by SylviaG
Hi - Again, you write very well if a bit overly written. The progression is good and logical and the outcome is almost. Zack in your earlier stories is shy, reticent and easily embarrassed, but after the fucking he suddenly becomes arrogant, over-bearing and crude...something about that doesn't quite fit hence the title of this critique . I think I understand how you turned him as you did and we can e-mail to talk about that. Having said all that, you've written a very hot story and I think you've described a mother's lust for her son in realistic terms..a mixtrure of want and guilt and an explosive coupling. You seem to know how a mother sees her son when she is projecting maternal love into sexual desire and that makes your story compelling and convincing. One final word would be to minimize the peripheral characters and focus more on the central ones, in this case, the mother and son Zack.
Bob
Fucking awesome, now Zack gets to fuck his mother real hard. Hope he takes her bitch arse soon!