Alvarez

And another.

And another.

Until I start to lose count.

I've never danced so much before in my life and now that I know how good it feels to let my body move to the beat, I don't think I'll ever not dance again.

I look around and I see almost everyone is on the dance floor now. Actually, there is a lot of people here. It seems that more from my unit have shown up. But I can't tell who's all here.

I see Sawyer is still at the grill and Heaven is dancing with him too.

Martinez and Goodwin.

Lopez and Raymond.

I feel super happy.

I lean closer to King and place my head on his chest as another song plays.

"I love this song," I tell King.

He holds me to him.

"Me too," He says, "My mom used to sing it to me actually"

I smile.

Then I start to hum and sing, but this time I'm not being silly anymore.

"You're my angel," I sing softly.

"Wow," He tells me, "You have a really pretty voice"

I squeeze my eyes shut as Anita Baker sings "feel so safe/feel secure with you...".

This is already one of the best birthdays I've ever had.

I can feel King's arms wrap around me comfortably and we just keep dancing until the song is finished.

Then when it is over I look up at him and beam.

I can tell he's going to kiss me before he even does it.

And it doesn't matter to me that I'm surrounded by a group of people in broad daylight.

It feels right.

Until it isn't.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Yo, C! C! C!" I hear Sawyer's voice yelling.

I look and I see Alvarez striding towards me and King like he's about to murder us.

No.

This can't be happening.

I try to pull King behind me, but he grabs my waist and pulls me behind him as he sees Alvarez gliding up to him like he's ready to fight.

I hold on to King's arm.

Please.

This can't be real.

King's friends sense that there's danger and they start crowding around to form a wall.

Alvarez stops halfway when he sees that King's got backup.

There's no way he can take them all.

My heart pounds in my chest.

I'm shaking.

I just kissed him! I want to say to Alvarez. But what can I say? I knew that at some point King and I were going to become more than just friends and I would have to give up Alvarez. I guess today is that day.

"What's up?" Geoffrie, one of King's friend's asks Alvarez point blank and to my horror he steps up to him like he's ready to fight. They are literally face to face, staring one another down like they are going to come to blows.

"C," Sawyer comes over and I pray that he will be the voice of reason.

"Yo, can you back up some man," Sawyer tells Geoffrie as he pushes him away a little from Alvarez, "This my boy. Let me talk to him"

Geoffrie looks at Sawyer. They were just at the grill together and I think that's the only thing that makes Geoffrie back off.

"Come on," Sawyer says as he grabs Alvarez's arm, but Alvarez doesn't budge.

"You making a fool of yourself right now!" Sawyer yells at him in front of everyone and I'm shocked, "This ain't about you no more! This is my family! My wife's best friend! The aunt to my kids, man! I can't have you out here ruining this day for us!"

Alvarez looks at him for the first time.

"So, we're not family?" He asks.

I suddenly feel like this conversation shouldn't be happening. Not out here. Not like this. I want to tell Sawyer to stop. And maybe if I did, he wouldn't have said what he says next.

Sawyer steps back and looks Alvarez in the eye.

"I can't do this no more with you," He says and he sounds harsh but gentle all at the same time, "I got a real family to protect now. I can't try to be your father any more. I'm sorry"

Then he shakes his head like he has given up. He looks at Geoffrie. Then at the other guys. And finally at King.

"Yo, if you want to try and take these guys out by yourself, do it," Sawyer glanced back at Alvarez, "I'm not going to try and help you. It's not my job talk you out of trouble or from risking everything"

Then Sawyer steps aside and walks back over to Heaven. She reaches out and hugs him.

The look on Alvarez's face is one that I've never seen him show in public before. He looks scared. But I realize it's not because of the fact that it is a four on one. Instead he looks like a scared little boy who is lost and doesn't know his way back home.

"So, let's go then," Geoffrie says as he steps back up to Alvarez. But Alvarez doesn't even glance at him.

"Wait!" I say from behind King.

I let go of King's and step forward, but King grabs me again.

"Look, I just need to talk to him," I tell King as he searches my eyes in confusion as to what I am doing.

"Majesty," He says like he doesn't think that's a good idea.

"He'll listen to me," I say.

He shakes his head, but he let's me go.

Geoffrie watches as I come up towards him and Alvarez.

"Come on," I tell Alvarez, but he looks like he doesn't hear me.

I grab his hand and pull him away from Geoffrie. Away from everyone who are standing there watching us. And away from all of this rejection.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I close my barrack door behind me.

Alvarez still looks like he's in shock.

I go up to him and all I can do is hug him.

He stays still for a minute. Like a statue. But then I feel him start to break.

He's crying.

"It's ok," I soothe him as he sobs, "It's ok"

I place my head on his chest and he wraps his arms around me.

It's different than the embrace I had with King.

I feel like King and I have a stronger bond. When I'm with him I feel like I'm a person who doesn't have to give anything and he doesn't have to give anything to me. I feel whole.

But with Alvarez I always feel like I have to give all of my emotions I have to him.

He kisses the top of my forehead.

I look at his face and he kisses my lips.

I kiss him back on the lips. Just a light peck.

But then I pull away.

He looks confused as I walk over to the desk table. I lean back against it and hold onto the edge for support.

"Christopher, I love you," I tell him, "But you know I can't be with you anymore"

My words aren't harsh. But I realize I sound just like Sawyer did. But I guess we both have to do this.

Alvarez holds his head down. He goes to sit on my bed and he buries his face in his hands.

"I'm losing it all," He whispers.

I go over and sit next to him. I take his hands from his face and hold them.

"No," I tell him, "You're not. This is life"

I rub his hands with mine.

"You're just going through a different stage," I sound like my grandmother, "And sometimes the people who were with you in one stage of life aren't always with you in the next"

He closes his eyes.

He takes my hand, kisses it, and presses it to his cheek.

I stroke his face softly.

And we just sit like that for awhile.

When he opens his eyes, they look the brownest they've ever beem. Not dark. Not angry. Not sad. Just clear.

He stands up and I quietly watch as he walks to the front door.

This is it.

This is the moment I finally say goodbye.

"Christopher," I tell him before he goes.

He turns around to look at me.

I feel tears well up in my eyes.

"I'll love you forever," I whisper.

And I mean it.

Does he understand though?

I see him smile.

His face looks so happy that I know he gets what I'm trying to say.

"I'll love you forever, too," He promises me.

I nod my head as I wipe the tears from my eyes.

Goodbye.

I hear my heart finally letting him go.

And then I watch as Christopher Alvarez walks out my door.