A Wedding and a Funeral

PART ONE

This is a spin off story from Women Who Talk, based in Melbourne 2016/17 and told from Sandra's point of view. Author's notes. Tafe is a community college in Australia.

Author's note, Tafe is the Australian version of Community College. (pronounced taif)

I've always loved weddings when I was a child because I could dress up and play with other kids and eat cakes. The brides and grooms were members of our church, but during puberty, it took on a more potent meaning and like my girlfriends I too dreamed of wearing a white gown and meeting the man of my dreams at the altar.

I'm Sandra, the only child of Emily and Rodney Thomas, I was born on May 7th 1996 and for the first twelve years my life was relatively peaceful. We lived in a middle class suburb, Heathmont, in Melbourne's outer east. Dad was a high school teacher and my mum was a social worker. Our social life mainly revolved around the church, dad was a deacon at Heathmont Baptist. Mum didn't hold any official titles, but the year I started at Bayswater High School there was a sudden rupture in the marriage and my life.

A lot was kept from me at the time because of my age, but as I got older I learned it had a lot to do with my father's rather conservative ideas. Most men of his age have thrown off those values where a woman stayed home and looked after the children and cooked, dad was of the belief that mum's place was in the home. Looking back, I can see that I should've seen the rot in the snarky comments they threw at each other. One night there was a huge argument and the next day after school mum told me he was staying at a hotel.

He must have loved the hotel because he only came back once, to collect his things, and he told me that he and mum couldn't stay in the same house and that he loved me. At the time I was upset with both of them in turn, but as a kid you look for stability and at least mum hadn't asked me to stay at a hotel. The church however had a different attitude, and she wasn't allowed back until she'd taken her husband back into the home. Mum and I moved to Croydon and the house was sold as part of the settlement, it was only then she explained that they were getting divorced.

That being said though, she was determined that there be as little change to my routine as possible, and so I stayed at Bayswater High; she even let me go to the local youth group at the Uniting church in Croydon. She on the other hand refused to have anything to do with church, and I was to discover over the next few years that her faith had been very much an acquired one influenced by her now ex-husband. Dad moved to Eltham and joined another church, the happy clappy one that believes in casting demons out of people.

Thus, apart from that dramatic period of my life, I can't say that my teenage years were unhappy, I did well at school and focused on art and humanities. Mum dated several men over the next few years but never brought them home, if she and her boyfriend wanted to have sex it was when I had a sleepover at a girlfriend's place. It wasn't until I was in my last year at high school that she finally announced that Stan was her boyfriend and he moved in with us.

By then I'd filled out, I've always been bigger than my peers, and I was a bit self-conscious. I have my mother's blonde hair and my father's green eyes, but I've inherited her bad eyesight, I've worn glasses since I was six. I also have mum's figure and dad's height, my hair is shoulder-length and looking at pictures of mum when she was my age I can see a similar hairstyle, cascading waves that reach my shoulderblades.

By the time I noticed boys, I learned that they'd noticed me long ago, but I was a Christian. I had lots of opportunities to date, but only had one boyfriend in high school. David was in the church youth group, and we were the best of friends, but we barely even kissed. Eventually we broke up when I went to uni and not long afterwards he came out as gay, which meant he no longer wanted to go to church. He used part of his inheritance to book a working holiday to London. I saw him off at the airport. David's departure saddened me, but I had to move on, and so I went to Tafe to do an arts course in graphic design. It seemed the most natural progression considering my electives at high school, I've always loved drawing. It was at Tafe however where I first encountered the world that David had so recently entered.

Emma Johns was my best friend in Tafe. Like me, she'd been an arts student, but her background was nothing like mine. She was from a foster home, her father was a career criminal who was shot to death before she was born, and her mum was an drug addict who died from a heroin overdose. However, she was a year old at the time and has no memory of her.

We clicked initially because she had the same name as mum, but then we found other things in common, like music and movies and books. I loved her assertive nature, she's as bold as brass, she lived with her foster parents, Judy and Gary out in Ringwood. They're wonderful people, who never got married, Gary, according to Judy was the one night stand who stayed.

Emma valued my open-mindedness, and generosity. I've always been a good listener, something I inherited from my mum. I'd sit and listen to her without interrupting, and she'd talk herself into a solution, which is always the best way!

What strikes me as bizarre now, was that most of her problems involved women she had a crush on, and she knew I went to church. I'd always said that homosexuality wasn't my thing but I wasn't homophobic. I only found out the real reason later, but I'll get around to that.

Suffice it to say, Emma never had a girlfriend for the two years we were in college together, she fell for dozens of women, but never made anything more than a half-hearted approach. Sometimes I'd find myself playing the third wheel on dates, other times I'd befriend the other girl and report my findings back to her, and she'd evaluate her, based on my opinion. It was an odd situation because technically speaking, I should've discouraged her.

Was I attracted to her? The answer is complicated. I was drawn to her, she's got long black hair and an olive complexion, she's got Italian and Greek heritage if you go back far enough. I think though it was a way for both of us to avoid dating anyone.

In December 2015, I graduated with a diploma of arts and to celebrate, mum took me on a holiday to the UK and Ireland. She's got family in both countries, and Stan stayed at home to mind the home fires while we drove around the countryside. For the last part of our holiday we spent a few days in Paris and went to Disneyland. It was a time I look back on with fondness tinged with regret because by the time we got back home, Emma had fallen head over heels for Valerie. I met her a few months later in March 2016, she had the same colour hair as me and was five years older than me. She seemed nice enough, she was a police officer. It made me smile, Emma had once told me she loved women in uniform.

I was happy for them both, but I had bigger fish to fry and the biggest was finding a job, getting a job in the arts is notoriously hard and for a graduate the pay is shit. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing though, I'd always looked on drawing and painting as a hobby. I couldn't imagine doing it for a job, and so I looked for something different. I soon got a job with one of Stan's friends, who worked at a law firm in Ringwood, not far from the courthouse. I applied for the job of legal secretary in April 2016, and to my surprise I got the job.

The firm was made up of about sixty percent men and forty percent women. They were criminal lawyers and, as such, tended to be more left wing. They were also tougher because they came into contact with crooks. It was a fascinating world and with my looks I drew the attention of the men in the practice and gained the name, Barbie. However, the name raised the eyebrows of my colleagues, but the one who put her foot down was a vivacious lawyer by the name of Annalisa Grey. She's as gay as they come. She proudly boasts that she's never had a cock in her and when she heard one of the guys saying, "that's Barbie's job," she exploded.

"What is it with you? Why don't you come into the twenty first century and use her name, Sandra? Or should I call you Ken with no cock?"

There was a sudden silence as the others in the office looked at her, and then Ruth chuckled.

"Well said."

Another man rolled his eyes, "I'd stick up for you, but you're on your own with this one," and with that Annalisa became my new friend. She lived with Rachel in Nunawading and drove a restored 1973 Valiant Charger that Rachel's brother had done up for her.

Thus, I became another lesbian's best friend. Annalisa is ten years older than me and was born and raised in Texas, but educated at UCLA. She's got a double degree in law and economics and as a lawyer she's second to none, she moved to Australia to be with her girlfriend, Amanda. Their fling didn't last more than three months but she moved on and a little over six months later she met her current girlfriend, Rachel. I've seen lawyers from the D.P.P begging the senior partners to assign someone else to their case because they don't want to come up against her in court.

Despite the fact she's with someone, I can admit that she was probably the first actual girl crush that I'd admitted to, privately. She has fair hair and a strong jawline, she always dresses well and yet if a client stares at her boobs too long she'll fix them with a steely gaze and say, "eyes up, sweetie, these won't answer you."

Annalisa adopted me after that. I was still a legal secretary, but she'd often get me to help her with a case, namely the note taking and filing. Sometimes we'd go to a client's home or to the cells at the police station. Once a week though, we'd go to the Melbourne Assessment centre in the city, it's an imposing building on Spencer Street that was the old remand centre. It's intimidating by design, you drop all your possessions into a tray and go through a metal screener. Most of the time we were in a private room with a client, but sometimes we'd be in the general visitor's room.

Over the next six months, I became used to the undressing stares, where a man strips you mentally whilst sitting opposite you. It was a little disconcerting at first, but because I was with her I always felt safe. Annalisa can and does demand respect from the most hardened criminals. Nevertheless, I loved going into the city with her because we'd have lunch in a café, and it was on one of those lunches that she first suggested doing a paralegal course part-time.

"It's better money, and it's a chance to move up the food chain."

"Michael would never allow it," I replied.

"Leave Michael to me," she winked.

She was as good as her word and two days later I was called into Michael's office and told that he was sending me to do a part-time paralegal course. The course itself was due to start in February 2017, but Annalisa had managed to negotiate an Introduction to Law that started in September and ran until early December. That was paid for out of the company budget too and it meant I had to sign another contract, promising to stay with the practice for the next five years.

And that brings me up to the last week of September, 2016. The Introduction to Law was only one day a week, a Friday, effectively giving me a long weekend every week. About the same time I got myself a boyfriend. I'd known Nathan for a few years, he went to the same church, and had been with Amy for at least eighteen months, but at the start of June of that year they broke up and a few months later we went out on our first date. The first person I told was Emma, she'd moved out of home and into Valerie's house in Heathmont, it was actually across the road from where we used to live when dad and mum were married!

Nathan was three years older than me. He was a clean-living guy who worked as an accountant, he had brown hair and brown eyes, but I loved his laid back attitude. He wasn't trying to change me or get into my pants, in many ways he was like David. Emma was happy for me and so was Annalisa when I told her a couple of days later. I remember that day clearly, September 21st. We'd just been to the Assessment Centre to see a few clients, and then she took me to lunch at a Mexican restaurant on the corner of Flinders Lane and Degraves Street.

"So, what's he like?"

"He's quiet, easygoing, doesn't try to get on with me. He's a lot like David in a way."

"Is he the one who came out?"

"Yeah," I felt the colour in my cheeks, "let's hope he doesn't go the same way."

"You'll be fine, but even if he does you're an attractive woman, you'll land another man just by fluttering your eyebrows," and when my eyes narrowed she went onto explain.

"I've seen the way guys look at you, seriously. You don't know the power you have."

I didn't know what to say to that.

"You never know, we could have ourselves a double wedding. Rachel and I are finally tying the knot in December."

"Huh? I thought you were already married?"

"Nope, we've been living together. We talked about it early on, but she'd just separated from her husband. We had to wait twelve months before she could put the papers in and after that I s'pose we just decided we'd do it soon," she raised the coffee cup to her lips.

"And that was the end of that until we went to a friend's wedding, and she reminded me that we had talked about it."

"So, when is the big day?"

"Saturday the third of December, about ten weeks away," her eyes shifted, "listen, I have a favour to ask you."

"What?"

"Would you be my bridesmaid? We've agreed on one bridesmaid each, so what do you say?"

I opened my mouth to say something, shut it and then opened it again.

"Me? Are you sure? Don't you have someone else?"

"Yeah, a few girlfriends back home but they can't afford the fare, and I don't want to ask any of the girls at work."

"What about your family? Your sister, or cousins?"

"My family?" Annalisa cracked a wry grin, "my family are so homophobic the homophobes cross the street to avoid them. They're happy that I'm here because I can't embarrass them by turning up at their house with a girlfriend," she propped on her palm.

"I thought of Saoirse, I met her when I went to Ireland just after I graduated from law school but I came back to the States and got a job, and she got into a relationship with another woman. Saoirse moved over here four and a half years ago, not because of me, she had family here, but it'd be a bad look if my ex was a bridesmaid, she'd probably agree because she's such a nice woman, but Rachel might raise her eyebrows."

"Okay, I'll do it, but on one condition."

"What's that?"

"If you get a better offer then feel free to take it and I won't be offended, okay?"

"Okay," she set her cup down, "shake on it," she held out her hand.

We shook hands and she smiled crookedly.

"Now that's the scariest thing I've done this week."

"Scarier than visiting the assessment centre?"

"That doesn't scare me, they play up to me, but I can handle them."

And that brings me back to my starting point, my interest in weddings. I'd been to a few over the years, friends from church and an old school friend, Tracey, who married her schoolyard sweetheart, Danny. But I'd never been a bridesmaid, and when I told mum and Stan that night they were both over the moon.

"You'll make a lovely bridesmaid," mum grinned.

However, if mum and Stan were excited, Nathan was cautious, and I detected some tension when I told him the next night. We'd taken the younger youth group kids out ten pin bowling, and after that we stopped off at MacDonalds. By that stage I'd become a youth group leader, it seemed a natural progression from youth group, but I was also a member of the young adults group. To be honest, I found the youth group a better environment because the other group was full of couples or people who were looking for a partner. Quite a few were also older than me, too.

"Are you sure it's a good idea?" Nathan glanced over at me as he pulled into my driveway.

"Of course it's a good idea. Why do you ask?" I stared at him, "is it because she's gay?"

"No of course not, I'm just saying," he trailed away.

"What are you saying? That you're jealous?"

"Don't be stupid, why would I be jealous? I'm just concerned that you might be singled out."

"By whom? The church elders? The only way they'll find out is if one of us tells them."

"But what if someone sees you there? It's a very public place."

I stared out the window at the house. Mum and Stan were still up, and I could hear music as well, I eventually shifted in my seat and looked at him.

"I'm going," I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, "and that's that."

"Okay, okay. Can I come too?"

"No," I replied, "I'm part of the bridal party, and you don't even know her."

"Oh," he looked at me, "it's like that, is it?"

"Yeah," I kissed him on the lips, "it's like that. Annalisa has been my mentor, and I don't want any arguments from you about my friends, okay?"

He agreed to that, but when I asked if he wanted to come inside he said he wanted an early night. In hindsight, it was an omen. Nathan usually came in for a coffee, he liked talking to mum and Stan, but I was still trying to evaluate our conversation. I thought maybe he'd eventually accept that I was going to be a bridesmaid at a lesbian wedding.

"You can invite him if you want," Annalisa told me on Monday as she led me through to her office, "but I've got to limit the numbers, you can bring your boyfriend, a girlfriend, or your mom."

"Well that's settled," I stepped into her office, "it's mum."

"Good, I'm looking forward to meeting your mom," she indicated a pile of paperwork.

"I need those filed away before lunch and after lunch we're heading over to the courthouse, I've got an appeal. I need the Chalebi files ready. It's just a bail hearing, so I need the psychologist report and the application itself, and get the charge sheet too."

The Chalebi case was an assault case. Ahmed Chalebi had been charged with assault after a far right extremist tried to pull his girlfriend's hijab off. He'd reacted with violence and when the police tried to intervene he lashed out at them as well, which meant he got charged with assaulting police, but the other guy was released on bail. The far right movement had been spurred on by the likes of the One Nation Party and other associated parties, it'd been a page six story in the Herald-Sun and that had aroused Annalisa's ire.

He was being held at the police watchhouse over the weekend but after an appearance at the local court on the Monday he was set to be transferred to the City Remand centre. The senior partners had handballed the case to Annalisa because she wouldn't miss the prosecution and hit the wall, and they weren't wrong. The magistrate ordered the prosecutor to sit down after he tried to interrupt her and Ahmed was released on bail of $1,500.

"That means you need to behave yourself," Annalisa told Ahmed outside the courthouse, "keep on the right side of the law at all times, don't even spit on the pavement, no driving offences, nothing, and we'll be back here once a court date is set."

"Thank you, thank you," he nodded, "I will be good."

"Okay," she smiled, "now remember, call me if you feel you have questions. Once I've got a date I'll call you, and we'll have another talk and prepare for the case, okay?"

"Okay, thank you," he glanced at me, "and thank you as well, Miss Sandra."

"You're welcome," I nodded.

He left not long after, and Annalisa cracked a smile as she watched him go.

"I do believe he was flirting with you."