Action, Reaction and Consequences Ch. 04

"But I didn't have a choice then did I. They died. I couldn't bring them back. Now I must decide what's best for me and at the moment I really don't know.

"Be careful Matt, if you reject her for too long she may be the one to make the choice. Be calm when you decide but you must talk to her."

At 2pm Tanya heard the apartment door opening.

"Matt, is that you?"

She jumped up from the sofa and rushed to the hallway as Matt walked in. For the last few steps her pace picked up as she opened her arms ready to embrace him but he stopped and raised a hand to stop her dead.

"Please Matt, don't!"

She welled up ready to cry.

"Tan, please calm down, we need to talk. We need to try and do it without emotions, without tears, without raging at each other. Can you do that Tan?"

She nodded trying to suppress the tears building and the pain of not being able to touch him. Matt walked to the fridge and brought a bottle of water to the table, Tanya grabbed a couple of glasses.

"OK Matt where do you want to start?"

"Why did you do it Tan, go in there knowing they were sexual predators. Remember the conversations we had about our relationship versus our jobs?"

"Someone had to do it that could pass for a student needing money, and with enough wits about them to stay safe and.."

Matt cut across her.

"You said wits about them to stay safe Tan. How can you say that with what happened. Were YOU so transfixed on making the grade you forgot to take your wits in with you?"

Tanya glared at Matt, he glared back they could both see the anger simmering within each other.

"I know you've read the reports Matt, it ended up a classic Swiss cheese model. All the holes lined up to allowing the catastrophe to happen. I'm sorry, it was never meant to happen I was just suppo..."

Matt cut across her again.

"Slut it up in some pictures? Give someone a blowj..."

"Please Matt you read the reports, I was out of it, at one point I thought it was you! You know as well as I the effect of those drugs, I had no control, I.."

"Stop Tan, stop. You've killed me. In those photos, I saw the look. I've seen it before countless times when you want me, need me. I always thought that it was a look only for me and me alone. But I was wrong."

His voice began to break as he tried to play down the emotions of being heartbroken.

"Matt, I need a coffee, I think a quick break may help."

He nodded and walked out onto the balcony. A few minutes later Tanya joined him handing him the coffee.

"When they took me to hospital Graham begged me to tell you so you'd come to see me but I refused. I wanted to get back before you were home to try and make it as normal as I could. He said I had to tell you the truth but when you looked into my eyes the next day and I saw the horror in your eyes, I knew then you wouldn't accept the truth so I lied. I lied because I thought it was the only way to save my marriage from falling apart."

"I wanted to act normal, but I had flashbacks, fuzzy microseconds as to what had happened. Do you remember the necklace? It brought back clear memories of the one I'd worn in there; it was supposed to protect me by giving the others eyes and ears and looking at it made me shudder as if I wanted to blame it for letting me down."

She couldn't help as tears fell from her eyes.

"I really wanted to try Matt, to reconnect with you straight away but it was hard. I hid behind the case work to give you a reason for my coldness and I know it was wrong, so wrong. But you helped me. We managed to fix it, get back to where we were, the good times Matt where we shared our love."

"Yes, I agree Tan, but you kept the truth from me. I see now why you shook like a leaf and almost fell apart when we spoke about how a husband would react when we went out for that meal."

She was crying softly now, she had run that conversation on repeat in her head since Matt had found out.

"Please Matt, we've fixed it, I know you were oblivious but we got past it. We can get past it agai.."

"You may be able to but I'm not sure I can. All I can see is you unbuckling that belt, looking at the camera like you look at me before you start s.."

Tanya flung herself at Matt, sobbing hard wrapping herself around him holding him as if her very life depended on it.

"Don't go, we can fix this, I promise I'll make you forget it, we can make new memories and banish those, I'm begging you Matt please don't leave me!"

Matt stood impassive. He loved his wife but couldn't shake those images, he wasn't sure he ever could ever do so. How would they find intimacy again? He was lost in a sea of confusion.

After several minutes Tanya released him and stepped back.

"Say something Catch."

"I need time Tanya, I'm having trouble working out how we go forwards, if we go forwards, trying to understand how it happened."

"Take all the time you need; it doesn't matter I'll be waiting even if it's to my dying breath. I'll wait and never lose hope you'll come home."

Matt leant in and quickly kissed her cheek pulling away before she tried to respond. As he walked away his only words were:

"Just give me some time Tan."

As soon as the apartment door closed she threw herself onto the bed sobbing, retrieving his tee shirt from under the pillow she'd taken from the wash basket after he first left to inhale the faint aroma it had. She prayed in her mind he'd be back before she lost this last link to him.

Matt went back to work and when he got up from the fourth night his gran was sitting in the kitchen, pot of tea waiting to be poured.

"Matthew Andrews, you need to make your mind up as to what you are going to do about your wife. She came over last night after you left and she's an emotional wreck. She can't keep this up so make a choice!"

"But what about me? My mind is full of images that I can't budge and I don't think they ever will."

"Time Matt. Time will heal. Each second, minute, hour, day, month will keep putting a layer on the top of the hurt that you both have and that's important to you both. You may feel like a victim but Tanya had suffered physically and mentally too. You need to help her, as you'll help yourself."

"I'm giving you notice. Go home to your wife or find somewhere else."

She picked up her cup of tea and went into the living room closing the door.

The next morning was Saturday. When he finished his last night shift he went to his apartment, quietly let himself in and stripped off in the living room. Carefully opening the door to the bedroom Tanya was in a deep sleep. He went over carefully getting into his side then gently wrapped an arm over Tanya's sleeping form.

Barely whispering she spoke;

"Is that you Catch?"

"Sshhh"

Tanya burst into tears as Matt held her. When she tried to turn he pressed up against her stopping her moving.

"Just stay still Tan, we need baby steps to try and fix things."

Matt soon fell asleep, his night had been hard. Tanya stayed awake promising herself she'd never let him go again as she clutched his hand. Pushed by Graham they attended counselling together but this time Tanya was truthful. There were tears, raised voice, hugs and even kisses until they came out the other end in a far better place than when they went into the sessions.

Re-finding intimacy was difficult, far more so than after the actual assault from a few months back. Before it was Tanya that had struggled this time it was Matt.

The first time Tanya wore some black lingerie it all came crashing down. All the visions Matt had been slowly smothering in his mind ripped through the veil of time to feel as fresh as when he'd first seen the pictures and videos. When Tanya had selected the lingerie to wear in her mind she had gone back to their 1st anniversary dinner where Mat said he would never tire of seeing her in lingerie. It would take several months but he did get to a point where it once again became something sexy and personal between just them.

The big stumbling block though was oral sex. Conscious of how it took place in the past Tanya tried by having Matt lay on the bed and not to look up at him. He either stopped her before she even got started or wilted moments into the act which put a stop to those activities in that moment.

The solution to break that barrier down was one day after a night shift Matt had been exhausted. Tanya carefully slid under the covers when he was fast asleep. He felt he was dreaming until he woke up realising that Tanya was busy below the sheets deep throating him and within moments his cock pulsed jetting a stream of his cum deep into her belly.

It gradually improved but Matt made her promise never to look into his eyes when doing it. All that had been done to restore the intimacy would fall like a house of cards.

So over the next year or so life settled back into an echo of life before the incident so to speak. There had been some changes though. Jerod was dismissed after a short investigation for stealing confidential Police data in the form of the images and videos which included those with Tanya in them. Six fellow officers had also managed to obtain the link which had been inadvertently given to Matt. All six were demoted and moved back into the conventional Police force and could be found out dressed in blue walking around various town centres.

One morning Matt was on shift at the Fire station eating some breakfast cereal reading a paper. The front page blazed with a story how a security detail saved the life of some rock star as he left a concert. Seemed he got his kicks out of inviting attractive married woman, preferably if they had a partner in tow, to the backstage party after a show. After a while he'd disappear with the woman and the partner would be ejected from the party told that the woman was getting something way better than him and may be home in the morning.

The only problem was he eventually picked on the wrong guy. A guy who turned up the following night after the stunt had been pulled on him and his wife. So filled with anger he brought a deadly knife planning to kill the singer. The photo in the newspaper was dramatic. The guy lunging with a Zombie style knife as security stepped in to save him. He looked closely at the security operative. The face. He knew him. Then it came to him. It was Lance; the husband of the woman he'd had an affair with a couple of years back!

Throughout the day he thought about that fateful night when Lance found his wife and Matt engaged in their affair in Lance's own marital bed. It had played on his mind before and the guilt as to what he'd done to their marriage felt like an albatross around his neck. It now felt worse than ever. He needed to cut it free.

Later in the day Matt called the office of the security company mentioned in the news article. He made an appointment to see Lance via the secretary on the pretext it was following up on a previous meeting they'd had. The last meeting was short, Lance was on the verge of killing Matt back the night he'd found him in bed with his wife.

On Matt's next day off he rode his R1 to Lance's office in Oxford. The offices were modern in a building contains three or four other companies. After speaking to the receptionist, he sat waiting. A couple minutes later a door opened and Lance walked through. The expression of a welcoming smile changed. Not anger but a cold stare. The receptionist picked up on it.

"Everything's OK Lance. Mr Andrews said you've previously met and discussed business. I understood this was simply a follow up to that."

"It's OK Sally, not a problem."

He held the door open indicating for Matt to follow him, they walked through into an office Lance closing the door. Matt noticed Lance had a slight limp.

"I must be getting rusty sorting my intel. Recognised the name but didn't expect it would be you, just a simple coincide. Why are you here Matt?"

I've come to apologise to you in person. I was too young, too inexperienced and too dumb to see what I was doing to somebody else's marriage. I decided to come and apologise face to face. If you feel that another crack at me will help, I won't fight back, I deserve whatever's coming my way."

There was silence as both men looked at each other.

Matt noted a photo on Lance's desk. Lance was holding a baby but the woman's face wasn't visible from that angle.

"So you and Ann had a kid? Congratulations, and I genuinely mean it Lance."

Lance turned the photograph so Matt could see. The woman wasn't Ann.

"Lance, I'm sorry, I could see who the woman wa.."

"Thank you Matt, and I, genuinely, want to thank you."

Matt was surprised by the comment.

"Sorry Lance, I don't understand."

"Your affair with Ann provided the catalyst to do what we should have done. Kill off a marriage that was doomed because of how we tried to live it. It was always going to crash to the ground and unfortunately you lit the match."

He laughed.

Actually, I lit the match when I burnt the house down."

They both chuckled quietly.

When I went back to base we shipped out quickly, I shouldn't have gone. Not being a hundred per cent with it, my concentration lapsed and I took a bullet to the knee."

Matt swallowed.

"I'm really sorry, that's entirely on me."

"Bit odd Mate, you don't look like part if an Isis terror cell, and you certainly haven't come back from the dead as the fucker that pulled the trigger lost more than a knee. No, it was on me but yes, I suppose you played a bit part. But I said thanks because it's due to that incident and it pays a lot better after being discharged from the army on medical grounds!"

Lance paused.

"But even better I met Laura in the hospital whilst being treated. Things flew along and now I'm a dad of a couple months. All thanks to you. So, as I said, I genuinely want to thank you."

They spoke a while longer, Lance noted Matt's wedding ring. Matt told him of Tanya, touching on somethings that'd happened that painfully brought it home to him how Lance must have felt.

Lance asked Matt how he'd found him. He explained the newspaper article he'd seen.

"If it would have been me I would have let him stab that sleazy bastard, pay for what he'd been doing."

"Ooh Matt, now we both singing off the same hymn sheet. Let's say held up by his neck with his feet off the ground being reminded that marriage is a sacred thing he shouldn't interfere with made him take stock of his actions. A threat that if he dumped our security firm, there's people with the right level of skills that could finish what Mr. Angry tried to do with the knife. The piss dipping from the bottom of his trousers told me he got the message!"

Again they both laughed, sharing a similar vein of amusement. It then went quite for several seconds.

"I think we're done here Matt. Thanks for coming up, I appreciate that's a tough thing to do since our last meeting wasn't exactly amicable. This gives us both a decent bit of closure."

Lance got up and opened the door for Matt. Just before Matt left the room he spoke.

"What happened to Ann, Lance?"

"She tracked me down after my mishap. Cried her heart out blaming herself. I told her it wasn't her doing, it was on both of us. I told her it was over and she should move on. I actually told her to go back to you. I'm no fool I'd figured she was happy being part of your life."

"Unfortunately, she kept pushing to reconcile. Matt, I said some dreadful things to her to make her go away. They were unwarranted and cruel. If you ever catch up with her, give her a heart-felt apology from me. Tell her she's a good person".

"You've had no contact?"

"No, last I heard she was working in a London hospital somewhere."

Matt left returning home. He hadn't quite wiped the slate clean in his part in the destruction in Lance's marriage but it showed there were ways to move forward again. Matt had done that himself after Ann in meeting Tanya. After this last blow-up he felt confident that Tanya wouldn't put them back in a situation that could be so destructive. But the meeting with Lance did make him think.

For once he was going to keep the meeting a secret from Tanya It was the only secret he ever planned to keep from Tanya.