Adam's Advertisement Pt. 03

"You'll get it back." He puffed on it and passed it to Ian. Ughhh. Not sure when I became the 'always has weed' guy. Not into it. I watched it being passed around until finally Jamie got it back to me.

"Fine." I sighed and held out my hand for the beer again. I couldn't not drink all night. "Dare."

"Do the thing." Cater grinned triumphantly. Ahhhh fuck that. I shook my head.

"Nuh-uh."

"Not how this works mate." I sighed as everyone sat up.

"Way too early." I said. I glanced around. "And you've all seen it." Carter shrugged. "Truth!" I protested. "We're not drunk enough for dares like that." Carter started to shake his head but Ian stopped him.

"It's way too early, man." He said. "I can't see that until I'm fucking stoned out of my brain."

"Fine." Carter conceded. "Alright, truth then, Freddo. Fuck, marry, kill. Boss, me, Jamie." I laughed at him. His truth game was weak. I guess all of ours was because we usually just played dares- there is nothing lamer than sitting in a circle and spilling secrets. Especially when you actually have secrets you really, really, don't want to spill.

"Easy dumbass. I've been wanting to make sweet tender love to you since I met you." I mimed kissing him and he gagged.

"Shut up faggot. Oh. Sorry Jamie." There was a short chorus of "Sorry Jamie" across the room. Jamie rolled his eyes. He was pretty used to it. That kid has skin made of steel I swear to god. I think I'd rather die than tell a single person in this room I was gay, but he was dating like the gayest man in Auckland and somehow seemed totally unphased by the piles of shit thrown at him all the time because of it. "Well then what?" Carter raised his eyebrows. "Marry Jamie?"

"What, for his sweet pay cheque? Na man, I'll marry Larry any day. Sorry Jamie." Jamie sighed and shrugged.

"I'll be avenged." He said lightly. "Liam will fucking kill you." I grinned.

"I could take Liam." He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Doubt. Anyway, your turn." I sighed and stretched out.

"Pass." I said. "You have a darts board somewhere, yeah Carter? Let's play darts."

"My house, my rules." He stretched out. "You forfeit?"

"I dare us to play darts?"

"We're doing truths." He grinned.

"Fine. I forfeit." I said.

"My turn again then." He grinned. "So Freddo..."

"Me again! That's not fair." I moaned. He shrugged.

"Who's the girl?" He asked. My stomach twisted.

"Huh?" I said lightly.

"The girl." He folded his arms. "Or have you been texting your mum all night?" I laughed awkwardly.

"I'm just... on my phone..." I waved it. "No girl... no texts." I rolled my eyes. "Still super single." Carter nodded and stretched out.

"So you won't mind if I...." He stretched further than I expected and I swore as he grabbed my phone off me.

"Asshole! Give that back!" I stood up with a groan and realised I'd actually had way more than I thought. Ugh. "Carter..." I moaned.

"There ya go." He grinned as my phone buzzed and he gleefully read the text. His face fell. "Oh." He said flatly. "Wil says don't smoke so much, it's bad for you." He handed my phone back with a sigh. "Who's Wil?" I rolled my eyes.

"A straight edge friend." I sighed. "Darts? Please?"

"Yeah alright." Carter sighed.

---- -- --

Jamie offered to give me a lift home since I was wasted and he was sober because he had work in the morning. He cleared his throat.

"So... how is Wil?" He asked. I glanced at him and shrugged.

"Fine." Jamie nodded. He took a deep breath.

"You... ever think you might come out?" He asked. I yawned.

"Nope." I said. "Frankly, I think you're insane. It's all very well for Liam and Wil but you know... we're different." Jamie's knuckles turned white as he clenched the steering wheel.

"Different." He murmured. "How so?"

"Well like, I work in construction. You can't be gay in constrcution."

"Wow, dude, enlightened." Jamie rolled his eyes. "They're all good with me, right?"

"Jamie, you can beat most of them up." I snorted. "No would dare not being good with you. And you know, like, your family is cool with it...."

"They weren't." He interrupted sharply. "They came round but they weren't COOL." I waved my hand at him and leant against the window. Fuck I was tired.

"And you came out after a super long lockdown." I shrugged. "Everyone was all... weird and in a different headspace... and like, people know Liam and think he's all that...."

"You don't think Wil's all that?"

"Wil is amazing." I smiled goofily as I thought about him. He was more than amazing. He was the most talented person I ever met. And unfairly good looking. And utterly charming. So unfair that God put cooking skills and nice hair and incredible muscles and dancing and painting all into the one guy...

The first time I'd seen a picture of him- his arm around Liam for a group photo for his dance studio my jaw had dropped open. Luckily it was just Jamie and I at the time because I couldn't stop myself.

"Who's that?" Jamie glanced at me and raised an eyebrow.

"Wilson?" He glanced at me. I blushed. Fuck.

"That his name?" I coughed. "Built huh?"

"Sure." Jamie said. He raised an eyebrow. "One of Liam's best friends actually." We looked at each other. You know how in like, cartoons, when people blush their whole cheeks just turn into bright pink circles? Yeah, well. Me too. Jamie looked at me thoughtfully but he's an alright guy. He didn't push it.

I found Wilson on Instagram. I scrolled through his pictures and did things I'm not particularly proud of with my hand down my boxers. I think you'd forgive me if you could see him. He's... God. Hot doesn't even describe it. Like I guess I get it- he's a dancer and now I know him I'm aware he's vain as hell.... So the short curls and the muscles and the chest hair that he swears he doesn't curate but like, I see it in the bathtub Wil, I know it doesn't grow like that, it all makes sense...

And after about two weeks of fantasising about him I ended up at Cassette with some lads and Jamie, and we were out on the balcony moaning about work, and he mentioned they worked together on the weekends.

"What... You WORK with Wilson Cain?!" Jamie frowned.

"Yeah?" He waved the smoke from my cigarette away from his face. "Do you know him?" I sighed. I looked at Jamie. He'd been out for like, months, and so much had happened since lockdown... I stared at him. I should have said it when he first came out. I should have told him I got it. Like I REALLY got it. I should have asked him to help me be brave and come out too. But I guess I'm not built like him. I looked away and out at Vulcan lane.

"Going to Jefferson." I said. Jamie caught my shoulder.

"You ok Fred?" I grabbed his hand.

"Sure." I grinned. "Gonna get fucked on whiskey. Come with?" Jamie let me lead him out of the bar but he stopped me before we headed down the basement to Jefferson. He handed me a cigarette which was weird- Jamie didn't smoke... but I did when I drank so I took it and he lit it for me and sat me down.

"Like a Greek God eh?" He said.

"Huh?" I puffed on the cigarette.

"I mean, personally I'm more into the like... Legolas thing that Liam has going on but, you know, Wilson is definitely a babe..." Jamie smirked. I caught his eye and giggled awkwardly.

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing." He shrugged, looking at me. "Unless you want to talk. He's like Liam's best friend, I could probably introduce you." I sat up straight.

"No thanks!" I shuddered. Ugh. Can you even IMAGINE meeting a guy who you've been secretly beating off too? Jamie misunderstood though and he bit his lip.

"Am I wrong?" He asked. Good thing the alcohol meant I already had glowing cheeks because there was no way to hide my embarrassment.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I said, stubbing out the cigarette. Jamie stopped me from marching away with a sigh.

"Kay." He said. "Sorry. I'm tipsy." I paused to look at him. No he wasn't. And he wasn't wrong either. But I think somehow he already knew that. I stared at him. I don't know how he knew, only he's pretty smart like that. Maybe gay men can just pick out other gay men? I don't know. I wouldn't have picked Jamie, personally. I was as shocked as everyone else when he showed up one day awkwardly holding hands with Liam and telling everyone he'd always been gay despite the harem of women he used to seem to have coming and going from his life. For half a minute I'd thought it was a sick, stupid joke, but then I saw the way trhey looked at each other... ugh, like they'd never been happier.

"Was it shit?" I asked Jamie out loud. He raised his eyebrows at me. "When you came out." I clarified, realising he hadn't been privy to my internal monologuing. He smiled slightly.

"Yep." He said, sticking one hand in his pocket and heading to the bar downstairs. "But it got better." He grabbed my hand and squeezed it firmly. "Promise." He said.

--

We didn't speak about it again, and I didn't see Jamie for a few weeks. Next time I did I was sober so there was no way I was gonna get started going down that rabbit hole again. He didn't say anything either, he didn't look at me sideways or ask any probing questions. Maybe he'd been drunk after all. Maybe he didn't remember a thing. Thank fucking God. The closet was safe for another day after all.

Safe until Liam showed up one night. He and Jamie were never one of those couples who really held hands or kissed or said cute things about each other in public, but they always looked at each other with the softest, goofiest expression. It made me sick. Ok... and... Deep down it made me jealous. But I'd never say that out loud. I ignored them, I always did when they were together, and focussed on the important stuff, like pretending I could rap and having a fake battle with Carter, and murdering the other lads at beer pong. At some point I'd imbibed enough cheap Woodstocks to feel like smoking and I snuck outside.

"Oh sorry!" I walked around the corner and right into someone else. Liam's eyes widened with the guiltiest expression and he shoved his hands behind his back. I raised my eyebrows as he looked at me. "What, you got like, something hard?" I asked. He slowly exhaled and I watched a cloud of smoke escape his mouth. He slowly brought his hands back in front of him. Huh. Just a durry.

"Um." He glanced over my shoulder. "Please, please, please don't tell Jamie." I snorted.

"Yeah, dude. Secret's safe." I lit my own as Liam sighed and continued with his, his eyes closed like he was in ecstasy. "I didn't know you smoked." I said, leaning against the flat. Liam sighed.

"I cave about once every six months." He said.

"Huh. See, that's like goals for me. I cave about once every week." Liam smiled.

"Well. At least neither of us are caving every day." He said. He stretched out. "Fred, right?"

"Right."

"Liam."

"I know." I snorted. Everyone knew Liam. He was older, and cooler than anyone we knew. If Jamie was gonna be gay he definitely chose the best person in Auckland to be gay with. You just couldn't argue with falling for Liam. He laughed.

"Yeah, I guess everyone kinda knows me through Jamie." He took a drag on his cigarette. "Poor Jamie. He hates it, truly. If only, like, a single other person in your whole crew like... got it... he'd probably feel better." I stiffened up and stared at him. Oh no.

"Did Jamie say something?" I asked quietly. Liam binked at me.

"No?" His eyes widened almost comically. "Oh. Did I just put my foot in my mouth?"

"No, nothing." I mumbled, which didn't even make sense. I turned away to hide how red I was going.

"Have you got another one?" Liam touched my shoulder.

"Huh?"

"Another cigarette. When I'm caving I usually cave hard. You got any?"

"Yeah. sure." I handed him another one and we smoked in silence for a bit. Eventually I sighed. "So um." I turned to him. "You're a dancer, yeah?"

"Yeah." Liam cleared his throat. "And an actor, and you know... creative stuff..." He trailed off. He was probably trying not to say 'model' which I had no doubt he was too. He was like, kind of famous, Jamie said, but Jamie didn't like talking about it much. I swallowed as I looked at him. I could feel my heartbeat.

"So um. You know Wilson? Wilson Cain?" I asked, as casually as I could manage. Liam glanced at me and a small smile played on his lips.

"Yeah I know Wil." He raised his eyebrows. "Do you?" I looked at my feet and dragged my toe across the ground, creating patterns in the dirt.

"Nope." I said to the ground. "I saw a picture of him." I explained to a dried leaf near my heel. "Jamie mentioned maybe you could...." I trailed off and wrinkled my nose. I glanced up at Liam. His eyes were shining and he had a disconcerting wide grin on his face.

"Maybe I could...?" He asked breathlessly.

"Forget it." I said quickly. Maybe what, like actually introduce us? Because that was an incredibly normal thing for a random straight guy to be thinking about. I reached for a few more cigarettes.

"Thanks." Liam said quietly as I handed them to him. He bit his lip. "Fred..."

"See ya!" I ran back inside before he had a chance to interrogate me, or whatever his plan was.

About two hours later I was outside again when Jamie joined me. Oh no. I stood up and moved to stub out my cigarette when he was joined by Liam. Oh nooo. Trapped.

"Hi." I said coldly. Jamie and Liam looked at each other.

"This is a bad idea." Jamie mumbled. Liam pursed his lips.

"Hey... Fred...." He said softly. Oh no. God, 26 really solid years and it was all gonna come out now, smoking a cheap cigarette against the wall of Carter's flat, with two men staring at me. I swallowed. Can you literally run away from these things? Is that a thing that works in real life? "We're off." Liam said, to my surprise. "Gonna head to Denny's. I thought maybe you'd wanna come?"

"No thanks." I squeaked out.

"Ok." Liam shrugged. He put his arm around Jamie's waist. "No pressure Fred. But if you ever do wanna come to Denny's... just us three ya know, like the easiest crowd in the world, and talk about... anything at all including, but not limited to Wilson's abs..." Jamie thumped Liam in the shoulder and Liam winced. "Ouch!"

"Dude." Jamie muttered under his breath. Liam rolled his eyes and looked back at me.

"That offer will always be on the table." He said. "Always."

The two of them turned around and started to walk down the street, arm in arm.

Fuck it.

"Hey, wait." I called out. Liam turned around with a smile.

"Yeah?"

"Um... so weird but like dry lamb shank and flavourless cheesecake is exactly what I'm in the mood for." I said. "Can I just... grab my stuff?" Liam beamed at Jamie. You could almost see the little flashing 'Told you so' sign above his head.

"No rush!" Liam said.

----- ---

And so, at like 2am, over a bottle of cheap sparkling wine and a table covered in waffles, pancakes and an overdone sirloin- I came out. And I'm not going to say my life magically got better, or that anything slid into place, but I really did feel incredibly warm with a slightly drunk Liam crying tears of happiness for me, and a decidedly less drunk Jamie giving me shit for not telling him earlier. And by the time 3am rolled around I'd all but confessed I'd been desperately crushing on Wilson for weeks now and Liam and Jamie argued about a dinner party to give us a chance to meet.

"Wil deserves a nice guy!" Liam pointed at me and Jamie sighed. He bit his lip.

"Fine." He said. "But Freddo- if you don't hit it off with Wil, don't worry. There's like a million gays in Auckland."

"I can't meet him!" I protested. "Have you seen him?! God tier!"

"Aw." Liam rolled his eyes. "He's definitely fit, but not out of your league."

"Absolutely out of my league! Are you blind?" I sighed. "And what the hell would we even talk about? His chest workout?" Jamie laughed.

"You can both hold down a conversation." He sighed. "Wil's actually really easy to talk to. And Liam's right... he really could use a nice guy...."

"How the hell is he even single?!" I stammered. They exchanged a look. "Oh." I laughed nervously. "Is he single?" Liam sighed.

"Well... he's not seeing anyone seriously." He said.

"Oh god how am I meant to compete with some hot fuckbuddy?" I whined. "How am I even meant to look him in the eye? I'm utterly pathetic."

"No honey!" Liam reached across the table for me. "Trust me, ok, I'm really good at this. And you're cute."

"Cute!" I recoiled in horror. "God, is that what I'm stuck with?!" Liam blushed and Jamie rolled his eyes.

"Liam." He said firmly. Liam sighed and sat back in the booth. "You do fall into the cute category though." Jamie smirked at me.

"What?!" He shrugged.

"It's ok. You're a twink. You're meant to be cute."

"How the hell am I a twink! I'm way too tall!" Jamie nodded sagely.

"Yeah, you're a tall twink."

"Asshole." I grumbled. I glanced at him. "What are you then?" Jamie shrugged.

"A jock."

"Lame." I sighed and glanced at Liam.

"Otter." He said. I frowned.

"I don't know what that even..." I shook my head. "So what's the game plan here? You just... host a dinner party and mash Wilson and I together like Ken dolls?"

"Pretty much." Liam smiled. "You in?"

--- ---

So it's very unlikely that we would end up dating after some half baked plan in Denny's at an ungodly hour of the morning....

But in spite of everything....

It fucking worked.

At first I could tell he wasn't into me, which was pretty heartbreaking but unsurprising. When Liam introduced us Wil looked me over in that way all hot guys look people over- a quick sweep of the eyes, an assessment made in like 2 seconds about whether or not us mere mortals are worth the time. He didn't recoil at the sight of me but he was hardly excited either. I guess he wasn't excited to be there in the first place, though. He almost immediately started moaning that he'd been dragged into a dinner party with a blind date unwillingly and it was pretty clear he would rather be literally anywhere else. But we started talking and at some point he gave me a thoughtful look, and he moved to sit facing me. And we kept talking and he was smiling... and I think flirting... and all through dinner he kept edging closer to me, and asking me about myself, showing absolutely no interest in anyone else.

And now we're seeing each other. Like a lot. I have no idea how that happened. I literally never thought I'd date, I'd limited myself to really desperate one night stands on Scruff... but you don't just have a one night stand with a guy like Wil. You'd be mad. Besides which, I don't think he'd let you. He isn't really a no strings attached kind of guy. Actually I think it's been sort of rough on him that I'm still pretty deep in the closet....

Which brings me back to sitting in the car with Jamie. Jamie came out pretty elegantly all things considered, and I guess I knew it was rough but he seemed to manage it ok. He's always been kind of on the 'grown up' side. Me? Not at all. I wasn't ready. I didn't want people to look at me differently. I didn't want the guys to avoid me on site. And I already knew exactly how they'd react to Wil. Because....

"He's just, like, so fucking gay, you know?" I slurred, looking out the window at the streetlights passing by. Jamie sighed.

"I'd kick you out of the car if you weren't so wasted." He said. "But since I'm stuck with you I guess I'll stick with a lecture. You're as gay as Wil is. Frankly, it's embarrassing that you're scared to come out. And the shit you spew about masculinity and stuff... I can't believe we're friends sometimes." I winced.

"Ouch, Jamie." He raised his eyebrows.

"You know I'm right." I sighed.

"Yeah." I mumbled. "Yeah, I know."

----- --- --- ---

Saturday rolled around, and I found myself at Carter's again, in the same place on the couch, with the same people around me, playing the same stupid game.