All Comments on 'An Intricate Weaving Pt. 04'

Revolting really .... the concept of erotica is to arouse and entertain. This "novel" does neither because it's narrative is too far beyond the bounds of reality and too much just infantile fantasy.

In order for something to be moving someone it has to have some even a touch of reality but this tale was just over the top from the first page and therefore all that writing, all that work is wasted because essentially without that reality, that reasonableness if you will all you have written is just a fantasist exercise in puerility and vileness.

So that's the narrative .... it was trashy rubbish masquerading as literature. Just because it wasn't written like a eighth grader like most of the rubbish on here doesn't absolve you of the decisions that you made with the narrative.

Now that does bring me to the writing ....

At what point in time did you decide that because you thought could master English that you were qualified to tackle French?

I myself speak French fluently however I would never in my wildest imagination attempt to inflict it on a English fictional story in the way you did. It was in fact borderline racist in your stereotyping and patently offensive.

I'm really interested ....no really I am because when I read train wrecks like this I really want to understand the decision process of the author so I can understand what on earth they were thinking?

Your correct in your preamble in that you really need a editor but you also need to actually read what you have written and think about it.

As yourself next time would a reasonable adult reading this think it was even remotely plausible?

If your answer is no .... and for this particular tale it must be ... then hit the delete button.

It's not often I get annoyed this much but it's precisely because you do in fact have some talent that makes this so much worse.

It didn't make me think, but laugh...For two reasons: 1st - this absurd story has ended, no loving wives in it, just a bunch of demented people (maybe this all happened in an asylum...)...2nd - ""This is the FBI. Please exit the vehicle with your hand's raised. You are wanted in your home state for the serious crime of abandonment. Your wife, her lover, his wife and her lover... and the wife's lover's wife... all miss you very much. Sir, we are here to take you home."!!!! Really? Is this a scene from "Dumb and Dumber"? Still and forever 1*

That is a waste of time and effort. Luckily, I stopped reading half way through the first page so I didn't get so irritated by this piece of trash that I would want to insult the author for assaulting us.

Best of luck and thanks for not writing more tripe.

The author definitely has talent, but It's totally wasted in a complete "fucked-up" story. That's really a shame.

to help your score and to say eat shit annony

VOTE 1* FOR EVERY STORY RATED BY THAT TRANNY BITCH FOOL VASTIESMITH2 AKA BONNIETAYLOR2 AKA ANON!

for annony the asshole of LIT!

Help this, whore.

for annony the asshole of LIT!

eat shit bonnietaylor2

You had over 9500 views on the first chapter. Less than 1000 on the third chapter. You'll be lucky to top 500 views on this last chapter. Simply awful story telling. Horrible characters, bad dialogue, and a bad storyline sinks this so far into the muck and mire that it's impossible to find anything worthwhile. 1 star only because negative stars aren't available YET!

compliments of bonny the whore of literotica

And dear annoy the whore of LIT is your momma and sister. And you, take it up your ass

to read the foolishness of bonnie taylor, i was going to log in then i thought wow scary can you imagine her getting your e-mail address.

Not sure he ever boffed his own fiance or wife, i ise that term loosely. This is all fetish or bdsm.... clearly u wanted abusive comments. As abaurd as this fantasy is to me, the FBI part was extra dumb ... were here because your wife, her lover etc ..... holy fuck thats atupid ... as if the fbi would ever look for a runaway spouse under those circumstances.

Your story died a long time ago, I think. Tried, really, but couldn't read it. Awful.

Submissive couples are SO HOT

I tried,really tried to read this, hoping that dear Jack would eventually grow a pair and make off with his wife, all to no avail though as he became an even weaker wimp than earlier on.

Unrealistic, unbelievable and sadly for us readers rubbish.

That this decadent lifestyle, is anything other than soul sucking blackness that leads to decay and degradation of the human spirit and social structure? Enslavement of the subs, by tender. merciful all knowing all loving masters is a superior way to roll? Your ideas share much in common with the progressives in this country that think the intellectual elite can decide on behalf of the majority of the human race what is best for them. Many wars have been waged over just this concept, and more are brewing.

You are a talented writer, but your ideas, your philosopy is just fucked up.

Seriously man I noticed you keep talking about acceptance of alternate life styles and keeping open minds but really stop, look man no one likes a soapbox saddy this is spank material don't go talking shit trying to make it something more, its a cuck story masquerading as an advocation for polyamory. What you and various other authors (I'm looking at you Nonstopfunguy) fuck up in is the idea that people being disgusted by your fetish is "not having an open mind" which is horse shit, just because I think having a scat and guro fetish is disgusting doesn't mean I'm a closed minded bigot, no it simply means I have intrest that do not align with yours. This life style seems so amazing to you because you get off on it what to you is paradise is a hell on earth for other people. And calling your characters special really? No they're not statistically there are bound to be people into this due to their brains simply being wired the right (or wrong depending on how you look at it) and they all just happened to meet. The poor bastard at the bottom of the poll is the only one that can claim to be special why, not because he accepts the relationship no that's stupid, it's because he tolerates it for love like an idiot. But even he has his limits It got so bad he ran away and only convinced himself to continue.

I'm willing to bet that deep down he hates who is and what he's done with himself.

But either way like always I read about half of your chapters skipping the sex scenes to try and get an understanding of what makes you people tick out of curiosity and I have you to find the answer. I'll give you a 5 on account of your technical writing, editing and being twisted enough to grab my attention, but let it be known It was not due to it being good spank material on account of me agreeing with the content seeing as how it churns my stomach.

Cheers and good luck.

Who would ever go for this fucked up shit. Jeez This is low even for this fucked up website!

and now the entire web site. And, yet you stay and write comments after comments. I a fucking liar! You're a fag and a cock sucker who gets off on LW and gay stories ! Tell us the truth sweetie. You love sucking cocks and drinking cum Lots and lots of cum makes your belly feel loved. Story is a 5 for good LW story

If your crazy enough to go for this crazy shit I guess it's twisted but how could you talk anyone normal to come into this as its in full swing knowing what he's getting into. As a man I would never stand for anyone bossing me or my family around or have them control my wife. I would of killed someone before I had them control me. His wife is totally under control of someone else. He fucked while making the speech at the wedging while hubby sat and watched. Then took her ass on that night and she got pissed that her hubby got laid also. Very twisted minds to live like that but a entertaining read

VOTE 1* FOR EVERY STORY RATED BY THAT TRANNY BITCH FOOL VASTIESMITH2 AKA BONNIETAYLOR2 AKA ANON!

for content and effort. Eat shit annony!!

....then the surprises kept on coming. And now, at the end and if I read it right, Jack has given a baby to Lucy and Charlie, one to Sally. And they all couple to settle and satisfy each other. Isn't that special! Yah...a total mind fuck.

I can't help but like the characters, each deeply flawed and struggling to cope in a world they are not wired to handle. Perhaps this fairytale gives them a shelter from all that and they, together, all complete each other. Perhaps? Well, not likely, but it's a nice idea.

Now...to task.

1. You are undeniably the most "vocabularially" challenged and abusive contributor/writer in my readings here. Oh, there are others that totally slaughter a story, but you excel at frequent and completely abusive misuse/misapplication of descriptive verbiage. So much so, that I was constantly re-reading certain sentences and passages to puzzle out your meaning. It quickly becomes a substantial annoyance and an impediment (there's one you should have used) to the reading.

So, a little gentle advice....BUY A FUCKING DICTIONARY! Whenever tempted to use the word whose sound or pronunciation appeals, but whose meaning is not absolutely clear to you, look it up to make sure of its meaning. If it fits, verify usage, so you don't mis-apply it. That alone will vastly improve the presentation and your audience's pleasure in the experience.

2. Learn the difference in meaning and the proper use of "to" and "too". God, it's epidemic! It's not rocket science, and it's worth getting it right. FIX IT!

3. I have no idea where on earth you get it from, but in all my travels, the term "huh huh" does not appear in the written language to convey the colloquial equivalent of "yes" in any English-speaking culture in my experience. What I see nearly universally, is "Uh-huh". I might concede this one if you can demonstrate its frequent and pervasive use in your own culture. But, I believe you are from down under. I lived there a short time, have friends expatriated to the US from there, and they use the version I cited above. So. It would be nice, as that niggles to a lesser, but near constant degree....kinda like a mild hangover.

I know, it's "nit-picking" and "spelling nazi" labels for me. Well, OK.

The written language conveys meaning, communicates ideas, images, acts and intents. If well done, it is often a joy to read and a delight to "share" in the author's creation. When messy and jumbled and difficult....well, not so much of a good thing.

Take pride in your work, man! This is what represents you in the larger world. It is one of your children, sent off to make it's way in the ocean of literary thought.

Please don't cripple your children with poor presentation and shoddy delivery. You're better than that.

And finally, thank you for your contribution and the enormous risk it represents.

Please keep trying, but try with at least equal energy to improve and correct your presentation. It will be worth it.

Can't believe I defended this author with other writings, it's obvious he only writes for reaction with this garbage.... Then he will write a chapter defending this pile of puke like a wimp....

Hopefully you are not allowed around children.

WHY should we save this planet and the human race after all?!

This is all a joke... a set-up, right?

.

Or, should I see humanity's far fall from it's zenith high atop both the civilization bubble and food chain and hope for a planet-killing asteroid. Anybody? "Bueler...? Bueler...?"