All Comments on 'An Ordinary Man'

We should have beaten Will a ton harder when he had the chance

After further consideration, I have to go with three stars for an Average story my comments remain the same.

JPB NOT BOB

Very vanilla. Almost boring. I was between three stars and four on this one, but settled on Four stars.

JPB NOT BOB

meh... average, and rather boring...

enjoyed the story. Very weak ending.

Another loving wife written by this author, who is so obsessed as to border on limerence. This time hubby tried an intervention and she was almost robotic in her need to self destruct her marriage, fooling herself that it would only be one time and her husband would never know. His means to discover her betrayal was laughably easy. Joann comes off as quite dumb. And while she has a short fling with Will, the sex is objectively worse than what she had with Jerry by a large margin, once past the thrill of her first time. It isn't even that her moral calculus is messed up, it is that she is too stupid to do even basic reasoning, let alone calculus of any type. Still author writes well. 4 stars.

I enjoyed the story, but must admit that it had a sort of matter-of-fact narrative with little passion, especially the ending. For all that, it was well-plotted and edited and I gave it four stars.

Years later, after Joann had made junior partner, she did herself in front of the senior partners.

"Joann, you're an excellent attorney, no doubt. But we've been getting complaints from the paralegals about your sexual antics in the office. You were warned before and we can't risk a sexual harassment suit."

Joann is stunned, though realistically knew her actions were getting out of control.

"I'm sorry, Joann, but you're fired."

With no friends to speak of and her 'pool' of sexual choices now leary of joining her in a job search, Joann found herself cruising bars for sex.

Jerry threatening legal action to keep her kids from her entirely resulted from the second time she tried to pick up the kids still inebriated.

Second time.

Yes the story did need a stronger finish. We also needed to see if Jerry’s prediction regarding Joann after the divorce came true. We never actually saw that. Seeing her sad and alone would’ve been the icing on the cake that got that extra point from me to make this a 5/5

I completely agree with prior anonymous, he/she said exactly what I was thinking.

Needed a much stronger finish. Wife gets off easy. Will gets off easy. So did Fred and the boss.

Average story and that is being generous.

Like your writing style, though.

Oh, and proof-read your story. The mid-level retail manager was a real blunder.

Nice.

One of your better stories.

Life is pretty sad for most people. Good writ8ng,

10 Big Blazing Stars for demander, I love your writing Sir! Excellent Effort, thank You. Buster2U

Recent comments point out the author's weakness. Meh! Boring!

Sad because the message of the story is excellent.

Uninteresting characters and the story is very matter of fact. 3/5

Does Jerry realize he is now #3 behind her twins? Too smart for his own good.

I’m pretty sure the author is either from the British Isles or maybe has English as a Second Language. There’s an amalgamation of British English and American that is probably the result of learning English overseas and subsequently moving to the US.

I’m not sure, but I think Stev2244 is as well and both authors seem to have a detached style of writing, which I personally have a bit of fondness for.

Not for me, no real emotions or characters

This is like so emotionless. I have read thesis about the supply chain procedures with more passion

Boring.

ANd then naomi cheats and fucks the 15 inch dick of the schools principal

Wasted read!

Joann as like a Walmart salad- Starts out ok, but then turns rotten fast! This is my advice, to all those men, who suspect wifey is cheating. Get your evidence, then get rid of her. The chances for a decent looking woman to cheat, are never ending. Don’t become her jailer, make the bitch, someone else’s problem. 5 stars.

You really should take time and notice things BEFORE you marry. But even then, things can change.

Bit odd but readable

Why on earth would he have children with and stay married to a woman he never trusted?

Not much payback on any of the cheaters

Great story I love it when a good faithful person stands up for what's right.

Story started with Jerry being a "mid-level manager for a retail clothing chain" but the rest of the story he worked in a bank, bank consultant and day trader. Editor needs to do more than look for misspellings

Really great read with some finding their own shortcomings and others finding - perhaps - a soul mate love and family.

We loved your writings and story. This one fell a bit flat toward the end as it needed a bit more ending. The Will and Joann ending needed more, and there should have been some company retribution toward employees and boss-subordinate scenario! Also nothing else occurred with Joann and obviously it wasn’t meant to be in this story?

Great Writing, Great Story. 5 stars to the writer. Perfect character development. Excellent conclusion. I love a happy ending. More like this, please. Dialog is so realistic. Thank You Great job of writing.

The writing style is a bit stilted. It felt like the old TV show 'Dragnet'. Good story, though.

WHORING JOANN GOT OFF TOO EASILY....A WHORING LAW FIRM...HOW FITTING

SO THE BITCH WIFE'S LAW FIRM ALLOWED HER TO FUCK A JUNIOR EMPLOYEE!!

WHY DIDNT THE HUSBAND SUE THE COMPANY AND DIVORCE THE BIT H FOR ADULTERY!!

THIS IS A CUCK WRITER PUSHING A CUCK MC

⭐⭐⭐

Average at best, no emotions, no characters.

you write without any passion in your protagonists, hard for us to really care

An interesting story that I enjoyed, congratulations to Jerry. Thanks for your writing.

Great story length. Worthy read!

Brilliant character development. Then to the end they stay true to type. Different people, different motivations, different weakness or strength. Would hire either one for their specialty. Might let a daughter marry him. No son for her. Quite simply, like so many folks today she lacked a deep moral compass, a timebomb waiting to explode, but a clever lawyer.

The author has above average ratings, and this worthy piece should raise that average. Great story length. Worthy read!

The wife was a cheating bitch who had no consequences… Jerry should have made her pay a price, given her less access to the kids!

Her high powered job went to her low powered brain. She may have had a sharp mind, but her power over ruled everything including her husbands warning. He did tell her to leave her job so this was inevitable. The near misses were ignored by her. Why did she do it? Because she wanted to. She owed it to herself and herself alone.

oddly why would you keep a partner that stupid or that unable to control their actions?

Most would vote her out.

Second reading, same rating. Just did not seem real, especially the revenge on Will. And the ending with new family was too quick and too brief.

I have the same criticisms that another persons that already commented does. The characters are just too emotionless and robotic. That really hurts the story. There are some other issues, like the all too cliché "Spy store" not to mention the MC having the IT knowledge needed to install spyware on his wife's phone. However, the robotic characters is the biggest flaw. If not for that it would have been a pretty good story. As it sits, it's just average.

Echh,Mmm Hmmm.

It was a good story but fell a bit flat. I like cheated husbands who keep cool and unemotional. But every character? Felt like actors reading their lines rather than acting. Even the fist fight in the park was a bit like scanning a report.

As the Brits say “Joann was the village bicycle”! Everyone rode her, lmao!

Average story. Not much drama. Regular marriage fail.

Just thought of a last paragraph: As for Joann, she just slithered away like the snake she is.

Great story!

Good story but wished the lover got more and more suffering for the ex as well once she heard he got married

Not a great story. He should have spilled the beans at her job about her using her position to seduce newbies

That's right real men won't tolerate being cheated on. I hate to see a family break up but she had been warned.

Another "modern woman" leaving her path of destruction.

Would have been nice if you could have made her regret it down the road, but i suppose she had no real feelings for him anyway.

The characters in this story could have switched roles at any time and the ending would have been the same. You can't expect to keep all your toys when you push them aside because there is only one that holds your attention. The others will be left in the closet and maybe remembered when somethings triggers your memory of the past. You have the memory but the toy is lost or given to someone who will treasure it more dearly than you did.

Again, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Joann got what she wanted. As she gets older and work doesn't appeal to her as much, and her looks fade, she may regret her actions. Too bad she couldn't meet a man that would use her, and abuse her badly, to show her what she lost. Just maybe, somebody will use her and literally throw her away, maybe not to be seen again. GOOD, LESSON LEARNED...

Joann died a sad and lonely old woman. Her ex-husband moved to Oregon after he retired and the kids moved away to be close to him.

She stayed in Washington and even though well respected as a lawyer her being a workaholic did nothing to engender close personal relationships.

When she was diagnosed with cancer her children, their spouses and her grandchildren all flew out to be with her and stayed a month but eventually they all had to return. It was only then that Joann realised what she was truly missing and decided not to fight the cancer.

She left all her worldly possessions to her grandchildren and wrote everyone a letter apologizing for everything.

At her funeral Frank came along to pay his respects and he and Jerry had a few drinks together and became sort of friendly.

Will also came but was asked to leave by the children. He was still an arrogant dick and started to argue with Joann's sons and the son in law. This time the beating was quite severe and he spent a long time in Hospital and was never the same again.

This is why I don't agree with spouse's trying to stop a spouse from having an affair. Im a big believer in giving people enough rope to hang themselves. This slut wife is the perfect example. He saved her once. Did he not think there would be more? If someone want to have an affair. Nothing you can do or say is going to change their minds. This wife was going to fuck 1 co worker, why didn't he think she'd do this again?. This is why I say relationship like this where you have to spy on your mate, police your spouse pussy/dick, constantly remind them of their vows...... is exhausting. Nobody should live that life of having to constantly watch their mate cause they can't be trusted to stay faithful. That's sad. I feel like once you have to do all that, the relationship is basically over. Without trust you have nothing. What kind of life is that where a wife let's her pussy do all her thinking for her? Had he stayed with her a 3rd time, there would've been more guys with bigger dicks, at work that she'd loved to bounce on. It never would've ended. You absolutely can not change a natural born cum slut. They crave cock... it's like being a drug addict. One dick is too many and a thousand is never enough. Jerry's problems was he kept trying to save her, kept trying to fight for their marriage. Which is good and all. But it's counter-productive when the person you're fighting for is fighting to get a few of her coworkers cock in her. You can't fight for a relationship by yourself. You also shouldn't have to fight, compete for them after you're married. By them marrying you, you won the fight. Why in the world would you have to fight for them again Married?. I can understand if the husband is just a horrible husband. Then yes, show him what he's about to lose. But that's not the case here. This wife is just a tramp🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️.. she didn't care about her marriage, husband, kids, career.. she would've lost all of it. Especially her job had her husband made a fuss. She said it herself she loves her job. She clearly loves her job more than her hubby and kids. It wouldn't of mattered if the wife quit. She's a SLUT.. she would've just found another big dick Co worker at her new job. The only thing that marriage would've worked was if he locked her in the house, put a hoe-jack on her and put a chastity belt on her. That's the only way I can see this slut being faithful. Doesn't that sound exhausting? Life is too short to have to be micromanaging a grown ass fully capable adult. I'm glad he finally let the whore go. I wished he did it the 1st time.

Ending was too abrupt. O/w pretty fair story.

His wife had all the heart of a predatory shark.

I don't believe she really cared deeply about anybody but herself.

How perfectly horrible to give your heart to somebody like that that in hope that they will do the right thing with it.

This felt like a high school lecture…no emotion or feeling in it at all

Good story. I like to read "Loving Wives" because it makes my marriage so special.

God gave me a girl that didn't need much sex. She likes it but it's not something she thinks about. After 46 years of marriage are love is for God and each other. No one can dissuade either of us. I do what she needs and visa versa. We treat each other with respect and love. I admit it was my responsibility to trust but verify. She's pretty and trust people to be good. Of course people sin. I always kept an eye open for her and did a lot for her. Even now at ages over 70 we still like to snuggle and she loves the multiple climax I give her. I have E.D. but she doesn't care. She helps me mastrubate. I do 75% of the housekeeping and anything need outside. We pull the "wagon" together. We married for good.

Overall, it was just blah.

Jerry had plenty of warning about Joann’s future approach to parenting and her fidelity. He should have divorced her and found someone who actually wanted kids. You are with the wrong person if you have to persuade them to have a child with you, especially if they are a workaholic.

Any particular reason the PoV switched from first person to third person?

Kinda ruined it.

Another few paragraphs would've made this better. Not a bad story, just didn't have much depth to the story

Joanne is a weak and pathetic character.

At the present she's young but after she passes 42 or 43 her looks will start to fade and she will not be able to compete with younger women.

She'll wake up one morning and find that she's completely alone with no future prospects and as 1 fellow said blow a lot of cold lonely nights no family and 4 walls look at in the Winter.

Short of a tragic and lonely endWhich will be of room making frankly what she deserves.

I like the writer to be a little more liberal with the sentences in terms of not having chop sentences and rather finding a way to blend them together lend them together set the flow of line is better.

A little more emotional would be nice and also he and his new wife Naomi taking the kids with him quite a long way away would have been interesting in terms of saying if that on Joanne.

Ultimately I don't think she really would have cared.

Was good until the end that was disappointing.

She got what she wanted in the end. I would have preferred if he moved 2000 miles away with the kids (although maybe that would have suited her) after he exposed her fling with her subordinate to her company. Alternatively she could have caught an std from him. She just got off too lightly for me.

Wonder how much warmth she'll get from her job in bed on a cold winters night?. Too, how will kids remember her when they've grown up with families of their own. Lots of lonely holidays to look forward to. LP

"She loved her work so much that she wanted to fuck her co-workers." It's always the job, a life-substitute.

another SWAMP DONKEY joins the herd! lol

Jerry (like most men) = will get better looking with age, more distinguished and the investments start to pay off

Joann (like 99% of women) = starting around the age of 42 or so are on the fast track to becoming SWAMP DONKEYS

Not bad, but a little cut and dried. Not much emotion to it. A couple of punches to Will weren't much of a revenge. We never heard from the kids. They were a sidelight. It's not often that a woman is so consumed by her job. But it happens. She got what was most important to her - her job.

About the last eight paragraphs would have probably worked better as an epilogue. They were more of a wrap up about their lives apart.

The two stories I have sampled seem to exhibit a desire for physical revenge on the accomplice. Maybe you could consider one where where the confrontation takes place _in flagrante._

...most especially the fight in the park, but also the verbal battle between husband and wife. There was little emotional tension between the two. In fact it pretty much calmly civil.

Yet, the story itself deserves a weak 4-stars.

Great set up, but lame ending. No indication that she faced any real consequences beyond a “reevaluation.”

I read this second time and it is even better than the first reading. This is really good little story, quite solid, very charming, and without typical bluster that fills most of BTB stories in LW. I love the following/hunting aspect as well, instead of regular nonsense on LW when a hubby is always in the dark, totally oblivious. This is way more realistic.

Again, some writing skills need to be developed so that the sentences would flow easier, perhaps an editor is needed. But overall this is much better than your average LW drivel.

Gutless husband

The fight with Will is anticlimactic but otherwise this is a very enjoyable story. Joann's character would have benefited from a bit more development. Her defiant response to her husband's last fidelity warning and her subsequent choice to fuck Will fit into the plot but make little sense for an intelligent, successful woman. She would have had to work at having so little self insight and awareness of potential consequences.

You write a good story. Couldn't care less about the wife, she didn't care if they stayed married or not, nor did she care about the kids, not really. She has no value, she adds nothing, he should have buried her rather than divorce her. There was angst or regret about the divorce from either side. That marriage died long, long ago.

Well written but predictable finish from the start.

*5 thanks for sharing

(follow up from previous comment, thanks to my tablet)

.... "I work as a mid-level manager for a retail clothing chain" at the start of this tale to running "his own consulting business for banks", as his ex described it, while being a stock wizkid and stay-at-home dad at the same time?

You're not describing the same character here, author.

But, as I said, it's overall fine. I respect a man who would fight for his marriage, and respect such a man even more for realizing such a thing isn't worth fighting for if your spouse isn't willing to fight right back for you. Sure, the ending felt rush, but you still came out of it with a positive feeling. Always nice to see the wronged person get on with their life after the betrayal - it's really all we're asking for, as readers.

Could have been better... but, overall, not bad.

It's a fine story... with some major flaws, in my book.

Authors will always automatically lose a star with me for changing perspectives (like, say, from first person POV to third person) in the middle of their stories for no reason.

Not asking a lot here - just consistency.

Furthermore, Jerry's job situation made very little sense - how did he go from

I'm glad that no one was so filled with hate that they just did everything they could to hurt others. This felt much more tempered. A husband who loved his wife, wanted her to be faithful, but didn't try to ruin her life when she wasn't. I'm happy about that

There was no emotion in this story, Neither character was believable and they should have never been together in the first place. Oh yes, and lets not forget the ever mythical few minutes a day "day trading" trope

A good tale, look forward to seeing you develop more. Thank you!

somewhere east of Omaha

I don't find it realistic for Joann to so easily walk away from her family. Or Jerry from her. He showed he was willing to fight for her. Yes, he shouldn't have to live his life looking over his shoulder, but she also was capable of being faithful for long periods. They could have done counseling. Taken a trip together. Something. The demise of a long marriage with young children is always sad. The story and especially the end lacked emotional depth.

@sbrooks,

what is it with you, always trying to get authors to write their stories to suit you. Write your own stories....if you can.

This had hopes

of being a good story. See most of the other comments about being emotionless.

Thank you for your story. With a little more effort you might do well.

@lujon20193 days ago

"I dont feel sorry for the stupid, stupidity is a choice and requires effort to maintain"

Sounds like you are speaking about something you know a lot about.

The plot is just about OK, and could have been made into a readable story, but, I’m sorry to say, your writing style is boring. It sounds like it was written by a machine with absolutely no feelings. Thanks for the effort, but I can’t offer advice on how to modify your style to draw the reader in - unless the clinical/mechanical approach is deliberate for some reason? Let your emotions loose.

Very good.... Maybe more background, mushy, here or there but for me it was good, direct and to the point. More about the kids would have added to the story. Bit I'm surprised it took her +12yrs to fall of the wagon with the typical lawyer ego. Many of the city parks/trails have CCTV's now days as well as some having gun-shot-audio directions finders into an automatic triangulation location spotting to auto-dispatch police. There are CCTV-w/radiation monitors on light poles too.

/

One major failure in the divorce was she should have been required to make monthly payments to each kids college/life trust funds (equivalent-plus to child care). Jerry did not need the funds but it is still a parents responsibility to insure the children have a future. She can compartmentalize that. Did Jerry adopt his new twins?

/

5*, Hooyah, salutes...

It was 14 years later, when Joann left the building. It had been her 50th birthday and her staff organized a little party in the office. But now as she drove back to her home alone she thought back at her family. She was a little disapointed, that none of her children called her to wish her a happy birthday. She thought back when she talked to them the last time. Astonished she realized, she hadn't talked to them in years and the last time was when Jacob invited her to some school function but she didn't have time to spare for such mundane thing.

Over the next days she tried to reach her ex-family, but the numbers she had were out of business. Then she hired a PI to find out about her family.

It was 10 days later when she read the report. She read that her ex-husband is still married to Naomi, has one child with her. It seems he was very successful with his stocks because he is a multi-millionaire now.

But what hurt her most was the information that her son Jacob is married and has just a baby-girl. Her daughter Jennifer is engaged and her other son is in the navy. She never knew anything about all this and she couldn't even remember being invited to the marriage. Her children called Naomi their mother.

She sat down alone in her huge apartement and tried to figure out what went wrong in her life.

Pretty decent plot, but very clinical writing. If you can't manage any passion, why write erotica at all?

Good plot and good story but the writing left something to desire. Jerry was ..., Joan is ..., Will is ... ect.

Everything in simple sentences, becomes monotone quickly.

Again, the plot is good and the female character is interesting one, much better done that regular "whores" in BTB stories.

I thought it worked pretty well. All's well that ends well. Joann ended up with the life she loved most. Jerry did too. Men age like wine, women age like cheese. Joann will enjoy the work and the fucking until she is too old to do them well. By then she might marry an older rich but useless fool who is satisfied with what a slightly older financially secure whore can do for him. Joann will attend her children's weddings and buy crap for the grand kids as the occasions demand. She'll end up in a retirement home and play board games and read until her mind or her body gives out.

Jerry will create a partnership, a family, progeny, a legacy, a family tree. He will inspire his children and be inspired by their love and respect. He will carefully and consistently guide them in how to avoid making the marriage mistake he made with Joann, and making the first marriage their only marriage, by illustrating the difference between his ex wife, and Their Mother Naomi. Joann will be an embarrassment, well, except for the expensive gifts, before she realizes that they are buying her nothing and she quits any significant role in their lives. Naomi will try to include Joann where appropriate, making Joann's absence even more telling. When Joann dies it will be a toss up if the kids even tell their father or mother; why bother?

Too bad Joann wasted some of Jerry's life, but he probably learned something from it. Joann learned nothing of any use to her, there is nothing about the family she created with Jerry that is of any use to her. They both are better off divorced. Good riddance.

Thanks for the effort.

An Ordinary Man is an ordinary story ... move along folks, nothing here to see.

There is something off with the sentence structure, most sentences are very short, simple sentences. This writing style makes the story very awkward to read, almost like reading a bulletized list.

Pretty bloodless and unemotional, with no reason to really care about any of the characters. While this was competent plotting and writing, in the end this read like a tech manual.