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"Oh so THAT'S why you're missing the game. He can come." I hid my smile. Yeah. No. I imagined Wil sitting uncomfortably on the couch with his wet martini and his tiny shorts that he wore all the time while we screamed at the Blues. "Hmm." Carter said. "I guess after a couple of weeks you guys will be busy." He cackled and I threw a chip at him. Phil frowned as he listened to us.
"Who's Wil?" He asked.
"No one." I mumbled. Carter frowned at me and looked at Phil. He cleared his throat.
"No one?" He said pointedly. "Wimp." He whispered to me. I frowned at him and he raised his eyebrows. "Dare you." He muttered. Phil grunted as he lit a cigarette.
"What am I missing?" He said shortly. I sighed. I was going to beat Carter up. Asshole.
"A guy." I said shortly.
"Your guy." Carter said. I sighed and pulled at a patch of liqui-flash stuck on my boot.
"Yeah. My guy." I said. I glanced at Phil.
"What, your dealer?" He raised his eyebrows. "Actually, can you hook me up? Your weed is really good." I sighed and looked at Carter. He looked away, his eyebrows raised, and didn't help me out.
"Yeah I can hook you up." I glanced at him. "What did you want?"
"50."
"Aight." We sat in silence for a minute.
"Can you get it to me Saturday?" He asked.
"Maybe." I said absentmindedly. "I'll see when he's free."
"Thought you're seeing him Friday?" I tugged at my laces.
"No, I'm seeing Wil Friday." I said. "Wil's not my dealer. He's just... my.... guy." Phil laughed.
"Yeah, ok."
"You met him." I said flatly. He had. I winced remembering.
-- --
Wil and I were due to meet up after his Thursday show, and it was too late for him to cook me dinner, and I wasn't exactly going to take him home to my flat. I laughed as he joined me in the foyer. Like a total fucking idiot, I'd dressed up. I don't know what you're meant to wear to dance shows! Mum told me you dress up for theatre when I mentioned I was going to a show, and she also asked me who the hell had possessed her son and what the fuck was going on with me. I just said I had a friend involved. It wasn't that I was particularly bothered by coming out to Mum and Dad. I WAS bothered by the absolute litany of questions that I knew would be coming my way, and I was planning to hold those off for as long as I reasonably could.
So I bought a fucking suit. I looked as stupid as I expected I would in it, but the salesman convinced me I looked great, and asked me what the occasion was, and I somehow found myself explaining I was seeing my boyfriends show and apparently the dress code wasn't 'band t-shirt'. He did me a massive favour by swapping out the crisp white cotton shirt I'd originally put on for a t- shirt and told me I looked cool, and anyone would be proud to have me. I bet he worked on commission. He was a stupidly good salesman. I did fit in with the audience, even if I was way out of my depth and didn't understand a fraction of what was going on, but I still felt kind of dumb and overdressed as I fidgeted, waiting for Wilson in the foyer, with a bunch of flowers which were starting to wilt.
I laughed at myself because when Wil appeared he'd changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants, which I guess I should have known because I don't think he owned anything else except shorts, and it was definitely getting too cold for shorts. He was still pretty much covered in glitter from the finale. I could tell he'd scrubbed his face, his cheeks were pink and raw, but it didn't seem to make much of a difference. He smiled as he went to meet me and winced at himself.
"Oh no, you look so good!" He wrapped his arms around me, crushing the flowers, and pressed his lips to my neck. "Sorry, stage makeup doesn't budge." He said.
"You look perfect." I grinned. "Oh Wil, that was amazing. I knew you'd be the best." Which he was. My eyes were glued to him the whole time. He stood out, even in the chorus, because he moved with... intensity and perfect timeline, and he danced like he was the only one on stage. Wil grinned.
"You're wrong, but keep telling me that anyway." I presented the bouquet to him.
"For me?"
"No, for Liam. Where is he?"
"Asshole." Wil put his head into the flowers and inhaled. "You shouldn't have, Freddie."
"Yeah I forgot you'd be away for ages." I sighed. "Your flatmate will have to enjoy them on your behalf."
"Thanks." He tucked his arm into mine and rested his head on my shoulder. "So... wanna head to mine?"
"Well... I'm all dressed up." I looked down at myself. "Let's go to a cool bar somewhere." Wilson winced.
"Freddie, I'm totally broke." He sighed. "I'm sorry. I'll take you out for cocktails, promise, when I get back. I can't afford it tonight."
"I can." I rolled my eyes. "Let me buy you a couple of drinks. Maybe some fries if you aren't still on that dumb diet." Wilson didn't say anything. He walked with me in silence out the front of the theatre. "Wil?" He glanced at me and I tried to read into his eyes.
"I don't like guys buying me shit." He said eventually. I frowned, considering that, and leading him, in spite of what he was saying, down the road to some of the cooler places near the bottom of Queen Street.
"I'm different." I said eventually. "I'm your boyfriend. And anyway, I need to make up for a million things you've cooked for me, and congratulate you for your dance thing..." I winced as he snorted when I said 'dance thing'. "It would make me happy." I offered and Wil laughed.
"I know this is stupid." He said slowly. "But this is kind of a big deal for me. I like, REALLY don't like guys buying me shit." He took a deep breath. "But... ok. You can buy me a couple of drinks. No fries." I laughed at him.
"Thank you sooooo much." I teased. "I am eternally grateful for graciously being allowed to buy you a drink."
"Maybe two." Wil grinned at me. "I know it's stupid, dude. But like... guys in the past hold that over me. It's just embarrassing being broke all the time. I want to be on your level."
"You're beyond my level." I squeezed him tight. "And I get that. I'd feel the same way. But this is just drinks, Wilson. You can write down how much you owe me if you like and we'll keep track of everything like total misers. Or you can just relax for like, one minute in your entire life. Up to you."
"Ok, I'll relax." He grinned at me. "Just for you."
Everything was perfect, we headed to a bar an old friend from high school worked at and I introduced him to Wil, a fraction cautiously. Wilson shrunk into himself a little bit.
"Hey dude." Gwilym grinned at me.
"Hey Gwil." I nudged Wilson's shoulder. "Gwil- this is Wilson. Wilson, this is my old mate from highschool. He does crazy good cocktails" Wilson nodded, maybe noticing he didn't get a proper introduction, but choosing to ignore it. We grabbed our drinks and settled into a corner of the room. It was close to the smokers area and Wil looked out longingly, inhaling deeply. I looked at him thoughtfully and half reached for the half finished pack of cigarettes in my pocket.
"You smoke?" I asked.
"I wish. Gave it up a few years ago." Wil sighed.
"Oh shit. Good for you." I pulled my hand away from my pocket quickly.
"Na honestly I'm fucking gagging for a cigarette like, all the time. Liam quit at the same time and I swear to god if he ever breaks I'm smoking a fucking pouch." Wilson sighed.
"You're amazing." I laughed at him and was about to tell him that I'd personally seen Liam break, more than once now, and pretty hard, when I trailed off and Wil looked up at me. He followed my eyeline.
Just outside of the bar we were in, on the other side of the courtyard, were Phil and some other guys from site. My whole body went stiff. One thing for Gwil to see us together, and think whatever he wanted. We hadn't really spoken in years. But...
"You can pretend you don't know me." Wil muttered. I tightened my lips. Of all the fucking places in Auckland it was a fucking joke we'd ended up in the same place. I shook my head.
"Don't be daft." I said quietly. Wil looked at me shrewdly but he didn't push it. Phil noticed me and hollered, getting me up and pulling me into a sweaty hug.
"Mate, thought you were busy tonight."
"I am." I said. "This is Wilson, he's this dude I know, and um... and this is Phil, we work on site together." I still felt a horrible sinking in my gut when I remembered the look on Wil's face when I'd introduced him like that. I'd told him it was a caveat to be boyfriends less than 48 hours ago and the first person I introduced him to, I said he was a dude I knew. I don't think I'd ever hated myself more. Although. Not enough to correct myself, evidently.
"Was pride early this year?" Phil laughed at Wil. I winced, noticing for the first time that Wil's half scrubbed off makeup still looked like he'd gone ahead and put eyeliner and lipstick on. Suddenly I really, really wished we'd just gone home.
"Oh this? No this is just my quick everyday look. I usually pull out the heels for pride." Wil said lightly.
I swallowed as I remembered it. I pulled myself back to the present and glanced at Phil. He raised his eyebrows at me.
"Who did I meet?"
"Wil. We were at La Fuente last week. He was the..."
"Cocksucker in drag?" Phil laughed. "Yah-huh. Who was that anyway?"
"Wil." I sighed. I looked at Carter and I saw the guilt wash over his face.
"Language dude." He mumbled at Phil. Phil frowned.
"What? Cocksucker? Well he was, you should have seen him. Bloody wearing lipstick and all."
"He was in a show." I said. "He doesn't normally wear lipstick."
"Whatever. Definitely a cocksucker."
"Dude, shut it." Carter sighed and looked at me. I raised my eyebrows. Yeah. Told you so. He shrugged apologetically. "Let's get back to work."
"Alright." Phil stretched and grinned at me. "So anyway what were you doing with a faggot in a wine bar?" I don't know what came over me. I saw red. I cut him off with a really badly thought out punch to the gut and he doubled over. "The fuck?!" He groaned as he clutched his stomach. "Really?" He coughed. He stood up slowly and lunged at me. I was faster than him and ducked to avoid him. He reached for me again and Carter firmly grabbed his arms and held him back.
"Oi!" He barked. "Quit it. Both of you." He glared at me and I folded my arms.
"He started it." I said.
"In what fucking world..." Phil broke free of Carter's grip and this time I wasn't fast enough. He grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and returned the punch to the gut. I folded in half. Ugh. I moaned and tried vainly to knee him in the nuts, which basically ended the fight- if you could call it that, because we were both doubled over in pain.
"Stop it!" Carter got between us again, kind of unnecessarily because neither of us could actually stand. "Absolute fucking morons." He said. "Do you want to be kicked off site?" I groaned and Phil glared at me.
"What are you playing at?" Phil grunted. "The fuck was that, man?" I winced as I stood up. I felt nauseous.
"Sorry." I grunted. "Wasn't thinking."
"God damn right." Phil slowly stood up as well and shook his head at me. "Good punch on you." He said slowly.
"Likewise." I winced. He glanced at me.
"You good Freddo?" He said cautiously. "Where did that come from?"
"I think maybe it was calling Wil a cocksucker." I gritted my teeth. "Turns out I really don't like that."
"O....k." Phil said slowly. "Ah- sorry man."
"Yeah." I said. Phil stuck out his hand and I looked at it cautiously. He raised his eyebrows.
"Are we good?" He said. I glared at Carter.
"No." I said shortly. "Phil, I'm sorry mate, I'm sorry to be a buzzkill but if you ever use the word faggot again I'll actually fucking kill you." Phil blinked.
"Sorry." He said slowly. "I didn't know you.. cared."
"I do." I said. We looked at each other. "Cos we're mates and I don't like you talking about me like that." I said slowly, my teeth clenched. Phil frowned and I could see the wheels turning in that big dumb slab of meat he had in his head.
"Oh." He said eventually. "Shit, sorry man. I didn't mean anythi-'' I shook my head and held out my hand.
"We're good." I said. Phil reached for my hand cautiously. We shook shortly and we walked in silence back on site.
He caught me at the end of the day and took a deep breath.
"I didn't mean it." He said. "What I said about, uh, Wil. Even if he does wear lipstick all the time, that's ok. My girlfriend does too." I laughed.
"He really doesn't." I said. "But you're not totally wrong about one thing so I guess I forgive you." I mumbled as I grabbed my tool bag and headed off.
"What's that?" Phil called after me.
"He is a cocksucker. And he's not half bad." I grinned at him as he blushed red and gagged. "See ya tomorrow asshole!" I called out. He waved at me as I left.
----- ---- ----
I walked home with my mind completely occupied. I almost couldn't believe it. I kept double checking the day's events in my mind and wondering if it had really all gone the way I remembered it going. In a million years I truly never thought I'd ever come out on site. I figured it was kind of all done when I told my friends, and that had sort of been... a surprising non event. That's probably because Jamie had already laid the groundwork for dealing with gay friends. God, thank fuck for Jamie. I was so glad I had him on my team. Ugh, and I guess at some point I'd tell Mum and Dad. They wouldn't actually care, at least, I didn't imagine they would... it was just gonna be one hell of a conversation.
I'd always said you can't be gay in construction. I'm not sure I'm wrong about that. I certainly wasn't going to show up waving a pride flag anytime soon. But testing the waters with Phil surprised me, because... he really did seem sincere. I didn't dare to imagine I'd get that from everyone... but it was kind of a miracle to get it from anyone.
I was in a total daze realising that in under a week, the weight of lying to everyone was getting lighter. I was sporting a grin all of my stupid face and almost bursting with the joy of being able to call Wil, and tell him, and he'd be so happy, and I'd be so happy, and nothing would come between us ever again so I'd ask him to marry me and... I laughed at myself.
Well. First I'd make up for the last night we had together. After I'd assholeishly completely not introduced Wil to Phil and the lads, Phil, to my relief, yawned and gestured at the guys.
"We're all heading out, vibe here is a bit wanky. See you soon yeah?" They drifted to the streets where music could be heard. Wil looked at me. His lips were tight, and he wasn't saying anything.
"Ok wait, I can read your face but that's so unfair Wil, I was going to say boyfriend but I panicked ok?"
"Dude, it's fine." Wil smiled and nudged my shoulder. "You come out in your own time. I'm a little much right now, I think we'd both prefer meeting your friends when I don't look like a fucking faggot in drag."
"I hate that word." I scowled.
"You didn't mind it the other night." Wil murmured, leaning in close.
"That's different." My jaw clenched as I felt my face grow red. "Wil..." God I felt tired. Just... tired of lying to everyone. Tired of never knowing where I stood with Wil. Tired of being scared he'd flit off with some stupid hot guy any second now who wouldn't have a problem with proudly saying 'This is Wilson, he's my sexy boyfriend and I love him' out loud, to anyone. Wil sighed and put his arm around me and squeezed me tight, resting his head on my shoulder.
"Let's go home, Freddie." He said. "Have to make tonight count. It's gonna be aaages until I see you again. I need something to keep me going." I laughed and finished my drink and gratefully agreed. At least at his place we could just be. There was nothing to worry about, all safe on his bed, with just him.
We arrived home and he picked me up on the threshold to his flat like I was some virginal bride. I blushed and struggled, secretly absolutely delighted. He kicked the door behind him and grunted a hello and goodnight at his flatmate while I turned a new shade of red and tried to jump out of his arms. Alison didn't bat an eye though, she just wished us goodnight and Wil took me to his room, and lay me down, and gently started pulling my clothes off, kissing my skin as he revealed it.
He peeled my trousers down and moaned as he saw my dick straining in my boxers.
"Oh, man. I am gonna miss THAT." He said, stroking me through the fabric. I bit my lip and laughed nervously.
"Um. Tonight." I said slowly, trying to think of my next words. Wil was so different to Scruff hookups. He was so playful, and so game for anything, and I loved that I never knew what he wanted- it just made it more delightful when I figured it out. It was a major surprise to me when I realised he was a bottom- although, ok, yeah, he had a really sexy pouty 'give it to me daddy' kind of thing about him. And I loved that, and I'd give it to him willingly. Only last time he'd been so close to switching... so I'd hoped tonight he would. I wanted him to pin me down, make me feel soft and weak and vulnerable with all that muscle... Ugh, I wanted it so bad... plus it had been ages since I'd been dicked down and it was a craving I really felt I needed to fill/ soon. I spent time getting ready today, and not just the suit. Wilson grinned as he looked at me.
"Tonight?" He prompted me.
"Um. Like... whatever you want obviously... but I..."
"Wanted me to fuck you?" Wil purred, nibbling at my neck.
"Ohhhh.... Yeah...." I sighed, melting into his touch.
"Perfect." He moaned. He trailed his tongue over my chest, teasing my nipples as his hand continued to rub my dick.
"Mmmm.... Please...." I grabbed at the hem of his shirt and he chuckled, sitting up so I could start to strip him. I moaned as I unveiled his torso, which I'd never get over. Everything about it was sooo perfect. His abs- just visible, hard and slightly hairy but not so taut they looked gross. His big chest with beautiful dark nipples perched on his fucking lovely pecs... his wide shoulders and his arms... and.... "Oh, god, Wil, Daddy>... you..." He grinned and stood up to take off his trousers. His ass was even better than his chest. I couldn't keep my hands off it, and I couldn't wait to sink my dick into it... one day. I blushed as I realised that, actually... this would be our first time together. Wil was probably the horniest guy I'd ever met... but he had a hang up about sex that I hadn't quite worked out.
I mean, judging on all his hang ups it was probably something to do with the horrible power exchange his past boyfriends seemed to lord over him... but it wouldn't be like it with us. We were total equals, totally fucked for each other, and we'd switch every day if I had any say in anything. I wondered if he really was actually ready- but I only wondered for half a second because he was turning towards me with a devilish grin, and his cock was jutting out, leaking with how hard he was. He pounced on me and tried to smother me with kisses and touches, making me go weak in his arms. I was just moaning and enjoying the way he felt against me when he moved down and gently took my dick in his mouth with no warning.
He was, and sure- my experience is limited but I knew it anyway- literally the most talented guy with his mouth in the world. He didn't just suck you off. He made love to your dick with his mouth. He worshipped it, he made it feel like it was a privilege to be there... and I had to push him off even as my body ached for him to continue.
"'Wil..." I whined. "No, no, no.... You know I can't last if you do that."
"So we go for like 5 rounds?" He joked, moving his head away and just gently fondling my balls.
"Ugh, I wish." I said. "Last time I fell asleep..."
