Adventure of Rekka Ch. 08

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Lieutenant Cornelius dropped the Huntstone to the wagon's floorboard at his feet in disgust, his irritation becoming harder to suppress. His usual calm demeanor cracking as he felt at his coat pocket distractedly.

"Confound this horrid device, it's useless. It couldn't detect a demon if I threw it at one," he snapped, glaring down at it.

The roadway was clear for a hundred yards in all directions, the dense forest the demons loved too far away from the road to be setting the crystal alight. If the Huntstone was to be believed there was a very powerful monster nearly on top of them. Nothing could hide so close to his three squads without being spotted, not in the pitiful shrubberies and occasional patches of barely knee-high grasses.

"Carry on, then," he managed not to snap, waving the driver on. Staring down at the defective huntstone his hand moved on it's own, reaching into a pocket to reveal a small container and removing a thin object from within. Muscle memory caused him to strike the thing against his boot with a practiced motion.

The igniting flame surprised him out of his scrutiny of the Hunt Stone. Though it was his strict self imposed rule to refrain, he decided to allow his hand's flagrant disregard for proper conduct as he brought out his pipe. Puffing contentedly a few moments later he forgave his hand, clearly it understood well that he needed to calm his nerves. He was growing quite fond of the ingenuitive dwarfs and their discoveries involving the new powder, tossing the spent firestick aside. He was growing less fond of what he once believed was an infallible and absolutely invaluable device.

The treacherous crystal had been lighting up randomly when placed on its Watchman notch for nearly the entire trip. He had earlier even tried the lowest Hunt setting and followed it to where the tool claimed the demon was only a few yards from the road in the grass. He had made a fool of himself in front of his troop as he walked forward to have it blink out completely, indicating the demon was now behind him. Turning, it flashed on again. Was he supposed to believe the creature was literally underfoot?

Squatting down he pushed the knee-high grass around, perhaps there was an infant crawling about he thought with humor despite his growing irritation. As expected he spotted nothing, and upon checking the stone it now indicated another direction entirely.

Heads would roll when he returned. Likely someone had broken the device when last it was used, and the coward left it unreported to avoid punishment. The scoundrel had placed his entire troop in danger, an unforgivable sin. He'd have the responsible party flogged when he was found.

Despite this Cornelius wasn't particularly worried, the Huntstone was helpful but its loss would not hinder them. There were few monsters that would attack a wary and heavily armed troop, and they were far from the more organized war parties the enemy fielded nearer the front. This was the frontier, the only demons about would be solitary hunters and small independent packs more akin to bandits than the more disciplined creatures he had fought when stationed on the front lines.

The new weapons worked well, and the only trouble they'd received in the last few months had been the easily routed orcs. He was sure the others had learned a very hard lesson and were likely still running in fear. The big one had been dragged off and had surely expired from it's injuries. He'd actually felt a pang of pity for the monster. She'd been taken by complete surprise, not knowing the larger defensive explosive dropped from the walls could even be a threat to her. She had ignored it while continuing to hammer the gate with absurd strength, the fear rising for those within as it shuddered in its frame.

Cornelius had been fighting them his entire adult life and still found it deeply unsettling to hear their all too human cries of a woman in pain. Despite himself he hoped her suffering had not been long.

He held his pipe far from his body as he leaned down to check on the smaller weapons. Lifting the oiled-leather container's lid he nudged the explosives about in their cradles of straw, checking for damage. They were all intact and ready to drive the demons off, though unlikely to kill.

The smaller weapons were more sound than fury it seemed, but useful all the same. They'd lost no one to single attacks since they had become standard equipment. No confirmed kills as of yet, but the demon beasts found the loud sounds, fire, and smoke to be a traumatizing experience. He knew this wouldn't last, the demons were relentless and would soon overcome their fear once they became accustomed to the new tactic.

Closing and securing the weapons he again brought the pipe to his mouth, arms crossed and legs kicked up onto the slanted foot rest as he started to feel himself once more.

The road was onto a turn here, a hillock and hedges crowding closer than he liked. It was the single most obvious ambush site he knew of, and he turned about to make sure the troop was on high alert. They were, all the soldiers felt threatened by the most claustrophobic length of the journey. They fingered their weapons, keeping a sharp eye out.

He made another attempt at the Huntstone, but the blasted thing was brighter than ever. Tossing it down to the floorboard again he then flipped the lid off the explosives, knowing seconds counted when the demons attacked. They had never actually been assaulted at this site, likely because it was so incredibly obvious a location for such a thing. Still, no one knew exactly how the demons thought. Perhaps they were ignorant enough to believe it a good place to catch one unawares.

As they entered the most crowded length of the curve, and the most advantageous point for an ambush, Cornelius was entirely surprised to find a man seated on an upturned log in the middle of the road. Throwing a hand in front of his driver, the sergeant pulled on the reigns stopping the wagon a safe distance from the curious sight.

"You there, well met stranger. Are you in need of assistance?" Cornelius called across, concerned. The more he looked at the man the more he was convinced he might be mentally impaired. He wore a tall conical hat, badly made from the hide of some beast. His cloak was equally in poor condition, looking as though he'd simply tied the entire skin of a deer around his neck.

"Issat a fake beard, lieutenant, sir?" his driver asked, perplexed.

"Yes, I do believe it is, sergeant. Appears to be some unfortunate and badly skinned rabbit or large rodent," Cornelius replied, rubbing his chin and puffing on his pipe thoughtfully.

The man appeared to only now notice them, rising to his feet and clutching his shoddy cloak about himself. Cornelius allowed himself to relax, clearly if this mad hermit was able to live and hunt here the demons did not frequent the area. It was unlikely he was in the thrall of a beast, once they had a man in their clutches he was rarely seen again, and never without her at his side. They guarded their captures with astonishing ferocity, if one were near she would certainly have made herself known.

"I am a wizard," the man intoned with a graveness that was at odds with the ridiculous setting.

"Indeed! Would the wizard care for a ride? It's not safe to be about on your own like this," Cornelius called back, concerned for the madman's well being. It was said the Chief God cared for such unfortunates, and he had no wish to see one of His pitiable children harmed under his watch.

"Safe? I am always safe in my power. It is you who are in danger, for I am a capricious and subtle being of nigh omnipotent magics!" the obviously deranged fool thundered while waving his arms above his head, nearly dislodging his ridiculous hat.

"Now, be a good boy and order your men to drop their weapons, then perhaps I won't turn you into a toad," the wizard said in a much more conversational tone.

Cornelius fought back a smile and turned to look over his men, who shared in his amusement from their mounts and wagons. Turning back he waved his pipe in an apologetic manner.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, sir wizard, if you won't come away with us please move out of the road, we are on an important errand and have no time to waste," Cornelius said, chuckling along with his men as they enjoyed their unexpected entertainment.

"What! You ignore my dire warnings? Me, Biggius Dickius, Arch Wizard of the First Order? Fool! Tremble in fear as I cast my third level fireball!" he raged, pointing an accusing finger directly at the lieutenant.

"Wingardium leviosa!"

The entire troop stared and waited, nearly caught up in the theatrics. After several moments laughter broke out, and the poor man became agitated, confused by the failure of his spell.

"This is embarrassing, I swear this never happens to me.." he muttered, peering at his fingers and waggling them a bit, pulling at his beard with frustration. Part of the creature fell away, leaving a ragged gap.

"Right, enough of this. We have tarried too long as it is. Forgive me master Dickius, but it's time to part ways," Lieutenant Cornelius called, enjoying the madman's tomfoolery but it would be unprofessional to delay his duty any longer.

Reaching under his seat he pulled out one of the explosives. He knew better than to try to physically move the poor man, it was likely the man would fight any attempt to haul him onto a wagon or off the road. He had no wish to harm him or put his men in completely unnecessary danger, for the wizard was not a small man. He'd make use of the noisy little weapon to run him off. He doubted it would do any harm should he judge the throw correctly and land it far enough away from the horses and the lunatic.

"No, no, I've almost got it now.." Biggius mumbled to himself, ignoring the lieutenant. "Wingardium leviosaaahh..? No, that's not quite right, damn it all."

Cornelius chuckled to himself, pressing his pipe to the fuse until it caught, immediately tossing it towards the wizard. He judged the distance well, landing it safely between the two parties. Unfortunately the man surprised him, the throw catching his attention and he skittered swiftly to the smoking object.

"No! You fool!" Cornelius shouted, jumping to his feet and cursing himself for what his impatience had wrought. There were shouts and curses from his men, equally aghast that the amusing madman was to be injured or killed.

Stooping quickly the wizard snatched it up, spiriting the explosive away into the folds of his cloak. Cornelius could only wince, turning away and waiting for the explosion.

Moments passed, and the troop relaxed, letting out relieved laughs. It was another dud, then, a welcome accident for once. Cornelius slumped back in his seat, shaken. He sent a silent prayer of thanks to the Chief God for taking care of His more unfortunate children.

"A fine gift! But you'll not buy your way clear of my wrath with mere trinkets. Now behold my true power!" the arch wizard howled, raising his arms above his head, and incidentally knocking his pointy hat askew.

The rattled lieutenant decided to let man do as he pleased, now only grateful he wasn't responsible for his murder. The troop were equally relieved, their weapons lowered and tucking into their lunch, ready to enjoy more of the spontaneous street theater. The charming madman did not disappoint.

The wizard began his incantation, arms moving in sweeping patterns,"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men," his words growing louder and more menacing as he continued.

"Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his sister's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My sisters."

There he paused for a beat to glare at them with righteous wrath before ending in a thunderous crescendo.

"And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee!"

A few of the soldiers began clapping as they realized he had finished, spellbound by his oration.

Biggius Dickius looked around judging he was the absolute sole focus of their rapt attention before nodding to himself.

Raising his arms in victory, he screamed a challenge to the heavens.

"WAAAAAAGH!"

An answering roar came from all about, against all odds finding the well trained veteran soldiers completely, utterly, and inconceivably off their guard.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

The orcs exploded into the soldiers from both sides of the road, knocking weapons away and pulling men from their horses. With practiced motions they began wrapping the confused, terrified men in nets, ropes, and loving arms.

Poor Lieutenant Cornelius remained slumped in shock, barely noticing as the sergeant was dragged screaming from the seat beside him. He shakily looked to his right as a heady smell enveloped him, meeting the eyes of the large orc he'd last seen being carried away by her allies or one very much like her. The fragrance increased as she moved close. Bewilderingly he found it combined well with the smoke trailing from the pipe he still gripped in his hand.

"That's got to be the worst ambush I've ever seen," he whispered, lost.

Tapping out his pipe, he slipped it into his coat pocket.

"But It worked," the orc replied, her husky voice drawing shivers up the man's spine as she slipped his sword out of its sheath, tossing it behind her.

"So it would seem," he whispered as she pulled him into her embrace.

-

"Biggius Dickius? Fucking A, dude. God really does look out for fools and madmen," Larry said, shaking his head, "I guess I see how you managed to get me out of that hellhole, though. Guessing you just confused the shit out of my guards."

He was fidgeting around with Bill's purse, scraping it with the knife of his new multi-tool and rubbing coal from the fire into his etchings.

"Gotta mix some truth in with the lies," Bill laughed, hugging Rekka to him as he watched the chaos in the orc camp, well downwind. A crystal clear ice cold mountain run-off spring was within sprinting distance of their own camp in case of emergency.

"Whatever, I saw you get out of that river," Larry snarked.

"I'm a grower, not a shower. Besides, you looked like a eunuch after that ice bath," Bill replied, still focused on the developing orgy.

"There you go again, knowing words you have no business knowing," Larry said, chuckling.

He was honestly impressed. Bill's absolutely stupid, doomed-to-failure plan had against all odds worked. He'd found himself nearly as spellbound as the soldiers while Bill played the role he was born for; a raving lunatic too pathetic to abuse and too amusing to ignore.

The rest of the party had been forced to stay back from the fighting with their hands on Helena so Sarah's lust rays didn't ruin what he assumed would be a failed plan anyway. Tabby had snuck back to them after spoofing the Huntstone for days only minutes before Bill's show began. They'd had an excellent view and were ready to rush out and save Bill's sorry ass when it all went to shit. Shockingly, they weren't needed.

"You almost biffed it with that grenade, by the way. Rekka damn near rushed in, I'm surprised she didn't honestly," Larry said, looking over at the happy little hellhound.

"Yeah, I was real mad, but I didn't want to ruin yer plan.. an' when you didn't blow up I figured you could keep goin'," Rekka said, clutching Bill protectively.

"Hell, I was almost certain I wasn't going to be able to pull that fuse in time, probably should have just let it go off. Figured it might distract from my "incantation", and I was just too into the performance. Felt right at the time," Bill said, picking Rekka up and holding her in his arms as he stood watching the orc camp. She wrapped her legs around him and snuggled into his neck, proud as could be of her stupid yet lucky husband.

"Their head honcho was a lot cooler than I expected, I was sure they'd just ride you down without a word," Larry admitted, smiling at Tabby as she prowled into camp, sliding into her spot behind him. He grunted as she lifted him into her lap, relaxing as her all encompassing purr rippled through his body.

"Yeah, I was half expecting that too. Was gonna throw that log at him and take my chances if he did. My plans are pretty flexible like that," Bill replied. "If he stays that way it should make our next steps easier, be nice to work with someone like him assuming he doesn't lose his mind after tonight."

They spent a few minutes enjoying their view of Sodom and Gomorrah, impressed with the orcs' barbaric lovefest.

"I guess orcs aren't monogamous," Bill said, pointing at the group that seemed to be trading men and high fiving each other before pushing their next lovers to the ground. The men didn't complain, most of them were completely out of their minds on High Orc brand Spanish Fly.

"Yeah, pack hunters. It's gross," Rekka said, sharing an affronted look with Tabitha, another solitary predator.

"Hell, look at that one, she's got three of them to herself," Larry said, impressed with the woman's enthusiasm. "Huh, didn't expect them to bother with that.." Larry trailed off, watching the orc become the meat in the sandwich. That wasn't how babies were made, or so he was told.

Rekka turned to look, her eyes widening.

"Oh! That's what mama meant," She whispered excitedly. "You into that?" she asked Bill.

"Never really been my thing, honestly. Maybe we'll try it on my birthday," Bill laughed, before looking at Rekka worriedly. "You mean the butt stuff, right? Not other men, right?"

"Other men, with me? No way! That'd be.. I don't even wanna think about it!" Rekka cried, finding the thought more than a little distressing.

"Glad to hear it, I'm on the same page. When we first met I thought I might have to fend off every woman we ran into, I'm highly appreciative you're keeping me to yourself," Bill said with humor, but serious all the same. He was probably in the minority, but he considered harems to be the antithesis of a loving relationship.

"If regular orcs aren't into pair bonding, High Orcs sure seem to be. Sarah hasn't left that tent with the captain or whatever for hours," Larry stated, back to work on his art project with Bill's purse.

"Well, heavy is the head that wears the crown," Bill replied.

Rekka and Larry shared a questioning look at Bill, Tabitha's focused ears meant much the same. Watching those and her tail seemed to be the best way to know what she was thinking.

Explaining himself, Bill said, "She's a con artist, and I don't mean that as an insult. She gives them confidence by setting herself apart as a leader and protector. She can't just roll around in the dirt with them, that'd be like your pastor showing up while you knocked back beers with your boys at a strip joint," Bill explained, "While I'm sure her girls would be thrilled, she knows it'd lessen her mystique. They need to see her as an authority figure, not just another one in the gang. She'll do anything to keep those friends of hers alive. I get that."

"You only know that word because of X-Men, I'm sure of it," Larry said, "But I get what you mean. Still, I think she might be the lucky one. That free for all down there looks like fun, but I wouldn't trade this for anything."

"You and me both, buddy," Bill replied.

That was the last straw for Rekka and Tabby. With feverish love-fueled lust they pushed their husbands to the ground, incoherent in their passion, frantic growling and whines bubbling out while pulling off clothing.