by mrgrieves4477
Very disappointed. The first part was good but this is ridiculous. Divorce doesn't need proof of anything. So all the spying is not needed except to prove to himself that he was right.
When he found them in his bed he simply watches and films for hours. Why? If he wanted proof in order to humiliate her then a few minutes would have sufficed. Then he should have put his phone on record and confront them. Then the "revenge" using innocent people?
Just confront them and take it from there.
I was quite looking forward to reading this second part, I thought the author might have something a bit different to offer. Sadly it all just collapsed into a ridiculous mess. I mentioned in my first comment that the main character was a knobend, I believe that's just been confirmed. In fact I can't think of one likable charecter in the whole sorry mess. No doubt our hero is going to fuck his way through the whole family, mother, wife, daughter, maybe even the father, after all, who can resist his magnificent cock?
I'm afraid, from a half decent start it's all gone completely off the rails.
Sadly, I have to agree with Karnevil and Tajfa. What a disappointment! First chapter held some promise, this chapter is awful. It makes no sense and doesn't augur well for any future chapters.
Sorry, but I don't need to read any more
A lot of sex and very little story. Not interesting at all.
Also agree with others who correctly wondered why the guy needed hours of taped proof.
Starting part 2 with a predictable revelation that his life-long friend is the real asshole cheating with his wife while suspecting the his only other friend is practically a cliché. Having him watch his wife cheat for hours even after getting his recording done destroys all sympathy for the main character and is made worse by the cheap seduction is his former friend’s mother. I agree with an earlier comment that no one here is likable at this point. Part 3 will need a miracle to salvage anything in this story.
Too bad he didn't have a knife when he caught his wife and his false friend in the act. He could cut off 6 inches and the guy would still have plenty to work with!
4
Loved part 1 and couldn’t wait for part 2 to see how things played out. Loved the twist in it being Andrew and not the other guy. But then having him do Andrew’s mother absolutely killed it for me. Part 1 was 5 stars. Was on the way to another 5 stars but that dropped it to 2 stars. Hoping you can recover in the upcoming part(s).
Just punish Andrew not his mother who always treated him like a son. I see where it is going. Ex-wife next then the daughter. He has lost the high ground . Just dump the cheating wife and find a better woman. This path will get him run out of town on a rail.
Liked the twist with Andrew. 12 to 13 inch penis? Why go to something stupid like that? His friend cheating is enough. Now screwing Marla is a bit over the top as well but I can see it if he gets all the women in Andrew's family. Daughter and ex included. Then he can tell Andrew and watch his 'best friend' shit his pants.
I hit send before I finished my comment. Hitting on the women, while the ultimate in revenge, is a pretty lousy way to go as they are completely innocent. I would say something different if it turns out Marla knew what Andrew was doing and kept quiet.
what happened?? you had a great start and then this?? Time to move on in life.
Well if I had taken the video of his wife, I would have immediately sent it to her phone while they were still at it. Considering she’d just taken the piss out of pictures she sawfrom his ‘trip’.
After all he had a burner phone so she wouldn’t have recognised the number.
Would have frightened the life out of them, wondering who it was.
He coud have still continued with his plan.
Maybe i missed it but surely our hubby videoed his buddy and slut? Not much proof if he doesnt film it. Furthermore some shots of his mommy suckin his cock would be helpful if he wants to punish his friend. Real revenge will be a beat down that greviously harms his friends tool kit, 9 iron? Battery acid
What a pile of steaming horse manure. Watching for ages how his best friend does his wife and doesn't even intervene? Made no sense at all. This went down the look after a decent start.
Ain't nobody in this story got any morals / character or spine about 'em, best bet is to take off and nuke them all from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.
He sat there, filming for hours? What a douchebag!. 5 minutes to get proof, if you can stomach that much, then you stride across the room screaming oohrah at the top of your voice and promptly boot the fucker in the ass and scream at him to get out. That's the way that he can reclaim his rightful place in his own home, which is his castle, and must be defended.
really the hours filming was not needed. A good story with a bit over the top sex. This is erotic literature by the way and you captured that part. Now FTDS.
The first chapter was pretty good. I was looking forward to this one.
Unfortunately this one was disappointing to say the least.
He stayed to film Andrew and his wife fucking 4 times? How many pictures and video did his attorney need?
Fucking Andrew's mom as revenge isn't a terrible idea. If she was divorced or widowed. No, instead she's happily married to a guy he's known his whole life and now he's caused Marla to be no better than Liliana.
At this point I hope there isn't a third chapter.
Fucking idiotic. Get your evidence. Don’t sit and let them fuck all night. Story was building well in the first part but this is pathetic.
What did he achtete? Now has countless hours of recording that are useless and he fucked up another marriage and is even more worthless than Andrew.
I'm not sure if you rushed this chapter or not. But it seems strange that he would actually stand there and video TWO hours of adultery. Plus the descriptive sex between him and the guys mom??? Just weird. I think chapter 1 was better put together.
Very disappointed, the 1st part was very good.
Was under the impression the MC was ex US marines? Arsehole Andrew should be well and truly fucked up
Definitely go for the daughter next but readers like me won't be around for it. Hate dragged out serials. Should have been posted under novellas.
I really hope that Andrew and Liliana are made to trulrly regret their behavior. I can hear her excuse now, probably that the first time she was drunk or something and then she got hooked on his large penis. Whatever she says there's no excuse of course.
But I really hope they aren't allowed a happy ending and are punished in the end. Liliana even more so. Because while I'm ok with revenge on Andrew, Liliana is his wife and should not get off easily.
Now for Mike's revenge. I don't know. Maybe you can salvage it somehow. But yeah, it is pretty bad to hurt innocent people. The sex with Marla was hot, but I just wonder if she will be filled with guilt and regret. Then again he didn't force her. She made the decision to allow it.
I guess we will see. Excited for the next chapter. I really want to see his confrontation with Andrew and Liliana! I hope he destroys them both!
Mike is an asshole for fucking Marla and if she thinks his cock is huge then her husband must be small. Sounds like she cheated and Andrew is an affair baby. Mike is a cuck for watching his wife's entire fuck session and delaying the divorce filing. This story had so much promise before the wheels fell off.
Too much sex. Him watching Andrew for half an hour and then recording, and describing, the sex with his wife for 2 hours?
Peleeez!
And then fucking Andrew's mother a for revenge?
Uep, he's an asshole alright.
It started good though.
The MC is a pile of shit. He gets his life ruined, then HE ruins another man's life by fucking his wife. Sick fuck who ultimately deserved what his own slut wife did to him.
Good grief. 13 inches? He is the one guy on planet? There is probably one woman on the planet who could take that. Why have that? Better ways to explain the affair. Decent plot but making Frankenstein characters is silly.
Just cuck shit now. He needed to DO something to get back at his wife and Andrew. This is just trope bullshit, his wife is still fucking Andrew....
So far, so good! I've hundreds of Loving Wives stories, and this is the first where the jilted husband seduced the mom of the asshole with whom the wife is cheating. Well done!
What exactly did Marla and her husband, have to do with Mike's situation? Destroying their marriage as part of his revenge... is just ridiculous. They didn't set anything up.
No, but 13 inches???
It's completely ridiculous.
18/20 inches would seem more porno.
VERY DISAPPOINTING. Way over the top by having the mother involved in this whole mess.
Are you still in junior high? "I'll fuck your mother!" is a rather juvenile response.
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I had some hope after the first chapter, but this is a definite step in the wrong direction.
He gets revenge on his ex-friend by turning the guy's mother into a cheater?
I wondered why this has a rating of 3.4 star.
I thought that chapter one was well-written and a good build-up.
So I read on.
Now I know why.
My bad vibes about Andrew was confirmed.
But really the cuck just stood there while Andrew's penis ran through his wife.
What a wimp.
And to make it worst -- he seduced Mrs. Vargas, making Mr. Vargas a cuck too.
Now Andrew and MC are truly predator-buddies
Liliane and MC are just the same too.
I gave this 3 star.
Not one of the main characters have redeeming qualities
I hate cuckold stories.
Well this is novel, hubby can’t fuck wife’s lovers wife because he doesn’t have one so fucks his mother instead ! Cool!
Too bad. This could have been a good serious story and it turned into Fonzie jumping the shark. Just what was needed on Lit. another suck and fuck writer.
Wow talk about a cluster fuck! What a terrible follow-up chapter. You really thought it was a good idea to have him fuck Marla? That's just wrong on so many levels I don't know where to start. Even for a fictional story this was bad.
Sees his wife having sex with another man & spends hours to record it, then does nothing with it? He doesn't confront his slut wife or his supposed friend, but has sex with his mother. Story was so-so in part 1 but fell off a cliff in this part. I don't know what the hell the author was thinking, but it wasn't rational. What he had for a divorce was much more than needed. 2 stars for this story that I wish I didn't read. Bob
Yeah, sex with Marla cost him the high ground, he could have gone after the ex-wife and daughter, but the mother was happily married, unless the father was abusive to her, which is highly unlikely, that ruined it. He also didn't need to stay for that long, just get the evidence and file and be done with it at this point, then start plotting the revenge.
Kind of dumb, overdone. What's the point? So his wife is just another big cock whore? The wife didn't know Andrew had a big cock and how it would feel, but apparently she decided to find out. So we know why she's still fucking Andrew, but what started it?
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Just another shallow tepid distant marriage, where the husband has no instincts, no intuition, and no perception of human nature and deceit. The wife has become an arrogant selfish soulless monster, and the husband has no clue? Yeah, after months, he figures out Something is not right. But the asshole who's destroying his marriage, who has nothing but contempt for him, is supposedly his best friend. And this dumb cuck can't tell that something has changed with his Best friend? And BOTH his best friends know, but one's cheating on him and the other is complicit if not enabling. What screaming assholes, and they're his best friends?
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The stupid cuck is a dunce, and deserves what the cheating bitch is doing to him. No wonder she wants a real man's cock for a change. And now he's being the same kind of asshole with his best friend's mother? Is this supposed to be some kind of payback or balance? Unbelievable.
Maaaaaate hahahaha how far is episode 3
sheeze you can’t leave me hanging here !!!
would love to hear the outcome of this one !!
Revenge is sweet mom , wife and daughter is perfect. Then send the videos to all
Contrary to the BTB crowd, I think the storyline makes sense so far and the narrative is well constructed and written. I like the twist that it was actually Andrew, but for one gap. In chapter 1, Liliana clearly asks if Mattison wants her pussy again (more or less), so he was fucking her too. 4.6* for this installment. we know the daughter is next, so that'll be fun. The challenging chapter for you as a writer is when the confrontation is done and all the lies and deceit, by all parties, is revealed.
So far pretty good I enjoyed this storyline it's good to see the husband get some love from other women.
Next will be Andrews precious daughter Jen, and then maybe even Vanessa his ex wife. Then he will confront Andrew and Liliana with his new harem and his revenge complete. Andrew will be destroyed and Lil devastated by his trading her for the services of three women including a much younger and more attractive teen.
Scores 5/5
Who spends 2 hours videoing their spouse having sex unless they are getting off on it?
This is just an undercover faux cuck story, to try and gloss over the sensibilities of readers whom may find such things deplorable. I'm sure there will be some type of BTB in the end, but until such ending there will be unnecessary in-fidelity on by all involved, especially where a so called innocent party is cuckolded.
By the time I started receiving feedback on chapter 1, I knew chapter 2 would be a flop for many people, because it was meant to be a sexually graphic chapter that serves as the anchor point to Mike's path of revenge.
At this point, words were written and it's hard to continue chapter 3 in a different direction without rendering the story incoherent. But there will be more interesting plot beats that aren't entirely centered around sex in the upcoming chapter. I'm about 50% done and it will be the final chapter.
Mike is obviously an unstable, insecure guy, who has internalized the affair and lost his sense of moral compass. This story is ultimately about his descent into madness, wrecking everything in his path to get revenge. It was never a story written about good people with kind hearts. It's a story about broken people interacting with broken people.
With all that said, I couldn't be more appreciative of everyone's feedback, good and bad. Thank you very much for the constructive and thoughtful responses.
Thank you so much for responding to us! That is very considerate of you. I think you write well. :)
I hope Mike gets his revenge, but I was hoping innocent people wouldn't be hurt.
I definitely dont want Liliana or Andrew to have happiness in the end. I was hoping Liliana would come crawling back. Though I realize it's unlikely they could reconcile. I normally do prefer reconciliations when they are deserved though. (Meaning the cheater is truly remorseful, goes above and beyond to atone for their actions, and it is believable that they will never stray again.)
I am excited to see where this goes. Thanks again!
Thank you again for the feedback. The final chapter is complete, I will be submitting it today and it will be up as soon as the admins review and publish it.
I would have been fine with mike sleeping with Andrews daughter, but I Did not like that you had mike fuck Andrews mother. I like to like the MC in a story, mike has now done the same thing to Marla’s husband that Andrew did to him, which makes him as big of an asshole as Andrew and Lili. There is now not a single likable character in this story. Thanks KS
What’s with the 12-13“ penis? This here gives this story a -1 score. Have you ever researched the percentage of men with a 12” penis. Google it. I did. This sentence came to me “ we see that even a 12-inch penis should only, according to these calculations, occur once in 17,321,537,028,348 guys, or about 5,000 times the world's population of men”.
Then trying to destroy Andrew’s parents marriage by fucking his mom is over the top.
This guy is an immature asshole and deserves to lose his wife. Breaking up another couples marriage? Waste of a human being.
This guy really isn't to smart. Why would slash his own tire, just let the air out of it. I know if would have been a whole lot of a story, but should grabbed a large kitchen knife and gone back upstairs. And as Andrew was pumping his wife doggy style with long Strokes. He should run in and cut off his cock, then grabbed the part of the cock hanging out of her pussy, walked out of house and drove away with it, to Throw away in a garbage can down the street. Andrew mom seamed easy enough to fuck, don't know if he'll really get his ex and his daughter. Maybe the ex, if he tells her why he want to fuck her..
He should just book a holiday to senegal they have the largest penises and aids to boot. The perfect present for a slut like his wife.