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Click here"I'm not sure, we may need to plan an intermission."
"Your terms are acceptable. When you feel ready for that you can just let me know my nibbling on my earlobes, or almost anything else I guess." We stopped a few times, not always for sex, sometimes kissing or other forms of affection.
We got dressed and went down to the dining hall a little early holding her hand on the walk down, then returned to the room. We watched Foundation which is something I have wanted to watch since last year, Sandy is apparently a fan. She explained the lore and how it diverged from the books. I hung on her every word. We turned in early, this day was perfect.
- COMMENTS
Sandtalker5 months agoThe way you are trying to switch voices is awkward. If you really feel the various voices are needed, I would recommend that you not rehash the same time frame. As an example, you could have kept Sandy as narrator through the archery, then switched to mike for the rest of the day.
I would rather you stayed with one narrator though.
Sandtalker5 months agoI agree about switching POV. The biggest detractor is that not enough new information is conveyed to make it work. You should either have the other characters say the important part and stay with one narrator, or if you do keep switching, not rehash the same time frame. As an example, you could have kept Sandy as narrator until the archery, then had Mike take over narrating for the rest of Saturday.
But I still think it would be better to stay with a single narrator.
Slofred5 months agoWhile reading the event from two points of view is a bit interesting, it is also a bit tedious. I am sorry I have no constructive criticism of the POV issue just commenting that it is slightly off putting. Thank you for the installment of this tale and please keep creating for those of us who just are unable to muster the spark to create. 5 stars even with the small issue.
