After the End Ch. 11

"What's that?"

"I want...him to fuck me."

Well, I'd lasted only two minutes into the new solar year without an erection. In all the time we'd spent with Vik, Avery had never expressed interest in being penetrated by him. I hadn't suggested it either, to make sure he felt free to decide on his own. But I'd thought about it plenty.

"If that's what you want, I have no objections. You know there's no pressure."

"I know."

I kissed him lightly. "Whenever you're ready."

"Love you," he told me.

"Love you."

Avery rolled off and turned to Vik on his other side, who was awake and watching. "Do you -- want to?" he asked shyly.

"Oh yes. Very much." Vik leaned in for a kiss. "May I use my fingers first?"

"Please." Avery loved to be fingered almost as much as he loved to be fucked.

I grabbed the supplies and handed them over. "Anything you'd like me to do?"

"Just...be here," was the sweet answer.

Avery ended up on his side with his back to me. They made out for a few minutes before Vik reached for the lube, and Avery pulled his top knee up to give access.

I'd wondered if this might be difficult to watch, but all I felt was blood surging into my cock when Vik's fingers reached behind Avery's balls to find his hole for the first time. Especially knowing how eager they must both be after last night. It was just as exciting to watch Vik touch him there, rubbing oil onto his sensitive pucker, as it was when I got to do it. Maybe more so, with Vik being only the second person ever allowed to visit that secret portal.

I slid off my trunks. I wasn't going to wait in privation today. I took myself in hand and started a slow massage.

Avery gasped into Vik's mouth when he was breached, and soon Vik's fingers were curled inside him, rubbing pleasurably against his trigger judging by his sounds. They kissed some more while my partner's anal canal was thoroughly probed.

"You're so fucking hard," Avery murmured. I couldn't see his hand, but I could guess where it was. "That because of me? Or because of all the denials?"

"It's you," Vik breathed. "I mean yes, I've been waiting four days for an orgasm, but god, I've been waiting years to do this with you."

There was more liplock and fingers teasing private places, then Avery issued a command. "Clean your hand, then put this ridiculously horny cock inside me. And don't you come until I say I'm ready."

Vik's reply was saturated with lust and reverent obedience. "Yes, Avery."

When Vik was prepared, Avery flipped face down and pulled his knees beneath him, leaving his toned ass deliciously exposed: the very definition of fuckable.

I had an excellent view of Vik mounting and slowly inserting his rock-solid manhood into my husband. I wanked shamelessly over the eroticism of these two beautiful men connecting their bodies this way. After everything Vik had endured, it wasn't long before he reached the peak of excitement. Avery made him hold off another minute -- just for the sake of it, I was sure -- stroking his own rod while Vik's rubbed him inside.

Vik came violently as soon as he received permission, and Avery followed right behind. I had no trouble bringing myself to climax while they panted together.

"That's what I call a merry Christmas," Avery concluded.

After Vik left to spend time with his family, Avery and I lounged around the room for a while. There would be revelry all day, but the main feast wouldn't begin until late afternoon. By then, Vik would be back on duty at the med center.

Avery's new book wasn't familiar to me either, so he invited me to read it with him. We propped our pillows against the headboard so we could nestle around the slim volume, and we took turns reading aloud, alternating every couple of chapters. It was something of a nostalgic activity for us, one of the ways we used to spend our limited time together in the early months of our relationship. Aside from being one of the few forms of entertainment available in a post-electric society, it had provided a convenient excuse for the physical contact Avery had craved but wasn't willing to ask for. And, I'd always suspected, a way for him to listen to my voice without the pressure of carrying on a conversation. As a rule, he was talkative with almost anyone except me. It had been a slow journey to build enough trust to be permitted to hear his thoughts. Even now, he was quick to start censoring.

Vik had gifted a story with simple language and striking imagery, including beautiful monochrome photographs of soaring gulls. We decided to read to the end before heading out for the feast. The parable of possibility and enlightenment seemed particularly fitting for this holiday.

We checked in first at the command center, but all was quiet, so we joined the throngs around the main hall. Though the sun had sunk below the horizon, lights shone everywhere: from windows, lamps set along paths, brightly decorated yule trees, and bonfires that warmed those who couldn't fit inside -- not enormous structures like those by the creek last night, but large enough to ward off the evening's chill.

Avery and I squeezed into the packed building, and his friends immediately called for us to join them at one of the long tables. Even I was impressed by the transformation of our everyday dining hall; with the greenery and cheery ornaments, it hardly seemed the same space. Our first December at Fort Laurel, we'd just relocated the population and had also been fighting for our lives against a much larger militia. Last year was my first glimpse of the usual celebration, but time and materials had still been limited, thanks to the heavy up-front investment of reestablishing a self-sustaining colony. This was the most festive occasion I'd witnessed since I left the Pacific coast.

I received respectful nods and greetings from many we passed -- guards who reported to me, civic managers who depended on me, and residents in general who acknowledged that without my leadership through the crisis two years ago, likely we'd all have been on the run again, or worse. Certainly a lot of people in this room would not be with us.

"Happy solstice, Avery!" Rowan welcomed him. "You too, Delta!" In public, I still used only my nickname. My real name was very well known to a lot of powerful people, and although they probably could have tracked me down based on rumor alone, I wasn't going to make it easier than it had to be.

"Hi, happy solstice," Avery returned, leaning down for a one-armed hug. He greeted those seated around the table, some of whom had already loaded up plates with thick stews and seasoned root vegetables. I nodded politely but didn't try to insert myself into the lively chatter. Socializing in groups was never going to be my element, but I was willing to sit beside my partner while he laughed and bantered with his friends. I couldn't bring out this side of him, so I appreciated those who did.

We went for our share of the abundant meal, which combined traditional Cajun foods with hearty dishes from other cultural backgrounds. It was nothing like the formal officers dinners I used to attend at the holidays -- elegantly plated appetizers and entrees prepared by professional chefs with access to the most expensive ingredients, served by an army of waitstaff at constant beck and call, eaten in huge ballrooms filled with immaculately pressed dress uniforms and designer eveningwear. Part of me wished I was there instead, proudly descending the grand staircase with Avery on my arm. God, he'd be stunning in a tux, with his skin pampered and his hair styled. The decadent food, the aged wine, the elevated conversation -- all should have been his by right, when he married me.

But those luxuries belonged to another life, one I'd given up for the sake of my conscience, or my hubris, or whatever muddle of the two had led me here. Without which, I never would had met Avery. Only the gods knew whether any path existed whereby he and I both could have benefitted from my status back west.

I wasn't fully acclimated to the abundance of peppers, rice, and certain staple aromatics in our food, but while our meal tonight was not fine dining by any means, it was tasty and filling. I sampled roasted fowl and cornbread dressing while stories of gifts given and received were traded across the table.

Tara and Lamont went with us to peruse the baked goods and puddings. I wasn't hugely interested in the rustic offerings, but I took a slice of fruit pie. Avery piled on several helpings of dessert; he'd been bred to this kind of fare, and it always pleased me to see him with plenty to eat. He'd gone without far too often. Whatever he consumed, his strong, slender body would burn every scrap of it for energy.

"We wanted to tell you," Tara said quietly before we headed back. "It's only been a few weeks, and there's a long road ahead and a lot that could go wrong, but...we expect we're expecting."

"That's amazing!" Avery exclaimed. He set his plate among the cakes and candied nuts so he could hug both her and Lamont. "I'm so happy for you guys. You'll be the best parents."

"Congratulations," I offered. It didn't quite seem like a hand-shaking occasion; that would be after the child was born. If it survived the labyrinth of reproductive challenges endemic in these times.

"Thank you," Lamont told us. "We're not spreading the news too far until there's more to say, but we're excited."

"I'm excited," Avery emphasized. "You completely deserve it. And I'm going to be such a good uncle...don't be surprised if your baby likes me even better than Shawn." He was Lamont's only sibling; Tara didn't have any.

They laughed, and Avery retrieved his plate so we could return to our table. I covertly scrutinized his nonverbals, as I often did when the subject of becoming parents came up, but I didn't detect any hidden emotions. We had discussed children, of course, after we'd been together about six months. I had little interest in reproducing myself and none whatsoever in raising a child. Whether that was natural inclination, or unwillingness to invite more suffering into my life, or rebellion against my father's obsession with preserving the family line, it didn't really matter. I'd never wavered in my conviction since I became old enough to have one.

Avery, on the other hand, had grown up expecting to partner with a woman, and he'd admitted to assuming that fatherhood was in his future. The community here planned carefully for replacing each resident during their lifespan, so healthy heterosexual couples were expected to do their share if they could.

Avery had sworn he wouldn't feel deprived without children, and that he actually preferred not to have any, now that his options had changed. I still worried that decision was largely driven by his trauma over his sister's fatal heart defect. If he processed and moved through that pain, which he'd barely begun to do, he might eventually want more than just me in his family. Especially with him and his peers reaching their peak fertile years.

The evening flowed through various forms of country entertainment: songs, games, jokes, prizes. Not my kind of thing. I left Avery with his friends and found mine outside. As was our custom, Iris, Maurice, and I shared a drink to remember our compatriots whose lives had been cut short, like midwinter days ended by the four o'clock sunset. Topping that appallingly lengthy list was Iris's partner Tierra, who had been killed during the civil war. An irreplaceable soul, she'd been a loyal comrade, passionate lover, and brilliant artist whose work survived on the living canvas of my skin, as well as Iris's and many others.

Iris had recently started seeing someone for the first time since losing Tierra, and she invited her new girlfriend to join us. The four of us talked casually and watched the merrymaking over another drink. But I had one more errand tonight, so after a while I said my goodbyes and went in search of a different friend.

I found Gavin with Madelyn at one of the other bonfires, keeping an eye on Marley and Parker while they danced in circles with ribbons tied to sticks, a popular Christmas toy here.

"Delta, good evening," he greeted me, and his wife offered a smile. "Enjoying the holiday?"

"I am. And you?"

"The kids had a blast, so I think we're pleased." The two parents shared a warm look.

"Do you mind if I borrow you for a few minutes, Gavin?"

"Anything wrong?" Madelyn asked.

"No, not at all." Hazard of my position; my presence often meant a security threat. I softened my expression. "Purely recreational conversation."

Gavin glanced at her again, and she nodded. "I have a feeling the kids are going to crash soon. They were already up half of last night; I'm surprised the adrenaline and sugar high hasn't worn off yet. But Morgan can help me get them home if you're not back."

"Thanks, hun." He kissed her cheek before following me to a more out-of-the-way spot, beyond reach of the firelight. As had been the case my entire life, I had to consider not only my actions, but how they would be perceived by others. My friendship with Gavin was known to the community, but a private meeting could attract attention, and I didn't want it getting back to Vik. Not before I found out if my scheme was viable.

Gavin cocked his head to study me when we found an outbuilding to lean against. His straight blond hair hung loose to his shoulders as usual, framing calm grey eyes like bits of overcast ocean against skin the color of sandy beaches. The fine lines around his eyes and mouth, not visible in the low-contrast light of the gibbous moon, were the only sign he was nearing forty. His tall form carried as much strength as any man in his prime could hope for.

"What's going on?" he asked, muted curiosity in his steady gaze. We still talked occasionally, but mostly during the course of planned outings with Avery.

I made an obvious feint at innocence. "What, a man can't catch up with his oldest Fort Laurel friend during the holidays?"

Amusement joined the curiosity. "Alright. I'm sure you'll tell me when you're ready."

I was quiet for a moment, debating how to begin. It was easy to be quiet with Gavin. Aside from providing an outlet for my physical needs when I'd first arrived in this foreign place, he'd been a kind of emotional safe harbor as well. He didn't demand anything; he was just there, like sea-pounded cliffs that wouldn't crumble for a thousand years. He'd treated me not as a hero or a novelty, but as a person with emotions and baggage like anyone else. He let me leave it all at the door and just be with him: no past or future, no titles; just two humans seeking pleasure together. Hence my errand.

"Fine," I confessed with mock reluctance. "I'm here to meddle in your love life."

"My love life?" he laughed in surprise. "What about it?"

"Are you seeing anyone?"

He cast a sideways glance at me. "If you're proposing an arrangement like you and Avery have with Dr. Naresh..."

"No, I'm not asking for myself." Not that I hadn't considered it, but I didn't think the chemistry of that triad would quite work. Nor did I think my partner was interested in Gavin that way. Avery was drawn to women far more often than to men.

"Ok... I'm not seeing anyone per se. I get together with Beau sometimes."

I adopted a deliberately nonchalant manner. "How well do you know Dr. Naresh?"

Gavin studied my face again, then crossed his arms and rested one foot against the shed wall. "Matchmaking is an unexpected hobby for you, Delta."

"So I've been told." I kept my silence, waiting for his answer.

"I don't know him well," Gavin said at last. "I know he's an attractive man, he's skilled at what he does, and he's a good, kind person. And I know he's a prominent figure in a very visible position, and he wants more than occasional hookups."

"All true," I agreed. "And to that point, I have a suspicion that you also want more than occasional hookups."

Gavin's reply was soft but not defensive. "It isn't that simple for me. I have the children and Madelyn to protect."

I knew he had his own reasons for not wanting to come out, but this was dangerously nearing the old stereotype of gay men as predators. "How exactly would being with a good, kind person like Vik -- Dr. Naresh -- harm your family?"

He glanced at me again, seeming to hear the sharpness I'd tried to keep from my tone. "I didn't mean to be offensive. 'Protect' maybe wasn't the right word. But I want to be there for my kids, and I don't know how to do that if I'm committed to an outside relationship. Madelyn and I don't want to split up the family while they're still young."

He stuffed his hands back into his pockets. "And you know how people are. I don't want Marley and Parker having to explain why daddy has both a wife and a boyfriend. Or being bullied for it. Or being told that they're going to hell because their father is some kind of pervert."

I turned to face him, leaning my shoulder against the wooden wall while snatches of song and boisterous laughter floated on the night air. "Look, Gavin, I'm far too personally familiar with the cruelty that men who sleep with men are often subjected to. More than I've shared with you. Avery's dealt with it too, and so has Dr. Naresh. I understand that you need to do what's best for you and your family, and you're worried about how your sexuality could affect your children."

I hoped I wasn't going too far and forged ahead anyway. "Have you considered, though, what message you're sending them by hiding yourself and denying your own needs? What if Parker ends up being attracted to men? Or Marley to women? Do you want them to believe the stories they're told by people who label your biological makeup as a perversion? Or do you want to show them there's no need to be ashamed of any sexual identity, whether it's yours, mine, Dr. Naresh's, or theirs?"

I waited to see if he was offended. He wasn't the type to yell, but he didn't seem angry.

"If I'm overstepping, you can say so. But I know you, and I know Dr. Naresh, and I genuinely think you would do well together. He's not aware I'm here, or that you and I have a history. Only that I know someone who might be good match."

"Tell me why we would be a good match then," Gavin said at last, so I launched into my pitch.

"He wouldn't interfere with your family life. Actually, he loves children, and I believe he could be a real asset to yours. And you know he has limited time because of his profession. He doesn't need much; just someone to be there on a regular basis. If things went well, I'm sure you could come to a flexible arrangement with him, where you could still live with Madelyn and the kids, at least most of the time. He's very...open-minded, as evidenced by his relationship with us. Plus sexually, he prefers his partner to be in control. Full time."

I paused meaningfully. I knew from my hookups with Gavin that he tended toward dominance in bed. I'd even let him take charge a couple of times, on especially bad days when it really was what I needed. He knew what he was doing, and I would trust him with Vik.

"He's a devoted, generous lover," I resumed when Gavin didn't comment. "Intelligent, self-aware... Warm, caring, and pure-hearted... An absolute pleasure in the bedroom, if that isn't saying too much. And you didn't hear it from me, but I happen to know there's interest on his side. Would you at least consider the possibility? I bet Madelyn would be in favor; you could talk to her."

Gavin remained silent for a minute. "You're really giving this the hard sell. You sure you and Avery don't want to keep on with him?"

"We love getting together, and he's a good friend, but we can't make him as happy as a partner of his own could."

"I see," he replied in a classic display of the stoicism Vik had admired.