All Comments on 'Alien Mine Ch. 02a'

Very interesting start for a story.

The only critique I have is your confusing switch from first to 3 th person. I personally like 3 th person view better. But that s only my 2 cent.

Keep going...

Good premise, but it felt like the second part was written by someone else. A LOT of inconsistencies regarding the first and third person, from sentence to sentence. Either you get that right or you get an editor, it becomes so confusing one can't enjoy the story much.

You explained a lot in a way that made sense and set the stage for an epic saga. But you struggled with the editing, as noted by the other comments. I also thought you glossed over the fact that Rhys basically mind-raped the girls. He asked about changes to their mind, but glossed over the total personality changes. He constantly worried about them being mad, but accepts that they aren't.

Still, an engaging story. Good work.

its stupid to name it bob when its mated to the mc, it should have a female name because its mated to him

I agree with other comments - the inconsistent person being used in the narrative has made this too hard to read. Pick Rhys or I, not both. You have single sentences where you flip-flop.

It seems like this chapter (and possibly the previous one) was changed from first to third person, with varying levels of success. It needs more editing. Here's hoping the following chapters don't have the same issue. You can't do "find & replace" to change the narrator or the person in which a story is written. It doesn't work that way. But it's an intriguing premise, so I'll keep reading.

You're supposed to get better as you write, not worse. The first chapter was 'meh', this one was basically unreadable. The premise is good, but technically it's a disaster. Jumping from first to third person and back again, shitty punctuation and piss poor grammar. The only good thing it seems, is the spelling. It's a hard pass on the rest of this series.

Too many pedants commenting here. The story is fine. It is neither essential to read it nor pick holes in it.

Yes, the first few chapters are a little rough, I agree. However, the story and my writing get better if you stick with it. Perhaps I will stop and re-write the early chapters. Thanks though for all the interest.

Full confession? I had actually stopped. I didn't intend to, but a new chapter was released in a couple of my favorite stories, and then... it doesn't matter. Point is, seeing this comment, I decided to give it another shot. Thanks for bothering to even reply!

If you're able to, then rework these earlier chapters or get someone to do it for you. The switching between 1st and 3rd person is really annoying and the hiccups in punctuation, especially missing out separating speech when Bob is 'talking' makes it hard to read cohesively.

It seems an interesting premise and as you've stated that your writing has improved and there are quite a few more chapters, I'll continue on.