Abigail's Awakening Pt. 09

Abigail had the weekend off. While she was lounging by the pool Saturday afternoon, Darla called.

"Hey baby!" Abigail said, enthusiastic to talk to Darla for the first time in over a month. She knew she was on the hook to talk about Tim, and Jack for that matter, and she was already determined not to tell the full truth, concerning Jack at least.

"Heyye," Darla said.

"How are things?"

"Not as eventful for me as for you, I would imagine. Based on the last text you sent me. So what, you're a player now?"

"No no no no no. It's not like that at all."

"You said two boys. Come out with it now. Spill them beans."

"Well I'll start by saying nothing has happened with either of them, and I'm done with both of them."

"Heck of a way to start. So who's the first guy?"

"His name's Jack?"

"Christian?"

"Yes, obviously. He's nineteen or maybe twenty and dresses like a total goth. But he is smart and creative too, so I liked him a little, despite being turned off by his appearance."

"What did he do to get off your hook, girlfriend?"

"Oh nothing, really. I just knew from the beginning he's not the marrying type, and when I told him that, he backed off completely."

"That's it? Lame, but whatevs. What about the other guy? What's his name?"

"Tim, he's twenty-five, an auto mechanic, huge hands, huge teeth."

"He a Christian too?"

"Of course. I liked him because he seemed stable. But then..."

"But what?"

"I found out he masturbates, like chronically." Abigail enjoyed her exaggeration, felt it really drove the point home.

"Abigail, everybody masturbates."

"Do they really, though?"

"Yes, really. Could you imagine what the world would be like if everybody quit masturbating? Guys' eyes bulging outta their brains every time they see a woman, that's how horny everyone would be. If you don't understand the necessity of masturbation, maybe you should try it sometime."

"I can't. Until I move out of the house anyway. Father's rules."

"You're dad is such a sicko. Everybody needs to blow a load sometimes, Abby. Everybody. If I were you, I'd consider giving this Tim another chance. If you're not feeling it, that's one thing. But if it's just because he jacks off, that's not a good reason."

"Even if he does it every day?"

"Even if he does it twice a day! I'm telling you, you need to try it for yourself. Go to the sex shop, and pay for a half-hour in their masturbation booth, if that's what it takes. It's kinda fun, actually, in a creepy sort of way. Everyone there will understand, anyway, cuz the body has needs."

"You're just too much," Abigail said, not willing to commit to any such course of action. In her mind, she still had never masturbated, and she found the act completely impure. Her denial, bolstered by the lies she had told in her story, was nearly complete.

"Enough about me, what's new with you, Darla dear?"

"Still skipping class and still getting Bs in spite of it all. My mom is getting worried, because she smelled marijuana in my dorm hall when she visited. She could never accept that I smoke. Listen, Abigail, Jesus wants us to live our lives, not hate them for all their oppressed and repressed agony."

"Jesus wants us to be good people."

"And good people know how to have fun, besides just being good all the time. Oh yeh, and, I have a new boyfriend."

"What's his name?"

"Frederick. And right now, he's stuck on third base. He thinks his blue balls are going to be the end of him."

"You're so naughty, Darla. I love it, but I hate it."

They promised to stay in better touch and said long, laughing goodbyes. Abigail jumped into the pool to cool off. As she emerged from the water, radiating sunlight, she looked into the back window, half-expecting to see her dad watching her in this glorious moment. She was glad he wasn't there, or anywhere to be seen. He was seeming more himself everyday, and she had mostly forgotten the awkward moments they had endured recently.

Monday came too soon, and with it, responsibility.

She had the keys to the shoppe, and she opened it up five minutes early, like basically always.

Jack showed up around 10 am, looking darkly handsome as usual. "What's up, Jack? Am I really that special you need to keep visiting me like this? I know you're not here for the Christian literature."

"You're twice as special as you'd need to be, and that's no lie." He got a little closer. "Have you done any practicing since last Friday?"

"Practicing? God, why does everyone but me think that self-pleasure is such a casual thing? I never wanted to do it in the first place. So thank you for that."

"You're welcome. I think you needed it."

"I need to walk God's path for me. And He wants me to save my sex for making babies."

"Did He tell you that?"

"What?"

"Did God tell you that Himself?"

"No, but why would God want his children to engage in degenerate behavior?"

"Because he built our bodies that we might enjoy them. As long as you're not hurting anyone, what's the problem?"

"The problem is, life is too short for all that extra stuff. I want to make my husband happy, and the only way I can do that is by saving everything I have for him."

"You know what I think? You could use a walk outside. Let's go to Merrill Park. There's a great secluded spot by the river where no one ever goes. I could show you it."

"Or you could not. You just know how to take advantage of my weakness. I don't know how, but you do."

"How about tomorrow?"

"How about never?"

"Tomorrow it is." He winked and left, smiling. How he could remain so undeterred, she could only imagine.

She thought of something that made her wonder. Why was it that Tim's admission of masturbation had made her reject him fully, while she didn't really care that Jack masturbated, didn't hold it against him in the same way? It didn't make sense, except maybe that she would never marry Jack, so it didn't hurt her directly, didn't make her experience the sting of infidelity, the way the idea of Tim masturbating did.

Maybe, but maybe, she thought, I just don't like Tim.

And you like Jack? she asked herself.

God no, she responded vehemently, in her mind.

At 2 pm, Deacon John paid her a visit. She had mixed feelings about seeing him, but she put up the act of nothing's going on but the normal, everyday thing, so that she was happy to see him.

"Tim told me things didn't work out. I'm sorry to hear that, and I'm sorry if my being here makes you uncomfortable."

"No, it's fine. I'm glad you came. Listen, I was hoping you'd come by anyway, because I wanted you to tell Tim, I'd like to give him another chance, if he's willing to give me one."

"He will be shocked to hear that. He is so certain you hate him, and he doesn't know why, but that's what he thinks."

"Tell him, I want him to come by the shoppe and ask me out officially." She thought about Darla, and how she would be proud that Abigail took her advice, for once in their life. "I want him to be the one to take the lead this time. Okay? Tell him."

They continued talking for awhile, Deacon John giving her updates on his schoolteacher wife Margaret and his activities with the Church. When he left, Abigail exhaled and rested in the feeling that she had taken the right course of action.

It was a gray day. She didn't feel like swimming, so her minimum 20 laps felt like a chore. She took little joy in cooking up ground beef tacos for dinner. She ate light. She answered her parents' usual questions but did not divulge anything deeper. When she went upstairs, her prayers were perfunctory. Her inspiration just wasn't there. She went to sleep, falling with relative ease into the dream world.

She dreamt of Jack. Him and him alone. He wore resplendent white robes, and so did she, as they walked together in the shallow waters of an endless beach. Though they were only putting one foot in front of the other, it felt as if they were dancing. Though they weren't even touching, she felt at one with him.

She swam out into deep waters, and he followed her executing a perfect butterfly stroke that really impressed her swimming sensibilities.

He dove down underwater and kissed her in the sensitive space between her legs. Her vagina responded to his touch with rapture. "I love you," she said while he was underwater, so that he could not hear her say it.

She woke up breathing heavy sighs, a warmth of feeling radiating outward from her core, where she held the memory of Jack. "Booya," she said, in the silent darkness of her bedroom. "Booya."

She examined her vagina, and found it wet. She thought about how she might make it wetter, but she resisted the temptation. I'm just not going to do it, she told herself, for now. Just for now, but maybe later.

She knew, that Tuesday morning after her tender dream of him, that she would be seeing Jack today. She wanted to, she allowed herself to admit. She really wanted to. And, there alone in the quiet dark of the bedroom before morning's light through yon window broke, she started to think about the things they might do.

TO BE CONTINUED