Alvarez

But Lopez isn't like Goodwin.

"Damn, Wilkins!" Lopez says but he doesn't shout at me instead he makes sure I can hear him because he presses his lips dangerously close to the flesh of my ear, "I can't leave you alone for a second. Someone's already trying to steal you away"

Then he leans back and looks at me, "I see that chest is on show tonight!"

And he reaches out like he did that day he first talked to me at PT. I slap his hands away this time though. I know he is just playing around...

Or at least I hope he is.

I mean, I don't think he is really going to try to touch me.

XxxxxX

It turns out that Martinez texted Goodwin and Lopez to meet us here at the club. And they already saw her at the table. So, they are able to lead me to her.

Luckily for me, Martinez picked out a place in the back mostly away from all the noise and people. I feel thankful that I have a place to get away from all of it.

"Hey! Good! You found Wilkins!" She tells the boys.

"Are Raymond and Bennett still dancing?" She asks me.

I nod my head. And sit down at the table in the seat across from her.

"I'll text them and let them know where the table is at then," She tells me.

I nod again.

I watch as Goodwin gives her a kiss on her cheek before he takes a place down beside her. I look away at the intimacy of it.

"See, baby," Lopez whispers dangerously close to my ear again as he plops next to me with his arm over my chair, "That could be us"

I just give a fake laugh. I wish he would stop whispering like that to me.

"Are you hungry, Majesty?" Martinez asks me.

I nod my head. I actually am. Between shopping, pedicures, waxing, and getting ready I realize that I haven't eaten in awhile.

"Ok, we'll order some wings," She says.

"Majesty?" Lopez comments, "That's your name? Like Queen or some shit?"

"Yes," Martinez informs him, "Her first name is Majesty"

"Majesty," Lopez says as if it is the funniest name he's ever heard, "That's some ghetto shit"

Martinez looks shocked that Lopez just said that out loud and Goodwin looks at him like Lopez crossed a line.

I just look down at the table. I feel really uncomfortable now.

"Ah man," I hear Lopez say, "Did I say ghetto? I meant that's some unique shit"

"At least Majesty's name is actually for a girl," Goodwin says and I look up. I realize he is coming to my defense. I note that he reminds of one of my older male cousins.

"His real name is Angel," Martinez tells me and she seems to be apologizing to me on behalf of Lopez.

Lopez for the first time since I've met him looks visibly uncomfortable.

"Yep," Goodwin chimes, "Soft ass name for a soft ass guy"

"Hey, I'm not a soft motherfucker, my mom just named me that because I'm her baby boy," He says.

"Shut up," Goodwin tells him, "You know you're a soft marshmallow ass"

Martinez and I laugh.

XXXXXX

The wings arrive and though I am hungry...I can't eat.

I feel self conscious in a weird way. I spent all this time doing my hair, my makeup, and spent all this money on this dress, that the idea of ruining it all for the sake of hot wings doesn't seem right to me. And it must be a girl thing, because I notice Martinez doesn't touch the wings either.

But the boys don't notice. Instead they eat as if there isn't anything wrong with getting messy and dirty. And for them, I guess it isn't.

Goodwin and Martinez are very lovey dovey. Which surprises me because usually Martinez is shy about showing that she and Goodwin are an item.

I sit and watch as they whisper and talk softly to one another in each other's ears. And I can't help but to wonder what they are talking about. Or what it feels like to be in love.

Lopez is no Fitzwilliam Darcy. More like a Casa Nova. To be truthful I don't really see myself dating a guy like Lopez.

For one, he keeps touching me. I keep having to push his hand off my lap because he keeps trying to slide it up and down my thigh from underneath the table. The way he does it is so quick that sometimes I wonder if he even did it at all or if I'm just imagining things.

He also keeps trying to kiss my ear. This is all too much for me. We haven't even went out on a date for him to be thinking he can just rub on me like this.

"Let's go dance," Lopez whispers really close to my ear again.

Once more I feel his hand grab my thigh.

I push him off yet again. But he acts like nothing happened.

"I don't think so," I say and my voice is getting tight and short with him, "Why don't you go dance by yourself?"

Really I just want to get away from him.

"Come on," He pleads as if he can't get the hint, "I want to see you stand up in that sexy dress of yours. I only got to see it a little bit earlier"

"You'll see me stand up when we leave," I counter.

Lopez grins.

That was the wrong response.

Now, he thinks I'm flirting back with him.

He leans into my ear again.

"You want to come back to the barracks with me?" He whispers.

I feel his hand on my thigh. But this time it's inching dangerously close to another area.

A area my mother used to tell me as a little girl rhat NO ONE is allowed to touch.

I immediately stand up.

Martinez asks if I'm ok.

"Yeah," I say but my voice sounds irritated because I really am not, "I have to go to the bathroom"

"You want me to come with you?" Martinez asks and she begins to stand as well.

But I shake my head. I don't want to take her away from Goodwin.

"I'm good," I assure her and turn to leave the table.

For some reason as if me leaving him at the table by himself isn't a hint enough, Lopez follows me.

I can hear my mother's voice in my head telling me that if anyone ever tries to touch me on my private parts, that I need to come and tell her. Well, I'm nineteen so I can't go crying to my mother anymore.

Lopez reaches up to me and I whirl around.

"I don't know what kind of girl you think I am, but I'm not the kind you can just feel up on at a table without my permission," I snapped at him.

My voice sounds scolding. Exactly like my mother's when she's lecturing me.

Lopez looks taken aback. Good. Maybe now he will finally leave me alone. If that isn't clear enough, I don't know what else is.

I walk towards where I think the rest rooms are and as I do, I feel someone else, yet again, reach out and grab me. But this time, I'm ready to tell whoever it is to let go. I am not just up for grabs yet every man here at this club thinks I'm wearing a sign that says "Touch Me: Please".

And when I do see who it is, I really am ready to tell him to leave me alone.

Alvarez.

He's holding onto my elbow, but even when I jerk it back, he doesn't let go.

"Get off of me!" I snap at him.

What is Alvarez's problem? What is Lopez's problem? What is that one guy who I didn't even know's problem? What are these men's problems to where they think they can just manhandle me whichever way they want?

Alvarez actually does let go, but asks, "What was that all about? What did that Mexican do to you?"

I blink and realize that Alvarez must have been somewhere in this club watching me. Bennett must be right. He is obsessed with me.

I turn around and decide to just continue to ignore him. Just like Bennett instructed me to do. And which I have been doing for the past month and a half now. Actually, I haven't spoken one word to Alvarez since that day in the Defac when I told him not to talk to me at all.

"Did he do something to you?" Alvarez persists again as he follows me towards the bathrooms.

"Yes," I say before I can stop myself.

Why did I just say that?

I berate myself. I just broke my streak of ignoring Alvarez. I've talked to him twice now.

"I told you not to talk to me," I say and pray that I sound like how I did that day in the Defac or even just now to Lopez.

But I'm really shaken up, so I know that I probably don't.

I finally lose Alvarez once I enter the women's bathroom. Thankfully there are a lot of stalls and there is no long line like they show in the movies I've watched about clubs like this.

I go look at myself in the mirror, I don't see Naomi Campbell. I don't see Gabrielle Union. I don't see a beautiful woman. Instead I feel ugly. And stupid. Why do women get all dressed up like this if it just means that men are going to treat us like pieces of meat?

I don't feel pretty anymore.

Instead I feel ugly in this dress and these heels that make me tower over everyone. And I feel stupid because I came out tonight when I should have just stayed safe in my room.

Tears spring up in my eyes.

Great.

I'm crying in the club.

XXXXXXXXXX

I've wiped all of the makeup off of my face. Hopefully that will deter any more men from trying to grab at me now if they see I am a plain Jane. Maybe it is better not to be desired by men if being desired just gets you molested.

My plan now is to leave. I'll text Martinez and tell her that I felt tired and caught an uber back to the base.

As I exit the restroom, though, I see Alvarez is still out there. As if he is waiting for me. Stalking me.

I turn away from him before he can try to talk to me. And even though my legs are long, this club is packed and I can only get so far to the door before he catches up to me.

"Look, Wilkins we need to talk," He says and it sounds like he's trying to be my friend, "We used to always talk, remember?"

I feel the anger boil in my veins. Who does he think he is? He pretended to be a good guy in Basic Training only to turn everyone against me and make my life a living hell. And now he's saying we used to always talk? Like he was my friend? Or rather as if he didn't make sure he was the only person who would talk to me.

I make it to the exit of the club, and once I'm outside it feels like I've finally come up for air. I feel like I can breathe better. Even though there are some people still lingering around, it isn't as crowded. I look down at my phone and open up my uber app.

"Where are you going?" Alvarez asks me as he stands next to me on the sidewalk.

"Will you stop bothering me Christopher?" I don't know why, but I use his first name. Maybe that will get through to him how serious I am right now.

I continue, "I know about everything. All the stuff you told everyone about me, about you and me, I know now. I know about all those things you said to other people behind my back. So, just leave me alone"

My tone isn't harsh right now. Instead I just sound like I am pleading with him to finally stop bullying me.

"I appreciate all the help you gave me in Basic Training and AIT. And all the help you've given me here up until this point, but we don't have to be attached at the hip anymore. I have my friends. You have your friends. I just want to live my own life...without you in it," I can't read the look on his face.

He is just staring at me, but I'm not sure if he is comprehending what I just said.

"I just want to be happy," I tell him and my voice breaks a little. Suddenly I feel like I'm about to cry all over again. I know I am being really weak right now and he probably is just feeding off it, but don't bullies have a heart too?

I have said all I needed to say. So, I turn away from him and look for an uber to get me to base. But I can feel tears cloud my vision, so I'm just staring at my phone at this point.

"Wilkins," Alvarez says my name again.

I look up and sigh, ready to just tell him this time in my authoritative voice to get lost. I guess bullies need to see that you can stand up for yourself before they will finally leave you alone.

But before I can, Alvarez pecks me on the lips.

Now, I've never been kissed before, but I have seen it on TV, movies, and read about it in books.

And I'm so shocked at what he just did that I can't even find the words in my head to say anything.

But then he does it again. Another peck, but this time it is softer and feels like our lips are pressing together more.

Then a third time.

A fourth.

A fifth.

Then he wraps his arms around my waist and starts pressing his body and lips up against mine.

At first, I don't know how to react.

I'm not sure what to do. But I rest my hands on the sides of his chest.

Part of me knows I should tell him to stop.

But if I am being honest...

It feels...really good.

Unlike Lopez pressing his lips too close to my ear or reaching his hand to touch my private part...

I don't want Alvarez to stop.

I close my eyes and let Alvarez press his lips up against mine. He wraps his hands aroumd my waist as if he's holding me to him. And I can feel his grip through the soft fabric of my dress. I can also feel the tug of my breasts against the bra Raymond gave me. It feels like my body is screaming for him to do more.

But more of what?

Being up against him so tightly like this, I feel incredibly warm. Almost safe. It's weird.

The buzzing starts down there again.

I pull away.

I can't yell at Alvarez like I did to Lopez. I can't because if I was going to yell at him I would have done it the first time he pressed his lips against mine. And I can't lie and say that I wanted him to keep kissing me, but at the same time...

Did I?

"Wilkins, I really like you," I hear Alvarez say.

I blink. I don't know how to respond now that he's said what Bennett assessed.

"I want you to know that," He continues and he seems scared or something like he doesn't know if he should be telling me this.

I blink a few times. My mind is still trying to process what just happened.

"Next time you have to ask me," I whisper.

"What did you say?" He didn't hear me.

"Next time you have to ask me before you do that," I say a little bit louder but my voice isn't shrill or angry, "You can't just kiss me without my permission"

To my surprise he just nods his head.

"Ok," He says.

"Is it ok if I kiss you again?"

My heart starts beating fast and I can feel the squeeze of my nipples in the push up bra. The buzzing is super high right now. It is so loud that I wonder if the whole world can hear it.

My body wants to say yes.

That much I'm aware of now.

But I shake my head no.

"I'm too upset right now," I say and my voice feels like I am just giving up at this point.

I cross my arms, "First Lopez tried to molest me and then you keep trying to talk to me when I told you not to and now you've kissed me..."

"Wait, what?" Alvarez snaps before I can continue, "Lopez did what to you?"

Crap.

I shake my head.

I realize that I shouldn't have said all of that.

But I was just trying to make him understand that I've had a really bad night in the span of two or three hours.

But why am I trying to explain anything to Alvarez as if he cares about me?

He is not a good guy. He just says that he likes me, but then why does he always act like he doesn't. I can't trust anything Alvarez says. I can't trust him at all. I trusted him before, opened up to him, and looked where that got me. A bunch of rumors and everyone treating me like I'm a pariah.

"Hey, there you are man," A voice comes up on us from the direction of the club.

I look to see who it is and I immediately recognize the person in the dim light as Sawyer.

Sawyer also went to Basic training with me and Alvarez, but he is a different MOS and his AIT was longer than us. He was one of Alvarez's friends. I thought I would never see Sawyer again after I left AIT. But apparently he got stationed here, too but I guess with a different company because I know he is not in ours.

"Ah, I see you found your girl," He says and I watch as he takes a drag from a cigarette.

The vibe I get from Sawyer smoking and looking at me is way different than the one I got from SSG McDonald tonight, however.

Sawyer is respectful. He doesn't look at me anywhere but in the eyes.

"What's up, Wilkins?" He asks, "You remember me?"

"Y-Yeah," I say, "It's good to see you again".

And then I also remember why Sawyer has a different vibe from SSG McDonald. Because Sawyer was the only one who didn't call me Serial Killer during Basic and AIT.

Even though Alvarez probably tried to get him to do it, I'm sure. I look between Alvarez and Sawyer and it makes me wonder how someone who obviously has some back bone can be friends with someone who thrives off of people without one.

"What are you doing out here? I know it's a beautiful night..." Sawyer asks me and he sounds oddly parental or fatherly, "...But shouldn't you be in the club with your friends? Dancing? Drinking?"

The only thing I can think of to say is, "I'm too young to drink"

"Shit," Sawyer says with a slow laugh, "You're so tall they probably wouldn't even card your ass."

In normal circumstances I would find that funny. But this has been one weird hell of a night and Sawyer's timing is way off to interrupt whatever it is Alvarez and I have going on right now.

Speaking of which, I realize Alavarez hasn't spoken once since Sawyer arrived.

"You cool C?" Sawyer asks Alvarez as if he just notices Alvarez's silence, too like I do.

But Alvarez just stares at me like Sawyer isn't even there.

"Yeah," He finally says and it is like he is coming out of a trance, "I'm going to go back inside real quick"

Sawyer looks at him,"You gonna leave your girl standing by herself out here alone?"

I don't miss that Sawyer keeps calling me Alvarez's girl. But I don't even have the strength to correct him on that right now.

"No, watch her for me. Make sure she doesn't run away again," Alvarez says as if I'm a puppy or something and not standing right there listening to them.

"You alright?" Sawyer asks him again and his voice sounds parental once more; like how a dad would check on his child.

"Yeah," Alvarez says.

And he heads back inside the club.

I realize that I am still a little shell shocked from Alvarez kissing me, because even though I want to...I can't seem to move.

"He ain't alright," Sawyer says as if he's talking to himself and he shakes his head before he looks at me again, "What did you tell him? He's mad as hell. I don't like it when he gets that look in his eye"

I don't say anything. Because I think I'm realizing that this is real life. I just kissed Alvarez....

And liked it?

"Hey, are you alright? You're shaking..." Sawyer asks me but the fatherly tone in his voice only makes me wish that I had my real dad in my life all of a sudden.

And it only makes me feel worse.

I look down at my hands and sure enough I am shivering like it's 20 degrees outside.

"I want to go home," I whisper.

But I don't mean back to the base or to the barracks. Or even back to South Carolina.

I mean back to when I was five years old and my only worries were what doll I was going to play with today.

Sawyer takes another puff of his cigarette.

"I understand," He says.

And I look at him.

I think he does.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Your boy told me to watch you," Sawyer tells me as he holds on to my phone.

Somehow I made the mistake of telling Sawyer that I was going to catch an uber back to the barracks. And before I could order my ride, Sawyer asked casually if he could see my phone before I do because he left his back inside and he just remembered he needs to call his roommate to tell him he forgot his card key in his room. And because I am naive, I let him. It was too late when I noticed that he already had his own phone hidden in the pocket of his jeans.

But he won't give me my phone back.

"Why do you keep calling Alvarez my boy?" I ask in exasperation.

I give up at this point. And decide to just sit down on the curb of the sidewalk.

Sawyer is almost as tall as me. Even in these heels. And he has strength on his side. I'm not athletic, so trying to pry the phone out of his hands is like a kindergartner trying to lift King Arthur's sword. It is just not going to budge.