America's Watching

You got that? My loving wife had what I assumed to be real tears falling from her eyes anxiously awaiting the chance to see her family for the first time in ages and all the while she's cuddling with another man. If I could have gotten my hands on lover boy I would have killed him with my bare hands.

This certainly wasn't any part of game play and the more I thought about it, nothing she was doing anymore was about game play.

Katy Ross the host looked very uncomfortable with what was taking place as did most of the players.

Jake however had this smirk that could only mean one thing. Though he'd never met me, he was laying claim to my wife while rubbing my nose in it knowing there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. He was being fueled by Sherry's comments about me alluding to the fact that I was weak and didn't care.

The only other person in the room that seemed to approve was the farm boy Harley. He looked like a big kid standing in front of the line for the roller coaster knowing after Jake finally succeeded seducing my wife he would have the next ride.

Anyway, I watched in horror as Sherry was sitting in his arms with her hand on his chest and gently stroking it as if they we're on a date at the movies.

Speaking of movies; it was show time.

When the cameras came on in our home Sherry was left staring blankly at an empty couch and equally vacant room. Katy the host immediately tried to cover by saying, "I think we're experiencing technical difficulties. Why don't we take a break and we'll be right back."

Sherry was very upset when they showed the live shot of our living room and lo and behold she began crying a river. I wasn't sure why because I doubted if she even remembered who Lynn and I were. If she did remember it might be the first time since she left our house.

Where did she seek refuge from the pain? She turned her head and buried it in Jake's chest just as she once did with me during a scary movie or a lightning storm. He immediately began offering words of comfort like "you deserve better" and "we'll talk about this later".

I was seething.

Now if you think that my actions may have driven her into his arms, just remember that she was already there when the cameras came on. Nobody drove her anywhere. And though the cameras were on, there wasn't any way I could tell her I love her and beg her to come home. Besides, if you recall I pleaded with her not to go before this all started and look how well that worked out.

If she was willing to have me see her for the first time in over six weeks while in the arms of another man she obviously loved me no more than she loved our couch. Then again maybe that's why she was crying; she saw the couch and realized how much she missed the couch.

I also wasn't sure what was worse, her being oblivious to the fact that she was tearing apart the family all on her own or that she was aware of what she was doing and of the probable consequences, yet willing to live out her fantasy regardless.

No matter what the reason or cause, she had serious issues and chose to ignore the obvious; that our marriage was on life support and my hand was on the plug.

######

As Sunday's network broadcast started I began to question my own sanity for sitting through the humiliation that my loving wife was heaping on me on a daily basis. Sherry's actions were making me physically ill and worse yet she was slowly chipping away at my heart with every tick of the clock. It mattered not if I was watching or not at this point because now that I had those images in my head that's all I could think of at work, driving, eating and sleeping.

Friends and family stopped discussing the show with us and my guess was they figured it was a sore subject. Our friends and family figured right, but Sherry and 'America's Watching' was still the number one topics between Lynn and me. We searched for answers and leaned on one another for support.

If it weren't for Lynn I'd be in much worse condition than I was. That's saying a lot since I was a mess. We were both in the living room as the next show started, however watching it together was getting difficult as well as embarrassing.

By now we were in week 7 and during this time people connived, back stabbed and voted each other out. The game went on, but as in previous seasons when I watched with my wife I didn't really care about any of the people. Well with the exception of three this season.

Also, eight people had been voted off of the show which meant that anyone voted out going forward did not go home but rather went to the "Peer House". Here they would remain until the final show where those six people would return to cast a vote for one of the final two survivors to decide a winner.

Sherry was ecstatic to make it this far though I was less than happy about it. Far, far less than happy about it. In fact, I was more convinced that her exuberance came from the fact that she got to spend more time living out some kind of deep-seated fantasy with her boy toy than it did competing in the game.

Couldn't she see what she was doing? Fan or no fan of the show, she had crossed the line long ago with what could be considered acceptable behavior from a faithful wife. Though I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was wrong with her I did manage to eliminate one possible cause. It wasn't sheer stupidity because nobody...and I mean nobody could be that stupid!

Jake won the competition that week and the right to be "house leader", which earned him the right to have his own room.

Lovely.

My fears reached a new level as hope seemingly abandoned me completely. Believe it or not it things got worse.

Everything was alright until the end of that nights show. It was then the nose dive occurred while everyone was sitting out back. Jake stood up and I could see the arrogant prick was up to no good. He stretched and then said he was tired and going to take a shower and looked over to my wife and raised an eyebrow and winked. A moment later Sherry agreed that a shower was a good idea and she started to follow him inside.

The others houseguests were aghast.

The son of a bitch stopped and let her catch up so they could walk in the house together with their arms around each other. There it was again...that freakin' chemistry. Hell...though it was breaking my heart, even I thought of them as a couple at this point. It was impossible not to!

Once they shut the door behind them the others began talking about them instantly and the network surprisingly decided not to bleep out the words slut and whore but did so for an adjective or two spoken before them.

Katy Ross appeared on camera to bring the show to a close and seemed upset by what had just taken place. I believed she was trying to remain non-partisan yet I thought I could hear more than a hint of disapproval in her voice.

Lynn and I were both on edge as we watched the show mostly in silence. It was as if we were both waiting for axe to fall, but if we didn't talk about it that it wouldn't happen. Nice thought even if it didn't work that way.

So that's how the network episode ended when I switched over to the cable feed. My emotions were all over the place and I wasn't sure I was prepared to see what might happen next, but I couldn't resist. Like the rest of the show to that point, I didn't want to watch, but just had to know what was going on.

Lynn was already sniffling. I had a real bad feeling going into that night's cable show and apparently Lynn did as well because after the opening of show she got up and kissed me on the cheek and said, "I'm feeling kinda' tired dad, I'm going to bed."

In reality I knew she was going to watch it upstairs on her room. I didn't want her to, but she was a big girl now and had the right to watch if she chose to. It was easy to see that she had the same fears I had of something happening tonight that a father and daughter ought never to watch together.

The knot in my stomach was reaching epic proportions and I was feeling queasy just knowing that there was no stopping what was taking place and that there were thousands of miles between us.

The cable show was just about to begin when I noticed I had trouble seeing the TV. I was glad Lynn had gone upstairs because my tears had already started.

As I mentioned before...what a fucking nightmare!!

######

Sherry sat down on one of the chairs in the shower room still wearing the same skimpy white bikini she wore on a previous show. Jake had his trunks and a tee shirt on, but when he took the shirt off I thought that Sherry eyes were going to fall out of their sockets. Wasn't sure why because she saw him shirtless before, but maybe because they were all alone this time. I don't know.

Jake then steps into the shower and starts running the water and then disappears behind the partial shower door that allows the audience at home to see him from the knees down and the chest or neck up depending on how tall someone is.

He then looks over to my wife and asks, "Care to join me?"

She then asks, "What do you think my husband would say if I got onto the shower with a single young hunk like you?"

I would like to say that my wife was coming to her senses by asking that question, however the tone of her voice seemed more about foreplay, flirting and turning on asshole than it was a serious question as to how I would truly feel. If she didn't already know by now how I felt by now she really was dense, though I was beginning to think that her being evil and cruel was a distinct possibility as well.

Even though she mentioned her husband, she left little doubt that I was the last thing on her mind at that moment. I have no idea how that is even possible, yet I witnessed it myself.

Lover boy just smirked as she walked towards him.

I began shaking my head softly pleading aloud, "Oh my God...don't do it baby...please don't do this to me. We can still get past this if you stop now,"

Despite all that's been happening I was still shocked to see Sherry accept Jake's invitation to share a shower. And a moment later she stepped inside and closed the door.

Almost immediately Jake took off his trunks and hung them over the door and pulled Sherry close suggesting she take off her bikini. At first she says no out of concern that someone might see them in the shower together.

My thoughts to this was that the other six people were still out back so Sherry wouldn't have to worry about them. Sure her daughter and husband would see as well as the rest of the U.S. and anyone in the world with a satellite, but aside from that there was no reason for her to be embarrassed. It was also disturbing that this was her only fear at the time.

Sherry pulled away but only to do what I considered to be the unthinkable. She took off her top and hung it over the door next to asshole's trunks. She didn't even pause to give her next action a second thought as the next thing I knew I was looking at her legs with her bikini bottoms wrapped around her ankles.

Tears began to roll down my face as he pulled her in close once more only now they were both completely naked. I again began to beg to no one in particular, "Oh my God sweetheart, please stop...please don't do this to us."

I couldn't see what he was doing, but he must have tried something because Sherry said, "No...not here, someone could walk in on us."

"How about we finish up and go up to my room?"

She looked into his eyes and smiled sweetly like she did with me a million times over the years and softly said, "Okay, but just hold me for a few minutes."

They then got out of the shower and went up to Jake's "house leader" room. He gets under the covers and grins at my wife and asks if she's cold. She smiles sweetly, a smile that was once reserved for me alone and softly replied in a cute almost childlike voice, "A little".

He pulls back the covers and just like that, for the first time since we've been married, Sherry shares a bed with someone other than me.

It occurred to me that the cameras and microphones remained focused on my wife and lover boy almost to the point where they had their own show. I guess you think of the dumbest things when under stress.

At first it was just cuddling and pillow talk with Sherry telling Jake all about her yours truly. Unfortunately asshole was guiding the conversation in the direction that worked best for him. Not surprisingly she didn't dwell on the fact that I worked my ass off to give my family the best life that I possibly could and that I coached youth baseball and hockey in what little spare time I had and did practically whatever she wanted me to with a smile.

Instead she said that I wasn't always there for her emotionally.

What the fuck does that even mean? We've always talk about things we did that day or how we feel about any topic either of us brings up. Was I supposed to get a degree in psychiatry to better tend to her emotional needs? Where was this coming from and did they at some point replace my wife with this imposter?

Then she said that I'm not as intimate with her as she would like. I've tried any number of times to keep the fires burning only told be told that she's too tired or that she wasn't feeling up to it that night. In fact going back to before the show started it had been month's since we were intimate. Again...not that I hadn't tried.

Now I'm no young stud. I would like to say that I'm no longer a young stud, but the fact is I never was. I've always been average. Still, she never complained...until now and I was receiving all of the blame. You might be thinking to yourself, "Well if you weren't a stud, maybe that's the problem!", but even being an average guy with extremely limited sexual prowess did I really deserve any of this?

She went on to say she wished that I spent as much time with her as he did. Gee...I wonder why that is? How could he spend so much time with her and I can't?

Perhaps it's because they're locked in the God damn house together with nothing else to do except make a game out of trying to get in my wife's panties. Not to mention lover boy doesn't have to mow the lawn or shovel snow in the winter. He doesn't have to go to parent/teacher conferences or fix things around the house and there one other thing I'm missing but can't quite place what it is.

Oh yeah...I have to go to work for eight or more hours a day to support my family. Guess that didn't count for much in my wife's eyes. Even harder for me to swallow was the fact that if she could betray me so easily, perhaps I never counted much in my wife's eyes.

They were both talking in hushed tones and I began feeling sick to my stomach again thinking that this closeness was normally reserved for just Sherry and me, but I began realizing that a lot of those things that were reserved for the two of us were falling by the way side.

It was in those hushed tones I mentioned when my world began to completely fall apart. Jake asked, "You don't seem happy with your husband, are you?"

She giggled slightly and hesitated and I wanted to believe she was going to be too embarrassed to answer the question even though by now I had a pretty good idea what answer probably was if she answered honestly.

Instead she softly replied, "Yes...for the most part."

I noticed she hesitated again, like she was holding back on elaborating. It had to have been obvious because even asshole noticed it.

"What were you going to say?" he asked in a concerned voice that certainly did not match the level of concern he really had for her; that arrogant prick.

She began to blush and replied, "Look...I don't feel comfortable talking like this. What if Walt or my daughter sees this?"

Guess she thought the shower was only for the benefit of the old saying that cleanliness is close to godliness. Maybe she thought that taking a shower with him equated into a religious experience and that I would accept it graciously.

Speaking for myself I know I kept repeating God's name while I watched. Of course I added something's to it like "God no", "God please stop" and the ever popular "God damn you".

Lover boy's smirk somehow grew wider as he replied "How can they see this? How can anybody see this? We're locked up here in the "house leader's" room, my room, safe from the rest of the house and believe me, they don't suspect a thing".

She giggled nervously and answered, "What about TV dummy".

Awww...their first fight I thought. Maybe they could figure a way to make up. I'm sure my buddy Jake would think of something.

He acted hurt and she giggled again. If it weren't for the situation her giggle would have been cute.

"You're safe Sherry. They never air any of this stuff. They can't, kids are watching, so we can talk about whatever we want to."

He paused for a moment and raising an eyebrow and flashing an evil grin said, "We can also do whatever we want to and no one will be the wiser."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Of course I'm sure. You said you've seen every episode of the show, right?"

"Yeah" she answered but it was drawn out and sounded more like it was a half question; as if she wasn't quite sure she believed him.

"Do you really think this is the first time a situation like this had come up, I mean where a married woman got romantically involved with another man; a man that loves her more than her husband?"

"Are you saying you love me?"

"What do you think?"

She smiled and blushed.

He didn't even say he loved her. It would have been a lie if he did say he loved her, but he didn't and probably couldn't because the prick never loved anyone in his life. He was only using her, playing with her emotions to get what he wanted though she couldn't see it. Yet by the expression on her face it was clear that she thought she'd heard it. She only heard what she wanted to hear and in her mind she heard him say he loved her.

She was lost in the moment and lost in her fantasy. I wanted to jump through the TV screen and shake some sense into her.

This guy was awfully smooth though he was still a piece of shit.

Jake was making the most of his time having Sherry trapped with him and was making the most of his time having me trapped with him as well. I was trapped because he knew I'd be watching as he slowly seduced my wife and gave him the perfect opportunity to rub my nose in it.

Using my total helplessness to his advantage he asked her in a loving and caring tone, "Is he any good in bed? I mean does he really do it for you?"

The prick really was a romantic devil wasn't he?

She didn't answer right away, though finally did with, "Well...he thinks he's good in bed and tries real hard." She paused a moment before continuing, "Don't get me wrong, he's very sweet and means well, it's just that most of the time he's...inadequate."

I just sat staring at the TV, my emotions all over the place though I didn't have time to let it all sink in before they continued their assault on my very soul.

Moments later I saw movement from under the covers and knew from the direction of the movement that Sherry's hand was somewhere it shouldn't have be. Worse yet, from the motion and pace of that motion, something was starting to happen that sure as hell shouldn't be happening with a wife with someone other than her husband.

Jake removed any doubt as to what was taking place when he asked her if he's bigger than me.

She giggled and said, "Oh yeah...it's not even close. I never measured it or anything but I'm pretty sure he's below average in that department." Then grinned widely while adding, "But you're not...below average that is..."

My newly found inferiority issues were giving my anger a run for its money.

They continued in hushed tones, but the microphones picked it up as clearly as if she was yelling it from a mountain top. Did she hate me? I wondered. My anger was Immense at this point and was only rivaled by the deep sadness tearing my heart apart.