All the Men Who Came Before

A question for the men: Do you know how many sexual partners your wife has had? Have you ever asked? Does it even matter?

Statistics vary widely, but most reports I've seen suggest that the average number of sexual partners for an American woman is eight, while men typically have a slightly higher "score," perhaps as many as 10 to 12.

Then there is the so-called "Goldilocks answer," where both men and women agreed in one study that 10 was "neither too hot nor too cold." The poll suggested those who had more than 10 sexual partners were considered promiscuous, while having fewer than 10 would be considered sexually inexperienced.

In truth, I've come across many women in my time, but forgive me if I don't boast a specific number. Let's just say my score would be somewhere in the dozens, more than Billy Graham, but nowhere near Gene Simmons.

Which brings me to my wife Carole. She has graduate degrees, works professionally, and is admired by many. But in the bedroom, behind closed doors, she knows no boundaries. Carole has long had an active interest in sex.

If you were to meet my wife, you would be envious. Carole is right around 5' 10" with long chestnut brown hair, a perfectly shaped derriere, and breasts that fit nicely into her 34-C bra.

We were sexual from the first day we got together and sex has been an important component of our marriage. Carole has talked openly about past lovers. Her magic number is 12. 12 men. We might throw in an extra one or two because I believe that partners sometimes have sex with others and keep it to themselves for various reasons. It's fine, but let's go with 12 for this discussion.

Here is Carole's sexual timeline as I understand it; obviously the names have been changed.

Carol had unwanted sexual attention as a young teen, which led to kissing, heavy petting, and some fingering with different boys in high school, but she went off to college as a bona fide virgin.

During her Junior year, Carole met Brian (1), one of the few black students on campus and the only black member of his fraternity. They dated for a few weeks and then Brian brought Carole back to his frat room one night, rolled her over on her stomach, and slipped it in from behind. That relationship began Carole's sexual awakening; even though she remembers Brian having a long penis, she also notes that it was thin.

Carole and Brian dated for two years before going their separate ways. A group of friends invited her to spend a long weekend in Michigan. She somehow hooked up with Kevin (2), very shy, but holding a big long-time crush on Carole. Poor Kevin only had one leg, but he made the most of it. It was a one-weekend tryst, but I guarantee that poor Kevin still thinks today about that weekend in Michigan.

Carole ended up working for the school from where she graduated, making her a prime target for the faculty. Carole went for long bike rides with a young science professor named Roger (3) and later a government professor named Stu (4). Carole was trapped in a small town in a rural area. Roger and Stu weren't particularly good looking, but they were available, and mediocre sex was apparently better than none at all.

Then along came Phil (5), who worked as a plumber. Carole was housesitting for faculty friends when the drain backed up and Phil came to the rescue. He was older and passive, but Carole was 27 and afraid she'd never marry, so when Phil proposed, she accepted. They moved away and begin a weekly sexual ritual. Every Saturday morning, Carole would strip naked, climb on top of Phil, as instructed, and ride him up and down for the three minutes it typically took for him to climax. Is there anything sadder than that image?

Which, I suspect, explains why Carole ended up joining the local community theater group and helping with various productions. After one show, she decided to help herself to Tony (6) a young man on the stage crew, who had a fixation with anal sex. This would be Carole's first time in the back door, but she enjoyed the experience and knew there was no going back to Phil. They divorced soon thereafter.

Which brings us to me (7). I don't want to rehash everything, but the absolute best sex of my life was the morning Carole and I first got together. We discovered in one another our sexual soul mates. We gave each other permission to feel and explore. At the time, we were both in our sexual prime of early 30s and acting like happy young bunnies: in the car. On the beach. In the woods. Here, there, everywhere. On the morning of our wedding at a friend's house, Carole led me into an empty bedroom and quickly sucked me dry. How lucky could I be?

We settled into domestic life, content with one another and our regular sexual fantasies. Fantasy first became reality about two years after our marriage. A former student of mine, Taylor (8) came back to town to visit and the three of us ended up going out to dinner one night. Taylor was in his late 20s, a total nerd, but funny, and the two of them connected immediately. I could feel the electricity between them as we headed back to our house.

I recall being the one who approached Carole first with the idea, "So how about the three of us?" I was stunned by how quickly Carole agreed. Taylor didn't need to be asked twice--hell, he could only fantasize about bedding a woman like Carole. We all spent the next two hours in bed and enjoyed it so much that Taylor came back the next night.

Taylor was a turning point in our relationship. He opened us up to the possibility of spontaneous sex, even if we didn't necessarily know the other person well. Carole had her taste of something different, something a little wild. She wanted more. Taylor was living in Reno at the time, sending us regular joint emails and making references to what had happened.

It was obvious that he wanted to see Carole again, but nobody mentioned me. I sat Carole down one night and asked point blank if she wanted to see Taylor again. And again, no hesitation. But would I mind if she went alone? Things might be a little less inhibited if I wasn't around.

I called Taylor and told him to send my wife a plane ticket. She would come to him, be his for a long weekend and indulge in his every fantasy. I thought the poor guy was going to explode right then and there.

I helped my wife pick out the sexiest clothes she could find, helped her dress that morning and drove her to the airport. "Have fun," I kidded. "But you have to tell me everything when you return."

And she did. Up on Thursday. Back on Sunday. Every position imaginable. Carole lost track of how often they fucked, but she said it seemed nonstop. Taylor could not get enough and Carole recalls the final number as being around 10. Wow. I couldn't undress her quickly enough, my head spinning from all the details she was sharing.

Perhaps our man Taylor felt guilty or overwhelmed by it all. Within the year, he met and married a nice young religious woman. We still get their Christmas cards every year.

Taylor was a hard act to follow, but Carole ran into a younger man Rick (9) at a local political rally and they were making out in his car within the hour. I didn't know Rick, but I trusted Carole and there were only three conditions I set: (1) She couldn't pass on any sexual disease to me; (2) She could never leave me and (3) She had to tell me everything. I wanted to know.

By the end of the week, Carole was slipping on her black lingerie and going out the door for "dates" with Rick. One afternoon, they went hiking on a local trail and ended up having impromptu sex in a grove of trees where anyone could have seen them. Whenever I hike that trail today, I always pause at the grove of trees and picture that afternoon, thinking of two people having sex when they could be discovered at any point.

Craig (10) is someone I know very little about. I lived in Los Angeles for a while with a roommate, but moved out when I married Carole. Craig took my place as roommate and met Carole when she would come to LA for business and needed a place to stay. Somehow, not surprisingly, they got together pretty fast.

On one business trip, Carole told me how she slipped off her purple panties, snuck into Craig's room and placed them under his pillow. The next morning, after the other roommate had left for work, Craig marched into the living room with the panties in his hand, only to be greeted by Carole, completely naked. Ah, how I wish I was there.

About a year later, Carole flew to Florida on a business trip. She was alone one night in the hotel hot tub when she was joined by Phil (11), an older guy with a thick beard from New York who was attending a different convention. They talked and talked through the night before Phil finally got to visit the Promised Land after about 2 a.m. It turns out that both were afraid to make the first move.

For the next two years, Phil, also married, regularly found excuses to "visit his West Coast clients." He would come and spirit Carole away for the entire evening, but we never met. I didn't need to meet any of these men. My pleasure was in knowing that my wife sexually aroused others and in hearing the stories about how it all unfolded. Most importantly, no matter who it was, or how great the sex might be, Carole always came home to me.

The final fellow is The Drummer (12). I have no name. I'm not sure if even Carole knew what it was--she certainly couldn't remember afterwards. She and her mother took a high-end cruise to Mexico one year. Carole ended up passing her room number to The Drummer in the cruise ship band. He joined Carole in her cabin for the next two nights, rocking with the waves and then he moved on to a different beat.

As far as I know, the adventure ends there. After that, Carole showed decreasing interest in other men. She was growing older. Concerned about her looks and whether or not men still found her attractive. She was afraid, as a married woman, of being seen locally with other men

Her desire now became to be with only one man. Yes, I sometimes wonder if there weren't others along the way, little "secrets" that my wife might like to keep to herself.

I certainly can't fault her, this woman who is so loving and giving and understanding. It's why we're still together after all these years and all those adventures. We lay in bed sometimes and share those stories with Carole wondering whatever to some of them.

It's a pretty interesting sexual timeline, I think. 12 lovers puts her above the national average, but not significantly. Over the years, Carole enjoyed a fairly wide range of sexual experiences: anal sex, threesomes, black lover, older men, younger men, complete strangers, sex in public, and totally spontaneous get-togethers. And half of those, the memorable half, came with my encouragement and blessing.

This lifestyle isn't for everyone. Please don't judge us. We have no children and no real vices. I don't know why we didn't experiment more, but we treasure those experiences that we did have. It honestly brought us closer together.

But I wouldn't say "No" if Carole woke up tomorrow morning, wanting to go for Lucky 13. Believe me, that guy would be VERY lucky.