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Click here"Can I touch you?" I asked as she pulled away from me. A smirk rose on her face as we looked in each other's eyes.
"Hmm... not today baby.." She said before giving me a little kiss on the cheek and moving away from me. I watch her get off the couch and stood up to stretch. I stood up with her and bent over to reach for my panties. I feel a soft smack on my ass that caused me to squeal. As I turned around, she still had that smirk glued to her face.
I rolled my eyes and turned back around to grab my panties and put them on, doing the same thing with my pants.
"Well... I'll take my leave. Tell him I left early." I said while pulling my joggers up and adjusting my pants.
"Sure thing cutie. I hope we can do this again sometime." She said.
"Yeah... again.. sure..." I told her as I turned towards the door to unlock it.
Again...
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- COMMENTS
Heartbloodblackover 3 years agoFun concept, keep practicing and find an editor. Literotica has a pool of volunteer educators who can help you if you don't have anyone else. Also try reading it to yourself out loud, that can help.
Anonymousalmost 4 years agoNice idea, but amateurish writing brings it down (confusion of present and past tense narration... that can't be a deliberate stylistic thing, can it?)
Anonymousalmost 4 years ago...conceit, which is the essential, but you need to get someone you trust, a real life friend or possibly a mentor to read and advise (either editing or just proof reading). There were a lot of small grammatical errors. They happen and aren't a problem in a draft, but they would be picked up by another pair of eyes and should be dealt with before publishing. Looking forward to more from you. Good luck.
Candy_Kane54almost 4 years agoNice first effort. Some of the dialogue was a bit choppy but a nice twist on the plot. Looking forward to seeing more from you.
