All Comments on 'An Unlikely Love Ch. 01'

You need an editor.

Enjoyed the story. Next chapter please. AAAA++++

Difficult to follow because of the eccentric use of words.

loved it

There can be no greater unconditional emotion then between a broth and his sister. There’s a permanent connection between them.. When they discover they are IN love with each other? Amazing….

A great beginning. Please continue.

I like when something inside him shited.

A good beginning for a first time story. You will need to get an editor and keep at this. Dut do write stories abvout shaved pussy. Your ratings will suck if you try that shit. You will quickly become discouraged over 2 and 3 ratings and won't desire continue writing. Write about hairy monster bushes, thick full bushes, hairy inner thighs and no shaved bikini lines, and you will have 4 and 5 ratings. Hairy pussy gets ratings shaved is chaffed skin razor burn, and pus oozing pimples in the re-growing stubble. It is as fuck dammed sickening as a pussy gets. Do not do that stupid shit ever even if you are a female who shaves her own. Shaved is beautiful for about a day. Then it is a nasty mess of stubble and zits that bleed if re-shaved. Your audience (reviewers) know this and your ratings will suck if you author it. Get an editor, and keep at this you have a great imagination, so please continue, HAIRY!.

Excellent start, when the inspiration hits you, more would be good!

I liked it all the way until the end.

A very good start, surprising it's your first submission. Some editing would help, but the core was strong. Looking forward to more posts.

The sibling bond can become so strong and beautiful.

Agreed with others....great beginning ...keep going, but please develop more about sister and brother....not just to the main event.

For a person where English is not their first or second language, this was a good start to what could be a hot story. Do continue - you might want to get an editor whose first language is English. This would enable you to tell your story and for the reader to feel comfortable reading same.

Perfect.

Keep going

A great start to what will likely be more chapters. I agree with some of the others that you need to consider using an editor. Also, do not shave your female characters. They are your stories, and you can write them however you like. But I encourage you to only trim them up (the pussies) neatly, absolutely no razors. The anonymous commenter is correct about the pus ooze from pimples when the hairs start regrowing. I gave it a rating of 4 because it was a bit better than the average story. HOWEVER, pussy hair in moderate abundance, well, that would be a five (5) rating.

Your imagination is great as another person has said. Also do not do stories about shaved pussy as the same person also said. Get an editor that has your best interest in mind. Oh, I probably should go ahead and tell you why you should not write shaved pussy stories. First of all, shaved pussies; while they are quite beautiful in the beginning, they quickly become quite ugly when a lady tries to shave it again for a second time too quickly. It becomes a nasty piece of glowing flesh that looks or appears something between glowing orange and bright pink. Sometimes it even bleeds. My wife tried shaving her pussy for a few months when we were first married. All it did was make her pussy to dammed soar to fuck and wasted our time together. I took her back home to her mother's house and refused to let her come home until she agreed to stopped that dammed stupid ass shit and I did not care if she chose to not return home. If it sounds as if I only wanted her for her pussy, please keep reading. I can cook my own food, clean the house, do my own laundry, and if I want to have a long and serious conversation about something, I can either call a priest, or rent a $300.00 whore for the evening. A woman does have several purposes and spending my money / wasting my money on dammed razor blades was not the purpose I had in mine! Besides, it was not as if she needed to shave it raw to put on a swimsuit every single day in the middle of winter. I like to fuck, not wipe away scabby raw ass looking skin in the front in order to do oral on a pussy. She seriously looked like what could be called patch of mowed down grass, jet black and returning in raw red dirt, like you find in Tennessee and Georgia on her mound. This story was also exactly as someone else said, a hot story and you need an editor and to continue to develop your talent. In closing if I sound like I think a woman only has one purpose, Pussy, it was an intentional statement. I can and I will take her ass home to momma, and this time home for good while I wife shop, if she starts that shaving shit back in the spring or summer. I also do not care about comments made by others on this subject. I earn almost $700.000.00 per year and with that said, I and I alone run my household and there are no raw asses in front shaved pussies living in it.

Thank you for this one so far,

Love is where you find it, just keep anal out of it in future installments please.

The title is the comment :>)

Okay...Carrot and Stick time.

🥕- that's a pretty good start. It wasn't too rushed and it wasn't dragging on slowly either. A little bit more detailed background for the characters would have been nice, like Daniel reminiscing about what Emma was like as they were growing up. Things they did together and such. We only got a little piece of that when she suggested that they both go for a run down to the creek. But you successfully made the

Continuing:

You successfully made the siblings feel like real people.

🎋 (the stick) - You desperately need an editor! I get the impression from the bad grammar and mistakes with simile that English might not be your first language. Here's an example:

"He woke up a little early, the sun still hadn't peeked from the horizon. This was unusual for him. Typically he was not an early bloomer."

Most English users would have probably said:

"He woke up a little early, the sun still hadn't peeked over the horizon. This was unusual for him. Typically he was not an early riser." (Over and Riser)

That is only two examples out of the many mistakes. There's too many grammar errors to try and count them all. It was a struggle at times to read through this. 3/5

this is so hot

Please continue .. you are a very skilled writer 🤗 😘😘

Wasn’t rushed, had development, everything needed for a great start to a series. Looking forward to more

Did you ever take English classes no offense

Looking forward to a part 2

Great first part please continue