A Wedding and a Funeral Pt. 03

For most Aussies it's just an excuse for a massive party that lasts for days, an excuse to get drunk and in general make a nuisance of themselves. This translates to carnage on the roads as drunken drivers collide with other motorists or pedestrians. And then there are the flag waving bigots who shout, "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, oi, oi, oi." Somewhere in the past someone told these idiots that if they repeated the same two words over and over that they'd increase their vocabulary, the fact that they're usually as drunk as monkeys is also a factor.

Finally, to add even more controversy there's the Indigenous question. Aboriginal tribes suffered horrific atrocities from the moment the First Fleet arrived. It amounted to deliberate genocide as gangs of soldiers and settlers hunted them like animals. To this day, you will find communities that are still suffering from leprosy and cataracts, two conditions that are very curable. They suffer from extreme poverty and out in the outback they're battling disease, poverty, alcoholism, violence, rape and the abusive practices of mining companies in partnership with government officials. Thus, they call it Invasion Day instead of Australia Day.

Personally, I've always had mixed feelings about Australia Day, I acknowledge the First Australians and the rest of us in equal measure, it's a no brainer to me but there've been times when I had to put up with insults at school whenever the subject came up. I treat it as a long holiday instead. This year was the first time I had actual paid holidays so I got paid to stay away from work and sit on my arse and do my own thing. I was also grateful that I didn't work in retail or a restaurant because many had to open throughout the entire holiday period. Don't get me started on that one either, Emma had to go to work on three of the days.

It was also memorable for another reason. It was the first time I attended a meeting of Women Who Talk. These meetings were started back in 1998 by Penny and a small group of women and over the years the women's group had grown to hundreds of meetings all over Victoria.

The format was simple. Each group was autonomous except where their activities could affect other groups or the organisation. If a group got too big then it split in two and formed a second group, it was how it had grown so big. There were no bosses, each group elected a delegate who submitted attendance figures every quarter. but groups were not obliged to even have a delegate.

Most groups had a tried and true meeting format, revolving around a monthly meeting led by one of the women. She introduced herself, welcomed members and then gave a brief presentation relating to something they'd been going through or a topical subject. She related that back to her personal experience and then moved around the room and invite the others to give feedback, it could be quite personal stuff or just general. No one was under any obligation to share but if she shared a problem then others chimed in with their suggestions and that was the genius behind it, women helping other women cope. The meetings usually included a shared dinner, barbecue or lunch. Our meeting had the shared dinner and it's become one of the highlights of the month. I've had opportunities to work overtime on that night and turned it down most of the time.

However, I was a little bit nervous about the meeting, I'd met Nicole, Tillie and Zara, so I knew at least three members. Nicole ran two boutique clothes shops, one in the Mountain Gate shopping centre and the other in Ringwood at Eastland. Some boutique stores have exclusive contracts to sell high end brands, but they can also take handmade items from local designers. Nicole's shops bought blouses, tops and skirts from Robyn and also had a wedding dress ordering service where they took a commission.

She was married to Tillie, who had been an employee until they got involved and she got another job as a dressmaker for Robyn. These days the equal opportunities people would be screaming about power imbalance, but in 2003 life was a lot simpler. Tillie put it best when she said that "we had a sense of humour then and we were more tolerant of differences."

Zara was Nicole's best friend, I found out a year or so later of the chequered history involving her, Nicole and Zara's former lover, Helen. Zara was a social worker and in a relationship with Tracey, a bank manager with the Commonwealth bank. All four women were quite close with each other, they were the core members of the group.

The other members were Rebecca or Beckie as she preferred, she was a polite woman with long blonde hair who worked as an airline pilot working the Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane route. She'd been in a relationship with a guy but it'd ended three months previously and at the last meeting she had apparently confessed to liking women but hadn't gone out with one yet.

Jodie was a sex worker at the time, servicing women and the occasional man. She'd come to the group after servicing Nicole one night, it was just before Nicole hooked up with Tillie. These days she's retired, the Covid-19 pandemic knocked the stuffing out of a lot of businesses, escort agencies were particularly hard hit. She's halfway through a law degree these days.

Jennifer was a real estate agent and married to a guy, she had two teenage girls. Charlene was a year younger than me and worked at Eastland, she had a boyfriend who'd proposed to her on New Year's Eve and then there was Debbie. She was a surprise because she was a Uniting Church minister. She was a year older than Nicole, making her the oldest member of the group.

In summary, it was a fairly typical Australian gathering. Despite the influence of American tv, we're pretty egalitarian within our social networks. We have a saying, 'whatever floats your boat.' I spent a good hour talking to Beckie about flying, she was the first airline captain I'd ever met. She was the kind of woman who chooses her words carefully, a year or so later we were on a flight when we heard her voice over the speakers. That night though I learned that pilots have to physically inspect their planes before take-off.

"We have a saying in the airline industry, 'aviate, navigate, communicate,' and part of aviating is a walk around the plane every time we take off. Sometimes I do it, other times it's the first officer who does it."

"I was on a routine flight to Brisbane to see my boyfriend's parents at New Year," Charlene broke in, "and we sat for at least fifteen minutes before they let us get off but there was no explanation apart from something about awaiting ground staff but the stairway was already in place. I thought there was something wrong with the plane."

"It was probably a body in the cargo hold," she replied, "if someone dies interstate they'll transport the body in the hold but at the other end they take the coffin off first and we announce that we have to wait for ground staff or there's a technical problem with the doors."

"Oh my god, a body in the plane?"

"Yeah, absolutely. It'd cost a lot to transport a coffin all the way by road. People just bung it in the cargo hold and make arrangements for it to be taken off at the other end."

"Have you ever transported bodies before?" I asked.

"Twice," she held up two fingers, "once when I was a First Officer and then about three months ago when someone died in Sydney. We get a note on the manifest saying there's a body on board, it's all pretty routine. The people closest to the actual cargo door can look down and see a cart with a tarp over it, it's all done very discreetly," she grinned.

The meeting started not long after that and the theme was new beginnings in light of the tradition of New Year resolutions.

Jodie's was the funniest, "I'm getting rid of my pet mice."

As she explained, she had a pet snake and pet mice. However, the snake had gotten out of his glass enclosure and managed to worm his way into the mice cage. He got stuck with the mouse halfway down his throat and by the time she managed to pull him out he was too distressed to swallow the mouse, which had expired. As to why she decided to keep predator and prey in the same house was perhaps an indication of her obsession with opposites. She was bisexual, had been a sex worker and was now doing a law degree.

Jennifer's resolution came out of her response to Jodie's. She wanted to find a balance between her work, home life and social life. She loved her husband and children, but found that she was always playing catch up.

Debbie's resolution was, predictably enough, to avoid New Year resolutions.

"It's a distraction from reality. It's better to live one day at a time, rather than make promises that we can't keep."

The one that really drew me in though was Beckie's.

"My resolution, if you can call it that is to accept that I'm just not attracted to men. I've tried to adapt myself to their likes and dislikes, but find that I'm just not happy. I attract two kinds of men, the domineering type or the guy who wants me to dominate him. The first kind is always comparing our wages to see whose dick is bigger and the second, well, let's not go there."

"And women?" Saoirse asked her.

"Women are different, I've made a few friends in the business. One is Cassie, who is a stewardess, the only thing that stops me is the fact she's got a boyfriend although judging by the way she talks about him I don't think it's an equal relationship."

"Well maybe not with Cassie," Saoirse replied, "my resolution is to stay away from married women in the future but be open to dating a woman. It's not like you have to get naked on the first date but use it as an opportunity to get to know a woman."

"Exactly," Debbie broke in, "take it on a day to day basis, it's not as if you're coming out as gay, but you are making yourself available to grow and evolve," she glanced at me for a moment, "and if you're coming out at all, it's admitting you're fluid. Don't look on it as leaping into the dark, it's a first step, feel your way around and if you find you're not comfortable it's okay. Nothing ventured, nothing gained as they way."

I blinked at that advice and nudged my glasses.

"What about you?" Nicole glanced at me.

"It's probably the same as Beckie's. I had a boyfriend for a few months and he's been the first real boyfriend I've ever hand, but I couldn't find a connection with him. I mean, when it came to the physical stuff like kissing I was fine with that but as soon as he started getting, you know, aroused, I felt really anxious and out of sync. I thought at first it was because I was a virgin, but I got on with an old friend just before New Year and if we hadn't been interrupted by her ex then it would have happened for sure."

I told them more about what'd happened between Emma and I, and about our relationship and in the aftermath there was silence before Tillie spoke.

"It sounds like you're on the right track. I'm not sure about Emma, but you probably made the right decision in backing out. Sleeping with friends is usually a bad idea, although I think I broke the rules when I slept with my boss at the time," she nodded at Nicole.

"But there are a few different ways to go forward," she continued.

"The first is the suggestion Debbie had for Beckie. Go out with a few women and just see how you get on with them but without taking it further. The second is to accept a date with a woman that will involve sex, but the third," she glanced at Jodie.

"Is to hire an escort just to see if it's something you like, kind of dipping your toes but Jodie might like to weigh in that one."

"Um, yeah, it's certainly a common phenomenon. I had a few clients who were just curious but it's not always a good idea. A sex worker fulfils your fantasy, they can certainly service you but it's a service, not a relationship. It'll probably confirm or deny your orientation, but at the end of the day I'd say the first option is the better one but if you're still interested I can give you phone numbers of a couple of old friends who're still on the game."

It was all very good advice. Everyone contributed their feedback and I felt as if I'd crossed over an invisible boundary. My one night stand with Emma was out in the open, all that remained was for me to take it to the next step.

"I feel as if I'm on the verge of something," I confessed to Saoirse as we stood in her drive, "but at the same time there's a part of me that recoils from it."

"What do you mean by recoil?"

"I don't know," I frowned, "it's like I'm doing something forbidden, but that's part of the attraction at the same time, so am I just being a rebel because it's cool or is there really something in it?"

"How do you feel about Emma? If she hadn't gone back to her ex that is?"

"I'm not sure. I like her as a friend, but as a girlfriend? I think it's risky but maybe I'm reading too much into it already but there's something in what Jodie said. A sex worker might be an option if I really want to explore it but I'd need to save up some money and find a time when I'm alone, mum and Stan are home every night."

"Well if you need to borrow a bedroom, I've got a spare room here and all you've got to do is tell the person on the other end of the line that you've got a friend here but it's just a booking for one."

"Okay," I frowned, "sure."

"They'll check out the house first anyway. They get driven there by a minder and after they search the house they call what they say is a friend and give them a coded message that sounds as if they're just chatting normally. It might be, it's a nice place if it's all clear but if she says, I'm feeling bit sick at the moment, it's a sign that there's trouble. The minder turns up a few minutes later and they can be big boys, and she leaves."

"I hadn't realised it was such a dangerous business."

"Not when you're servicing women apparently, it's the guys you have to watch. Jodie told me about it a few years ago."

"I'll think about your offer," I replied, "but I have to go."

"No worries," she put an arm around me, "thanks for coming tonight. So, we didn't scare you off?"

"Not at all," I turned and gave her a hug, "it felt strangely liberating. These are the kinds of women I've always wanted to know."

"Cool," she rubbed my back.

We stood there holding each other until I finally let go and, on impulse, gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"See you next Sunday?"

"For sure but if you want to come around some time during the week feel free, I'm single again."

"I liked your resolution though, don't get involved with married women."

We parted after that and as I drove home I resolved to ask Annalisa some hard questions next week at work

***

However, we didn't go back to work until the Tuesday because, Australia Day, and of course there was a mile of work to get through. People don't take a holiday from crime and of course we had the usual drink driving offences to wade through. Our reception area was full of drivers who'd been pulled up for failing a blood alcohol test or dangerous driving. I've never understood why people get behind the wheel of a car after they've been drinking but Penny and Cindy have told me that it was a hell of a lot worse back in the '70s and '80s. A combination of V8 cars and drunken teenagers eventually led to mobile booze buses to stop the weekend carnage. There isn't a lot one can do in that situation. A lawyer can argue for a lighter sentence, but unless the cops have missed a couple of steps in the procedure then you're up shit creek without a paddle.

It was the same on Wednesday and Thursday, but on Friday Annalisa kidnapped me and we took off into the city to the Assessment Centre to catch up on her workload there. She had several clients to see there, two were on armed robbery charges two were up on drug charges and the other three were only locked up because they'd broken their bail conditions.

We had lunch in a restaurant in Little Bourke Street, it's one of the many lanes in Melbourne, they used to be dingy little streets semi permanently in the shade except for midday when the sun shone down on the empty beer cans and stubbies, the needles, and dried blood. Penny and Robyn have told me how dangerous they were back in the '70s and '80s. Development really only started in the closing years of the twentieth century as gentrification took hold. Areas such as Southbank, the area on the southern bank of the Yarra River, started to be developed. The abovementioned region is now the most expensive retail and residential district in the city.

Likewise, the lanes, once the haunt of drug addicts and drunks have been transformed into cafés and upmarket restaurants and shops. Some of the past still remains in the form of graffiti but even that is more artistic in nature than the work of bored kids with cans of spray paint. The restaurant we were at is a Lebanese one and she shouted me the hummus awarma, a delicious meal of spicy lamb with pomegranate molasses, and toasted almonds. She had a spicy sausage called soujouk, which also had pomegranate molasses.

"It's nice to sit in one place and not have to worry about being disturbed," Annalisa said.

"Yeah, it's been non stop," I nudged my glasses, "we had five days of putting our feet up and then we spend the next few days catching up for lost time. What's it like in America with July Fourth? Or is it just Australia that has five days to celebrate their founding?"

"Just Australia I'm afraid. We have our July Fourth but that's not celebrating our discovery by the Europeans. July Fourth is the celebration of the Declaration of Independence. Columbus Day is in October and that's a lot more low key. We have parades and parties but it's only for a day, then it's back to the grind stone," she smirked.

"But in this country you have a national holiday to celebrate a horse race."

"The Melbourne Cup," I inclined my head, "and Anzac Day in April."

"It's quirky," she admitted, "but on an entirely different subject, how're you getting on with your uh friend, Emma?"

"She's still hanging out with Roxy," I replied.

"How does that make you feel? After what happened between you two?"

"I'm okay with it, actually kind of relieved. She's my best friend and if we got together and broke up, we'd lose a lot more if you know what I mean."

"I do," our eyes met, "been there, done that, got the tee shirt, but what stopped you? As I recall, you and her were on the brink but you pulled out."

"I know," I propped on my palm.

"Why?" Annalisa asked, "just out of curiosity."

"I guess my thinking was that at some point I had to move forward and have sex, with someone, I don't go to clubs because I find them to be shallow and the only single gay person I know is her, so I guess I just thought bugger it."

"So, now you have to find another single woman, is that it?"

"Yeah, pretty much and I met one woman at this women's meeting the other night, Beckie she's an airline pilot though so I don't know. She'd be looking for someone closer to her age."

"How old is she?"

"Thirty two, no thirty three," I replied, "and then there's Saoirse, she's twenty seven but I feel as if she's out of reach too."

"Age is a number," she propped on her palm, "admittedly, it can be an issue but in many cases that's just an excuse to explain other more fundamental differences. A younger woman has more energy than an older woman, there might be different interests that clash or it's a generational thing. We grew up in a different time to someone twenty years older than us, but it comes down to whether or not we can adapt to the other person."

"I guess so," I nudged my glasses, "but I really loved that women's meeting."

"Yeah, she's mentioned that meeting a few times. Rachel goes to the Nunawading one, I've been a few times but that's where it comes down to what I just mentioned, adjusting and allowing her to have her own friends. I look forward to her meetings because it means I've got time on my own to do my own thing. I've got a creative writing group I meet with once a week, she's into hiking and rock climbing. She's definitely the more active one and I'm more sedentary and academic, but in the end we're a team. We both bring things to the relationship."