All Comments on 'A Tangled Web Ch. 03'

Well done

I'm not a hardcore btb person. But Cindy deserved waaayyy more retribution. As did Bruce.

You messed up the names terribly, mistaking Bruce for Dan, and Maggie for Cindy.

But other than that, really nice work.

I enjoy your writing but I would have really liked to have more details on Cindy and Bruce's retribution. Did they ever speak again? Did Cindy finally turn on him? How did Bruce handle the realization that both of his father's sided with Dan? I would love a side piece to explore all of this. Especially after all of the build-up.

One day LW authors will try and finally portrait women as people with actual brains as in real life

This day is not today

Pretty good story. Had a few mistakes with the Characters names being switched Back and forth. The end was a little too good for the main character. But I really love happy endings, so like this story..

I thought there should have been redemption for Cindy ,

Very good. I just don't get how Cindy fell that far. She obviously did love her husband but got tied into her deceit by a terrible person. I also think he should have shown her some of the videos and asked her what she thought. 4 stars

A GREAT story very well put together and the plot slowly unfolded on itself Love your work (jaybee186)

I have never understood why LW writers all think it is a desirable ending to marry the wife of the man who cuckolded them. A woman who spent much of her life loving the man you despise, who is a constant reminder of him, who had the warped judgement to marry a predictor and a creep, it would never happen in real life, it would be a nightmare, yet so many authors in LW think it is a happy ending.

I enjoyed the story, but felt let down by the end, not what l expected. Given what Bruce and Cindy did l expected the retribution to be much harsher. Disappointingly it wasn’t. Scores 3/5

Enjoyed this. Lot, but there were sections where the names were messed up.

Creative and interesting. Well done. You can practice sticking with third person and past tense to improve your writing. The most important part, creativity, you already have. You can learn the finer details of writing technique and get even better. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.

Story was too over-the-top to the point that it was no longer interesting.

Nice conclusion to your story. 5*

Good story even though Cindy’s and Maggy’s

named were transposed in a section of this chapter.

I would have liked a description if Cindy’s reaction to seeing

the videos but Dan didn’t play them to her.

However, I’ve given it 5 stars.

Nice story. A lot of name mixing through all three parts. Cindy was one stupid person.

Good story. I feel the final confrontation with Cindy could be so much more. Spell out every charge against the asshole so she could see how evil he was.

Gets confusing to read at points when you mix up the names of your cast. You could have fixed it with one read through.

Arriving home 15 minutes later, Bruce barely pulled into his driveway before he got out of the Mustang and ran to the front door. He unlocked the door and listened for any sounds from Cindy to alert him of her location. He heard the television on in the kitchen and headed there, finding a shocked Cindy staring back at him. Bruce quickly circumvented the table and grabbed Cindy by the throat, raising her so her feet could no longer touch the floor.

Maggie was feeling the life drain from her. She remembers thinking, "Is this how my life ends? How sad."

Your reputation and talent precede you, and you are exactly who this company needs. The most talented man, and the most selfless woman, I know both sing your praises. And that's not to even mention the praise many of our former clients heap on you."

Was the selfless woman comment a dig at Dan or was he referring to Maggie?

Once again I will state the need to at least reread your story before posting.

Gave it 5 but almost 4 because I would have preferred a better ending for Cindy. In my opinion if you are going to burn the bitch make the wife very bad not a victim who makes some stupid judgments out of ill conceived good intentions. Just my opinion.

anon.1

You have talent. The story could have been thinned a bit but you broke it up which is nice. Cindy was just a little too over the top for me personally. Unlike Eric and Jack, I don't think you were quite successful humanizing her. I felt you developed Eric and Jack really well. Bruce well, lol, you certainly nailed sociopathy and malignant narcissism. It's only because of those traits that I feel Cindy fell short. Cindy is presented initially as a devoted, relatively intelligent wife who respects her husband and marriage. She is lonely and misses her husband. Affairs happen all the time in that scenario when communication is missing. Through her affair Cindy is presented as clueless, oblivious, cruel and treacherous. Yet, she still seems to respect and devoted to her husband. That seems unrealistic. Cindy may not have known the extent of Bruce's plot but the actions she participated in were more than enough to question her claims of respect and devotion. Affairs and respect are pretty mutually exclusive, especially long term betrayal. Respect is the first thing to erode.

Still, dont want you to think i am beating you up. Im not. I really enjoyed this. Keep writing :)

Excellent story, but one problem popped up mid way through the 3rd chapter. Replace all references to Cindy with Maggie and this paragraph makes sense :) ...

"Arriving home 15 minutes later, Bruce barely pulled into his driveway before he got out of the Mustang and ran to the front door. He unlocked the door and listened for any sounds from Cindy to alert him of her location. He heard the television on in the kitchen and headed there, finding a shocked Cindy staring back at him. Bruce quickly circumvented the table and grabbed Cindy by the throat, raising her so her feet could no longer touch the floor."

Really, really lame consequences for Cindy. Did not come near the build up to her evil nature. Very disappointed. Why wasn't she in jail, at a minimum?

What happened to the gym? And the other targeted women?

WOW! Great Story, Great Writing. Wow, this is a Great Story of fiction hopefully, of heartbreak, betrayal, all the good and bad that can be in a story. Amazing. Held my attention all the way thru. Very Good read! Thank you for the effort and I loved the Happy Ending. What an imagination for Evil that Bruce Guy was doing! Hormones in his morning drink! LOL That sounds like it will really screw you up! 5 stars, thank you!

Great story! Please keep writing despite the critics. Thank for the story!

If she didn't go back and blabbed after their confrontation, then ur ending would've been ok but there should've been more dialogue with her at the end there or at least more in depth on their divorce. Your story but I'd imagine most would've been more happy with a mild brb or full blown and like most authors, u keep plz everyone. Good story overall

Thanks for the story, definitely enjoyed. If I have one suggestion, it would be to have more aftermath. I always enjoy finally hearing the wife realizing what she has done and truly regretting it.

4 stars. Please keep writing

Waited until all three were posted to score and comment. Giving you a 4 because I felt it was a little wordy but overall a pretty good story. Cindy ranks right up there with some of the dumbest wives in LW.

Good story and would have been great if not for the the quick ending. There should have been more details on Cindy's consequences of her cheating. And more info explaining why she continued to try and contact Bruce.

Congratulatims. One the best story I ever read.

The story was OK, but you truly need a editor. My offer still stands.

DOL

Well! You hung in there and produced a pretty good product in the end. Kudos! Sure, you made many beginner mistakes--most glaring is the mixing of names but it's nothing a few more proofs can't cure and I'd also recommend spending time in the writer's resources here on LIT. I feel they really helped me. (Now if only I could find something to help with this damn 'writer's block' problem.

GOOD LUCK! CD

The ending seemed "too clinical". Almost devoid of what you would expect the emotions to be... Too neat. Too tidy. Not sure how it could be fixed.. To me, when the rebound relationship just materializes or falls out of the sky, it becomes too much like a fairy tale, and it loses something. Otherwise, I am happy that you took the time and effort to write this. I waited eagerly for each chapter to be released... That doesn't happen with too many other authors... Cheers!

Cindy was awfully damn dumb. After being caught, she acts like she's brain damaged in not believing her husband, who nothing to lose, but goes along with her husband's competitor who had everything to lose. I thought it was a good story, although I don't like sectioned story's.

Cindy is so goddamn f'ing dumb. Also this isn't BTB since she just got divorced.

Also the characters were nowhere near as angry as they should be about the drugging and abortions.

Good story. You mixed up Cindy’s and Maggie’s names a couple times. .

Wanted to give it 5 stars but just couldn't pull the trigger. Too cozy of an ending and the last two installments had misplaced character names at the worst possible places. 4* overall.

That worked very well. 5*

The story never portrayed Cindy as being anything other than selfish, without a conscience, morally empty, and Very Very stupid. Which means Cindy's actions were appropriate for the monster she truly was. Which means Dan married a monster, and got what he deserved. As to Cindy ending up alone and miserable, Why? She's a beautiful woman, loves to fuck, has no morals or ethics, and is as stupid as a box of rocks. She will find some rich fool and fuck him all the way to the altar, then the bank. Dan should send Bruce a carton of cigarettes for saving him from having children with that brainless bitch. A decent plot idea. You will improve with time. Thanks for the effort.

As horrible as it is that babies were being murdered, with Cindy as a mother, they would be too stupid to live! Probably kill themselves by jumping off the roof thinking that they could fly.

This series was very frustrating. Yes, finally, he went to the police, and divorced his wife, but it took forever, and he waffled constantly! Just how low was his testosterone BEFORE he was drugged?!?

ZK

Name Confusion

At a number of fairly important points the author mistakenly switches character names. These errors completely throw a reader out of the story. Even a cursory editing read should detect these errors and result in their correction. As they still appear, I conclude the author does not have sufficient pride in his work to do an editing read. If he doesn't care, why should we?

Harddaysnight made similar name switching errors in one of his stories. After I posted a similar complaint he messaged me an apology and promised to do better, which I very much respected and appreciated. He noted that moving between drafts of different stories is usually the reason for the mistakes.

OK, but read and edit before posting the story!

Also, why are there tags for btb, and revenge?!? Divorce is the natural consequence of adultery, and prison is the natural outcome of committing felonies. Everything that happens to Cindy and Bruce are directly linked to their choices. Dan didn’t take anything from Bruce, and he didn’t publicly slut shame Cindy. Neither of them was physically harmed. So, there was no one burned, and no revenge taken.

It seemed unnecessarily complicated to end up with such a bland result. Natural consequences, and no revenge? Even with the “happily ever after” epilogue, this should have been one chapter, no more than two pages!

ZK

FANTASTIC story!!!!! Love all three chapters!! Well done!!!

A better than average story line.

Obviously too far fetched to even be considered as realistic so there's no point in commenting on the absurd behaviour of some characters.

I will say though, that your creation of Bruce deserves mention as one of the most despicable characters purposely created as a bad guy on this site. Well done.

Shame about the interchangeable names. Maggie becoming Cindy for a couple of paragraphs as one example.

All in all a good story and well told. However, its one big oversight was that Cindy seemed to be little more than a background character throughout. Virtually no information or thought put towards what she was thinking or feeling other than a token paragraph or two. I believed Dan’s love for her but she was almost a non-entity or bit player since chapter one when “her lips wrapped around him” and she was suddenly a non-stop whore. Any guilt there? Not sure. The story virtually stopped talking about her after that point.

Anyway, I did read the whole thing and did enjoy it. I’m looking forward to another story from you. Thank you for posting!

Isn't it strange how Anonymous likes to criticise but add nothing constructive to their tirade. Because of this I have removed Anonymous from my comments section I suggest you do the same to frustrate their tiny minds.

Great story keep them coming 5*.

Thhis really petered out at the end. Endings are hard, but keep at it and you will get better.

The whole interaction and dialog between Cindy and Dan was extremely weak and poorly done. I don't what sort of drugs he was given. Very little consequences for Cindy. If anything, she should have been accessory to some of the crimes against Dan.

You make Dan very strong and a winner in business but other than that, a very weak individual.

I scanned through chapter one. I thought this was another mundane cheating wife story, and I expected a lame revenge. As soon as I finish this comment, I will read chapter one properly. This was a brilliant BTB. Five stars.

I was generally impressed with this story and your writing. Ditch the breakdown of this story into chapters. The length of the 3 chapters would not have made an excessively long single story. At least you published the chapters close in time. 5 stars.

Good ending!

4

Pretty good read. Thanks for sharing

As another Anon wondered - what was Dan's testosterone level BEFORE the drugging? LOL. I truly enjoy the comments about as much as the stories and appreciate the author allowing anons to participate. To the Norseman and others who shut out Anons, I pettily give an automatic 2* . I've heard that Lit culls 1* votes over time. So maybe you should shut off voting for us too.

Incredibly great, complex story. Very entertaining.

Nice first effort. Was tough to follow the story logic at times because of the choppy breaks. Way too many deux ex machina off stage inserts to fix these plot holes. One of the most egregious was dropping the vice presidency on the protagonist with absolutely no foreshadowing whatsoever. Another is the bizarre betrayals of the wife. Yes you give us the facts but absolutely nothing in the wife’s actions make sense and contribute to the cumulative deficit in believability as the tale reaches the conclusion. At the end I find myself scratching my bald head trying to make sense of this chaotic mess from the over abundance of Deux ex Machina plot hole patches dumped on us in the last episode. In short it barely hangs together but you fail at convincing me as a reader to properly suspend disbelief. It becomes so chaotic at the end that it borders on a Crazy Dave Trucker comedy rather than the tragic BTB you are trying to sell us,

Still a good first effort and I suggest focusing on proper foreshadowing, hard core third party editing that focuses not only on the basics of grammar but on plotting progression and logical consistency. You demonstrate stellar initial writing skills that can be sharpened with good editing and hard focus on consistency in the metanarrative

4 stars

Nice mystery story. It held my interest from the beginning to the end. Yes, I enjoy happy endings. *****.

Good story but for future reference, if there are allegations of domestic violence, the police will not wait to make a "sting" as all bets are off. Plus they did not need to get a confession, they had more than enough evidence to secure a warrant.

Not enough, he didn't suffer enough

This is exactly what this was …. “A Tangled Webb!” I liked it very much but I think you should have had an editor look at this easy mistake that an editor would have spotted. Rember Bruce were on his way to his own house. “Arriving home 15 minutes later, Bruce barely pulled into his driveway before he got out of the Mustang and ran to the front door. He unlocked the door and listened for any sounds from Cindy (It must be Maggie) to alert him of her location. He heard the television on in the kitchen and headed there, finding a shocked Cindy (It must be Maggie) staring back at him. Bruce quickly circumvented the table and grabbed Cindy (It must be Maggie) by the throat, raising her so her feet could no longer touch the floor.” BUT ALL IN ALL A VERY NICE STORY! THANKS FOR SHARING!

Rather predictable, felt like the author rushed thru it. Maybe my expectations were too high after the first two parts which were awesome.

The first chapter was a little difficult to get through, but the following chapters did create some suspense, but I find the use of gender altering drugs beggar belief. Not a bad read otherwise

A good story. Some mixing up of characters in a few spots, still a very good effort

Good b-=ch! You deserved what you got.

I sincerely hope you continue to write more stories in this vein. You appear to be very talented so please keep it up.

The ending after the confrontation seemed rushed, or maybe it was me.

the ending or denouement as the sagacious like to call it was a letdown. Everybody kinda got their just rewards and that may be real life but somehow it seemed tepid. Overall good yarn, the grammar nazis let you have it altho i dont remember anyone telling you that I was often misused when me was appropriate. rk

I would have liked to see Cindy finally turn on Bruce. And they both needed more punishment. The things they did were horrible.

Great story. Some ( a majority perhaps) lie as easily as they breathe and rationalize playing both sides against the other for their own benefit and pleasure.

Good story but fishing out a bit of the feelings and thinking at the end for Cindy especially but also for Bruce would have made it better. If was a rapid closeout which was sad after the strong beginning. Great work overall though

Cindy never loved her husband. Even in her epilogue, she was merely comparing men to her ex. She never just loved the man...simply because. It makes sense. Why she would always lie, even through omission. Why she would warn her lover. Why she would always believe her lover over her husband, even when the shit had hit the fan. All of it adds up to a deluded, shallow, and selfish person. Even after all her many betrayals and failures, one of her last scenes has her worried about the physical safety of her lover. Not so much Maggie, not so much her husband being put at gunpoint. She was worried for Bruce, scared for the porn images, and scared of divorce. Nothing about the people her thoughtlessness may have hurt. Glad her bruised ego kept her from having children. Because nothing else was stopping her from doing it.

Great story but the epilogue/ending was shockingly bad. Really really 👎

Ok what was the meaning of posting a story on erotic site when you never meant to add sex scenes? I don't understand logic here, it was a great premise but you ruined it by not adding sex scenes, there should have been long seductive sex scenes with brutal fucking and corruption of Cindy. A big no from me. I kept hoping, now we will get to the best part.

I know it sounds cruel, but I would have liked to know more details about Bruce's prison time and ruined life. What a sick man!

As well as Cindy's! Especially Cindy! Her betrayals were already outrageous, but the final ones of warning Bruce and believing him over Dan took it to another whole stratosphere. I'm someone who usually prefers reconciliation and even I was glad he left her. Mean as it is, I'd love to know more about her terrible outcome, filled with remorse, while she watched Dan flourish!

Not enough about Cindy's misery in the epilogue. She was over the top delusional. Their final confrontation was somewhat muted.

What an incorrigible slut. Cindy. Wow. 161 movies. Like 2-3 times a week for more than a year. Ick.

Well written story about things that never happened to people who don't exist. It is to any authors credit to stir controversy over what is really nothing.

That said ... a small suggestion. Fiction allows the creation of seriously over-the-top bad guys. A satisfying ending requires over-the-top punishment. This was a huge build-up to a disappointing end. Repercussions for Bruce and Cindy were glossed over so lightly and hurriedly. Cindy got away basically unscathed. Dan's final confrontation with Cindy was so ineffectual, it might as well have been sent as an email. Dan marrying Maggie was ultra-cliché. Etc., etc., etc. The very end of your story ruins it.

But, I admit it is easier to criticize than to write one's own stories.

very well done!

Started cheating with massages. If don't want to do it in front of spouse it's cheating. Sex don't buy Clinton's definition!!!!!

She needed a lot more pain than she got. A LOT More

What a fucking long story about a cheating arrogant slut who was not burned enough!!

Pathetic weak writer

Dan is a stupid cuck!! The slut Cindy didn't get her comeuppance

Cindy who was so dumb it took away from the story, still got off easy in the end.

Very disappointing! Started out so very well. The ending was a huge disappointment!

Perfect Ending 5 Stars

Dan is a hardworking is a guy that didnt deserve having a cunt like Cindy for a wife.

Cindy was a cold calculating delusional cunt that still considered herself good, I dont why she was always seen as the victim when the bitch showed her pussy and gladly got her tits groped after 1 massage.

Maggie is a good Christian woman that tried to do the right thing.

Bruce was a loser degenerate daddys boy that never became a man, who deserved a long prison sentence and bubbas dick.

They all got the ending they deserved. Bruce got bubba. Cindy got to be a childless catlady. Dan and Maggie got a loving marriage filled with children.

I can't believe it took more than the videos to cndem Cindy 100%.

So many problems with this story. Cindy must have been a moron, which raises questions as to what kind of person marries a moron,band do they deserve everything they get. Maggie was a Christian so clearly a whore, which I guess is why she married Bruce. And for all intents and purposes Maggie betrayed and cheated on Bruce with Dan. As they say once a cheater always a cheater.

If you're going to portray a character as conflicted do so, but you failed and just portrayed her as a barefaced liar while clearly stating that her inner voice loves Dan as much as Bruce ... I appreciate you've done this to make her the irredeemably bad guy and yet still imply that Cindy has missed out, been burnt and is consciously aware that she's lost something precious that will leave her bereft ... but all we get is that she couldn't really give a fuck.

Just a point for future reference, a normal woman having heard from someone that she supposedly loves that another that she also supposedly loves has cheated on her or done her wrong will react in a highly charged way. If she trusts and believes in the messenger she'll be hating the other very quickly, if she doesn't she'll be vociferously demanding proof, not tomorrow or the next day but immediately.

Great another DIRTBALL PIG story 😂

You did an excellent job for your first entry as an author. Maybe in the future you should use less critical characters in a story, then it won't be quite as hectic towards the end.

However, I don't share the assessment of some anonymous commenters who think you let the wrong people be bad or good. The starting point was clear. A protagonist who feels personally attacked and wants to take revenge. A protagonist who distances herself from her husband for months and becomes a cheater and another protagonist who discovers the drama by chance and acts according to her ethical principles. I cannot understand how anyone could find anything wrong with two betrayed individuals rebuilding each other, even through intimacy. Furthermore, no one said that one of the protagonists was a die-hard Catholic, but that her parents thought and lived like that!

I think your story is great and I really liked it. 5*!

Cindy was a vapid caricature of a cheating wife... and none of her new beaus measure up to Dan? How does that compute. She cheated on Dan for over a year with the monster Bruce, derided Dan with Bruce, fell in live with Bruce, betrayed all trusts with Dan repeatedly, desecrated their marriage with hideous sexual acts meant to humiliate her husband, all caught on video, and somehow her measuring stuck is Dan? Wow. Quite a low bar in that she didn't obviously think much of Dan to begin with. And btw why the heck did Bruce spend so much effort to go after Dan. Seemed crazy to put that type of effort into it. Guess he hoped Dan would commit suicide, which he almost did.

Never trust a girl named Cindy….

Excellent 3 part series. I agree with HighBrow below. My High School love was named Cindy. A relationship off and on for almost 2 decades due to her drug use. Even moved her to Fairbanks, Alaska where I was a Field Editor for a National Hunting Magazine, only to find her back at her old ways. She tried to ruin my name unsuccessfully and had forgot that my stint in the Military had included Intel gathering and I was well know and liked by many even the Natives. Some people can be complete morons with little or no common sense. Loved the story and I had it pegged to a T. 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS for each chapter. The Author has written four very good stories and is no longer active, too bad cause I'd like to follow if active! Thanks m_auteur, where ever you are. I hope you come back to write more!

Great series. I loved every chapter and couldn’t wait to read more as it went. I love that Dan was so low he almost ended it all before it got better. Shows a true to life mindset.

Great job!

That went so deep and got so twisted that I had to go five stars. This is one of the best roller coaster ride stories I have ever had the pleasure of reading. Thanks for posting this fun ride.

GG

Why wasn't Cindy arrested for tipping off Bruce?

Better epilogue: Dan quietly invited Cindy to a vacation in Mexico under the pretense of getting back together. Cindy being one of the stupidest cheating skank sluts on the planet quickly agreed and was thrilled. Once in their hotel room in Mexico there was a knock at the door. Dan answered and four masked men came in. Cindy cried out as they grabbed her and hauled her into the bedroom. Cindy begged him to save her but Dan just smirked. "You stupid, stupid cunt. How could you be so idiotic as to think I would ever touch you again? You are an evil whore and now you will be a whore for good. I've sold you to these men for five thousand dollars. I'm going to watch them gang bang you and then laugh as they haul you to Tijuana where you will be a prostitute for them. You had it all Cindy and then you showed just what a piece of trash you are. Your videos showed you enjoyed fucking, that's a good thing because now it really begins." Dan watched, laughed, offered suggestions, belittled Cindy, mocked her and reveled in her pain. After they took her away he lived happily ever after...her... not so much.

After all she had done he was only 90% sure the marriage was over. It’s lines like that that make a nonsense of everything that happened prior to it.