All Comments on 'A World Turned Rightside Up - FTDS'

Pure horseshit! at least, learn to spell.

I am at a loss. Is the horrible misuse of the correct spelling deliberate or is this some kind of a weird joke? It is SO bad( Just how bad was it Johnny?) that I could not even finish the second page. You need help. Either in English or by a head doctor...LOL

...and I'm impressed at how well you kept the voice of the original story.

Now this is what I calls revenge...a story I can walk away from with a warm fuzzy feeling even...loving it!

Ha. You outdid yourself. Very good story, but his lack of a 6th degree black belt almost ruined it.

I loved it

Come on, readers. This is satire and the misspelled words are deliberate. No one could so consistently choose the wrong spelling of a word that sounds right if read out loud. Still, please watch your logic even in your satire as there would have been airline records and visa stamps for Fiji. Just pick a location that would not leave the paper trail.

OK one and one....here goes:

ONE compliment- I really liked the device of her poisoning him with vitamins. This reminds me that you can actually die from drinking too much water. It is possible, although improbable. Yet the moral of "too much of any good thing can harm you" really was appropriate in this story. While the vitamins certainly are not a foolproof murder weapon, it IS legal and convenient to obtain them, and probably easily overlooked by police detectives (until the coroner's report). I suppose the main motivation wasn't murder, as much as it was to weaken him, and make him more physically malleable to her manipulations.

ONE critique- Trust me, I got the joke about the misspellings. I "no" it was on purpose. (See that, what I did right there??!!) :) However, it really was uncomfortably annoying. It ended up having the same effect as hearing the same knock-knock joke repeated over and over again. (that or fingernails scratching down the blackboard) OK, it was a joke, barely funny the first time, but after it being shoved down my throat, it felt more cruel than the revenge depicted in the story. I admit to bad spelling, and wrong grammar usage while making my comments. However, I respond in a stream of conscience very quickly, and do not employ an editor, and am not trying to get a full story published that I am asking people to vote on and respond to. I think you made your point in the author's notes at the beginning, and didn't need to go quite as over the top with it throughout the length of the story. While I think it did contribute some to the feel of the piece being a satire, and you not taking yourself too seriously, I think it was a gamble that will hinder many readers enjoyment of what was otherwise a pretty darn good story continuation.

Thanks for your work, and looking forward to the next!

Really? How can you unfuck somebody? Can he unmurder the guy he killed? There are just too many things in this story that are outrageous. How in the heck was he special forces as his size. He would not have been able to carry most of the equipment. Did he not go to the doctor after he noticed his health declining? The doctor would've seen he was being overdosed with vitamins. Why did he let his wife dictate his life for so long? He enabled her behavior so its no surprise she did what she wanted. He definitely would not have gotten away that easily with the police. There are ways for police to search for evidence that the bean counter would not have been to cover up these days unless that police force don't know anything about investigating.

but it might have been funnier at half the length!

Btw, I do appreciate your mission--there are so many unfinished stories around here. Or stories that should not have ended as they did.

Sorry!! After the first page I was unable to continue because of the poor grammer and spelling. Obviously this was written by a child with barely a 4th grade education. I'd suggest you have someone proof read your next attempt before inflicting your reading audience with this tripe (look it up - it means nonsense or anything worthless)!!

Oh jesus. Brilliant. The misspellings. LOLOLOL. I'm fucking crying from laughter as I type.

I understand what you are trying to do, and sometimes you succeed. But the only thing that you wind up with by writing a continuation of a bad story is a great deal more Bad Story. Particularly if you insist on recapitulating all of the things that made the original such a bad story in the first place.

A very good enjoyable, funny read.

...made for some hard reading. More than a few places required reading 3 or 4 times to get the proper context and story line. Suggest in the future these FTDS tales lean to the correct side of grammar regardless of the original authors educational level (or just plain laziness). Otherwise thought it was a very fine yarn.

Seems like many of the Anonymii don't get it (as well as a few brave enough to sign their comments like ariesgirl). The funniest part is that not a single one of their responses had correct spelling and grammar. That's right, 'grammar', look it up. Learn how to capitalize. It's vs. its. Space before open parenthesis. So many little errors. What do they say about he who lives in a glass house...?

I confess, when I read the original, with phrases like 'udder a single curse', 'sucking his dick like a bro' and 'him being at least a foot taller than me', I was on a mission.

I was only going to play the word games for a few paragraphs but I got carried away. It became a challenge. I overdid it. One gross mistake per paragraph, except for a couple of extreme cases, to make a point.

Yes, it probably should have gone into humor and satire, but I prefer to place my sequels in the same category as the original. Besides, nobody would read it in the humor category.

Thanks for reading, and all the comments.

Yes, I get the misspellings, and the humor. Just didn't think it was funny, or the revenge was interesting, or the story compelling. Better luck next time.

You really are not any better than the original, in MHO.

this cannot be the same author as in prior presentations....

Enjoyed reading it! And thought it must be hard to intentionally misspell that many words.

Dark tale with no redeeming grace. If you intend to write these kind of "finishes," please don't.

"Grate" story!

There's a reason we tell those people to get an editor - it's because we don't want to read that shit ever again.

Funny but difficult two reed. Enjoyed the references too Creamer. To bad about the vitamins. HPD has bean notified - dey probably shoot FTDS and asks questions later.

FTDS, fuck off to where you crawled out from, YOUR endings or versions of others stories are NOT any better than the original!

I found a lot of things wrongs with this story mostly the spelling. It ruined it for me. And semper fi is marines.

As long as you don't mind & over look all the misspelled words.

It were funnie even if the grammer and misspellings maid it dam hard too reed. Much better than your earlier story.

I thought the Grammer was right on. and fit the story which was a Total Paradie Get over it folks.

but the intentional over the top misspellings and poor grammar made it too difficult to read.

... but definitely humorous. A very fitting end for Lynn and her bull.

FTDS: Good read, but.... even though your intro mentioned using intentionally misspelled words, there were way too many which distracted from the story. Even took from it. This one was entertaining and humorous all misspellings aside.

Looking forward to your next endeavor. Thanks for finishing the dam story!! LOL

Thank you for all the comments. It's clear that I overdid the grammar and spelling bit. I should have recognized that myself. While editing, I spent more time looking for each error, than I did reading the story.

If I had posted a short, half-page quick resolution, I might have gotten away with it, but for a three page story, it was way too distracting.

I will resubmit this with 99% of the intentional errors removed. I'll probably leave in a few of them where I think they make a point.

Thanks again - this is a learning process for me, and I appreciate the feedback.

FTDS

Your spelling SUCKS. With that said, I loved how you turned it around from the original story. Thanks.

Look like an idiot on purpose? I feel a part of me just lost IQ points while attempting to read this. I'm hoping you wrote this high.

This was way too similar to Danielle's Revenge, difference was that this was a much poorer story. That and the "humorous" misspellings made this ultimately an annoying read. I was prepared for an over the top story, I was even okay with the spec ops stereotype but the annoying factors were too much. I like what you're doing and m willing to embrace the over-revenge plots, however, you might want to reconsider satire...

I read this!!!!

If you poured a full pan of burning oil on them, there will be second and third degree burns. No way for these to heal untreated, nor for the police missing the scars. Boiling water would have been more reasonable.

Excellent revenge. That's how you treat a cheating whore skank wife. Now make sure when she returns as a sex toy she goes nuts again then put her away permanently.

HA

Okay, I got your use of spelling mistakes, but you overdid it. Less would have been more and would have been far more entertaining.

Both this and the original first chapter are the sad products of sick minds.

way over the top. know you left the misspellings in on purpose, but way too many. man that was one sick story.

This was a hysterical read. From the misspellings and misuse of homonyms to the incredible over the top plot line to the inflation of the routine into amazing (using a pulley system for a 100 pound body) it was a feat of comic "jean-yus." Thanks!

I luved you're tail of the cheetin slut. You dont mess wit the fuckin been counters!! I all ways enjoy you storys, I can count of a laff or too from them. Their funy. And writtin this way hurts me head. It harder too dew then yew think.

spelling was the big aggravation in this story which would have read better with better spelling. i did like the story very much though.

But the spelling was right arm!

Where did you learn to spell. Would have been a great story

GREAT! I got the joke. To bad some people didn't red the original or you're intro. If they had, they would half gotten it to.

This was not erotic, it was pure porn and murder. Also, as an Eagle Scout, I resent you using the rank in a porn story. Very distasteful and unneeded. The 2* are for your writing skill and ability to make a joke out of misspeeling wurds.

Lots of inventive misspellings and wordplay to satirize the original.I think extinguished guest was the best tho.

I have been guilty of 'finishing' a few stories. What is required is a different direction, an organic and plausible change of heart, a resolution or some (actual) humor.

You go in the same direction: torture.

I am not a fan. And just so you know: all my stories are finished.

This is not to say that over the top action is NEVER warranted. Every time? Nothing clever in that except for whatever new ghoulish atrocities you want to describe.

Wow! You certainly did a job on spelling checkers and enticed the dumber commenters to expose themselves at the same time. Nice!

Love the idea of finishing stories differently-but only under conditions such as those you set for yourself. I hope you will continue.

However, this clever little satire shows you have the wit to do a better job than the mindlessly violent alternative endings you habitually choose. How about some subtlety?

Thanks for the feedback, latest Anon and others. You'll be please to know that I have a couple of stories submitted, and yes, they take a different tact. No violence at all. Maybe not subtle, but subtler.

Thanks for all the comments. BTW, this story has been resubmitted with most of the grammar errors removed, to make for easier reading. Some remain, to make a point, but 98% are gone. I overdid it, and think the new version is better.

As to complaints about the guy being an Eagle Scout? Heck, he earned his 21 merit badges and did a pretty darn good service project. He should be proud!

If I didn't give credit where credit is due.

Your stories DID inspire me to write Very Bad Things. It filled in the corners about little things that the torture porn people forget...that someone might very well come looking for some payback and that it is very easy to fall off one's moral high ground and become something far worse that a cheating woman. Going from victim to victimizer.

So far, all your protagonists have accomplished that handily.

Well done.

Five Stars!

Dear Anone --- the one who commented on GRAMMAR --- please do NOT suggest others seek grammar help, when YOU can't spell the word GRAMMAR!

It is "grammAR, not "grammER."

BTW, the story is a freakin' Literotica satire!

Did you graduate from grade school?

"Stares" instead of stairs

"Butt" instead of butt

On and on and on. This was unreadable. You are too dumb to try to write.

When you finish a story - you FINISH a story. I'm glad you're running around finishing things. This one was way out there, but at least you put an end to it. Try finishing some of JPB stories, He has a ton of unfinished ones crying out for endings.

I'm thinking these were intentional. Semper Fidelis is hard core USMC, as is Uh-RAH.

Green beanies might yell "Airtborne"? And I'ld definitely see your Col. Mike Kirby and raise with Sgt. John M. Striker (SOIJ)!

You, sir, are challenging JPB for the Crown! You are well on your way to dethroning the King of Twisted! Awesome job on this one. In spite of the military mishaps, this is one for the record books. Completely over the top and a helluva fun ride.

5 HUGE Stars!

Now that is some funny shit!

the world spins, turns and wobbles. TK U MLJ LV NV

Keep it up!

the pleasure she took in her stud, I mean. Though entrapment, torture, murder, forced imprisonment, extortion, and rape do go some distance toward balancing the debt she built up by enjoying a big cock. Call it even?

Hilarious reading, thanks

Humorous fantasy. Thank you.

Now that's funny -

A nicely perverse mind there -

Thank you for writing. Gotta watch those bean-counters, they are smarter than they look. That is a good idea about the vitamins, I wonder how easy that is to figure out on autopsy???

Hilarious! I love a good hater.

lmfao....excellent job and you have a very sick mind

Unfucking - brilliant, simply brilliant.

I read, read again, laugh and read once more. Love the way you write!!

..it was brilliant. I suspect it was easy for genius a Green Beret bean counter sex-machine Eagle Scout wordsmiths with friends. :o)

Pure over the top insane brilliance that had me grinning from ear to ear all the way through :)

Yes, it's true, I laughed so hard I got the hiccups, that was right after I peed my pants and was crying my eyes out. Geez guy, have a little mercy on us poor mortals, will ya, please?

Funny as hell. Well written, tongue-in-cheek at it's best. Also the bitch got what she deserved. A little hard on the poor lover though. Not.

Some of your stuff, FTDS, is absolutely hilarious. Some of it, not so much. But Babe Ruth didn't hit a homerun every time either. Well worth going back through all of your re-writes again and again. Don't care much for cuck stories and you seem to avoid that more than others. So, thanks for that.

I'll be honest with you, I don't even bother reading the original stories from the other authors. That's mostly because those stories just piss me the fuck off. They're almost always about some wimpy guy getting cuckholded. Revenge stories such as this one are my favorite because they are just so entertaining to read. I am a huge proponent of the "Don't get angry, get even!" philosophy and your stories more often than not offer exactly that and it's because of that they are so damn entertaining for me to read. So thankyou for the great stories you finish and I hope you keep it up! :D

You did it again. You took a terrible story and made it brilliant. I couldn't stop laughing as I read this story. I kept thinking that was the funniest thing I ever read, and then I'd get to the next paragraph and say the same thing. Thank you for a real entertaining story.

Ever notice how all veterans of these stories were either Special Forces, Rangers or SEALS? Just for once, I'd like to see a story where the main character says: "When they started messing with me, they didn't know what kind of hell messing with a former Army Supply Clerk, would bring down on them. It was unloading and folding all those blankets that gave me the muscles I have today."

The above suggested quote has not, nor will be copyrighted by me, and as such should be considered in the public domain.

THE STORY WAS ENTER IN 2003 IT CALL QUID PRO QUO IT HAS 4 CH I DON"T KNOW IF YOU EVERY READ THIS STORY TO ME CH4 KILL THE WHOLE STORY I JUST WOULD LIKE SOMEONE LIKE YOU TO REDO CH4 BECAUSE IT HAS NO ENDING AND IF YOU COULD GIVE IT A GOOD ENDING IT WOULD MAKE THE STORY RIGHT YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE I KNOW THAT CAN DO THIS AND IF YOU DO I WOULD THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Laughed my ass off!!

Sweet!

"Green Beret genius bean counter. It doesn't get any more dangerous than that," Yea, this story was hilarious.

your a big softy you are

Should have been Humor and Satires

A very serious subject matter was cajoled and juggled in so many excursions it was hilarious. A master writer/author with a great sense of humor just slam dunked this one. I gave it a well deserved five stars.

But fun. It should be in Humor/Satire. Or Fantasy.

if the Houston PD reads this, remember, it's only fiction. Besides, I have an alibi.

FTDS is one of my favorite authors. I love the style of writing and you know what you're getting reading his story's. Payback is a bitch....the revenge is complete. In my humble opinion I believe FTDS stories overall should be higher rated.

hilarious!

If that outburst of violence is your addition to a good story then stop now!! Your crap is only pathetic!!

That was fun.

When you read an absurd tale like the original you have to realize than the sequel would be just as absurd. Being a btb guy all the way, she and her asshole boyfriend were treated the only way possible. Horribly. Great revenge and consequences tale. Fiction, of course.

FTDS, you are sorely missed.

the roles are reversed and doubled in tops and bottoms, TK U MLJ LV NV

a fat cock smoked, a cornhole buggered, betrayed!

Tongue firmly in cheek nonsense, as entertaining as it is ludicrous. Great fun.

LA

Even when an FTDS story doesn't measure up to his usual standards, it can still garner 5 stars. More men who decide they want to destroy a marriage should wind up brutally disposed of.

Loved the Swifties.

It was ok, but Green Berets are US Army, not the US Marine Corps, so a true Green Beret doesn't utter the words Semper Fi, ever. He should have been Army or a Navy Seal.

It took rather long for her to be un-fucked, wouldn't anyone get suspicious of not seeing her or her bull for that long a time?

Not a bad story, but rather taxed the ability to be believable in the real world, literary licence excepted.

but 1 Q" why after getting rid of a boil keep kissing frogs, TK U MLJ LV NV

Taught him to wear stylish french headwear. The Eagle Scouts taught him everything else. Never mess with a scout!