Adopting a New Outlook

"Nothing lewd perv," she teased, "I apologized. We talked. Then, things pretty much went back to normal."

I half closed my eyes as I tried to think clinically, "So she's known for a year that you're a lesbian?"

"Yup."

"She's known for a year that there's nothing really going on between us?"

"Yup."

"Then.... What?" I couldn't even formulate a coherent question. It seemed so strange to me that she would know and never let it show. We were close, but we never really talked about our relationships. She had her friends. I had her, Jess and my books. And I thought, she thought I had a girlfriend, but had, in fact, known that she was little more than a close friend.

"So why doesn't she date?" Jess rephrased her question that started all this.

I simply, and perfectly, had no fucking clue.

Chapter 6:

The following Sunday, June the 13th, was my birthday. It was a rather drab affair, The Hunts and Jessie and I. Jess came to the door, sucking her right thumb and holding a cupcake with a lit candle in her left hand. I tilted my head at her as I opened the door for her to come inside.

"I burnt the shit out of my finger trying to light this thing in the wind. You better be grateful." She smiled wide and added, "Happy birthday nerd!"

"Thanks." I blew out the candle and made a silent wish. I dipped my finger in the chocolate frosting and tasted it warily. She tried making cookies once at our house. Let's just say, I was glad that we regularly changed the 9v's in the smoke alarms. "That's good," I said, a hint of surprise evident in my voice. "You know you could've waited until you were inside to light that."

She mock sneered, "Where's the grand gesture in that." She held her burned thumb out to me, "Kiss it and make it better. Chop chop." She snapped with the hand now free of a cupcake. I kissed her thumb, belatedly realizing it had just been in her mouth, and there was something at least a little weird about kissing the thumb of your lesbian girlfriend while it still had some of her own saliva on it. I took a quick bite of the cupcake, gave her a hug, and bounced down the hall to the bathroom to grab some aloe. I even did the gentlemanly thing and applied it for her while she sat like an empress watching her servant. It was a strange start to an even stranger week.

All five of us sat around the table and had a nice family dinner. The conversation was mostly light, and it was, for all its dullness, one of the most pleasant experiences of my life. I loved them all for what they'd been to me, and now, now I was an adult; all verifiable by my new driver's license that tilted the right way, instead of printed the long way like a work badge or a school id.

"So, any big plans?" Nick asked.

"Not really," I replied.

"Come on," Jess joked. "You've joined the land of adults. eighteen-year-old man and all." She leaned in close, conspiratorially, but didn't drop to a whisper, "You could even cuss at the dinner table and shit."

I made a mock gasp and there were a few laughs.

"Did you get those papers Mr. Avery dropped off yesterday?"

I nodded. Jess cocked her head to the side in an exaggerated way. "It was just a list of books and a few professors at the university that he knew that would be good for an English major."

"So, you have a teacher dropping you off homework, after graduation." I nodded and she teased, "Total nerd."

"Still planning to be a novelist?" Nick asked.

Jess answered for me, "He's still writing short stories."

"Oh?"

"Yup. At least one a week from what I've seen," Jess smirked as she looked at me, "Not that he's let me read more than a few."

"Good?" Aileen asked.

I was a little nervous. I think everyone that considers themselves an artist would be. It was hard for me just to let her read those few. I'd had a fairly good life, all things considered. That didn't mean that my pain was forgotten and when I wrote, that was often what came to the forefront. Bearing out one's tears through words is hard enough. But, to let someone see those tears, to feel them, is another. "For all the bumbling he does with his mouth," She playfully poked my cheek, "The boy has a way with words."

Lily nodded her assent. She'd read more of my work than anyone. Again, terrifying doesn't begin to describe what I felt when she read them. However, she often seemed fascinated by my fantasy fiction stories. Most were short, and half-formed. Honestly, no one should have ever even read them, but she did. And for some strange reason she liked them, so I let her read more. I still picked and chose. There were many words I'd feel ashamed to let her read.

"Listen Aaron," Aileen began.

Nick continued, "We have a surprise for you."

I tilted my head, presents had come and gone already, but this was something else. They almost seemed shy about it as they led me out back. "We wanted to make sure you had a way to get to school and back," Nick started, "but the part time jobs were never gonna really pay for what you wanted."

It came into view as he gave his pitch, "It's a little rusty, and it's almost as old as you, but it runs." Parked in the alley was a '92 Buick. It was more than a little rusty, but it hid it well enough behind a dark red paint job. "It's kind of a pile, but it'll get you around. Had a friend look it over and said it's actually in pretty decent shape." It was big and blocky and ugly, and I loved it.

I leaned in through the driver window while Lily leaned in the rear window to my right. She gave me a big smile and proclaimed, "And it doesn't even smell like old feet... yet."

I was genuinely surprised, and happier than I could remember in a while. I finished my quick look-over of the car as Jess took my place beside Lily. I may or may not have had a tear or three in my eyes as I hugged Nick and Aileen. "Thanks Pops. Thanks Ma." It was the closest I could bring myself to calling them what they had rightfully been to me those last years. They smiled and we returned inside for a time, until they insisted, I take the car out for a drive.

Jess shooed Lily to the middle of the front seat and got in the passenger seat beside her. It all seemed perfectly innocent as we drove through town. We grabbed some ice cream from a shop nearby and made our way back home. I tried to ignore that Jess seemed to keep scooting away from her door, and that this action pushed Lily closer to me. Her blue jean covered thigh pressed up against mine and I could feel her hair tickling at my neck.

I tried with all I had to stay focused on the road, but my mind was elsewhere. She leaned her head on my shoulder, lightly, as she continued taking small bites of her cherry sundae. I want to say that my mind was completely innocent as I listened to her eating, so near to me. But those sounds sounded very different in my head. They sounded much less than innocent. I took a deep breath to calm myself while we slowed at a red light. Lily didn't remove herself from me, she just kept eating her ice cream, but Jess was looking down. She met my glance a moment later and smiled saying, "Green light."

Chapter 7:

As expected, Lily spent most of her birthday with her friends, returning around 6pm to a small gathering, much like the week before. She opened the presents from her parents, mostly clothes. She thanked them, then opened Jessie's gift. She looked inside the small box, lifted the paper inside, blushed, and closed it up again, thanking Jess shyly in the process.

Jess leaned close and whispered in my ear, "Sexy underwear."

Fuck. My hand clenched on my knee as my mind went many places it was not meant to be. Places where she wasn't wearing the cute light blue sundress she wore at the table. I was slowly following the line of events that leads from one receiving sexy underwear. To then, trying on said sexy underwear, all while picturing her, in front of the mirror in her bedroom. Fuck, don't stand.

I realized people were looking at me when Jess elbowed my side. I fumbled with the card in my hand. She had a box too. It started, God knows, 10 years back. It was a joke at first, to hold back one gift for the night we were together. The first year she gave me, no lie, a brand new in-the-box Barbie doll. Our parents laughed. I managed the closest thing to a "what the fuck" moment an eight-year-old was capable of as she laughed. I never fully understood it. I still kept it though. Jess found it while digging through my closet one day, having her own "what the fuck" moment. Her next words surprised me, "Kinda looks like her," She held it close to my face, "Doesn't it?" I had to agree, it did kind of look like a grown-up Lily.

We traded gifts. Gifts that likely held something different from that first year. Over time, they became the symbolic best gift we traded. I shook it once and joked, "At least it's not another Barbie."

I opened the envelope to reveal a true marvel of nerdism. I grinned truly, as I unwrapped a Lord of the Rings movie box set. Lily and I had watched all three in the theatres, and while she was not near the fan I was, she enjoyed them. I thanked her by throwing my right arm around her shoulder and bringing her in for the always mildly awkward side hug.

Lily opened the envelope, drawing out the card inside. She caught the two items that slipped free with her hands and giggled at the card. She unfolded the piece of paper first. It was a lease for an apartment, just off campus. We debated quite a bit about our plans. Would we stay at home and commute? My car gave us that option, but Nick and Aileen suggested the better option to get dorms. "You don't want an hour to commute every day to school and back. 50 miles is too far for that, but it is not too far for you to visit on the weekends or come home any time you need to." So, we were resigned to dorm living. At least until we discovered just how much dorms would cost. Jess gave us the solution when she suggested we all just get a place together.

It made sense, financially if for no other reason. We hunted for two weeks before we found one we liked. And damned if it wasn't half the price of what it would've cost the three of us for dorm rooms. We took pictures, walked through, and asked about a due date for the deposit. We came home two days ago with the paperwork, ready to break the surprise.

She scanned the paper, already signed by Jess and I, wearing a bright grin all the while. "This for real?" she asked.

We nodded and Jess told her, "I took a bunch of pictures if you wanna look. Trust me. You'll like the place, and its half a mile from the main campus."

Jess scooted her chair to Lily's side as they flipped through the half a roll of pictures she took. Lily signed the paper on the spot. The other item in her hand was my revival of a joke gift. Lily held up the key with a question, "And this?"

"Dear sister, you are now the proud co-owner of a rusty '92 Buick," she laughed and hugged me tight. "But only when I'm not using it." She punched me in the ribs softly as her other arm still held me close. The hand that made the playful punch then rubbed away the imaginary pain in my side. My breath caught, it was all so perfectly innocent, but again, my mind kept putting together pieces that weren't necessarily there. I felt her warm breath on my neck. It made the little hairs on my neck stand up. She kissed my cheek, tightened the hug and said, "Thanks bro."

We had our dinner; we ate cake, and our parents left us on the couch to watch movies. It started off, me in the middle of a best friend sandwich, pointedly keeping my hands to my sides. Jess kept bumping my left hand with her leg. I didn't really think much of it, but she had been acting a little strange lately. She touched more, they lingered longer, and that lone kiss found a partner just a day prior. She had recently dyed her hair color back to her natural brown. I was a little shocked when I saw her. Hand to God, I had seen her dye her hair nearly every color on the face of the earth but that. The compliment was honest, "You look good with your hair a normal color."

"Blue is a normal color," she stuck her tongue out through her smile.

"Blue is a normal color," I replied in mildly sarcastic agreement. Then she kissed me. Short, and honest. She found a seat sideways, across my legs, as she held on to me for a short time. I resigned myself to never truly knowing what was going on in her head. Maybe she just needed comfort.

I turned when I felt her movement. She shifted her back against the armrest and burrowed her bare toes under my left leg. My eyes traveled from her feet, up her smooth legs. It may or may not have lingered a moment on the jean shorts she wore as her knees spread just an inch, before closing again. Shit, is she teasing me. Up a little further to the, for a rare occasion, decidedly not band shirt she wore. It was a thin pink blouse, factually, it was Lily's pink blouse, as Jessie had, on more than one occasion, made it apparent she didn't wear pink. Though she had dyed her hair pink on more than one occasion.

She wiggled her toes as I found I'd stopped right around the area where propriety suggested no more than two buttons be undone. Yet I saw two, and two again, and the hint of black fabric beneath. She was beautiful, gorgeous, breath-taking even. I could find a thousand more words to describe her, and yes, while I was in fact attracted to her, my thoughts were decidedly not entirely on her. I pictured Lily, fiery hair trickling down her shoulders, wearing the same blouse. Fingering the fourth button before pushing it through. Hands deftly seeking out the fifth. Fuck.

Something brushing my nose broke me from the daydream. Blue toenails flashed past my field of vision as she nimbly tried to flick me again, I caught her right foot in my hand as the left landed in my lap. She commanded succinctly, "Rub, servant." I nearly moaned aloud as her left foot shifted on me. It was impossible for her not to feel how hard I was. I tried to concentrate on the foot rub. Every once in a while, she would shift her free foot. An act that could seem completely innocent were it not for the devilish look on her face. She swapped her feet when she had determined that the first was properly massaged. Her right foot took up the place of her left in my lap, with more than a few shifts before finding a place more comfortable. She was watching Lily, almost lustfully. I looked to her out of the corner of my eye, to find her gaze locked on Jessie's right foot. It was a look that long since had abandoned casual interest in favor of a gently bitten bottom lip. Her hands idly placed on her fair thighs, below the hem of her dress. I watch her thumbs spread, gently grazing upwards, under the cloth, and then slowly back down again.

I pressed hard into the arch of Jessie's foot. She moaned. It was loud enough to break the spell. Lily's fair skin had a reddish blush on her cheeks as she pressed her legs together and shifted back into her seat. Jessie's feet returned to their burrow under my left leg with a little shiver. Oh, how I longed in that moment for a pillow to place over my lap, the most inconspicuous of all erection hiding tricks. Jessie saved me by grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch. She lay it across her bare legs and my lap, leaving just a scant bit of cloth to brush against Lily's leg.

She shivered and lay the side of her head on the armrest, pushing her feet up against my leg and arm, under the warmth of the blanket. I removed my hand from underneath, tugged an extra foot or two from the greedy Jessie and placed it into Lily's waiting hand. She tugged a bit, but Jess held firmer, so she reasonably scooted closer, curling up into a little ball, toes wiggling against my leg. My hand came to rest on the side of my leg, atop her foot.

Jess offered, "Want a foot rub too?" Lily just shrugged, "Come on," she urged, "It's your birthday, live a little. I happen to know a guy. It wouldn't even be a stretch to call him fairly proficient." Lily laughed. "He does back rubs too," she pressed.

"Oh?" Lily seemed to feign interest.

"Yup, 7/10 at least,"

"That low, huh?" Lily joked.

"He's good with his hands, but he forgets how to speak when you bare a little skin," She joked.

Lily rose up from her position on the armrest, turning her back to me. The right strap of her dress had slipped down her arm. She was reaching to put it back in place as Jess was turning me. It took some maneuvering to get my right leg past Lily and to the back of the couch seat. When I did, she moved back again, pulling her long auburn locks into a tail, then deftly tying it into a bun and securing it with a tie from her wrist. Jess was the one that moved my arms to her shoulders. She had taken up a position behind me, arms wrapped around me, head resting against my back.

I was beginning to feel warm, despite the blanket now resting on the floor, by the proximity of us. Lily scooted back again, balancing her move with hands on my knees. When she found a place she liked, her hands remained. Jess began rubbing my back as well, but she threw a curveball when her hands went up under my shirt, softly dragging her nails down my back before rubbing her way back up and doing it again. To say I could hardly think at that moment was apt. It was simply too many stimuli. My mind could hardly comprehend what was happening, so it decided to punch its timecard and take some time off.

I felt Jessie's hands abandon me for a moment to find a home on Lily's hips. She rubbed up and down, once, then twice, then softly slid her closer. I stole a deep breath and held it in when I felt her pressed against me. Thank the gods for blue jeans. She shifted a bit, leaning forward some as I leaned back, to continue massaging her. I felt myself stiffen every time Lily would make a little noise. A deep gasp. A slowly released breath. The quietest of moans.

Jessie's hands roamed across my back, then my stomach. Up and down my legs as far as she could reach. She gave me no reprieve. Not even when she pressed tighter to me and joined my hands on Lily's back. Lily almost jumped, an action that pressed her closer, softly grinding into me. Jess watched the spots that would make Lily squirm, then attacked. I couldn't mask my deep breathing when she moaned again, Jessie finding one of her spots, sending Lily grinding against me again. I nearly moaned again, when Jessie licked then bit my earlobe. I felt myself twitch. Realizing Lily must have felt it too, as it was firmly wedged between us, I froze. However, Jessie found another spot, eliciting another quiet moan from Lily, along with more movement. I took a breath again when I felt Jessie's lips on my neck.

Both straps of her dress had fallen past her shoulders. I slowly dragged my fingertips from shoulder to neck across the bare skin. I felt her shiver, right down through her. She started to press back against me as I massaged deep into the soft flesh near her neck. She took a deep breath and collapsed back into me. She shifted my arms under hers, holding them around her in a tight hug. Her head rested over my heart. Turning, her eyes glowed, "You keep doing that and I'm going to fall asleep on you." She spoke softly, then turned back straight, shifting herself. Realizing the hair tie was a problem, she swiftly tugged it free and ran her hands through her hair as she turned to face the TV again. Some of that tension floated away when we resumed our original places.

The movie still played in the background at 11pm when Nick and Aileen came to tell us they were off to bed. Aileen added, "Use the couch Jess, I'd rather you not be driving back home half asleep." Her voice grew quieter as they stepped down the hall, "Give your mom a call and tell her I said 'Hi.'"

"'Night," we called after them in unison.

"Yay sleepover," Jess made a mock cheer as she got up to call her mom. The conversation was short, being a fairly regular occurrence. Although, while Jess was always offered the couch, often my bed became the couch, as she would swiftly steal mine. Chivalry is not dead, but it does wake with a cramp in the neck and a few extra cracks of the back than normal.