA makes: how jealousy and enmity can lead to mutual self-destruction. The author skillfully uses the liter-o-erotic genre to make a real life point. Well done

I liked it very well. Fanciful and catering to sexual appetites. Admittedly shallow but enough detail fot the intended readers' gratification. Well done!