An Unfaithful Wife

After conferring that wise advice upon me, Monica swished out of the bar. It is funny how real friends appear when you least expect and when you need them the most.

I sipped my bourbon and contemplated my next steps. I had a plan that should force Jill to accept the divorce, and if she fights it, I can destroy her in court. I am locked and loaded.

PLAN EXECUTION

I met Jill Sunday night at six-thirty at the airport. She was in a cheerful, upbeat mood and chatted gayly about her visit with her folks and outings with the kids. I dutifully retrieved her bag and loaded it in the car trunk with little comment. Once we were loaded up, I pulled out of the airport parking lot onto Eglin Parkway for the twenty minute ride back to our house in Niceville.

As we sped along the parkway in the darkening twilight of the evening, I said simply and calmly, "Jill, there is no sense beating around the bush, I am filing for divorce."

It was an apropos counterpoint to Jill's abrupt announcement of her affair to me six months ago.

Jill's reaction was immediate and loud, "What? What did you say? Are you out of your mind?"

"I am filing for divorce this week."

Jill's voice was panicky as she exclaimed, "Why? On what grounds?"

I replied with a quiet, "Adultery."

I could sense Jill relax and her voice took on a soothing, placating tone, "Oh honey, that was months ago. I told you all about my affair; we are going to marriage counseling because of my affair. You have accepted me back. There are no grounds to divorce me for adultery now. What is wrong, baby? We will discuss it with Dan. We can work this out."

Well, that answered my question about whether or not Jill knew how the court would decide about my condoning her adultery. She was more devious than I had imagined, or perhaps it was than I had hoped.

I kept my voice level and nonjudgmental. "I am talking about your current affairs since your confession to me. And your confessed affair should have been plural, by the way."

Now she was mad, really mad. "Plural! Current affairs! What the hell are you talking about? I am not having an affair with anyone!"

"Fine. My lawyer will provide the details to the court and let it decide if you are guilty. You very definitely are guilty of adultery, by the way. Don't forget in court after my lawyer issues subpoenas, you, your lovers, friends, and witnesses must all testify under oath and face perjury if you lie."

Jill slapped my shoulder in frustration and screamed, "Damn it, you can't accuse me of adultery and then not give me a chance to defend myself. Who in the hell do you think I am screwing?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "Okay, one example will suffice. I won't bother with the others right now."

I quietly spelled out her doom saying, "Major Richard Gilbert is a C-130 Air Force reserve pilot with the 64th Air Reserve Airlift Squadron operating out of Chicago O'Hare. His civilian job is Federal Express pilot. He is married with two kids, one in high school and one in junior high. You first met and slept with him while he was deployed for an ORI at Eglin AFB three months ago. At that time, I was conveniently overseas in Korea for two weeks."

I glanced over at Jill. In the dark I could not make out her face, but she was half turned to face me. She sat there rigidly, listening without making a sound. I had her undivided attention.

I continued matter-of-factly, "Three weeks ago he made a cargo run from Wright-Patterson AFB to Eglin as part of his routine reserve duties. He had Thursday night off for crew rest before returning to Chicago Friday morning. This time I was unfortunately in town which complicated you all getting together for the desired hanky panky.

"You asked if I would mind watching the kids that evening as you claimed the girls were going to a movie at the Santa Rosa Mall cinema and would have dinner and maybe a drink afterwards. It would probably be late by the time you got home. I obliged, and you were out of the house by 4:30. The kids and I ordered a pizza and watched a TV movie.

"You went directly to the Hampton Inn that happens to be adjacent to the Santa Rosa Mall, where you nominally were watching a movie with the girls. Richard had a room at the motel, and you joined him at about five o'clock. You all took a break from sex after a couple of hours and had dinner at the steak house down the street from the Hampton. Then you resumed your erotic aerobics before finally returning home at 2:25 in the morning. I feigned sleep but noted the time of your arrival back in bed with me."

The bulk of this had been relayed to me by Barb in pillow talk after our own illicit sex out at the cabin. The rest I had put together.

I chuckled cynically as I added, "I am sure you and Richard danced a hot bed-sheet-tango or two while you were visiting your folks in Chicago last week. I didn't bother with that part of the affair. I have all I need and then some to divorce you for adultery."

A gentle rain started. All was quiet in the car except for the swish of the windshield wipers and the tire noise.

Then there was a sound like a strangled hiccup followed by desperate sobbing and weeping. Jill said not a word; she just bawled piteously.

Tears are a terribly effective weapon that females wield against males. Somehow it disarms us and makes us instinctively want to do something to fix the problem. But it was way too late for such sentiment now.

We parked in our garage and I retrieved Jill's suitcase. When we entered the house I indicated she should sit at her normal place at the kitchen table. I had put on coffee before I left for the airport and poured us each a cup. Then I sat down across from Jill.

In front of Jill was a manila folder that she was eyeing like it was a coiled rattlesnake. Her face was pale and her eyes were puffy from crying. She whispered, "Please don't divorce me, Tom. I will change; I promise. Trust me, please. Let's talk this over with the marriage counselor. I will do better from now on."

My wife of ten years and mother of my two children looked at me with pleading eyes as she said desperately, "I don't want a divorce. I love you. I will do anything you ask. Just please don't divorce me."

I had thought I would derive some pleasure in confronting my wife and exacting some revenge for her unfaithfulness and my humiliation. However, revenge is a bitter potion that is palatable for neither party. I also remembered Monica's admonition not to waver; my mind would not change. I did not wish my wife ill; I just wished her gone.

I simply said quietly, "In front of you is a draft no-fault divorce agreement. It cites irreconcilable differences without mentioning adultery."

I had decided to buy my way out, if possible, rather than engage in a bitter court battle. I saw no upside in publically demonstrating in court for the kids to eventually discover that their mother was a serial adulteress. Of course, Jill was unaware that I was also guilty of adultery with Barb, but I failed to enlighten her about that detail. After all, the volume of her sexual escapades dwarfed mine!

I continued, "Take it to a lawyer of your choice. We have an appointment at 1:00 pm Wednesday at my lawyer's office. Bring your lawyer with you. Either you agree and sign this no-fault agreement then, or Thursday morning my lawyer files for divorce on the grounds of your repeated and ongoing adultery."

Jill mutely stared at me in shock as tears trickled down her cheek. I continued on in the same unemotional tone, "Your credit cards are canceled and all of our bank and investment accounts are closed. There is a check for ten thousand dollars in the folder. This is the first installment of our fifty-fifty division of assets. You will need this to open a bank account in your name and for deposits. The house goes up for sale starting tomorrow. The realtor has someone interested already and will show the house to them tomorrow at ten am. We need to be gone from the house then. That would be a good time for you to see a lawyer or start looking for an apartment."

I stood, picked up her bag, and retrieved my cup of coffee. I said quietly, "I'll drop your bag in the master bedroom. I have already moved my things into the guest room."

Jill would provide more drama, tantrums, tears, pleas for forgiveness, demands for increases in child support and alimony, outrage over selling "her" house, and disparaging observations on my character and manhood during the ensuing days and weeks. My lawyer had selected child support and a twelve month rehabilitation alimony at amounts on the upper side of what the local court had been deciding recently. It was the best deal for which Jill could hope since if I filed for adultery, which we both now knew I could prove, she would get far less. I refused any changes or modifications.

At one o'clock on Wednesday Jill appeared at my lawyer's office. She stated her lawyer could not accompany her, but she had received independent legal counsel. My lawyer insisted she sign an affidavit to that effect and then went through the settlement line by line. When he finished, Jill didn't say a word, angrily scrawled her signature on the document, gave me a look of pure hatred, and stormed out in an epic snit.

Barb filled me in later that Jill's lawyer couldn't officially represent her because he had slept with her several times. He also told her my offer was the best she could hope for since I could prove the adultery case. Jill paid for her lawyer's legal advice with a piece of ass on his desk.

There would be the typical divorce nitpicking squabbles over property division and various details as things progressed. We both got moved to apartments within a week, and the house sold the same day it went on the market. It would take some months to finalize the divorce legally, but the ordeal was eventually over.

I had successfully rid myself of my unfaithful wife.

EPILOGUE

Superficially we had what people term a civilized divorce. There is no such thing in real life. The rift is rife with spousal pain, recriminations, anger, and accusations, and we were not exempt. Because of the kids there was ongoing contact between us that provided ample friction for recurring nasty disagreements. The kids coped well by simply compartmentalizing their lives between mom and dad's places and matured into fine adults.

Some of Jill's friends hated me passionately and felt I had been unreasonable. Others, like Monica, proved sympathetic, and one even introduced me to one of her single friends. Most of our acquaintances remained neutral and civil.

Barb and I maintained a periodic liaison for fun for several months after Jill signed the divorce agreement, but Barb told me in no uncertain terms to get on with things and find a woman my own age. A couple years after my divorce, Barb divorced Joe and married a man who was the complete opposite of her first husband.

I dated a number of women but soon concentrated my attention on a cute physicist who worked for the Eglin AFB test and evaluation group. She was five years younger than I, vivacious, and smart as a whip. Several years earlier we had worked in the field for several weeks on a test program. I had been much impressed with her then, both as a professional and also as a very attractive woman.

The physicist warmly welcomed my interest in her. I was smitten with her. We were married within a year and had twins a few years later. With our combined professional incomes, we were quite comfortable and with steady investment ended up actually being rather wealthy. I was fortunate to end up with such a smart, sexy, and affectionate friend and wife.

Jill found the divorce to be an economic and social disaster.

Her days of leisure were over, and locally she could find only a job waitressing at a bar. Fortunately, her father was well off and provided periodic rescue infusions of cash. Jill quickly concluded she needed a husband for stability and economic security.

Jill's previous lovers had prized her as a recreational piece of ass. In that role, her being married was perfect. She had her own family and husband so there was no danger of her wanting any entanglements beyond sex for fun.

But after the divorce when she was looking for a husband and with two kids at home, the game changed. Her stable of lovers quickly skedaddled. Jill's reputation for being unfaithful when married to me (which was widely known or at least hinted at by gossip and the suddenness of the divorce) tended to give serious potential suitors pause.

Eventually Jill got a decent job with the state as a receptionist and office manager over in Tallahassee. If past is prologue, she interviewed and won the job on her back.

I heard through the kids who were then at college (which I paid for) that Jill married a fellow state worker a dozen years after our divorce. Uhm, I guess my invitation to the wedding must have gotten lost in the mail!

This is the tale as told by the husband. No doubt the story as told by the wife would be entirely different!