A Walk into the Unknown Ch. 03

"Why did you leave?" I finally ask.

"Your father. He was killing me. Slowly. I got to a point where I hated myself. I mean I really hated myself. I couldn't move anymore. He completely beat me into submission. Mentally and physically. I tried to take the two of you and leave."

"I don't remember that," I cut in sharply.

"I know. I was packing a bag for the two of you and he came in. He told me," she stops, the tears overtaking her. She takes another deep breath. "He told me if I take his kids away from him, he'll kill me. I know he meant it. I could see it in his eyes. He said if I leave now, he won't come after me. But if I stick around, if I poison his kids against him...well he made it clear what he would do. I was afraid, so I ran, and I've regretted it everyday since. There were so many times I wanted to turn around and come back, but I was afraid if he ever saw me again he'd do it."

I feel like I've been electrocuted. My brain just feels fried. I want to lash out against her. I want to stand up and yell "you were selfish! So what if he threatened you? You had kids to take care of." I want to say that and more, but I don't. It's now my turn to take a deep breath and I swallow, trying to aid my throat that has gone completely dry.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I'm so sorry. I should've taken you with me. I should've-"

"It's okay," I cut in. "I understand. I know how dad is. He can...I can see how you would've been afraid."

She lunges for me and wraps me in her arms. She buries her face into my shoulder and I burry my face in hers and the two of us cry into each other. It feels good. I never knew crying could feel this good. She leans back so she can look at me, her eyes a disheveled mess.

"I don't deserve you," she says.

"Don't say that."

We hug again, though both of our cries are starting to subside. We just sit and hold each other. The warmth of her skin feels good on mine. It's like a feeling I've had engrained in my senses because it feels familiar, yet I don't remember ever feeling it before. I hold my mom tight and I decide in this moment that I'm never going to let go again.

**********************************************************************************

I've made a horrible mistake.

That's all I keep thinking, and the thought of my mom telling Rach about what's happened. My mom is up to something and it wasn't until now that I've realized it's not good. What was I thinking? I love Rach. I love her. I let my desire to please my mom cloud my judgement. I never should've agreed to let my mom tell her instead of me. I owe it to Rach to tell her myself. What was I-

"Earth to Rog! Come in Rog!"

I hear the sound of snapping fingers and when I look up, Kat is staring at me.

"Are you there?" She asks.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm just kind of messed up today."

"No kidding. You don't show up for work this morning and now your mind is somewhere else. What's going on with you?"

What can I possibly tell her?

"Does this have something to do with you banging your mom?"

My mouth literally drops. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

"Something you need to learn about this place real quick. Nothing is secret."

"Did she tell you?" I ask.

"No, but the walls are very thin and you guys aren't exactly quiet about it."

I look down at the ground, embarrassed. She shakes her head.

"Man, I always thought I had a messed up family, but you guys put me to shame. No offense, but jeez."

"No, you're right," I say. "It's all been messed up."

"The thing between you and your sister, I mean whatever. Things happen. But now you and your mom, that's a lot." She stops and shakes her head. "I'm sorry. I really shouldn't be talking about your business like this."

"No, it's okay. It's actually nice to talk about it with someone."

"Does Rachel know?" She asks.

I shake my head.

"Jeez-us!" She exclaims. "Are you going to tell her?"

"I messed up," I say.

"Yeah, well, the truth shall set you free."

"No, I mean I messed up with telling her. My mom is telling her now. It should've been me. I should've been the one to tell her. My Mom said she wanted to and I just agreed to it. I don't know what I was thinking."

Kat rolls her eyes again at that. "Well that's Liz for you. She's always been kind of manipulative."

I stop and look up at her.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Just that I've never really trusted her. No offense. I know she's your mom and all."

"No, it's okay, really. What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just the way she used to use George. It always seemed wrong to me."

So that's what that was about.

"What do you mean? What's the deal with her and George?"

"She never told you about the two of them?"

I shake my head, though I can feel my blood starting to rush to my head.

"Her and George used to be together. Since George is in charge, it was like she was in charge. He would do anything she told him to. If she didn't like someone, she would have George ask them to leave. She didn't even have to work! That really pissed everyone off. George would make excuses for her but we all knew what was going on. She was using him to live off of us."

"Holy shit," I say instinctively.

"Yeah, no shit. Eventually we all put a stop to it. She got mad at George for allowing all of us to make her work. She ended the relationship in order to punish him. It worked for a while. He was really messed up. Eventually he came around and started to see what she was doing."

"So why's she still here? Why didn't he ever ask her to leave?"

She looks at me with her eyebrows raised.

"Well isn't that the question? Everyone thinks he's still in love with her, but he knows he can't go back. The minute he does she'll start using him again to wield power over the rest of us. I think he knows that. But he can't bring himself to make her leave. I feel bad for him."

"Oh my God."

"Yeah. I'm sorry to be the one to break the news to you, but your mom is a manipulative bitch."

I look up at her sharply. She puts her hands up in apology.

"Sorry. Too much?"

I shake my head.

"I have to go," I say. "I'm really sorry."

"Off to save your sister?"

I look at her, not knowing what she means.

"I saw the two of them leave together," she explains.

"Yeah, something like that. Thank you. I'm really sorry for today."

She nods and smiles, then pushes me towards the door.

"Go. I was doing it on my own before you got here, I can do it on my own now. You're only here to keep me company," she teases.

I leave the cafeteria and try to collect my thoughts. I have no idea what I'm actually going to do. I also have no idea what my mom is doing that's so bad, I just have a feeling. Everything's been messed up. I walk down the path towards the shacks. Mom's is a quick walk from the cafeteria. There's no one around since they're probably all at the bonfire. The sun is already starting to set, the light of the day diminishing by the second. I never wanted things to be so complicated. I don't even know what I was hoping would happen between my mom and Rachel. All I really wanted was my mom. I never wanted all of this. How can she expect me to love her like I love Rach after what she did? Rach has been by my side my entire life. She left, Rach was there. It's that simple.

I pick up the pace when I see Mom's shack ahead. I hope she hasn't told her yet. I know she probably has but I'm trying to hold on to the small sliver of chance that she hasn't. I get to the door and stop for a moment just to listen. I don't hear any sounds inside. I half expected to hear Rach crying already.

I've betrayed her.

I think a part of me is standing out here because I'm afraid to face what's waiting for me inside. Rach in tears, my mom consoling her, acting like I'm the only one who did anything wrong. It's not going to get any easier. I don't even knock, I just turn the knob and swing the door open. What I see stops me dead and I'm not sure what to say.

Mom is sitting right next to Rach on the couch, her arm around her back with her hand caressing her ear. Her other hand wrapped around Rach's front, caressing her forearm. She has her lips buried in Rach's neck, kissing her softly like she kisses me. But what really stops me is the look on Rach's face. She looks violated. She looks frozen, like she's trapped and desperate for escape. She has her shoulders hunched together and her arms are almost protecting the middle of her legs in case my mom's hands become too bold. Once the door is open, her eyes dart up to me and the look on her face is clear.

Help me.

Mom lifts her face from Rach's neck and when she sees me, she smiles.

"Roger," she whispers. "Come in."

Anger washes through my body, as if my veins are feeding it in every direction. I stop hearing and can only see what's in front of me. The look of Rach's face with my mom's right behind her smiling from ear to ear tells me all I need to know. I move without thinking. I take two long strides through the room and reach out and grab Rach's hand, pulling her up from the couch, knocking my mom onto her back.

"Come on," I grunt as I pull Rach to the door.

"What are you doing?" I hear my mom call out behind me.

I don't answer, I just keep moving. Rach doesn't say a word. I can only imagine what's going through her mind after hearing the things my mom probably said to her. I turn down the path, away from our shack, and keep walking into the forest. After a couple steps, Rach is in stride with me. She doesn't say anything the entire time. I don't look back but I assume Mom isn't following us. She would've caught up by now. We get to the spot where the path curves towards the gardens but I keep going straight. Once off the path, we walk through the trees, our feet crunching the dead leaves beneath us.

"Where are we going?" Rach finally asks.

"Away," I say.

I wait until I can't see any part of the farm. We get to a clearing with one giant tree whose branches spread out a few feet, giving us cover. I stop beneath the tree and turn to face the direction we came, waiting to see if Mom appears.

"She's not following us. I saw her stop outside her shack," Rach says.

I finally ease my nerves, letting my shoulders slump down and take a deep breath. I turn and face Rach, not knowing what to say to her.

"I'm sorry," she says.

I look at her bewildered. What could she be apologizing to me for?

"I don't know what happened. She just started doing it and I didn't know how to say stop. I didn't want her, but I didn't know how to say it."

"It's okay," I say. "It's not your fault."

I look at her and she looks back at me and that's when I realize it.

She hasn't told her yet.

It's what I was hoping for but now I wish Mom actually had told her so that I don't have to. How can I hurt her after what Mom was just doing to her? I look down at the ground and shuffle my feet.

"Rach," I say feebly.

"I don't know what happened."

"She did it to me too."

Rach's eyes grow wider with shock. She puts her hand to her mouth.

"Oh my God."

I nod. "I didn't stop her either. I..." I'm not sure how to say the next part. "I'm so sorry, Rach. I..." I trail off, not wanting to say the words.

"You didn't..." Now she's the one to trail off.

I nod, my eyes still pointed to the ground. "I did. More than once. I don't know what happened either. I can't believe I did it."

I finally look up at her. She seems to be filled so many emotions that I can't pin down a single one. Anger, shock, denial; all of it seems to be pouring out of her at once.

"You slept with her?"

I nod. "I'm sorry."

"Did she force you?"

I shake my head.

That's when the first tear trickles down her face. Now the emotion is clear.

"I'm sorry, Rach. I shouldn't have done it." I want to say more but all of it seems so stupid. I don't deserve Rach.

I hear the leaves crunch as Rach starts to move. Then I see her feet stop in front of me and her hand touches my cheek. She lifts my head up so I can see her.

"Do you love me?" She asks.

I nod. "Yes."

She nods too. "Rog..." She looks at me with an intensity I've never seen before. Suddenly her strength is back and she resembles the Rach I grew up with more than ever. "We need to leave this place. Okay?"

I can tell what she means. Now do you understand? Yes Rach, now I understand. Now I see what your fear was. Not the exact events, but that feeling of impending doom. Now I understand.

"Yes," I say. "We do."

She hugs me. When she lets go, she turns her back to me and I can tell she's already planning our escape.

"Rach?" I ask. She turns around and looks at me. "Do you still love me? After what I did?"

She turns her head to the side and lets out a breath. She walks up to me and puts her hands around the back of my neck, pulling me into an embrace. She leans up and kisses me on the lips. I savor that familiar softness I love so much. She pulls away and looks me in the eye.

"I love you Rog, and no one is going to take that away from me. She used you, Rog. She used you."

I nod, though I know she's just trying to make me feel better. What could she be using me for?

"She said something to me in the car once. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now I see what was going on here."

I look at her confused.

"She said you look a lot like dad. She said you remind her of him. She said 'he's like dad without the anger.' She was using you to fix her own fucked up life."

Oh my God. I look like...oh my God!

Rach must be able to see the disgust on my face.

"I'm so sorry Rog. I think she thought the key to getting you was to get me." She smiles at that. "She knew you loved me too much."

I can feel the anger starting to rise up again. I feel dirty. My mom was using me because I reminded her of the one person in this world I despise above all others. When she looked at me, she saw dad.

In true Rach fashion, she reads my thoughts again. "You're nothing like dad, Rog. That's the thing. She doesn't know you. She doesn't know me. She doesn't know anything about us. She's not our mom. She may be the person who birthed us, but she's not our mom.

I don't know what comes over me but I grab Rach and pull her into a tight embrace. I hold her tighter than I think I ever have before. I know now the only person I have in this world is her. The only person I can trust, the only person who will always be there for me is her. I thought I felt love before but I never felt love like I do in this moment.

"I love you so much," I whisper in her ear.

I feel her arms grip me tighter. "I love you too Rog."

We kiss, our naked bodies wrapped together under this old tree. The warmth of her body seems to spill into my pores and fill my entire body. When we pull away, we look at each other and I know we're thinking the same thing.

This is just like our first time way back when. In the woods, under an old tree, our naked bodies together, we look at each other and know our soulmate is looking back at us.

I can feel my cock begin to grow between us. The feeling of her soft body on the bottom of my shaft. She smiles at me as she feels it against her skin. She pushes up against me, sending a jolt of pleasure from my cock to the rest of my body.

"I guess the woods are our place," she jokes.

I smile and lean in, our lips pressing together and our tongues dancing in passion. I grab her butt with both of my hands and pull her in close, hearing a soft moan escape her when I do. She pushes her hips against me and I can tell she's starting to get wet. Her hand reaches between our bodies and grabs my cock and now it's my turn to moan. She strokes me up and down slowly while she grips my cock tightly. I grab the back of her neck and pull her head back so she can see the pleasure on my face. She licks her hand and goes back to stroking my cock.

"From now on, it's just me and you Rog," she says with the force of passion.

I tilt my head back and groan, pulling her hair down so her head tilts up with me. When our eyes meet again, I can see the wild passion in her.

"Me and you forever Rach," I say.

She turns around and takes a step forward and bends over so she can grab the tree. I take a step closer to her and grab her, pulling her cheeks apart so I can see her slick opening. The smell of her passion already wafts up to my nose and it drives me crazy. I need her right now! I take my cock and rub it up and down her lips, enjoying the sight of her squirming up and down as I do. Then I finally push forward and her pussy devours my head as it slides into her. She throws her head back and moans.

"Yesssss!"

I push all the way into her, leaving it deep for a moment. I love the feeling of her juices on my pelvis. I grab her shoulders with both hands and start to push in and out of her, the sound of our bodies smacking together the only sound in the clearing. That familiar animal inside me begins to take over and I thrust harder into her. She pushes against the tree with all her might, looking back at me with equally wild eyes. My hands move down to her hips and I bend my knees, taking her lower with me. Our bodies fight against each other as the sound of wet passion grows louder.

I pull her body up so her back meets my chest. One hand grabs her breast and the other her throat. However, I don't squeeze. I feel a restraint come over me and I think I don't want to hurt her.

"I'm yours forever, Rach."

"And I'm yours, Rog. Forever and ever."

I hold her tight to me as my hips thrust up into her. She bends her knees to open her hole up more for me and I begin to thrust into her faster. She yells out and I feel her body tighten as she begins to cum, but I'm so close I can't stop. My fingers tighten on her and I pump her faster. My knees begin to burn but the passion between my legs is too great to stop me. I let out a deep guttural grunt and I explode into her. Feeling stream after stream of my seed fill her hole many times over.

"Oh my God," I pant into her ear.

"Yesss Rog. Yes."

When my cock is finally done unloading into her, we fall forward onto the tree. She puts her hands out to brace us as I keep my hands locked around her. We both stand there panting, my cock still deep inside of her. She snuggles into me and I kiss the side of her head. The smell of her sweat fills my nostrils and drives me crazy all over again. I love her smell. It's like it was designed to catch me.

"Marry me," I whisper in her ear. I didn't realize I was going to say it but even now after the words have left my lips, I don't regret it.

She turns around, my cock falling out of her as she does. Her eyes are wide with bewilderment and she puts her arms around me.

"Are you serious?" She asks.

"Yes. Marry me."

She looks like she's searching for words. Her mouth opens but nothing comes out. Finally, "How? We're not allowed."

I shrug. "So what? It doesn't mean we can't throw our own celebration and call each other husband and wife. So what if it's not 'legal'. It's love."

She looks at me and I can see tears start to build in her eyes.

"Yes," she whispers. "Yes. I'll marry you."

I lean in and kiss her again. We embrace and the sweat of our bodies mixes together. I know I should've thought about this before I said it. I know I should've thought about how it's going to work and a million other things, but now that I've said it, I don't regret it at all. Sure, I don't have everything figured out, but I'm starting to realize you never do in life. If you wait to have everything figured out, you'll never do anything. You'll still be living in your father's house in New Jersey, an unhappy little boy hoping the end of your life comes sooner rather than later. Sometimes the unknown is exactly what you need.