A Wife's Choice

"What do you mean by that? YOU are the one who filed for separation and wants a divorce. I don't want our family to break up."

"Family," I scoffed. "That's a laugh."

"Dave, please."

"Oh! Am I Dave again? Actually, I'm used to David now. Don't even think of trying to toss that rancid body of yours at me. I would need three STD tests just to be sure. And after knowing what you do with your asshole boss and others, I would not be able to get it up with you."

I saw her cringe but continued.

"For the record, since our lawyers agreed, I tried out that during separation sex thing. And now I know that at least two other women made my soldier stand and fight the good fight. You, on the other hand, don't. What you have been doing disgusts me. You... you disgust me."

She looked back at me sheepishly, but I saw no remorse or even jealousy. It was an act. And to be honest, I was glad. I could give a shit if she had any guilt or if she had a last pang of possessiveness. She had shed those notions long ago.

"How much do you know?"

"Everything," I replied. "From the first day you and Weise had fun at his office to you fucking him over and over the last five years. Also, the name of every single asshole you let fuck you other than him. Especially that airtight thing you did with his gulf buddies. Very classy."

"He made me do it to pay for the loans," she tried to say in her defense.

"Oh, I know how this started," I replied. "Erich was a shit-heel that took advantage of a subordinate's dire situation. The way he played you that first day made me feel sorry for you. At first."

"What do you mean? I had to endure him to pay off the loans."

I was starting to get royally irritated.

"First, the loans could have been paid earlier with as much money as he was giving you not to rat him out. Instead, you stashed a lot of it without telling me. I wondered about that after I found out. You could have paid the loans off and be free of him. But when you continued to work those long hours after we had the money, I knew there was more to it than that. Toss in how you cut me off sexually, and I knew. You had another lover, and you were going to him voluntarily."

She looked back at me defiantly but did not reply.

"Second, it took him just that first time. Thirty minutes. Just half an hour for you to forget me and become his bitch. I saw how you came on his dick and the look on your face. I knew that look. I had seen it. Only this was from someone else who didn't love you and was using you."

"I had no choice," she repeated.

"he may have cornered you into sex, but you chose to give him the satisfaction of knowing he had gotten to you. You didn't just give him your body, Lisa. You gave him all of you. He owned you from early on. If not the first day, definitely by the second."

It was clear that Lisa was stressed, crystal clear. But she did not deny it.

"How do you know all this?" then the expression on her face changed to one of shock and fear. "Wait... what do you mean, saw?"

"His wife, Kathy, had video taken in his office suite; video of each encounter you and Erich had. Also, all the guys he brought for you to fuck in his office as well. Either over his desk or in that bedroom he has behind the stationary and copier closet."

"Oh God," she said, covering her face with her hands. "You saw it all?"

"Once I saw the most important parts, I stopped. Even then, I skipped over a lot. But as I said. I saw the parts that mattered. Not just the sex, but your reaction to it. You loved it. Admit it. It's like you were born for that lifestyle the way you took to it.

"The deception, the debasement, the betrayal. But the two worse things you did, were that you were enjoying it and that you joined your fuckbuddy in humiliating me. I could ask you why you did that. I could ask, what did I do to you to deserve that? But I realize that you probably have some excuses for it, and it no longer matters.

"What matters is that I know who you are. If I ever get a pang of guilt for our marriage ending, I'll watch the video of you and fuckin Erich talking trash about me.

"Our lawyers will sort everything out. Know this. I have detailed accounts of all the kid's events you missed and records of you being with him or other men. I also have a video of you and him when YOU let him into our house. The house our children live in and could have seen him."

"It was during your work hours and their school hours. You would not have seen it."

"Good luck with that and the judge," I replied, waving my hand toward her face.

"Dave, please don't do this? Don't split us up. The kids need us both."

"I have been here for them, Lisa. Not you. I did all the parenting while you have been off keeping your boss serviced. He chose you so he can get off on fucking and using a married woman.

"Don't fight me on custody, Lisa. I will agree to liberal visitation every weekend for you and the kids if you like. I'm no monster. Assuming you are not busy, that is. But you have them by yourself. I don't want that asshole boss of yours near them."

She closed her eyes as her face turned away. As her lip trembled and tears came, I think she finally realized how far down a hole she had gone. If it was regret or if she was mad that she got caught, it did not matter anymore.

***

The next two days were tense when we saw each other briefly at night. I caught her looking at me, only this time she did not avert her gaze as she was prone to do.

"You want to know why?" she asked.

'Here we go,' I thought.

"Not particularly at this point. It will either be bullshit or something to hurt me. But to show you that I'm over it, go ahead. Tell me how I was not good enough or that his dick was bigger. I can handle it."

She took a deep breath as she gathered her thoughts, then smiled with a faraway manner as if reliving some memorable moment.

"It felt good from the start," she blurted out with that same look. "Erich using me felt... fantastic. I had never cum so much."

Knife in the gut from the start. Nice going, Lisa. No matter how prepared I thought I was for this, it still hurt actually to hear from her own mouth. But I rolled my eyes, not to let her think she got to me.

"Go on," I waved her and crossed my arms. "Let it out."

"When he told me what his plans were for me, I was shocked that any person would do that to someone in my position. It was cold and so selfish. Not to mention sexist and against anything I thought a boss in our times would dare say to a female employee. But when I realized I had no choice but to submit to him, everything changed."

"How so?"

I don't know if it was my curiosity, the way her eyes seemed to shine as she recounted her feelings or both. What I finally was getting was some answers. And even if they were painful, I chose to hear so I could move on with my life.

"David, there was no question that we had to have the surgery for Amber. And no doubt that we needed the money. Even selling the house and tapping into our 401Ks would not have been enough. You and I could not do it.

"Giving me the money to pay for surgery and a way to pay it back seemed like he made a miracle happen. That was the carrot.

"So, when he said he could pay the doctor, to NOT operate on our girl..." she shook her head. "Well, there was no option anymore. He had me in a corner that he knew, and I knew there was no getting out from. That was the stick.

"I no longer had choices as I thought I had," she went on. "Some believe that marriage takes options away from a woman, but they are wrong. A woman can choose many things while married because our husbands, no matter how portrayed by man-haters, are rarely controlling. If anything, they are easy to manipulate and manage by us women.

"We ladies decide if we are to be good mothers or not. If we are to be good wives or not. If we are to be honest or truthful to our husbands. Or if we take lovers or not. Marriage was not my trap or cage. You never made me feel controlled by the patriarchy or whatever bullshit they sell on college campuses these days to impressionable girls.

"But trapped I was, just the same. From my personal expectations of what life was to be. Some would say that society had put these ideas in my head. Since I was a little girl, all I heard was how I could do it all, be anything I wanted, and do anything I wanted. And, of course, it all sounded great. Daunting, but it appealed to me, and I chose it. In reality, the most restrictive constraints in our life are set by ourselves.

"I chose my goals and to have it all. Having you was the icing on that cake. I married the most handsome man I had ever seen, a sexy man who was good in bed and loved me. The kids were but another part of the "you can have it all" ethos I had embraced. Until Amber got sick, that is. Then everything collapsed.

"All the dreams and hopes. All that I thought I had... seemed about to be snatched from me just as it appeared that I had achieved my "have it all" moment. On top of that, I was to become someone's sexual plaything. There is no way for me to explain to you... not just to you, but to anyone how that felt. What it is like to know that you no longer have control or choices."

I sat on the chair across her as she bared her soul, wondering who this person was that I had married. She was definitely not the one I knew before Erich took her away. Before, she gave herself to him, to be exact.

"The minute after I submitted to him for what I thought would be practically rape, I changed. In a few seconds, I gave away any choices I had or thought I had. There was never really a choice, as Erich said. Amber had to live, and as a mother, I had to do whatever possible to make sure of it. I would have done anything, Dave. If anything, what he asked of me was not as bad as he could have."

"You could have fooled me," I replied in disbelief.

"He could have sold me to slavery, made me turn tricks on the street, sold my body organs on the black market, and things I probably have not even contemplated. Instead... instead, he freed me."

"He WHAT!"

Her lips curled in a slight smile as she nodded to first herself and then to me.

"He freed me from all the notions and ideas I had. He released me of the stress of choices and the possibility of failure and consequences. He took all of that away. The price for saving Amber's life was that he took ownership of my body."

"You're a mess," I replied. "Erich Weise brainwashed you."

"I thought so too at first," she replied, looking back at me with that smile again.

It wasn't a smirk or condescending. It was a smile I had seen before once. A smile of knowing something I did not know to be true. My mother had it the day I told her something she knew was silly, but I thought to be true. It doesn't matter what, as I have forgotten. But in that instant, Lisa let me know that she had been to her mountaintop and seen the light. And that I had not.

"Erich only opened the door for me to this new world and life. In that instant, I knew, and was proven correct, that Erich would not break his promise. And he never did. When the first surgery failed, HE was the one to find the other doctor to assist the first one. He is the one that not only paid the extra costs but freed me from having to repay them. Because by then, Erich was a hooked to me as I was hooked to him.

"You stare at me in disbelief," she continued. "You see, the deal we made was clear and concise. I would be his concubine, plaything, and whore in return for Erich saving my girl. We both know that you could not do what he did, David.

"He may have been the one to make me that unholy offer, but there was never a choice Dave. I know this hurts you, but in that instant, you and I ceased to exist as we had been.

"You could not save our child. All you could do was watch helplessly on the sidelines of her destiny. Erich had the power to give her that chance at life. And when you came down to it, there was no contest.

"I know this hurts Dave because I know how much you love our kids. If you had to cut out your heart to save one of them, I know you would. You would have stole and killed for them to live. And if the choice were to abandon me to do it, you would have tossed me overboard to the sharks. Don't shake your head. I know you would have.

"But that is not what Amber needed. She needed what Erich could provide that you could not. As a parent whose concern is their child over their own ego, you would have gone to your knees and done unspeakable things had he asked you instead of me."

She gave me an empathic look and nodded to me.

"But since he didn't ask you, I was the one that had to submit and do as he asked. If you are looking for remorse from me, you won't find it, David. My back was against the wall, and I would do it again if I had to.

"But there is that other part I was talking about before. And it is related to your question of why I enjoyed it. And why I gave Erich the satisfaction of knowing I did. You deserve an answer. But there is no short answer, I'm afraid.

"There were four periods of my relationship with him once this started. And each invoked a different set of emotions and awakening.

"The first phase began the minute I walked in his office five years ago. As he talked, I was so shocked at the price of his assistance that I could not believe it was true. As he continued, I realized that the situation was not only real but inevitable.

"Deep down in the recesses of my mind, I knew where it was all headed. Instinctively I reacted as the entitled and accomplished woman I had been before the diagnosis. I was still having the illusion of womanly power." She shook her head and scoffed at her comment." I said no to him, and he was about to toss me out of his office, fire me and eject me from the building.

"As his back began to turn, I asked... No, I begged him to keep me and let me submit to him. Yes, to let me. My submission to Erich was not after the sex. It was before. The sex was just the sealing of the deal. A deal I could not pass up. And I knew that before I told him I was submitting to him. Before I said no and he almost tossed me out.

"At first, I did not want to admit it to myself. But the reality of it is that I submitted when I asked another male to be my benefactor and protector. I could have told him to fuck off. Poor Amber would have died, and we would have had another child after we mourned her."

It shocked me that she was speaking of our girl in such glib terms. She must have seen it in my facial expression because she pursed her lips and scoffed.

"Oh yes, David," we were back to that. "I know what has you miffed. In choosing to save Amber, I sacrificed my wifely virtue and your ego. My marital fidelity was mine to give away, but your ego was not. To protect it for you, I would have had to sacrifice our daughter.

"Sorry, David," she shook her head at me. "But our girl's life was more important. I tried to protect it by keeping you from finding out. Most of my extramarital sex happened on BCE grounds that you had no access to. No one there knew that my office had a door to Erich's office suite. As such, you would not find out."

"But I did," I replied, trying to gain my composure. I felt numb from everything Lisa had said. But her openness compelled me to listen. I deserved to know, no matter how bad it was.

"Only by chance. Because there was surveillance that even Erich was not aware of. If it did not exist, you would still think I was consumed with work. But there was also your personal inadequacy you were dealing with. Please don't deny it, David. You knew that you were incapable of saving our child. That my company was able to and did, ate you up. I could tell.

"The thing is, David, that you are right in a way. While I chose to give my body to Erich to save Amber, I did not give myself to him until he made me service him. What I saw in him was a man who had the power to provide for my children what you could not. His authority, wealth, and audacity were and are still an unending aphrodisiac.

"I know this hurts you, but it is true. It does not hurt that Erich is also handsome, fit, and well hung. The sex was incredible! Anal was a bit of a challenge, but you had trained me well, and taking him in me was not as hard as I thought it would be. And yes, I enjoyed all of it. If the sex is above average, you relish it. It's how it works. All my pussy knew was that there was a big dick in it, and it reacted. I see you are not buying it. Well, let me ask you something."

"You say you had sex recently. How did your dick feel in those women knowing you were still married? And don't tell me that the lawyer's advice that sex during separation made it feel good. Dick in pussy, David. They feel good. It's how bodies react.

"And while we are at it, that rule applies to me as well now. But that examination you gave me earlier was borderline rape. Don't ever try that again. If you want sex, just say so."

"Don't hold your breath," I snapped back.

She laughed at that and then settled to a simple smile as she nodded.

"Anyway... So, the day I talked to you about my new job, I was already his. I just did not know how much yet. I still had this illusion that I could manage you both. That somehow you and I could have a semblance of a marriage as I went to work and gave my body to my boss.

"Any sense of that went out the window when Amber's condition worsened, and she needed the second surgery. You were devastated and helpless. I could tell and didn't want to make things worse by making you look at me, knowing there was nothing you could do. Instead, I could not wait to tell Erich and ask for his help.

"Help that Erich gave instantly that day. Later on, I thanked him as he wished, grateful that he existed and that I had made the right choice. As cold as Erich had been that first day, once I was his to have, he was there when I needed him."

With that last phrase, she had cut me to the core. I had spent five years watching over our children while she had been fucking the nights away.

"I knew your heart had gone cold, Lisa. But you saying this to me is a new low for you."

"You wanted to know so you can move on, didn't you?" was her reply. "You wanted honesty, right? Did you want me to grovel and tell you drivel like it was not what it seemed?"

She raised an eyebrow at me as I forced myself to calm down. When I did, she continued.

"And that was the second phase of my relationship with him. I did not love Erich, but I was in awe of his abilities and presence. Love for a man like him is an impossibility. I had that with you before Amber got sick. What happened made me realize that I would never have it again; not after I betrayed you, time after time daily.

"I may have debased myself, but I had a bit of a conscience left. It is why after that, sex with you was something I avoided. It was a reminder of our past that could never return."

"Why didn't you talk to me?"

"Oh, David, seriously? What would that conversation have been like? Honey, we have to talk? I had to fuck my boss for the money we needed for our daughter's surgery? By the way, I am now his work bitch and personal slut? Are you serious? Had I done anything stupid like that, you would have bolted, and I needed you to watch the kids at night."

"A babysitter!" I snapped back. "You saw me as just your babysitter."

"No, David. I have never doubted that you were the only person I could trust with our kids while I was working. Mrs. Bronsky is a babysitter. She just watches them for a night or a few hours when we were out. You are their dad. You love them and will forever. Knowing you would be home to watch them made it easier for me. And it could have been worse."