All Comments on 'All Because of a Rusted Swing Set'

I've enjoyed your writing from the very first chapter of "The Rescue." I was delighted when I got to the bottom of the first page of your new story and saw that it had been written by you since, I hadn't paid any attention of who the author was at first. I knew the characters would be well thought out and there would be clever conversation. At one point of the story, I wondered if you were writing about your self and what you might have gone through with "New Girl in School" and people wanting to read the next chapter. Keep up the good work and thanks for giving me a pleasureable story.

Great!!

But why do you keep changing the tenses, even in the same sentence? It's weird, and really distracting, but I still gave you five stars.

I have truly enjoyed each and every one of your stories. Each has been new and different from the last. I only wish you had more for me and the rest of your fans to enjoy. Great job!!

As I read this, I was transported to the warm hugs of my 'friend'.

Thank you

I loved the story, but one thing bothered me. In several places you switched from past tense to present tense then back again. That drove me crazy!

Your editors need to watch for your lapses into present tense. You probably did that half a dozen times over the course of the story. You also went first person for one sentence, which was glaring. "She took Ashley by the hand and gave me a smile." There is no "me" in this third person narrative.

I only mention these things because your improvement is dramatic. You are working hard at being the best writer you can be and that will be pretty damn good. This story was a very nice read with only a few glitches. It was romantic and sweet and readers will enjoy it. Thanks for the hard work for us readers!

I read for content the first time I look at a story. On the second reading, I begin to notice the grammar. The story is long and the plot predictable, but you write so well that the plot doesn't matter. Your inner and external dialogue was extremely good. The banter and joking between them were near perfect. The shopping, playing in the snow, and cooking were important parts leading to the New Years conclusion. The word "Tonight," was strategically placed and lead to the delightful coupling of two people in love.

WOOOHOOO!!!! More of theses characters too please!!!

Can't wait for more!!

Something a bit different but also the same. Wonderfully romantic with a nice slow build.

I am impressed by the story development and writing style.

Five *****s!

Another for a series would be greatly appreciated!

Burning Love

Thanks so much. I look forward to seeing your next story. Thanks.

What a heart warming story. I hope you planned some more chapters. The story is simple, but engaging. The characters are developed and the story moves along at a good pace. Thanks for your time and imagination.

A wonderful story, unfortunately marred by errors which SHOULD have been caught in the editing/proofreading process:

1. SHIFTING TENSES - As others have already mentioned, you frequently shift back and forth between Past Tense and Present Tense, which is jarring and HIGHLY distracting. Here's an example from (I believe) Page 5...

{"You're late," Ellie whispered as she held open her door so Rory can enter with arms full of Santa's gifts for Chloe. }

"whispered" and "held" are Past-Tense verbs. "can" is a Present-Tense one.

Fully Present-Tense correction:

["You're late," Ellie WHISPERS as she HOLDS open her door so Rory can enter with arms full of Santa's gifts for Chloe. ]

Fully Present-Tense correction:

["You're late," Ellie whispered as she held open her door so Rory COULD enter with arms full of Santa's gifts for Chloe. ]

2. SHIFTING NARRATOR POVs (Points of View) - This was even MORE jarring/distracting than the Shifting Tenses. Fortunately, I only noticed it ONCE in the story...

The whole story was told from a Third Person POV, until, on Page 5 or 6, it briefly shifts to First Person, IN THE MIDDLE OF A SENTENCE!

{Before he could refute her the mayor and his wife walked up to them. She took Ashley by the hand and gave me a smile.}

"me" is about as First Person as a writer can get.

Using the name of the person to whom the mayor's wife smiles keeps us in Third- Person POV.

[Before he could refute her the mayor and his wife walked up to them. She took Ashley by the hand and gave RORY a smile.]

3. SHIFTING PRONOUNS:

{He hoped that the woman would lose the dress and even slowed down to see if it would.}

{He hoped that the woman would lose the dress and even slowed down to see if it would.}

...seems to refer to the woman as "it". Try instead:

[He hoped that the woman would lose the dress and even slowed down to see if SHE would.] -or- [He hoped that the DRESS WOULD FALL OFF OF THE WOMAN, and even slowed down to see if it would.]

-Rei

hope there will be a second part

The answer to the grammar trolls is SO WHAT.

I thought it was a fine piece of writing, well done, well done.

I thought he might have done the final gift under the tree being an engagement ring, but maybe that's been done to death. And it could be in another installment, if there was one. Kudos for a fine product.

It was a fun read. Maybe a little too perfect in places, but still 5 stars. Thanks for writing it! But try to watch the tense shifts. It's a nit, but it distracts from the flow of the story.

Loved the New Girl series and hope this is the start of another great series.

Loved it. Grammar and all. . . Now part of my favourite list.

Thank you for a heart warming story. 🙂

Really enjoyed the read.

Thanks for the fun & breezy read.

2 things stood out for me:

1) "Ashley arrived at her work at Victoria's Secret a few minutes before her shift was set to begin. " OK, now (usually) VS salespeople aren't VS model calibre, but this sentence very quickly puts Ashley in that category in the reader's mind with a minimum of words. So efficient, I had to laugh.

2) Cooking Salmon for dinner after a day at the aquarium, without anyone batting an eyelash, was amusing for some reason.

I could only wish for another chapter or more to round off the next few years of there live. Five stars.

This is the kind of story I can’t help casting actors for. Hugh Dancy and Maggie Gyllenhall come to mind from their movie “Hysteria” - Their chemistry reminds me of Rory and Ash. Nice feel good story. Well done. Thanks *****

Please continue the story. I will be sorely disappointed if you stop now.

Nice to see that you're back writing again. I've been waiting for your next story and this one didn't disappoint. Great job and I'm looking forward to more.

Keep at it

You keep things going at all the right places... Wonderful love story

This is the best romance story that I've read here in a long time. Many authors have come to this category with stories that belong in E. C. or F. T. or elsewhere. Thank you for a true romance.

Loved it from beginning to end.

I enjoyed this one a lot. Thank you for writing, and thank you for sharing it.

A beautiful story. Thank you kind Sir.

Just what romance stories should be.

Looking forward to reading your other stories.

I would love to see more to this story. Future weddings & his new books. Keep up the good work, excellent read!!!

Why did I give it 5 stars? Well, because it stayed true to what I believe this website is about (IMHO). Firstly the literary component of story line, character development and so forth then secondly the erotic component which was elegantly balanced in tone to the characters. Bravo.

Your stories build up so naturally it's always a pleasure reading them

Thanks for writing, as your fan I'll always appreciate more readings from you

I loved the story, I hope there is more because it feels like this might be maybe a 2 or 3 part series. You can do one with Emily's dad and another with his LA life coming to interfear with his peaceful life when his book gets published. Just my thoughts.

i have been reading story's for years on this site and this is one of the best. not bog down with to much sex, focus on the story board. it has depth and emotion ,,very well done

Great to see this new story from you, really loved it, along with your others. I was very happy to see your update in your bio saying that both Rescue and New Girl additions are in the works, can't wait for them. Your story telling is 'Top Notch' and a delight to read.

Any idea wheh you will post some more of your great writing???

jim2156

As with your other stories, this one has me hooked... I’m definitely looking forward to seeing how this story evolves....

I really like your feel-good, pure hearted stories 😁

Another good read. Looking forward on a follow up on New Girl saga

The movie should be on the Hallmark Channel any day now. Zzzzzzz!

Another great story, a follow up would not do it justice.

IT!!! 5stars no brainer!!

I'm glad I found it. I look forward to reading more of your writing.

Just love this story... so enjoyable

🌙 * ☁☁ 🌟 * * * 🌟 👋🎅 🚶🎄 🏡 ⛪🏫🎄 🎁

💝 Hooking from the start to end!!! i fell in love too

@iam_whinz

I am certainly confined I have read it before?

Was reading the story again and it’s still a wonderful heartwarming story and I would again give 5 stars ...

That truly was a great story !! Enjoyed

Great story and lead in. A huge step up from most of the stories on the site. Very well written. Very creative story line and story development.

First of all, the improvement in your writing is very impressive. I hope that anyone who criticizes your tense, narrative or grammar takes the time to read your earlier works to see how far your skills have progressed.

Repeating a previous tip, try to find and utilize a text-to-speech application that will read your written words back to you. Hearing them spoken will often allow you to catch many of the small mistakes that some readers have mentioned.

Keep up the good work!

Great story. Characters really brings it all together. There should be 1 or 2 more chapters.

Enjoyed this story, it was not overly complicated and had some good dialog between the characters. Always like a happy ending and this one was just right, not dragging it out way past the original story. Thanks

Well done. Kudos! 5*

Fantastic story, well paced and interesting all the way through. Another chapter please!!!

Great story. I had a smile on my face the whole read. 5 stars easily

Absolutely loved it! Thank you!

Will there be a sequel?

What an amazing story ..you are a truly talented writer! Thank you for sharing !❤️

A wonderful story and a wonderful bunch of characters.

THANKS

with the proper words, thoughts and seasons in the sun. TK U MLJ LV NV

The story is well-written ande is worth reading for the dialogue between the various characters.

But, once you get past the banter, there was just nothing there in terms of any plot or human development. Just over-the-top story about everyone being rich and happy, and predictable.

Little more work on edit threw me off a few times

I am sure others will be more specific but more than a few

Really nice feel good story, but... Where was the conflict? There was a little on page 1, but from then on every character just stayed the same. No need for anything like transformation. Only 1 major male character and 2 female, but both females were pretty much the same, so... Huh?

It was nice and cozy, but nothing really happened after resolving Emily's flight at the start.

I think this author might be good for a brother/sister or 1st cousins romance story. Those already have the conflict built in.

Very enjoyable sweet story. Could have been a little more contlict and issues but we'll written and very enjoyable.

I decided to read this story because the title made it sound like a sweet but sexy romance and I was not disappointed.

Very good story it was one long tease..............keep writing

As I read this story, we are one month from a divisive national election, still in isolation to avoid COVID-19, and a president who is not helping and is making it worse.

I am retired, living alone, and reading a lot to avoid thinking about all the crap going around me. However, most of the stories on Literotica and StoriesOnLine are filled with conflict, drama, angst, anger, and other strong emotions I normally enjoy reading about - but not now! I need soothing - stories about good people doing good things to make their world better. I was able to read this, go to bed, and go to sleep. A blessing. A #1 story!

Thank you that was perfect. Long on story, short on explicit sex (too many stories on here where explicit sex IS the story)

And i thought that "new girl in town "series were great... this is just perfect.

A wonderful story so good. I wanted to keep reading more.

This was adorable.

Lovely story, 5 stars. Thank you!

Very adorable story. I enjoy stories that don't need to rush to sex scenes and builds up the story.

Thank you for a great romantic love story. Five star for you 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

what they will impose is fond memories full of love and the ability to continue the feeling, TK U MLJ LV NV

Absolutely brilliant!. Nicely done. Sensitive, respectful, and romantic with no superfluous unrealistic orgy.

ueHtNn

I know this is what’s commonly referred to as an erotic story site but isn’t a story like this better than all the unrealistic fantasy nonsense and quite frankly drivel that other supposed authors submit in the other categories. But I suppose it takes all types and they have their place but you can’t beat well drawn characters and plot lines, elements sadly lacking in the majority of this sites submissions.

Five stars and excellent work.

I agree with skruff and anon. Very pleasant romance without the hate and animosity of some of the other categories.

It may be debated whether this is still erotica, but it certainly is romantic, with rather a lot of build-up. I considered it an easy, pleasant read.

PS: I may have overread or forgotten it, since I wasn't reading it in one go- where did Tara (dress shopping scene) come from?

A totally believable story. Very romantic mixed with a great deal of light humor, plus some hot erotic sex at the end. A feel good story for sure.

And I think it’s unanimous, it’s a great feel-good story. At least it’s unanimous as far as all the comments I read. I really can’t see any reason why everyone wouldn’t love this story. It’s just that good. Thanks, AI.

Very touching story. Well written, and very believable. Well done.

Very nice, loved the story.

started strong but the ending was weak

Still loving it. Still 5 star rating 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Could use a chapter 2. Still a 5 STAR story!!!

Very refreshing!

Unlike many of the stories on this site this one is just fun to read. No revenge, no violence and no smut.

The characters have great attitudes and truly enjoy themselves. Smiled all the way through.

Nice job!

Sweet story. The Bear approves. Could use a 2nd part, though, like MarkT63 suggested. Keep writing, and I'll keep reading. Nice to have decent people have good thing happen to them.

The BEAR

Thoroughly lovely

Story need to be continued, there more that need to be said. Great story just need a party 2

Good story, but it seemed to end suddenly. Could use an additional page or even a chapter 2.

This is still an all time favorite. I always wanted more but I guess it's perfect the way it is.

True Romance

A story that is so believable. Romance that develops over time in an innocent fashion. Truly fun to read. Thanks for sharing.

DP

Just as one of Rory's books, you left it with a bit of a cliffhanger. Do they get married? Does Emily have a new brother or sister on the way?

Great story, always like a slow build up and then loving sex. The kids added a nice touch bring them together. Good job by your editors also.

Wonderful, would love to see more of the characters though there's no conceivable reason I can think of for a sequel.