A Time of Purgatory

Andrew liked the idea and commissioned a Graphic Artist to prepare a pamphlet for printing. Andrew got Mike and I together and showed us a photograph of the display stand the textile company had suggested as being suitable. It was free-standing and showed a lot of designs and colours.

"They will send us two hundred of these complete without charge, after that they will ask three hundred pounds each. " Mike suggested that we could distribute those without any problem. I was a little bit cautious and advanced another idea.

"If we place these at no charge we will get plenty of takers, but probably not the outlets which will make the best use of them. I would suggest that we ask the three hundred pounds or something at least. Having them make an investment should sort out the wheat from the chaff. Any account that we are certain will do good business, well we could discount the stand to make sure we get it in." Andrew looked at Mike for his comment.

"Good idea. It will build up a reserve for when we have to pay for the stands."

"Ok, Tim. That's what we will do. We will roll it out in your area to start, iron out any difficulties and see what the response will be. When it's up and running we can bring in the other areas one at a time. The textile company will supply us with rolls of the fabric on a sale or return basis. If we cut into a roll we pay for the roll."

For the next few days we thrashed out the details, then armed with the photo and handfuls of our pamphlet I went out to introduce our new venture. Mike and I had spent time deciding who our best prospects would be and for the first couple of days we worked together. The reaction was mixed, some being very enthusiastic and some the complete opposite. Others needed persuasion. Over the next few months our curtain orders started to trickle through, as those outlets we had chosen got used to the idea and with a few successful sales under their belt were happy to use the service. We got used to the system and gradually built up the workroom to make the curtains, ironing out the problems as we went.

'Sellors Floor Covering Distributors' became simply 'Sellors Furnishings'. We had never distributed throughout the whole country, just in the Midlands. That's where we started with the curtain service and then moved slightly North, East and South, just taking a little bite each time, working the area until we had a good customer base, then taking another little bite. We also brought in another couple of representatives as the business expanded.

I still thought of Jas frequently, it seemed that I had taken a Jas drug, and was hooked for the rest of my life. Oh I did date from time to time but the connection I sought was never there. None, and there were some lovely ladies, could compare with Jas. Those nine years were good for the company and for me. That was when Andrew opted to step back from day to day control and another period of my life began as Sales Manager of an expanding company. I found my feet in this new capacity, and thoroughly enjoyed the job, and the enhanced income that went with it.

Then Jas came back into my life. My phone rang and I picked it up as usual and answered in my usual manner.

"Tim Shelton."

"Hello Tim." I didn't need to ask who it was. Nine years had passed since we last spoke but my brain was programmed with her voice for instant recognition. I sighed heavily.

"What can I do for you Jas."

"I was wondering if we could have a talk."

"About?"

"Don't worry, Tim. I know we will never be together again. I just thought that with the passing of the years, we could talk about things a little more calmly." I looked at that statement with my mind's eye. Yes I suppose the anger had dissipated, although the hurt remained.

"I am not sure we have anything to discuss, but if you like we could meet. Did you have anywhere in mind."

"Would you like to come to my place? I could cook dinner and afterwards we could sit down and talk. I could do a Beef Stroganoff."

"Now Jas. That is unfair. You know how I love Stroganoff." She giggled, a most lovely sound to me, and one which tugged at my emotions.

"I know Tim. It's just a talk, Tim. With an old friend. We may as well enjoy the evening."

"Ok, Jas. When?"

"Would this Friday be convenient? About seven?"

"Yes. That will do me, my social calendar is pretty flexible at the moment. Give me your address."

I wrote her address down. I knew the area, and realised that she was living in a new apartment, quite an upscale apartment in a good area of Lichfield. Something must have gone right in her life.

CHAPTER SEVEN. A TIME OF PURGATORY

Whaaaaaat?

I arrived at Jas's apartment around six fifty, and parked. I decided to wait until five past seven. Being early would seem eager, being a little late would indicate a touch of indifference. I had brought a bottle of wine with me. A spur of the moment purchase now assumed the guise of a quandary. The wine was simple manners when someone offered to cook your favourite meal for you. On the other hand it could possibly be seen as a romantic gesture. I certainly did not want to make that sort of gesture. None the less at five past seven I trudged up to the entrance door, carrying the wine and pressed the buzzer for Jas's flat. She answered immediately. I wondered if she had seen me waiting in my car.

"Hello Tim. Come on in, I am on the first floor." I heard the lock release and pushed the door.

Jas was waiting for me at the top of the stairs. The years had been kind to her, very kind. The Jas of twenty four was beautiful, but the Jas of thirty five was far more than that. The girlish features had slipped away, and the elegant woman inside had emerged like a butterfly from the chrysalis. She smiled as I proffered the wine and led me into her flat.

"You needn't have gone to this trouble." She remarked, indicating the wine. "We are just old friends having a meal together."

"It was no trouble Jas." Unlike our last meeting, It was I who felt on the defensive. Jas was assured and calm.

"Sit down Tim. The meal will be about ten minutes. Would you like some wine now? I have a Shiraz open."

"That would be good." I looked around her large lounge and was impressed. Jas had always had an eye for colour, and her scheme of mute lemons and pale greens promoted calm. There was huge window with a balcony outside and as the apartments had been built on higher ground the view from that was impressive. I strolled out to enjoy the view, Jas came back with the wine and joined me on the balcony.

"What a view." I remarked. I took my glass and held it up to her as a toast. She smiled.

"Yes it is nice. It's very pleasant sitting out here on these long summer evenings."

"I can imagine. Very impressive flat as well." She laughed.

"Tim. I can still read you like a book. The answer to your question; how can I afford this; is simple. Daddy died twelve months ago. He was an overbearing dissolute pig. But he did well for himself and kept the family in comfort, probably why he thought it was ok to have mistresses left, right and centre. He left mum, Archie and I a lot of money. So I bought the flat with the bequest." She put her glass down and dashed off saying. "It sounds as if the rice is boiling over." I stayed there mulling over what she had said. She was right about her father, he was an overbearing pig. He didn't think much of me at all. I was just a travelling salesman selling rugs, as he described my occupation. I was given to understand in no uncertain terms that I wasn't good enough for his daughter. We did marry despite his antipathy, Jas was over twenty-one and his views meant little to her. I guess his actions didn't exactly engender family loyalty. He was successful in business, although knowing him a little; and that was as much as I wanted to know him; I was sure that he wasn't averse to a dodgy deal from time to time nor suffered loss of sleep for those who lost heavily as a result of his dealings. Her brother Archie was eight years older than Jas, and was cut from the same cloth as his father, another sleaze but unfortunately for Archie he was better at losing money than making it. I also knew he had been caught out with another man's wife. I didn't think much of him and the feeling was reciprocated.

"Come and sit down, Tim." Jas called. I picked up the wine she had set down and carried both glasses into the Lounge. The dining area was a small alcove off the lounge, but still had the great view out of the large window. The table was set as I assumed it would be by Jas, perfectly.

The Beef Stroganoff was superb. Jas had always made a good Stroganoff, with a little extra touch, she would add finely chopped Kidney. Made a world of difference, not completely authentic I know, but tasty for all that. She followed the main course with Raspberries in Meringue nests with cream. Call me suspicious, but I thought I was being softened up for something. Sour then sweet for the meal, I wondered if our conversation would reflect that.

We sat down comfortably with our coffees. So I decided to cut to the chase.

"Ok Jas. So tell me what all this is about, and don't give me the story of two old friends sitting down to a meal together." She grinned.

"I thought you may have been suspicious. It's very simple Tim. I want to have a baby." That was a little shock to me, but if she wanted a baby she didn't need my permission.

"There's no difficulty in that. Find yourself a man to be the father and get yourself pregnant, or do you have the man already? I am sure you don't need a diagram to explain how it is done."

"No, Tim. You don't understand. I want your baby!"

"Whaaaat?" Jas sat there calmly, waiting for me to finish the explosion. "Have you lost your marbles, Jas? Or do you think that I am stupid or something."

"No, Tim. You are not stupid, look where you are in your business. Sales Manager. That's something to be proud of. Oh and I haven't lost my marbles either. May I explain, without you erupting like Vesuvius?" It took a few minutes for me to calm down, taking a sip of coffee to aid the process. Eventually I could speak.

"Ok go ahead."

"You know I had always wanted a child, we were talking about starting a family before I went doolally. I am thirty five now, and thanks to my father I am secure. So it would be a good time to have a baby, when I can look after it properly and before it gets too late for me to carry it successfully. I know I shall be a single mother, but that doesn't carry the stigma today it once did. But I would want my child to be conceived with the man I love, not some anonymous donor. You Tim are that man. I have never stopped loving you, and never will. I have no right to ask, but for the times when we were Lovers and Loving, would you let me have your child?" I got up and walked out onto the balcony. My mind was churning like a washing machine. Was this a trap to get me back, or would Jas use this as a reason for frequent contact? Would I be paying child maintenance for years? There were no answers to these questions, nor would I know the answers until Jas had her baby. Only then would I know her plan, and by that time it would be too late. No, I thought. No. I would not do this. I went back to the lounge and sat down.

I'm sorry Jas. But I can't do this. It's not as simple as just having a child. You have to register the birth. Who's name do you put down as father? The child grows and goes to school, they will want to know as well. What if the child gets ill, and needs a transfusion or even a donor organ, one of us could well be compatible and it may not be you Jas. You can see all the problems can't you?" She smiled. How could she remain so calm?

"I will answer the question you are really asking Tim. I would not ask you for support in any way. My father's bequest takes care of all those needs. Yes I would want to put your name on the birth certificate as father, but if you felt strongly about that, I would simply put unknown." I got heated again.

"That wasn't the question I was asking, don't try to second guess me, Jas."

"I'm sorry Tim. That wasn't clever. But obviously you will not want your name on the certificate as father."

"I didn't say that either. If you do that Jas, you put on public record that you are a promiscuous slut. I will not have that." I realised then that I had fallen into a little trap. Jas had a very happy countenance

"You do care for me still, don't you Tim? Please Tim. Let me have this baby. I can't have you, but a baby that you father will give me something of you for the rest of my life and I will love our child just as much as I love you." I went out on the balcony again. Jas called to me.

"More coffee Tim?" I turned and nodded to indicate that I would like another cup. I thought this through. I think it was the memory of the love I had for Jas, dammit! Still had, that made my mind up. I went back in as Jas came through with more coffee. She sat and waited patiently for me to say something.

"If, and it is an if, I agree, I presume we will go to a clinic to get you... Get you... You know, inseminated." Jas smiled shyly.

"I was hoping that we could employ the more direct process of insemination, you know the old fashioned way." I was shaking my head.

"Oh no. Don't go down that route, Jas." She looked sad as she said.

"I thought that a child conceived in love would somehow know that. I know I would be happier. Is it so distasteful to you Tim? To make love with me one last time?"

"No. Of course it wouldn't be distasteful." Shit! I fell into another of her traps. "But it wouldn't be once, would it Jas. Even you can't guarantee that you could conceive on one occasion only."

"I would check my temperature daily to give it the best possible chance. Please Tim." I knew I was beaten. I had never been able to refuse her before. The only time I had cowed her was when my anger was such that she couldn't argue back, although thinking back I had not given her too much chance to say anything at the time. Now I couldn't summon the anger. In fact I was quite amused at her cheek in asking this. The look of pleading on her face and the memories of how we had loved pushed me closer to the brink. I nodded.

"Ok."

"Tim! You lovely man, thank you so much." She rushed at me, threw her arms around my neck, and kissed me firmly on the lips. I pushed her back.

"This is not about our becoming lovers again, Jas. It is to achieve a purpose."

"Yes Tim." She said meekly. "Shall we have a practice now?" Her eyes were bright.

"No, Jas. We don't need to practice as you know full well. Start charting your temperatures and let me know when the optimum time is." Jas giggled. Again that tugged at my emotions and memories.

"You're right, Tim. We did seem to be able to make Love very well and with complete satisfaction." She reminded me again of how good we were together.

Driving home I was asking myself what kind of idiot I was. Jas had manipulated me so easily. I had seen it all as soon as she asked me, yet like a fool I had continued walking into her web. I had tried to remain practical, but Jas had continually endowed her words with emotion. I knew I was going to regret this.

A few days later she phoned me on my mobile. It was a Thursday. I had given her the number as I wasn't too keen on her calling me at work.

"Tim, I really want to thank you for agreeing to this. I was unsure you know. I thought you may have stormed out as soon as I mentioned it."

"I should have, Jas. But I agreed, and like a promise I made to you fourteen years ago, I shall keep my promise."

"Oh Tim, You didn't need to remind me of that." She sounded hurt. I apologised for that dig. Hell why was I apologising anyway. It was true!

"I bought an ovulation testing kit. The instructions say you should make love as soon as this particular hormone is registered by the equipment. I suspect that given the days since my last period I should be ready on Saturday. May I let you know if that happens?"

"Yes do that. If I remember well, you were always very regular."

"You remember that?"

"Jas. I remember many things about you." Why is she able to wring all these emotive confessions out of me? "So you want us to have sex from Saturday and for how long after that?"

"Not sex, Tim. That's too cold-blooded."

"Well that's what it is, Jas. It's all about you getting pregnant. Nothing else."

"Oh!" That single word told me that Jas was expecting a little more than just getting pregnant. I put that down in my mental notebook.

"Let me know about the test, and if you have started ovulating, I'll come over on Saturday and we will start the process." She sounded happier then.

"Thank you Tim. I'll cook us a meal, and we can relax and..."

"See you at seven then?"

"That will be perfect. Thanks Tim." This was surreal! Discussing so calmly the plan to allow Jas to have a baby, and what days we would try for conception, when we hadn't been man and wife for ten years. I was crazy, but then Jas was crazy too.

CHAPTER EIGHT. A TIME OF PURGATORY

Fools step in

As I drove to Jas's flat that Saturday evening I was having second thoughts, third thoughts and then fourth thoughts. There were two extremes in my deliberations, the most exciting extreme was that I would be making love with Jas again. At the other end of the pendulum's swing was the horrific thought that I may not be able to perform. In between were the rational and irrational arguments for and against helping Jas in her quest. So many arguments that I had arrived before a solution was reached and like a lamb to the slaughter I rang the bell.

It was the most strange of evenings. Most men go on a date with a lovely lady, hoping they are going to be lucky. On this date lucky was a given, in fact lucky was the whole purpose of the date. It nearly didn't happen. It could have been that I was nervous. After all I hadn't had sex in ten years, well not sex with another woman. I had dates, but there was no conclusion to the dates. The problem was Jas, I had never been able to get her out of my mind. Whenever the lady in my arms at that time was indicating that further adventures would be acceptable, my treacherous mind would bring out a picture of Jas! That would stop me in my tracks. I knew that I loved Jas, and always would, it was her lack of trust that had kept us apart, that and my anger.

We had dined well, Jas was a good cook, we relaxed and chatted, but I was unable to feel any anticipation of arousal before we went to bed. Why did I not feel eager? Possibly because this wasn't about making love, it was about making a baby. My mind was somehow detached, seeing this as a duty rather than a pleasure.

I went to the bathroom and undressed putting on a clean pair of boxers. I was still unsettled when I rejoined her in the bedroom. However Jas had seen to it that the scene for our encounter was perfect, the drapes were drawn and light came from flickering scented candles. The atmosphere was charged, she undressed simply, but so erotically, taking her dress and underwear off one at a time. Then she posed watching me watching her, the garment held by one hand at her side. A few moments she would just drop it, uncaring, totally at odds with the careful tidy woman that she had been. When she was completely nude, she waited for me to enjoy her beauty, then slid softly onto the bed, arranging herself on the pale pink silk sheets. Again she paused allowing me the picture of the naked loveliness she painted, then smiling she lifted her arms to me wordlessly asking me to join her. I saw once again the woman I had fallen in love with as she welcomed me to lay with her. I kicked off the boxers and lay down gathering her in my arms, clasping her naked body to mine. The emotional jolt that went through me was a complete surprise. My face must have registered the shock, and I looked at Jas. Her eyes had opened wide. She must have felt it too. She searched my face as if she had never seen me before. Looking for answers, the answer I had, I didn't dare voice.