All Comments on 'A White Tiger and The Wolf Ch. 03'

I like reading these chapters but you need someone to edit your chapters grammatically and also...use "quotes" around what is being said with your characters. It is easier to know when it is a speaking part, and becareful with your punctuation marks.

Ok I like reading this and the characters are good. But the flow still needs work Quotes for the speaking parts are a must and your grammar could use some work its the little things that really break your story up like

"I have to help him but I don't know how."

Bradly said you have always been able to talk telepathy with your brother. "Yes" Kay said.

It should be Bradly asked if she or "have you always been able to talk telepathy with your brother?" asked Bradly. Thank you for sharing Mechmanas

One word "grammar"

It is a good story...I like the plot and think it is interesting. I like that it could go in any direction. There is so much mystery about what she is and why she can do what she can do. You do need an editor though. There is a lot of clean-up to do. I really recommend getting quotes around coversations. I would also say that it should be put into paragraphs v. line by line. But that is up to you. It just feels too choppy with the line by line approach. I believe you can request an editor through this site if you don't have someone to help you. Good luck and I look forward to seeing where this goes. You have a great story to work with. The rest is easy to fix.

Sorry. Really couldn't read this with the lack of punctuation, grammar errors and line by line reading. I agree, there are some good things here, but they're buried. I'd suggest going to the forums and looking at the Editors thread to see if you could get someone. There's also the volunteer list, but it's huge.

but needs punctuation, an editor would help but overall a good story so far

Having read Pennlady's stories maybe you could ask her to edit your story before you post it. Sorry Pennlady but you really could help this budding author as you are so experienced and a favourite of mine. LOL

The plot is interesting, all you need is an editor. It helps, I would know since without an editor my own writing would be unreadable.

It IS a good story with a good plot, but due to the grammar, particularly punctuation like "quotes", it does not fall into the category of "easy reading".<br/>

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If you can't find an editor in the forum, contact me and I'll see if I can help.<br/>

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-- <br/>

- ShadowedDreams

but does need grammer work.It is interesting,but a bit choppy to read,needs more flow,an editor would be helpful and i think you could put out some good stories,,i look forward to more stories from you,,good luck,

good work need 2 work on grammer though keep working on it cant wait for u 2 finish the story don't stop writing.

I think your story is interesting, but it is difficult to read. It would be easier if you used standard punctuation, such as quotation marks to signify when people are speaking. The best thing to do would be to find a person that will help you with editing.

this story seems to have a good plot and it would be really good if u'd just expand it alil..i don't mean to sound mean or anything but it's causeing me pain to try and read it..it doesn't flow at all..everything is abrupt and cut off..when ur chacters speak it reminds me of a robot..i can't say anything bout the grammer cuz seriously i can't spell either but just try to maybe discribe their surroundings or how they feel without narrating everything..best of luck to ya!

I love love LOVE your stories, but when the characters speak, could you please use "" marks, its really distracting when I am reading, and your stories are so amazing I want to get completely lost in them! thank you so much!

Ok, you have a good story but you seriously need an editor to help work out all the kinks.

This is written like an 8 year old. I know you can do better if you just re-read it through and take your time.

you really need to put quotation marks when people are speaking. it gets really confusing otherwise

Love the story, plot and characters. It's just written very simply. Take time and reread what you have written, expand on scenes, dialogue, and events. Give life to the story instead of this, then this, then this happened. The story must flow.

Good luck, keep writing, you have great ideas.

But I totally agree with the last comment about the way the story is written..there is no flow. Also the lack of any real punctuation is frustrating and makes the story difficult to read. So while I like the story line and the characters so far I'm not so sure I'll be reading any further.

i love ur story but it seems like its rushed. i cant get into it anymore.

I know you can do better it it is written like a 3 year old has written it.

You had my attention in the first chapter,but not now.

You could've at least added speech marks.

If Jason gave Brad the address earlier why does he need it to send in the clean-up team now?

Omg its awful. Don't get me wrong other story looks like it could be great but easy to many "he said/she said" moments atcually making it more diffecult to follow and words that a younger child would use.

This is like the fifth time I've tried to read this.... Quotation marks when characters are speaking, grammer needs work, spelling is off and the wordage is of a young child. I do want to read this but.... It's really hard to read.... I'm usually not so critical but I know this story can be better.

Why didn't you find an editor?

He said, She said...it back in kindergarten and elementary school when you read books that have, "See Spot run." Even then there are " "

"See bearmad1963 never write anything else again."

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