All Comments on 'An Ordinary Man's Life'

Very nice story so far!!!!! Can't wait 4 more!

A wonderful introduction to a long story with great promise. I look forward to following it and your progress

is this your life story,or a friends life story,or is this the way you wish your life went ,instead of the way it was.great start will be looking for more.

This story reads almost as if it were written by somebody for whom English is a foreign language. If so, congratulations! You have done well in a language that is not your own. There still remain, however, many errors and awkward phrases. Whatever your language status, a good editor could help.

I may value realism more than other readers do, but a story about the rich, brilliant only son of parents who hire a high price escort for their teenaged offspring scarcely seems "An Ordinary Man's Life!". Maybe you mean this to be a fantasy. If so, I missed it.

From your writing it is clear that you are an intelligent non-native English writer. Editing would certainly help a lot; the errors relate mostly to tense and use of articles. Once you clean up the grammar mistakes you should consider choosing language/words appropriate to protagonists and be careful about your word choice in general. Men use cologne not perfume; words like ambrosia and cinema are probably not typical for an teenager. The plot is certainly a fantasy and totally unrealistic--I assume the title of your story is meant to be sardonic. If a boy blurted out defensively on his first date about his speed, boxing ability, and size of his cock, I doubt most girls would be interested, regardless of what language they were speaking.

Dear readers, I want to thank you very much for your comments, public or per mail. I never expected such a good voting. Thanks once more. I am overwhelmed with the liking of my story. I know I did write some errors an English major would never do so I already contacted an editor. After what you readers told me I found the need to clarify some things. What I really can't amend is writing from the perspective of a German mature man but I was just crazy to write a story about an American young man. To write a story about a German young man in English is stupid. Furthermore I can exactly remember when I was 18 years old. I was constantly chasing girls. Michass thank you very much for your comment but you are wrong. Boss No. 1 Classic is a man's perfume not a cologne. We us cologne to refresh our neck or face. A teenager in Germany uses words you would get a deep red blush. Everything Todd told Samantha I would have done as well, even at the age of 18. The title of my story isn't meant sardonic it's just utter fun. Concerning the reality of a story you can look at it from thousand of different angles. One angle may be right, the same angle could also be wrong. Is Todd's character really out of this world. From my perspective clearly no. Who knows what's possible in this world. Last but not least my story is pure fiction and has nothing to do with existing people. Please stay with me. Your voting has encouraged me to improve my writing with the help of an editor.

FrankjrBauer

You have a good start to what can potentially be a great story. As has already been stated, a good editor can be a huge asset in your case. I also picked up on the fact that alot of the story appeared to be written by an individual with whom english was not their first language.

Compleeter

Ok, like the past person said it is generically called cologne. It might be labeled perfume.... But in the U.S. it is refered to as cologne. Perfume = women

cologne = men. Just a little difference between the English language and the American language.

Other than that I am VERY excited about the next chapters. Keep these coming with the same wit and detail. OUTSTANDING JOB!!!!!!

But the title doesn't reflect its contents. This man is anything but ordinary: a genius, confident, undiscovered until 18 years old, huge cock, natural born lover, son of a rich nam. That's not ordinary. But the story is good.

doesnt using a hooker lose the special meaning of losing your virginity to a girl or guy you like and knows your a virgin? one of the reasons she stated for asking him was he is a virgin and therefore him sleeping with a hooker will kinda ruin the fun she was hoping to show and have with him as his first. lastly a pro falls in love with an 18yr old client because he is hung and swings it just right? ppppppppppppplease, i saw that movie. if that was the case then most rich boys that had daddy buy her services would have his confidence and more than 1 was probably handsome and all the other qualities she sees.

Not only is Todd not ordinary, but the life and life style he's living is quite out of the ordinary. That being said, this is an extraordinary and interesting story. What eighteen year-old wouldn't like their virginity taken by a twenty-eight year-old sex goddess, paid for by his father?

Time to move on to Chapter 2, which appears to be as interesting as this one. Thanks for posting.

English? Thats a very fantastic joke!

Unfortunately, the lack of quotation marks makes it too difficult.

... the story and characters are compelling and interesting.

I wish the author the best with his continued learning and writing. Let those negative commenters write a story half as good as yours before you consider their words to have merit.

Jason

I am quite surprised at the number of negative comments you've received on your story. I think it is quite good - but, "to each his own". The man's life is certainly not ordinary. If that is considered ordinary, then I am a eunuch! Good writing and reading. The phraseology in some instances is not what we Americans are accustomed to, but certainly understandable. Kudos, mein herr! Cheers!

This is not a very well constructed story

It lacks realism

Example

Hearing your own mom say fuck me in the ass should scar or at least fill anyone with disgust not pondering wonder

Also the dialogue is very formal like the kind of way you talk in a business meeting

I don't know if this took place in the 60s or 70s but thumbs down dude thumbs down

Not worth a negative five stars. If I could, I'd vote negative 5 stars. Boring. Boring. Zzzzz

- Ordinary man is not a millionaire at 16.

- I agree with some of the previous comments....difficult to read sometimes.

+ Still mostly good..long story is a nice bonus

I liked it: Understanding parents!

A very good story but 40 chapters long and no ending if you want a good story but with an ending don't read this one

One thing that doesn't fit is that you have his parents being warm and loving and having a lot of sex, but they cheat on each other with their massuses? Just doesn't fit the characterizations you are trying to have here.

This whole bit of computer nerds being regular people is over. We’re on the internet; we all know that nerds are as stupid and cruel as the jocks are.