A Walk into the Unknown Ch. 03

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I think deep down I knew this day was coming. I knew Rog and I would have to make a break for it. What I didn't know was the reason for it: my mom taking advantage of me. I know I could've stopped it, but I felt so helpless since it was my mom. How could she do something like that to me? What was she expecting I would do?

I know I should probably be mad at Rog for what he did but deep down I'm not. She used him. That's what people like her do. I could be angry that he didn't say no, but then again if he hadn't stormed into Mom's shack when he did, I don't know how far she would've gotten with me. I would like to think I would've gotten up and ran at some point, but who knows? What I do know is that when Rog burst through that door, he wasn't there to join into whatever was happening between me and Mom. He was there to stop whatever he walked into. He was there to save me.

My knight in shining armor.

I know it's a little messed up, but then again that's the story of my life. One messed up situation to the next. The only consistent thing in it is Rog. We've decided to leave Mom the same way we left Dad; without a word. She doesn't deserve it. Let her sit and wonder what happened. Rog did say he wanted to see Kat before we left.

"We should probably tell someone we're leaving so that they don't think we were eaten by a bear or something," he said.

I laughed and shook my head. It is a little over the top but he does have a point. It seems him and this girl Kat formed somewhat of a friendship. All in all I would say this place is filled with some really great people. Now that we're at the end of it, it really only seems like my mom is the only bad seed. We found Kat at the bonfire. Luckily Mom wasn't there. Rog pulls her aside and we walk a couple steps away from the rest of the people.

"Listen," he says. "Rach and I are leaving. For good. Things got a little messed up with our mom and we think it'll be best if we just leave."

She looks from him to me and finally nods her head.

"I'm sorry to see you go," she says to him. "Both of you," she says to me with a smile.

I smile and shake my head. Rog notices this and I can tell he's going to ask about it later.

"I just want you to know," he says to her, getting back on track. "You've been really great to me. I didn't want to just leave you."

"Where are you guys going?" She asks.

Rog and I look at each other. We haven't quite figured that part out yet. When we left New Jersey, we had a destination and a goal. Los Angeles. Find mom. Now, we're just walking aimlessly.

"How are you leaving?" She asks. "You're not going to hitch hike or something, are you?"

Again, Rog and I look at each other. We hadn't quite figured that part out yet either.

Kat chuckles and shakes her head. "You guys aren't much for plans, are you? Listen, why don't I drive you into the city. At least there you can catch a bus or a train or something."

I instinctively groan at the word "bus". "A train. Definitely a train."

"Do you have any money?" She asks.

Rog nods at me.

"I do," I say. "I've been saving everything I've made at the bookstore."

That's when I remember Julia. I can't just leave Julia without saying goodbye.

Kat looks around at the crowd of people around the fire.

"Meet me by the car in twenty minutes. I'll drive you to the train station."

"Do you know how to drive?" Rog asks her.

"Please! That car is mine. I drove it here when I joined the farm."

This place is full of surprises.

Rog and I take off before anyone can start talking to us. It doesn't take us long to pack our stuff up since we didn't come here with much anyway. All of this feels so familiar and it's how I know we're doing the right thing. We leave our shack for the last time and neither of us look back.

As we walk down the path we have to pass by Mom's shack. Neither of us have seen her since we ran away earlier. We both kind of tip-toe by it, hoping she won't see us. It's completely dark out now, so it's kind of pointless to be so worried. As we pass by, we see a single candle lit through the window. We can't see into the shack, but we both know she's up. I wonder what she's doing, or what she's thinking. Does she feel regret? Does she care at all? She's going to lose her children for the second time in her life, but this time it's us leaving her. I want to feel bad for her but I can't. She brought this on herself. All she had to do was be a mother and she couldn't do that. She was still thinking about herself, just like the day she left. I wonder what she's looking at with that single candle. A picture of us? I wonder if she has any. I realize there's still so many questions I have for her but I no longer care to know the answers. They no longer matter. I got to look my mother in the eye and tell her she was wrong. That's all I ever wanted in life. How often can someone say they got what they wanted?

We reach the car and Kat is there waiting for us. We pile in and she puts the car in gear. I sit in back as I have something to do along the way. I decide to write Julia a note before I go. Kat agreed to stop by the bookstore so I can leave it for her. I haven't had that many good people in my life and Julia was one of them. I hate to not be able to say goodbye to her in person. What can I possibly say in a note? I decide to just write and see what comes out.

Dear Julia,

Thank you for everything you did for me. You are truly a great person. I really mean that. I didn't tell you everything about my circumstances and I know you're smart enough to know I didn't. The truth is, I came to Los Angeles looking for my mother. She left me when I was very little. I found her and have been staying with her. Unfortunately, some people never change. I have to leave this place. As much as working with you has been the bright spot of my time here in LA, the world I go to after I leave your door is no longer a place I can be. Please accept my apology for not saying goodbye to you in person. I would've liked to see you one more time.

I stop, not knowing what else there is to say from there. I decide on one last thing.

Just know, I'd take your store over the Library of Congress any day.

Your friend,

Rachel

I'm about to put it in the envelope when I decide on one last thing.

P.S. - You're a great mom. I'd take you as my mom any day, even if you didn't recognize the names of any of my favorite bands. :)

I finish it just as Kat pulls up to the bookstore. It's weird seeing it at night like this. I slide the note under the door and take one last look through the window, trying to see as much as I can through the darkness.

When I get back to the car, we take off for our last stop. The train station isn't that far away. When we get there, we unload our bags from the trunk and say our goodbyes to Kat. She hugs me first.

"It was so great meeting you," she says. "Take care of your brother. He's a good guy."

She's about to pull away but I hold onto her.

"Thank you for being a friend," I say. "We don't have many, so thank you."

I let her go and she smiles at me. She turns to Rog.

"I'm going to miss you in the pantry. That is, when you actually show up." She awkwardly laughs.

The two of them hug.

"Thank you for everything," Rog says. "I hope you don't get into any trouble for this."

She waves it away. "Please. No offense, but I think George will be glad to be rid of you."

I'm not sure what she means by that but Rog seems to find it funny. I look at him confused.

"I'll tell you later," he says to me.

Kat takes one last look at us.

"Good luck. I hope to see you again sometime."

"Us too," Rog says.

We all hug one more time and Kat gets back in her car and drives off. Once again, it's just Rog and me. I finally ask the million dollar question.

"So where are we going?"

He shrugs. "I guess anywhere we want. That's kind of the point of starting over, isn't it?"

We walk into the train station and in the middle of the giant open space is a big board of departures and arrivals.

"Pick a place," he says.

I look up at the board, the multitude of options starting to overwhelm me. I don't know anything about these places. When we left New Jersey, we left hand in hand as boyfriend and girlfriend. We now leave Los Angeles closer than ever as fiancés. I realize what I'm actually deciding here. For the first time in our lives, we're going to a place that will be our own. Not New Jersey, because that's where our dad lived. Not Los Angeles, because that's where our mom was. Now we choose a new place all to ourselves. A place we can call home.

That's when I see it. The name seems to jump off the board and calls me forward. I point to it and Rog smiles.

"I was hoping you would pick that one," he says.

He grabs my hand we walk to the ticket counter, about to buy a ticket into the unknown. If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's only when you travel into the unknown that you can really find yourself. And as long as I have him and he has me, no place is truly unknown.