After a Broken Heart

AFTER A BROKEN HEART

PROLOGUE

I met and married my wife while I was still in law school, and we had our first son before I graduated, then our second son, right after. It wasn't ideal, and we struggled at first, but I excelled in school, nailed the bar, and was hired by a very large company as a corporate lawyer.

The company I work for mostly contracts with the federal government - the State Department and DOD, primarily. They also work with foreign governments and in the private sector with various entities, usually in conjunction with federally mandated or sponsored projects.

Early on, my job was challenging, interesting, and financially lucrative, which allowed my wife to be a stay-at-home mom, and for us to live a comfortable, upper-middle class lifestyle. However, after my third year with the company, five years into my marriage, I became an international rep for them which required me to travel - a lot. Five years later, I was promoted to a lead counsel position. Each step brought more money, and more travel, which meant more time away from home. Naturally, this impacted my ability to be a husband and a father. Then in my twelfth year with the company, I was promoted to 'the' lead counsel position - which meant I spent even less time at home. By my third year in that position, my wife had had it. We had grown apart. She had fallen out of love with me, and after fifteen years of marriage, she divorced me. That was three years ago.

I don't blame her for leaving me, but it still broke my heart. When she left me, I was lost, and felt completely alone. And while I was used to the loneliness of the road, I always had the touchstone, the anchor of my home and family when I returned from my travels. That was gone. And though my job defined me in many ways, it was still like half of my identity was stolen from me - erased overnight. That's the way it felt.

I had essentially sacrificed my marriage and my family for my career. I loved my wife deeply. She was and is a wonderful woman. And to this day, I still have feelings for her, and I am hounded by regrets.

As far as my sons go, I have a good relationship with both of them, but I guess I would have to characterize it as one of an uncle or good family friend. My oldest son still calls me 'Dad', but my youngest calls me by my name, and calls my wife's new husband, 'Dad'. My oldest son just graduated high school. And while I still attend some family events, like my son's graduation, I'm the 'other father', the 'ex-husband'.

As I start this story, I'm still in limbo, unable to return to what was, unable to move forward...But where do you go after a broken heart?

INTRODUCTION

I'm Brian, turning 42 years old in a couple months. I am an attorney specializing in international business law. My company sends me wherever they have major deals that need my expertise, or where they have contractual or other problems that require my specific skills. For that, I get paid handsomely. But I've been doing this for almost fifteen years, being a road warrior, and I'm tired - tired of living on the road, tired of the lack of continuity in my life. When I first started, it was exciting, interesting, challenging, then just challenging - now, just a grind. Enough whining for the moment.

For my age, and in spite of the stress of my job and my unorthodox lifestyle, I'm in pretty decent shape and have aged well. Dogged devotion to a good physical regimen has helped me keep fit, and my nature is to handle stress well - very well. That's one of the reasons I was and am so successful - and why it has been so difficult to move away from the work that I've been immersed in for so long. I'm too good at it, too valuable to my company; as I am reminded every time I broach the subject with corporate of decreasing my current role.

I'm about 6'-2" and 200 pounds, with a reasonably good physique. I am devoted to a good physical regimen, and hit a gym whenever one's available. I run at every opportunity, averaging around five klicks for regular maintenance. I was a runner in high school and college and still get out and do up to 15 k runs when I can (my 'knee-limited' distance).

I won't be coy about it; I am a fairly handsome guy. I have a medium complexion, tan easily, and have thick, sandy-brown hair, slightly wavy and worn in a standard business cut. I have a sprinkling of gray coming in at the temples. I can grow a nice-looking beard and mustache, and have in the past, but am clean-shaven these days. When I was younger, I wore facial hair to look older. Now, I don't wear it, in order to look younger. Yes, I am vain enough for that to matter.

I have medium-brown eyes, with kind of unique irises that have a prominent pattern in them. I mention it because people often do - 'like cat eyes' is the most common remark. I have a strong jawline and chin with softly-chiseled facial features, including a straight nose that fits my face well.

I'm very even-tempered; perhaps too even-tempered. My wife, sorry, ex-wife, would get upset at me because I didn't react to things as strongly as she did. I just have a tendency to take things in stride - work through what I can, not overreact to what I can't control, accept the unavoidable and move on. Don't get the wrong idea. If there is something that needs done, and there is any way I can do it, I'm tenacious. I just don't get rattled that easily. I guess that made me seem emotionally distant to her at times.

Anyway, this story, my story, begins right after my oldest son's graduation. It was a great event; he graduated third in a very large class, and is a prized wide receiver in football. So, he got a full-ride scholarship to a very good college. I'm very proud of my boys; but this event, like others, only served to remind me where I fit into the family circle - on the outside.

While I was happy for my oldest son, and happy to get to see my youngest, I was left feeling down, afterwards. And seeing my ex-wife with her husband is still hard. I have tried to move on. I've had brief affairs, but again, my job complicates things. However, honestly, I haven't met anyone that I feel that way about yet. Which brings us to my story...yeah, I know, finally!

STORY

I. CLOSE ENCOUNTER

As fate would have it, I had to leave straight from my son's graduation party for Kuwait. I left on autopilot, putting my emotions aside and my personal life on hold (not that I have much of one), as I have so many times before.

I flew out of Atlanta, where I'm based, and caught the overnighter to Amsterdam en route to Kuwait City. With airport time, it's a grueling twenty-plus hours, but by no means the longest or most arduous of trips. I was only going to be on the ground for three days, but the round trip would take almost a week - with more time in transit (doorstep to doorstep) than on the ground working. We call them 'grinders'. I usually travel with an associate, but this final meeting didn't require it, so I was flying solo. The trip was uneventful, went smoothly, and no travel hiccups; but on my return trip, something out of the ordinary did happen.

Saturday, the last leg of my journey required a layover and plane change at JFK. I went to the Delta lounge for a drink and to relax. It was already a 24-hour day for me, so I was beat and not at my best. As I headed for a seat in the first-class lounge, I caught my carryon bag on a counter leg, and turned to see what I was hitting, but kept on walking as I jerked it free, not looking where I was going. I promptly collided with a person trying to get by me, almost bowling them over. I turned and grabbed, catching the woman's arm and up righting her, before she toppled. I was mortified.

"Oh gosh! So, so sorry. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she laughed. "Good catch, though. I was headed for the carpet if you hadn't grabbed me."

"Well, I feel terrible..."

"No, goodness. It was just an accident. I saw what happened. They never leave enough room to maneuver with luggage in these places. They're worse than women's clothing stores," she joked.

"Well, thank you for your understanding."

"No problem. So, I was making my way to the 'convenience'..."

"Oh, of course," I quickly replied and nodded. She smiled and headed to the restroom.

I found a table near a wall and out of the way, so some clumsy oaf wouldn't come along and knock my drink over (tongue firmly in cheek). The lounge hadn't been too busy, but after I sat, one or more arrivals brought a fresh group of travelers and the place filled up, especially the 'good' seating areas. (I don't know who designs some of those chairs, but you would have to be built like one of the characters in the Star Wars bar scene to sit in them.) I pulled my cell phone out and surfed email and text messages, catching up on things, and tried to ignore the crush as people jostled around, getting seated and fussing with their luggage.

Someone approached and cleared their throat, "Hm hmm, excuse me sir, I think you're in my seat."

Startled and surprised, I looked up, quickly apologizing, "I'm sorry, I didn't think anyone was sitting here..."

The woman laughed, "Just kidding. Actually, I lost my seat while I was in the restroom. I'm hoping I can join you..."

"Oh, of course!" I quickly stood, offering for her to sit. It was the woman I'd tried to bowl over.

"Thank you."

"Least I can do after trying to flatten you," I remarked.

"Well, consider us even. I hope I'm not intruding; you looked busy."

"Oh, no. Just wading through messages - nothing important. So, where are you headed?" I asked, adopting the standard 'traveling-strangers' dialogue.

"Atlanta. You?"

"Yes, also. End of a long trip."

"Oh, where are you coming from?"

"Kuwait."

"My, I guess that is a long trip. I'm coming from Milan, myself."

"Business or pleasure?" I asked, continuing with polite dialogue.

"Business."

"So, are you based in Atlanta, too?"

No. Actually, I'm based here in New York. See, my last day in Milan, I got a call that my mother passed, so I hurried back here, wrapped up business, and now I'm going to take care of her affairs, and finalize arrangements for her."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Was it unexpected?"

"Not entirely. She was only 78, but had heart disease, and has been frail for the last two years. I saw her in late April and she was motoring along. She lived in an assisted-care village, and they called Thursday - heart attack. So, not unexpected, but it still caught me by surprise."

"Well, my condolences. May I ask, did she have a will?"

"Yes, I'm the executor."

"Good. I asked because when there's no will, it can be a real trial dealing with the state."

"Yes, that's exactly what my mother's attorney advised when we were faced with her failing health."

"Good advice, and I don't say that just because I'm an attorney."

"Oh, you're an attorney?"

"Yes, but I'm not a bad guy."

She laughed, "No, I wasn't thinking that. Honestly, I thought you looked like you might be in broadcasting; you know, like a news anchor or something."

"I don't know if that's better or worse..."

She chuckled, "Neither. Um, I'm Kimberly...Kim," she offered her hand.

"I'm Brian; it's a pleasure, Kim," I replied, shaking her hand.

"So what kind of attorney are you?"

"Oh, your standard ambulance chaser."

She laughed again, "I don't believe you. So, really..."

"I specialize in international business law and represent my company in business dealings around the world."

"Sounds exciting, like a pretty big deal."

"I don't know about exciting, but yeah, I am a pretty big deal," I cracked, feigning a smirk. The joke was out of character for me. I'll blame it on fatigue and Kim's easygoing manner.

Fortunately, she got my humor and laughed.

"Sorry, bad joke," I demurred. "So, how about you, Kim; you look like you could be in television."

"You didn't have to say that because I did..."

"No, that's not why I said it. You are very articulate, very attractive...Sorry, didn't mean to sound fresh," I replied, trying to extract my size 12 from my mouth.

Thankfully, Kim wasn't put off, "Thank you. That wasn't fresh at all, and I complimented you first. I did mean it as a compliment when I said you looked like you could be in broadcasting - that was code for 'you're handsome'. And I'm a buyer for a boutique women's clothing chain."

"Oh, well, thanks, and that sounds like a pretty big deal, too."

"Not really, but I do get to travel some, also."

I asked, "So, how long will you be in Atlanta?"

"I don't know. This happened so suddenly. I have to sort it out once I arrive. I meet Monday morning at the retirement home, and this was the only open seat I could get through the entire weekend. I still have to make arrangements to meet with my mother's attorney and the funeral home; don't know when those will be. I can't call for appointments till Monday morning."

"Well, if you need help with anything, anything at all, call me. I've lived in the Atlanta area for over fifteen years." I handed her a card.

"Thank you, Brian. You might get a call. I'm flying blind at this point, no pun intended," she smiled.

As she said that, they announced the pre-boarding for our flight. We rose and gathered our belongings to head to the gate. Once on the plane, I learned we were seated in different areas, and we didn't speak again until the disembarking process. After deplaning, we walked together to the airport tram for our ride to baggage claim.

"Um, Brian, do you think I'll have any trouble getting a hotel at this hour on a Saturday?"

"You don't have a hotel?"

"No, I barely got on this flight. I wouldn't have made this one except for a cancelation in first class. No, once I collect my luggage, I have to arrange a car and a place to stay."

"Well, let me help you. What's your destination in Atlanta?"

"I have to meet with the retirement village staff in North Buckhead on Monday morning."

"Well, I can help with all of that. It's Saturday night and it would take you forever to get a car at one of the kiosks in the terminal. Listen, my car is in airport parking at the Marriot. They'll send a car to pick us up, and we can go from there."

"Really?"

"Yes, and I live in Sandy Springs, just north of Buckhead. It's on my way. I can take you to a hotel there, get you situated and arrange a car for you in the morning."

"No. Goodness, I couldn't impose like that..."

"Nonsense, it's no imposition. Besides, let me help; show you what a 'big deal' I am," I joked.

"Well, that is very kind of you."

As soon as we got to our luggage carousel, I called the Marriot and requested a ride (I have a longstanding arrangement with them, and don't have to wait on scheduled shuttles or deal with taxis). Our luggage showed up in under ten minutes, and within forty, we were in my car and exiting the Marriot, headed to the 75/85. As we drove, we chatted.

"So, Brian, you travel a lot?"

"Yes, quite a lot."

"Is that hard on your family?"

"Not anymore. But, yes it was. I divorced several years ago, and my travel and the separation it caused were major factors."

"That's unfortunate. I'm divorced now, too. My ex-husband and I called it quits last year. I guess you could say travel played into our problems, too...It's sad, but I don't know anybody that stays married these days. My mom and dad were married 56 years, till he passed two years ago. 'Till death do us part' used to mean something," she lamented.

Then she interrupted her musing, "Oh, I need to find a hotel." She pulled out her cell.

"Kim, why don't you let me help with that. And I don't know about you, but I'm famished. Would you like to get something to eat?"

"Yes, now that you mention it, I haven't eaten since lunch, just a snack in the lounge."

"Well, I know a couple places near me that are open late enough for us to get dinner - a steakhouse and an Italian restaurant."

"I haven't had a pizza in a while. Can you believe, a week in Italy and I managed one pizza? Does your Italian place do good pizza?"

"The best pie outside of New York...well, at least in my neck of the woods."

"Sounds like we have a plan," she remarked, flashing a bright smile.

After we were seated and had ordered, I searched my travel app for a preferred hotel in the area. I found a couple that were convenient, with vacancies, but pricey, and I got to thinking. I gave Kim the results, then made a suggestion.

"Kim, please don't take this wrong, but if I may suggest; why don't you put up at my place, tonight? I have a nice guest room that I use for visiting business associates, and it's yours for the taking. And to simplify things, I can have a car delivered to my house, tomorrow."

"Well, um..." she hesitated.

"Really, no funny business."

"I'm sorry; I know I can trust you. It's just, instinctive, you know..."

"Totally understand. And if you're not comfortable with my suggestion, after dinner, we'll get you a hotel, and I'll still arrange a rental for you."

"Um, no, I'm fine; I'll take you up on your offer. Thank you again for your kindness."

With that settled, we continued to chat. I asked Kim about her occupation, "You said you are a buyer for a women's clothing outfit?"

"Yes, I'm a buyer for a brick-and-mortar chain of women's fashion clothing. We have boutique stores in most major cities in the northeast, and are building a pretty significant online presence now."

Our pizza arrived and we dug in.

"You were right, excellent pie," Kim remarked.

After a bit, I questioned, "You mentioned travel?"

"Yes, I and a couple other buyers make quarterly trips to overseas suppliers; and yes that did play into my marriage problems, but there were other factors."

"Mm hmm, there are always other factors, but honestly, in my case, If it hadn't been for all my absences, I think I would still be happily married today," I remarked.

"Mmm, sorry to hear that, and you couldn't change your job?"

"Well, early on, I was 'climbing the ladder' and it was essential - the travel. My promotions were based on my usefulness in the field...and by the time my marriage was in trouble, I was really in an untenable situation. I was a lead attorney and negotiator, and the when I requested changing to a different position, it was met with great resistance, and they threw so much money at me, that I abandoned any thought of not continuing. Anyway, by that time, my wife was out of love with me and my marriage was history."

Kim explained, "My husband had an affair while I was traveling. He was remorseful. I tried to be forgiving, but I never could bring myself to trust him again, so we never recovered."

I shook my head, "That's unfortunate. Well, they're going to close up on us. Let's get going."

I paid the bill and we headed to my house. When we arrived, Kim was surprised.

"I didn't expect such a large home. When you said you had a guest room, I was thinking a two-bedroom townhouse or such, but not this."

"This was our family home. My ex-wife lives in her husband's home. Actually, I have three guest rooms, all updated for use by visitors." I smiled, "So, you can pick which one suits you."

We unloaded and did the bag drag. I got Kim situated; we agreed on a late breakfast, then I hit the shower, and promptly, the bed.

II. GETTING ACQUAINTED

Sunday morning, in spite of jet lag, I was up early; ran to the grocery store; came home and arranged for a car to be dropped off for Kim; then busied myself with mail and such, till I heard her stirring. I went and knocked on her door.

"Good morning, Kim. Just checking on when you might like breakfast?"

"Good morning. How much time do I have?"

"Long as you need; no hurry."

"Twenty minutes? I just got out of the shower."