Aces Pt. 05 - Brian and Lisa Ch. 02

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NOTE: My apologies in advance that this chapter isn't much

of a 'read with one hand" kind of story. But if you've

been following the series, there's some developments here

that are hopefully interesting. It gets kinda dark, but

we'll find out together in future segments whether Brian,

Abby, and Lisa can work things out.

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Brian woke up to a soft weight on his chest. His bleary eyes cracked open enough to see a smiling face, smokey eyes, button nose, framed by straight blonde hair. "Is it morning already?"

"It's morning" Lisa confirmed. She bowed her head to put a delicate kiss on the center of his chest before resting her chin on her hands. He looked in her eyes, the memories slowly returning.

Ivan had arranged a party yesterday. Earlier than he expected, interrupting his study time. Lisa had made her presence known by striding into the library, naked and dripping. She managed to coax him upstairs to the big tub full of naked bodies.

Claudia with her intriguingly crazy hot and cold moods, Sandra with her matter of fact just knock me up request. Then Lisa. They'd shared something while he was in the process of doing his best to grant Sandra's request. He and Lisa had climaxed simultaneously while staring into each other's eyes. They weren't touching each other. They shared more than an orgasm.

Later, they went out, on a date. They had great conversation. He'd never felt so comfortable with a girl despite having had sex with almost a dozen different women in the last week and a half. Then they went to bed. He remembered it, being on top of her, inside her, their eyes locked.

She could be inscrutable to him, but she always seemed to know what he was thinking. "That was sweet, last night" she said.

He smiled. "It was very nice."

"Not what I expected." she said, her eyes twinkling.

"Not what I expected either." Initially, he assumed it would be essentially like the others, noisy and sweaty. Something done for purpose, to get off, specifically, to get him off inside her. That's what the three sorority sisters had come for, his seed. His almost uniquely healthy seed, the seed that represented hope for the human race, financial security for any woman who he impregnated, and, as Sandra pointed out, a fulfillment of the need presented by the relentlessly ticking biological clock. Since the virus, that clock had gone into overdrive for many women, and at a much earlier age than it used to.

But it wasn't just that. It was soft and tender, after a very nice evening of conversation and getting to know each other. They'd made a real connection. A connection both below the waist and above the neck. It was as if the two points of connection completed a circle letting something flow between them, round and round in a ring, amplifying itself with each circuit.

It was like what he imagined his first time would be like, what he'd always fantasized about even when he thought he was just fantasizing about a hot body. What he imagined it would be with Abby.

The thought brought a twinge of guilt. Theirs was a complicated relationship already, and it was just getting started. They were not in love, at least not yet. They really had no claims on each other, but he felt like he wanted to see it through with her, just her, for now. If it ended up not working out, OK, but for now he didn't want to see other girls.

But that was where it got complicated. His "mission", for lack of a better word, was unavoidable. Abby had outright demanded that he not consider stopping. That if there was to be something between them, it would have to accommodate that. Knowing he would have days like yesterday and nights like last night was going to have to be part of their relationship.

But still he felt guilty, like he was cheating on Abby, cheating in a way that having sex with all those other girls was not. Because he could see himself falling in love with Lisa.

He pushed the thought out of his head. She was just a girl that wanted his services, for reasons of her own. He was just the guy that could provide them. One of the few who could. It was an arrangement of mutual benefit, not a relationship, not in the sense that usually meant. That they enjoyed each others' company was just a bonus. It was something that made the arrangement more enjoyable, that smoothed over the awkwardness inherent to the kind of intense and invasive physical interaction inherent to this kind of arrangement.

Besides, some of his old doubts told him, she doesn't have any feeling for him. It's one sided. Yeah, she wants you to fuck her, but that's different from actually liking you.

She saw that he was lost in thought. She slid off him to one side and lay against him. He put his arm around her and she draped a leg over his waist, against his still hard cock. She moved her hand in small circles on his chest. "What are you thinking about?"

He looked at her face. Cute and sexy, but also alert, intelligent. And smiling at him. The smile of a girl happy to be where she is, a girl who is satisfied, both sexually and with the here and now. He lied to her.

"Oh, nothing in particular. Just thinking about the future."

"About your future, or our future?" she asked.

"Mine. And yours." he said, hedging, not sure whether the scope of 'ours' was meant to refer to Lisa and himself, or human beings generally.

"Oh." she said. Was that a hint of disappointment in her voice?

"You're graduating this year?" he asked. She nodded. "So do you have plans for after? A way to change the world with that philosophy degree?"

"I do, actually." she said, her eyes twinkling. "Don't look so surprised." she said when she saw his face. "A degree like that might seem pretty stuffy. Like it will condemn me to a tired old teaching job, or to writing books that nobody will read."

"Or both." Brian added with exaggerated cheerfulness.

She slapped her hand against his chest in playful anger. "That would have been true... before. When I started here." she looked down at his chest and was silent for a time. "But then it all happened. That was when I switched my major." Her hand went to his penis, idly fidgeting with it. He liked how that felt, but he knew she wasn't trying to start anything. It was the kind of thing two people very comfortable with each other could do, something so intimate yet almost devoid of sexual intent.

She looked back at his face, her hand forgotten but still fidgeting. "I knew that what.... where we're all headed, philosophy is going to become a lot more than academic."

"How so?" Brian was intrigued.

Her eyes drew tight, got darker. "It rules the world, even before." she said. "Not explicitly. Yeah, there's a lot of ideologues out there preaching some philosophy or another and trying to gain followers, to gain power. But it's not them that make much difference.

"Everybody has a philosophy, even if their philosophy is to not stick to any one philosophy too strictly. All those books that have laid it out as a system, they're valuable, and they have had a lot of influence, but in the real world, all those competing ideas filter down to everyday life, to regular people, in very non systematic ways."

Her grip on his dick had become firmer, though it still seemed like an absent-minded fidgeting to Brian. It was enough to divide his focus between her words and her hand.

She went on. "Philosophy is just whatever anybody's baseline ideas are, about things they think are right, and good. And that is what rules the world, not ideologies."

"What kind of ideas then, if not ideological?"

"Anything. It's mostly the ideas you don't even know you have, that you don't think there are alternatives to. Like, say, that you need to go to college and get a degree so you can get a good job."

"Don't we?"

She shrugged, and her hand came away to rest on his belly. "Maybe, maybe not?"

"But what's the alternative? Not get a degree and a job and just be a bum? Or work fast food the rest of my life?"

"See? You don't even consider the possibility that other ways to have a good job and a good life are possible. It's not that you reject other ideas, it's that they've never crossed your mind."

"You know other ways?"

"Not necessarily. I've thought about it. Enough to think there might be other ways. I'm not sure. But that isn't the point. The point is that most people just accept the ones they know."

"So people can't change their philosophy?"

She smiled at him, and her hand went more deliberately to his cock. "Good question. But philosophy isn't necessarily just the ideas you don't question, it's the ideas you don't think can be wrong. Either because you haven't questioned them, or because you have, and still don't see any alternatives."

She thought for a minute, looking down at her hand now overtly stroking him. "Ideas like science, or God, or that sex is good, or sex is bad unless you're married. All kinds of things." She shifted her position to rest more on his body. "It's just that most people never question those kinds of ideas. Sure, a lot of people will say they believe in certain things, the doctrine of their church, or socialism, or capitalism, or some other ism. But most people don't live by those, not really. They try here and there, but for the most part, those intellectual ideas get trumped by the more basic things."

"So everybody is a hypocrite?" Brian asked.

"That's too harsh, but technically speaking, yeah." she slid fully on top of him and kissed his chest. She slowly slid down his body as they talked. He felt her skin slide along his rigid cock. "But people try. I think most people, they really do. It's just that all these isms, they don't quite get it right. They miss something, something basic, and it makes it impossible to strictly live by both."

She pushed his legs apart with her knees, then slid down till her body was laying on the bed between them, her face at his crotch. She ran her lips through his pubic hair, then took his penis in her hand. She looked around it to look into his eyes. "But people do their best, for the most part."

She touched her lips to his balls. She flicked her tongue across them, eyes fixed on his. She kissed the base of his shaft.

"So how does that translate into you changing the world?" he asked.

One more kiss and she raised her head. "I'm not really sure." she was slowly stroking him. "I mean, I have a few rough ideas, but nothing for sure." She lowered her head and licked from his balls all the way up to his head, then pulled her head away again. "My podcast is kind of a way to try to figure it out." She pushed his cock between her lips.

"You... " his breath hitched. "You have a podcast?"

She nodded on his cock, then pulled off of it with a smile. "Yeah, twice a week, usually. Sometimes more, if I have something I want to talk about. It's on a bunch of the streaming sites."

He stared down as she bobbed her head back onto his cock. "What's it called?" he squeaked.

She laughed. "The Naked Philosopher."

"So you do your podcast naked? Do you do video?"

She laughed again. "Yes, and no, though I've thought about it." she licked around his head. "But 'naked' kind of has a double meaning." She kissed down his shaft and licked his balls.

"What's the other meaning?"

"I guess it means that I have nothing to hide. I let it all hang out." she took her hand off his penis long enough to tap her temple with a finger. "Everything in here, I mean. I'm fully exposed."

"That's clever." he stammered. She was bobbing more enthusiastically, and he felt himself approaching the point of no return.

"I think so." she said, his cock agonizingly free of her mouth. "You can cum in my mouth." she said, and went back down on him.

Brian gasped. She was going full out now. It was going to happen, the one thing he'd never had yet. The thing he dreamed of, fantasized about. It could be a special first with...

He thought of the nurse, and how she'd been his first, a rushed, impersonal fuck. The nurse who had administered his test, who knew before anyone in the world, even Brian himself, that he was an Ace. She'd used that advantage to force her way to the head of the line before Brian had any idea what was happening. It was anything but a pleasant memory. It was so far from what he'd always imagined, what he'd always wanted.

Suddenly, he was about to experience another first. Another surprise first, something he had hoped to share with someone special, someone like Abby....

"Stop!" he yelled. He put his hands on Lisa's head. She didn't stop, so he pushed her off of him more forcefully than he meant to. He had come so close.

She stared at him, her eyes wide, fear in them. "What.... what's wrong?"

"I don't want you to do that." he said. Oh god, he was close. He felt like he was going to lose it even without any further contact, as if it had already started, and only sheer willpower stopped it. He clambered off the bed. He was looking around frantically, not sure what he was looking for.

Lisa stood, still looking scared. "What is it, Brian? What did I do?"

"Just...." he said. He looked at her body and knew what he needed. He reached between her legs before he knew what he was doing. She wasn't wet, but despite the shock and fear still in her eyes, she began to moisten. She looked down at his cock. He looked as well. His cock glistened with her saliva and precum was oozing from him, and he felt about to burst.

"Please tell me.... Brian?"

He spun her around and grabbed her upper arms, pushing her forward. She tried to free her arms, tried to look back at him. He bent her over and pressed forward, feeling the tip of his cock brushing her lips. He let go of one arm long enough to grab his cock and position it. He felt her wet lips and he almost exploded from the contact.

She waved her free arm behind her, trying to push him away, but he grabbed it again and held her. She twisted to look back at him, her eyes wide. Then they narrowed and she pierced him with a look that should have felt like a punch to the gut.

She set her jaw, then turned her head away from him and pushed her ass back. He felt the tension in her arms relax and her body bent further forward. "Fine." she said, her voice cold as ice.

He knew he was throwing away something, something that mattered. Grief wrenched his gut. He was angry, at himself, at the world. How had it all spun out of control so fast?

He pushed into her roughly, angrily, still holding her arms. He pulled back, then a hard, sharp thrust that shook her body. She grunted, but she stayed passive, almost limp in his rough grasp. He used her arms to drive her body back against his hips as he slammed them forward. When he exploded into her, it felt like pounding the final nail into the coffin of something precious. He let go of her arms and she fell forward onto the bed. She didn't move.

"There, you got what you came for." he hissed, and turned to head for the shower.

The hot water did not wash away the crushing guilt he felt. The morning had been so nice, so perfect, the most intimate thing he'd ever experienced. Then it all came crashing down.

It was the shittiest thing he'd ever done. To her, to them. They had something, this morning was proof of it. But he couldn't accept that. He was so pissed, so overwhelmed, that he just wanted to destroy it, to destroy her and what she meant to him. To destroy everything. He'd succeeded.

No amount of scalding water would ever wash that away.

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When he left the shower, Lisa was gone.

In the kitchen, Ivan glared at him. It wasn't the first time he'd seen Ivan pissed off, but it was the first time it had been directed at him. Words came to his lips unbidden. Words that would have extended his swath of destruction to his best friend. His only friend. He bit them back, barely.

Instead, he took it out on the kitchen. He tore open a box of cereal, tearing the happy, smiling breakfast eating kids' faces in half. Most of the box spilled across the counter, but he managed to get some into a bowl he'd slammed down just shy of hard enough to break it. Milk splashed over the side of the bowl, taking chunks of cereal with it and adding to the mess on the counter.

He didn't care. He found a spoon and slammed the door shut, hearing the silverware in it's neat little tray scatter. He swiped the bowl off the counter and practically threw it on the table, spilling more of it. He shoveled spoonfuls into his mouth, head down, ignoring Ivan.

When he'd emptied the bowl, he had nothing left to distract him. He could feel Ivan's eyes boring into him. He finally looked up to see a look on Ivan's face he never wanted to see. Those destructive, final words jammed back into his throat, almost physically choking him.

"I'm an asshole." were the words that finally came out. They felt like a wholly inadequate condemnation.

Ivan's expression didn't change. He glared at Brian for another minute, then simply stood and went upstairs.

Bethany had surely spent the night. But she was nowhere to be seen. That would explain some of Ivan's anger. Lisa would have come down, pissed off, maybe crying. Bethany, her sorority sister, would have gone to her, tried to comfort her, to ask what happened. They must have left together.

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Brian stalked the house all morning, feeling a desperate need to do something, but knowing there was nothing he could do. He couldn't face anybody, least of all his own face in the mirror. He couldn't go after Lisa. She would never speak to him again, obviously. Ivan was pissed at him. This was not something he could talk to Abby about. What would he tell her, that he'd fallen in love with another girl? Then proceeded to treat her like absolute shit?

Yeah, let's ruin two relationships today. The thought appealed to some broken part of Brian's brain, and he almost reached for his phone. Let's make it three, he thought, remembering Ivan. Then I can be entirely alone and become just a mindless fuck machine. It's what the world expects, right?.

That was still his mood in the late afternoon when his restless pacing brought him to the kitchen, and the cabinet where the vodka was kept. He found a half full bottle and took a giant eye-watering swig. His nearly empty stomach lurched. He slammed the bottle down without closing it and went upstairs.

He got dressed, then grabbed the bottle on the way out the door. I'm just a dick with legs, he thought. Hell, not even that. His dick was just a way to deliver those viable sperm that he was unlucky enough to be blessed with.

Nobody wanted him. He'd done his best this morning to make sure of that. He would just go give them all what they wanted. He walked without purpose, without aim. He'd stumble across someone, someone ready to spread her legs for that government check. Some whore that his broke ass didn't even have to pay for himself.

The bottle was clearly less than half full as he walked into the fringe of woods that surrounded the campus. He broke. Tears streamed down his face. He wanted to talk to Abby, to have her put her arms around him and tell him that it would be OK, that he was not a monster.

To lie to him. He took another swig. His steps were getting unsteady, but he drove forward, one foot after another, with nowhere to go and all the time in the world to get there.

He wanted to talk to Lisa, to tell her he didn't mean it, to tell her how sorry he was. To see her smile that knowing smile and tell him she forgave him. He took another swig.

He wanted to talk to Ivan, to just pour out the whole story. To hear his simple Russian wisdom explain how it wasn't that bad. He took another swig.

He would never have any of that. It was too late. He was a monster. It was unforgivable. It was that bad.