Alvarez

And in the end, I really like it.

But although I think we're done once we get our nails painted, Bennett leads us to the back with one of the workers.

"So, we all want a full wax," Bennett tells her, "Eyebrows, arms, legs, mouth if you see it, and brazilian"

I look at Martinez, but she doesn't seem to be alarmed at all. Instead she says, "God, I'm so glad we're doing this! I've been meaning to get a wax!" and she is really excited.

The worker leaves to go behind a curtain somewhere.

"Um," I say since it is up to me to be the voice of reason, "What are we doing?"

Raymond and Bennett share another one of their looks at each other.

"Don't worry, Wilkins," Bennett says, "I got you. Just pay for your manicure and pedicure set. This ones on me"

"Shit, pay for me, too girl," Raymond says.

"Can you pay for mine as well?" Martinez giggles.

I realize I am the only one who is scared.

"Ok, which one is first?" The worker asks as she comes back. And Raymond and Bennett point to me.

I look at them in confusion, but they just push me forward.

"Go ahead," Bennett orders, "We have to hurry up."

I look at Martinez for help, but she just gives me a sympathetic smile.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"That hurt so bad," I whimper in the back seat of the car on our way back to the base.

"Yeah, but didn't it look nice after she finished?" Bennett counters me.

I have to agree with her there. I have never seen myself so bare before. Maybe the last time I was this hairless was when I was a baby.

"And she did our eyebrows really well!" Martinez exclaims as she stares at herself in her phone's camera.

She reaches up so I can see my eyebrows in her phone's selfie camera. I had seen them when the worker finished but I had to admit that I was more so paying attention to the pain than anything else.

"Wow," I say, "My face looks like a different person with waxed brows"

Raymond scoffs.

"Girl, you haven't seen what your face can do! Wait until we teach you how to do your makeup!" She reminds me.

Martinez taps my shoulder and I realize she's angling her phone for us to take a selfie together. I smile.

"I'll send it to you," She says after.

And it hits me that this is my first picture with a friend in the Army. I have the immediate thought of my mother's voice in my head asking me if I am making any friends. I should send my mom the picture after I get it.

When we get back to the barracks, the sun is just starting to go down and night is approaching. We all go to Raymond's room again to get dressed.

I am immediately reminded of sleepovers. But instead this is a night out. Raymond blasts some more hip hop music on her speakers and we all start undressing to get ready.

Everyone stops dead in their tracks, it feels like, though when I take off my t-shirt and sweats.

"What?" I ask and I immediately self conciously.

"Girl, we should have stopped at Victoria's Secret too," Raymond says.

"Wilkins, why are you wearing granny panties and a sports bra?" Bennett asks me.

I look at them incredulously.

"I always wear this," I say, although I feel more insecure than defensive.

Raymond ruffles around in her dresser drawer and comes up with some satin, white undies that look super thin. Like the kind I've seen in magazine spreads but never bought.

"Let me guess," Bennett says, "Your momma taught you that only fast girls wear nice bras and panties?"

I look at the ground in embarrassment.

"She didn't say that necessarily, she just said that they were too grown for me," I admit.

Bennett shakes her head.

"Don't worry," Martinez reassures me as she touches my arm in solidarity, "I don't wear nice bras or panties all the time either, but it would be good to wear them with your dress tonight"

Bennett goes over to where Raymond is still ruffling through her drawer.

"You're the only one that has something that might fit her," She says to Raymond, "Me and Martinez are too busty"

"This," Raymond says and she shows Bennett, who nods her head.

"Here," Raymond hands me the panties and a white push up bra to match, "It might be a little big, but just adjust the straps"

And just like that, things are normal again. And I am no longer feeling like a freak. But I do realize that all the girls are wearing skimpy, frilly underwear and bras. I was the only one who was wearing comfortable undergarments.

When I slip on the yellow dress I bought, it shimmies down the length of my body but doesn't feel constricting. Just like I expected.

"Ooooo, girl! Look at you!" Raymond cheers, "I don't know why we joined the Army! We should all be on someone's beach somewhere getting paid to sit and look pretty! Especially you, though, cause you've actually got the height"

I feel touched. But Raymond is gorgeous too. She has on the pink bandeau top and a pair of torn shorts. Her skin is a lot more brown and not as dark as mine. Which makes me want to tell Lopez the next time I see him that Raymond's skin tone is the true chocolate. Not me.

"Come on, girl, let's do something to our hair," Raymond says to me specifically.

We go to the bathroom together since she and I use similar products. One of our many discussions since getting to know one another has been on what works and doesn't work for our texture.

"I think I'm going to wear mine out," She says.

I nod my head.

"That'll look good," I tell her.

"How are you going to wear your's?" She asks me.

"Maybe I'll just keep mine back," I say.

"Girl, you always wear your hair back," She tells me, "Everyday we have to wear it in a bun. You need to let that shit be free tonight!"

Bennett joins us in the doorway.

"Yeah, Wilkins, she's right, wear it in an afro like you do at night," She tells me.

Bennett lets her own hair down and it falls like ringlets past her shoulders.

"Ugh, this is the hair I always wish I had," Raymond says as she grabs a handful of Bennett's curls and lifts them up off her neck.

"We're all wearing our hair down?" Martinez asks as she makes her way over to the bathroom, too.

"Yes, let's do that," Raymond says as if she's giving us an order, "Coordinate"

"Okay," Martinez says and she takes her hair out of it's ponytail. It glides down to her waist.

"Wow," I say. I've never seen her with her hair all the way down before. It is bone straight, shiny, and black, "Your hair is so pretty".

"Thanks," Martinez beams up at me.

She has her low cut top on and has changed into the pair of fitted jeans and sandals she also bought from the mall today.

"Well, I guess let me fluff this shit up," Raymond says as she starts to finger comb her hair.

I reach out to help her instinctively.

I grab her spray bottle and begin misting it with water.

Martinez watches us in awe.

"I wish I had you guys' hair," She says, "There's so much you can do with it"

Raymond laughs.

"Girl, we spent half of our lives wishing we had your hair though," She tells Martinez.

And I can't even deny that.

But it hits me that everyone might wish to have what they don't at one point in their life or another.

Eventually Bennett and Martinez leave Raymond's room to go get their makeup bags from their barracks. So, it is just me and Raymond left in the bathroom together.

Once we get Raymond's hair to look right, it is my turn. I take it out of my low ponytail and start shaking my hair around like Raymond did.

"Damn, girl," She says, "Your hair is long! You got inches! This shit is longer than mine!"

I never thought of my hair as long since my hair grows upward and out instead of down like Bennett or Martinez's hair. But compared to Raymond who has only been natural for about four years and me who's been natural my whole life, I guess I would have more hair than she does.

We work on getting it to look nice and full and then we move on to makeup.

Thankfully, Raymond picked out some simple beauty items for me when we were at the mall. And now she shows me how to do what she calls a "natural" face. I follow her instructions to the T.

I mimic everything she does as she does it to her own face. And that's what we all end up doing when Martinez and Bennett come back with their makeup bags. We stand in the mirror, all crammed together and just twist caps, tap brushes, and dab with beauty blenders.

And as I look in the mirror, I do admit I see a difference. It isn't as big as Raymond or Bennett's who know how to do eye looks, wings, and love to add lashes. And not as steady as Martinez who can add a lip liner and apply lipstick seamlessly. But my little foundation, concealer, blush, gloss, highlight, and mascara looks pretty enough.

"Girl!!" Raymond squeals after we all pose in the mirror for a selfie, "We look fine as hell!"

We put on our shoes. And thankfully, the platforms that Martinez chose for me aren't hard to walk in at all. But once I put them on, it is like I turn from model height to a freaking Amazon woman.

Martinez now barely comes up to my thigh. Which we both can't stop laughing about. We clean up Raymond's room and take our leftover stuff back to our own barracks before we meet back up in front of the car.

When Bennett and I head to get back, however, something weird happens. My squad leader SSG McDonald notices us as we go past CQ. He is outside smoking a cigarette. I remember that he did get assigned duty tonight. But I don't think much about it.

I am fully prepared to greet him, although he's never paid me much attention before. But before I can say anything, he looks at me in a weird way that gives me a funny feeling. He's never looked at me like that before. It's as if his eyes are roaming every inch of my body. From top to bottom.

"Hi, SSG," I say anyway. And because he's my Squad Leader and not Bennett's it feels like I am the only one who should acknowledge him.

He squints as if he can't see since it is pretty dark out. Then he takes a drag of his cigarette before looking at me up and down again for what feels like a long time more. I feel gross for some reason.

"Wilkins, is that you?" He says finally.

He takes another drag.

"Y-yes," I say.

Then he looks at Bennett for a long time, too. But she just stares him back down.

"Who's your friend?" He asks.

"My roommate, SSG," I tell him, "You know Bennett"

He looks Bennett up and down and then puts out his cigarette.

"Yeah, I've heard of Bennett," He says.

Bennett just eyes him. I can tell from the look on her face that she is annoyed.

"Where are you two headed?" He asks, "You got some boyfriends you're going to go see?"

"What?" Bennett finally speaks and she shocks me because she sounds aggressive even though he is a higher rank than both of us combined.

He looks at her up and down again and I shiver even though it isn't even cold out. I pray that he doesn't start yelling at Bennett or write her up or make her do pushups in her dress.

"You two just look like you're about to go on a date that's all. Chill, light skin," He says to Bennett.

Bennett puts her hands on her hips. I wish she would stop being so combative with him because I seriously don't want her to go in trouble. She is about to say something, but it is like she thinks better of it to my relief.

"Alright, you have a nice night SSG," She says and she grabs my arm. From the tone of her voice though, you would think she said something else.

We get away from him and I whisper, "That. Was. Weird," to Bennett.

"He's weird!" Bennett corrects me.

"He's never acted like that to me before," I tell her as we walk arm and arm.

"Well, I'll be the one to tell you...stay away from him," She says and it reminds me of my mom telling me not to speak to strange men who come up to ask me if I have seen their lost puppy.

Once we meet back up with Raymond and Martinez, Bennett and I tell them the encounter with SSG McDonald.

"Oh god," Martinez says and she sounds like she is about to cry, "I thought I was the only one who noticed that he acts a little funny sometimes"

As we get in the car, Raymond tells Martinez to tell us what he did to her to make her think that.

So Martinez describes an experience she had.

First, she finally admits to Raymond and Bennett that she and Goodwin are together.

And apparently one night SSG McDonald was on CQ and he came to her room at 11PM to do a room check. She said she wouldn't have been up usually, but that she had been waiting on Goodwin to come to her barrack so they could watch a movie.

She said that when she asked SSG McDonald why he was doing a room check so late at night, he told her that it was because he had gotten some complaints about some noises coming from her room.

"I said 'Noises, SSG?' and he just looked me up and down in this creepy way and was like, 'Yeah, noises'," Martinez whispers like she's been holding on to this horrible secret for a long time. We are all silent as we listen to her in the car.

"Then he started going through my things. Through my drawers. And he held up one of my panties and said, 'You wear these?' and at that point I was literally shaking. I didn't know what to do. I felt like no one would believe me if I told them that he had just come into my room and started acting like this, because you never would expect anyone to act like that. To be so bold. I couldn't believe this was actually happening to me," Martinez continues.

Truthfully, I don't like the way this story is going and it is starting to scare me. We've heard about things like this happening in the Army. But to actually hear Martinez's first hand account of it...She's someone I know...That I am friends with. It feels way different than just looking at a power point or reading a hand out now.

"Then he asked me if I was wearing anything like that now. And I said, 'What do you mean SSG?' like an idiot. I didn't run. I didn't yell. I didn't do anything. Instead I just let him act the way he was acting. I get so mad at myself when I think about it. But just before he could say anything else, Goodwin knocked on my door. And he put my panties back in my drawer and opened the door for Goodwin like nothing had happened"

"What did Goodwin think about SSG McDonald being in your room at 11PM? Did you tell him what happened?" Raymond asks and she sounds mad.

Martinez shakes her head.

"He didn't really think anything of it, because SSG McDonald told him he was just doing a room check. And for us to have a good night. Of course Goodwin commented after he left that it was pretty weird for SSG McDonald to be doing a room check this late and he even joked and asked if I was cheating on him with SSG McDonald. But other than that, he didn't bring it up again. And I didn't tell Goodwin how SSG McDonald acted before he got there. I didn't want to tell Goodwin, because I didn't want him to think that I was stupid. I mean, what other girl would let a SSG in their room at 11PM at night for a room check? If something had happened, it would have been my own fault. I was just naive and he got me," She says with a sad shake of her head. It is as if she feels guilty and ashamed when SSG McDonald is the one who should feel like that instead.

I reach out and I squeeze Martinez's hand. I want to tell her all the things they teach us in SHARP. That it isn't her fault. That it wouldn't have been her fault. But I don't want to sound cliche, so I don't.

But she squeezes my hand back.

"It's ok," Bennett says and she sounds so angry I think she might get back out the car and go stab SSG McDonald but thankfully she just says, "Now we know to stay away from his creepy ass."

"Girl, shouldn't we report him?" Raymond of all people asks.

"What can she really say though?" Bennett sighs like she's frustrated but not at Martinez instead it sounds like she's frustrated that SSG McDonald gets to get away with what he did, "Report him for being a weirdo?"

She has a point. Unless SSG McDonald physically touched Martinez or said something explicit to her, what could we do?

Although going through a girl's panty drawer and asking her if she's wearing any would build a pretty good case. That is, if the people assessing it didn't die laughing on the floor at the silliness of it all first.

"You know what, girl? Fuck him!" Raymond snaps and turns back on the music, "Let's forget about that nigga and have a good ass night!"

And we all agree to do just that.

XxxxxxxX

It is my first time inside of a club. And right off the bat I can tell that I don't know if I will like it.

For one, it is dark, packed, and the music is way too loud. I feel like someone has thrown me to the bottom of the pool where all I can do is close my eyes and feel my ears pop.

But Martinez holds my hand as if she is there to help pull me out.

"Let's go find a table!" She shouts at Raymond and Bennett.

Those two look like they've just entered heaven, however, and don't hear her over the song that is playing.

So, Martinez turns to me instead.

"I'll go find a table," She shouts into my ear.

I nod my head. But once she let's go of my hand, I immediately regret agreeing to let her leave. Even though I am taller than some of the males in this club now with my platform shoes on, I lose sight of Martinez in the crowd.

But I remember that I have my cell phone and she will text me when she finds a spot.

"Come on girl," Raymond says as she pushes past people, "Let's go dance! This is my shit!"

Bennett follows her willingly, but I only follow after them half heartedly. I've only danced once before.

When I was seven I went to a cookout at a neighbor's house, and I remember watching the other girls shake their butts. So, I copied them.

Well, my mom got so mad that she dragged me home and spanked me. After that, I was scared to even tap my foot to a song.

But Bennett and Raymond aren't scared. At all.

Instead they reach the dance floor and start grinding on one another like they are in a music video. I awkwardly watch them because I feel out of place.

Bennett notices and grabs my hand.

"Come on, Wilkins!" She shouts.

"Yeah, girl!" Raymond encourages.

I don't have the heart to tell them that I don't dance. I don't think they would hear me anyway.

So, instead I say, "I'm going to go find Martinez!"

"What?" Bennett shouts.

I lean into her ear like Martinez did to me and shout, "I'm going to go find Martinez!"

She looks around and notices for the first time that Martinez isn't with us anymore.

She nods her head. And I don't hesitate to take that as my cue to flee the scene.

I push past a hoard of people. And as I'm trying to go by, some guy grabs my waist.

"Hey, beautiful," He shouts.

I don't know who he is or recognize him as someone from my unit.

"You want me to buy you a drink?!" He shouts as he leans in my ear.

"I'm only nineteen!" I shout back.

He looks me up and down. Kind of like how SSG McDonald looked at me and Bennett tonight.

"Who are you with?!" He shouts at me.

I look around.

"I'm looking for my friend!" I shout.

He laughs.

"Forget her!" He shouts, "You should hang with us!"

And he motions to a group of men sitting at a table near the bar. They are all eyeing me. And every last one of them look like clones of SSG McDonald the way they are staring at me.

The guy is still tightly holding on to my waist and I feel extremely uncomfortable. Like I can't get away.

I don't know if this is normal or not.

"Hey, man!" Someone shouts from behind me, "She's with me!"

I turn around and see Goodwin. Lopez is beside him. A rush of relief floods over me.

The guy seems to assess Goodwin before nodding his head and letting go of my waist. I silently breathe a sigh of relief.

"Thanks, Goodwin!" I shout over the music.

Goodwin just gives me a little side hug. And I note that he makes sure not to touch any important body parts. He is very respectful.